WARNING: Possible triggers in this chapter, specifically involving depression and self-harm. Do not read if you are not comfortable.

"I'm wasted, losing time

I'm a foolish, fragile spine

I want all that is not mine

I want him but we're not right.

In the darkness I will meet my creators

And they will all agree that I'm a suffocator"

Taehyung woke up, feeling a soft grip on his hand. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking quickly at the sun streaming in through the curtains. He turned his head to see Jungkook, sitting on the floor, their fingers intertwined. Taehyung was disoriented, unsure of why they would be in that position. "Jungkook?"

Jungkook turned his head to face Taehyung. The older couldn't help but notice that Jungkook's eyes looked heavy. Swollen and dark, as if he hadn't gotten any sleep. "What are you doing in my room? And why are you on the floor?"

Jungkook chuckled lightly, although when he spoke, his voice had a very dark undertone. "You asked me to be here. You, uh, brought a girl home and a few minutes later you were screaming, so I came in here and calmed you down. You didn't want me to leave and you wanted to hold my hand while you slept."

The night before all came flooding back to him. "Fuck. That's embarrassing. Did you get some sleep at least?"

Jungkook stood up, releasing his grip on Taehyung's hand. The older couldn't help but miss the feeling of their fingers interlaced with each other's. Jungkook headed to the door, running a hand through his hair, pulling the strands lightly. There was no chuckling in his voice this time around. "I haven't gotten sleep in weeks." And with that, Jungkook left the room, leaving a speechless Taehyung on his bed.

After showering and getting ready for the day, Taehyung searched the apartment for Jungkook. He felt bad for him, not getting a lot of sleep and then taking the opportunity away from him last night. He searched every room of the small apartment except for his bedroom. He knocked softly, and then a little louder after hearing no response. He slowly opened the door, noticing that it, like the rest of the apartment, was empty. His room was a mess. He had broken beer bottles on the floor. Clothes were thrown into heaps in the corner. Taehyung was shutting the door when something caught his eye. He took a few steps into the room, staring at the desk in the corner.

On the desk sat a small, black photo album book, with the words "Kim Taehyung" written on the cover. He opened it carefully, feeling tears sting his eyes. Every page was filled with a picture of them throughout their entire relationship, and then some. Every picture had a description next to it. A date, time, details of what happened between the two at that moment of the picture. There was even a page of Taehyung's yearbook picture from the year him and his dad moved here. It was the first day of class in a new city (shitty) and Jungkook was the first person he met. The words next to the picture read, "The first day I met him. Little did I know how much he would mean to me just a few years later."

The rest of the album contained similar, mushy writings. The last page with a photo inside was the day after they had sex. On the way home, the boys took a selca to remember the day their love grew even stronger, even though they didn't quite know that it was love at the time. The words next to the photo were written sloppily, and tear stains caused some of the ink to blur. The words, "The day my heart shattered," written in black ink, were the last words written in the book. It was the day that Taehyung's father took them away. There were still so many empty pages left in the album, begging to be filled with the happy memories they once had.

"In the darkness I will meet my creators,

And they will all agree, that I'm a suffocator."

A voice clearing from the doorway caused Taehyung to almost jump out of his skin. He turned around, spotting a rather angry-looking Jungkook. "What are you doing in my room?"

Taehyung was flustered. "I, uh, was trying to find out where you went."

"I went to grab a coffee. That doesn't explain why you're still in here and looking at my stuff."

Taehyung scurried away from the desk, trying to escape through the doorway, but Jungkook continued to block it. "Please, just let me go back to my room," Taehyung's small voice begged.

Jungkook had a sad look to his eyes, which distracted from the angry frown on his face, and the clenched fists. "I want an explanation as to why you enjoy my pain. You saw the album, you obviously know that I was, and still am, in so much fucking pain. Why do you keep bringing it all up? Do you want to see me break?" His voice was between a shout and a sob.

Taehyung found himself speechless. This was the first time he really saw the raw emotion come out of Jungkook. All of the hurt and sadness and pain that Taehyung had caused finally rose to the surface. "Do you admire your handiwork, Taehyung? Do you enjoy watching as I slowly shatter into smaller and smaller pieces?"

"I-I'm sorry for causing you so much pain." Taehyung's voice was barely above a whisper.

"If you didn't want to cause me all of this pain, why the hell would you bring a girl home and try to fuck her? Do you think that something like that wouldn't affect me?" Taehyung's insides boiled. If only Jungkook understood what had happened. "You're not even into females but you tried to hook up with her! Was your relationship with me so bad that you couldn't stand to be with guys anymore?"

"She fucking drugged me!" Taehyung shouted as he shoved Jungkook out of the way, escaping the apartment. Angry tears were streaming down his cheeks as he headed to God-knows where. He just needed out. He needed to get away. Jungkook brought so many emotions to Taehyung, emotions that he wasn't strong enough to handle yet.

"Suffocator

Oh no

I' m sorry if I smothered you

I sometimes wish I'd stayed inside

My mother

Never to come out"

Taehyung couldn't help but think about the feeling that he missed. The cold metal on his skin. The sinking feeling that would flood his head at the sight of his blood. The sigh of relief that would slip through his lips. It would always feel like his body was drowning, but he was finally able to float above the waves and breathe. He longed for the feeling. He had been drowning for too long. His lungs were being suffocated, deprived of air from the inside out.

He finally had a destination in mind. He went inside, grabbing what he wanted before paying and headed back to the apartment. He was surprised to not see Jungkook in the living room as he passed through to his bedroom, but he couldn't help but feel relieved. He locked his bedroom door, wandering into the bathroom. He took his purchase of the bag, opening it. He ran the cold metal along his fingertips like he always did.

The familiarity of the fresh air filling his lungs came back, and he couldn't help but smile. He felt the metal across his skin again, and again. His head started to feel heavy, his legs shaky. He clumsily leaned against the wall, sliding down to the ground. He closed his eyes, feeling the first sense of relief he has felt in months.

__

I'm sorry.

{edited}