It's been three weeks since I last went to group.
Wesley and Sutton visit,
and always offer to give me a ride when they go those Tuesday evenings.

I've refused three times.

~

I can't sleep.
Looking at the clock, I see it's 3:52am.
I grab my laptop from the dresser and open it for the first time in a few months.

Opening a new document, my fingers hover above the keys.
They're stone.

I close the computer.

~

In the living room, I channel surf.
That seems to be the most I'm doing these days.

Wesley stops by with groceries.
I shout my thanks as he fills my cupboards and fridge.
It's been a while since I had something other than ramen noodles or microwavable dinners.

He comes to sit beside me.
I curl into his open arms.
He updates me on how people from group at doing.

He doesn't ask me when I'm going again.

~

Juliana Rivera has all the tact in the world, I think sarcastically.

"When are you going to get better?"

I freeze.
"Are you really that fucking insensitive?"

She scoffs.
"I can't keep walking on eggshells around you."

"No one's asking you to."
I walk away.
In the kitchen, I down a glass of water.

She walks in the kitchen with her purse in hand.
"I'm gonna go."
I don't say anything.
"It's been a year, Fel. I just want my sister back."

As she walks out, someone else walks in.
Dominick.

He asks me how I've been.
"Good," I respond.
He tells me to try again.

My lip quivers as I cover my eyes.
Then I feel Dom's hands on my shoulders as they slowly wrap around me.
He's cautious, and respectful, and I really appreciate that.

We sit on the bar stools at the island.
He tells me he's here as a friend and a little as a social worker.
I confide in him everything I'm too scared to even tell myself.

I miss the old me.
The happy woman with her books,
counting the time until her two favourite people get home.
I still haven't written anything since it happened.
That Felicity died with Peter and Cherry a year ago.
I hate to admit it but
I don't know who I am without them.