A/N: This chapters a bit longer than the rest. Hope you enjoy ;)

Previously on How Did We Get Here?

At 5:00pm the raid goes down as planned. A brunette woman (most likely NCIS) enters the back of the house. There's a bust of gun fire and I guess my instincts kick in a before I know it I'm approaching the back door. The woman I saw enter at the back of the house is standing with her gun at her feet and another at her temple, my half-brother being the one holding it. Should I take the shot or not. He is family after all.

My father may be related through blood to me but is not my family. So this man holding the gun is just like any other thug or drug runner I've shot. Choice made.

BANG!

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It feels like the bullet is moving in slow motion. I see it pierce his skull, mangling up his brain. He drops down. Dead.

The woman I just saved flinches as I fired my gun but then looks at my dead basted of a half-brother. My dad I shot when I was eleven and now my half-brother. Note to self, stop shooting family members.

This NCIS Agent has brown waves down to her shoulder. Her body with perfect curves, looks at me. Those mismatched eyes. One brown, one almost black. How could I forget. The love of my life. For one month and seven days I've been trying to remember who I am. I felt like part of me was missing. I see that now. Part of me was missing.

Kensi. Fern. Sugar bear. Princess. Light of my life. Kiki. Undercover as a married couple. Always saying I want little mutant ninja assassins with her. Kissing her in a spur of the moment to shut her up (before I was tortured by Sidorov) because she was complaining about my communication skills.

Always trying to teach her how to use touché properly. Her telling me she wears nothing in bed, after she told me she shot one of my t-shirts to put it out of its misery as it crawled out of my gym bag.

All these memories and feeling come rushing back in the space of a few seconds. I know who I am. I know where I belong. Most of all I remember her. Kensi. She is all I live for, my life force. No wonder since I woke up from my coma I felt I was missing part of my self. I was. Kensi completes me.

I continue to look deep into those mismatched eyes and feel them pierce me. I smile my most charming smile and say.

"Hey there fern." Next thing I know I can't feel the left side of my face from how hard she slapped it but I can feel her warm body hugging tightly against mine. Her arms go around my neck and mine encircle her waist. In that moment it's just me and her, no dead half-brother, no Sam, no Callen, no SWAT, nothing.

I decide to break the silence and lighten the mood.

"You're acting like I died or something." Now I can't feel my shoulder. Damn! She has a hard hit.

"You did die you jerk!" She says with her voice cracking on 'die' and tears threatening to fall.

I pull back and look in her eyes and I see all the pain, distort and tears she blinks away as if it nothing. I died. How could I of left her? I'm back. I get a second chance, I can't screw it up.

How do I apologise for leavening her? For dying?

"I'm so, so sorry, I was never told I died, I didn't know. I couldn't remember who I was, I only ended up at LAPD was because of my badge. I told Lt. Bates that I just woke from a coma and he rang Het... No way..." I can't believe it Hetty knew I was alive, she decided to not tell Kensi.

Keeping Kensi in the dark but also me. Hetty could of helped me, brought me back to NCIS to see if I could remember.

I look at Sam, Callen and Kensi and see there not following me that's ok I'll explain later. Right now I need to talk to Hetty.

"Where the hell is Hetty!"

"Deeks slow down, why do you need Hetty? You were telling us about what hap..." I don't even let her finish. I run out of the house to my car leaving her calling my name. I get in the car and speed off to OSP

I don't have a death wish but Hetty needs to explain herself. If I had died I would of never forgave myself because I know how I would feel if Kensi was the one who was ripped from my life forever. My world as know it would be crushed. I don't know if I would be able to go one without her. The only thing I hope is that Kensi does feel the same way I do.

I see her, that evil gnome. Sitting in her office sitting tea from the Malaysian mountains like its nothing. As I get closer she looks up and signals me to sit, I do.

"Mr Deeks before you lose your temper and shout at me just hear me out. To Kensi you died and that was hard on her as well as the rest of us. When Bates phoned I was happy to say the least that you survived. But you couldn't remember anything, at first I was going to tell Kensi you were alive once there was some sign of improvement, but there wasn't. Imagine the pain she went through when she thought you died but imagine her knowing you were alive but couldn't remember her; that she had still lost you. I think it would have damaged her mental state more than you being dead."

I stand up to leave but turn and say

"I don't like it but I understand."

Just as I reach the bullpen Hetty tells me I have one week of mandatory rest and a few days of re-evaluating making sure I'm field ready. Once I reach outside Kensi hops out of the car. I walk over to her and give her a hug she tenses slightly, then returns it. I'm never going to let her go again. Its time I man up and tell her how I feel I just need to fine the right moment.

"Don't get used to these shaggy." She says in my ear.

"Can't promise anything fern I'm quite enjoying it."

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Authors Notes: well their finally back with each other but is every thing going to be plain sailing? This story is no where near over yet. XD