Jisoo's POV:

Hearing the words "You will stay as an MC." coming from YG sajangnim's mouth was probably the best thing I heard all week.

He let me stay. He refused to give in to petty fans.

In the middle of all this mess, we also got compliments, which is weird. Our boss justified his actions by saying that the fans can leave all they want because, in our case, the general public loved us and they don't care about dating. That we were successful on our own, we would gain new fans.

It's unbelievable how stubborn that man is, but I guess it worked in our favor this time.

So right now here I am, at the Inkigayo studio. The first public appearance of a Blackpink member since the news came out. I was given the option to skip today's show but I guess what would defeat YG sajangnim's purpose in letting me continue so I came. If he is letting me stay, I have to show him that I am strong and worthy of that.

From the moment I entered the building everyone's eyes were on me. It was like my behavior was being overanalyzed by every person I crossed paths with. Some were afraid of talking to me. My make up artist and hair stylist barely said anything. I mean, it's not like I'm in the mood for conversation but it would be very nice to be treated like a normal person and not as a doll that can break. I would like more than to hear an awkward "Hi." from everyone that has known me for more than a year.

On top of that, Jinyoung arrived late so we had no opportunity to talk about why he ignored me since our talk on the phone a week ago. There was no time for him to rehearsal the script with me and Doyoung like we do every week. He would have to say it live. The coincidence. Jinyoung has never been late.

This is going to be so awkward. How is he gonna react towards me after this week? It was so odd of him to just stop sending me texts without an explanation. I want to know why he did it.  Was it something I said before? That sounds unlikely, he didn't seem bothered the last time we talked, even if I cried. It hadn't been the first time so that can't be it. I just want him to arrive and explain to me.

The only one that didn't seem afraid to engage in a conversation with me was Doyoung, thank god. I thought I was going to explode due to all the tension on set. I can't work in such environment, I'm used to playing around with everyone and cracking jokes while we are not on air. I need a little bit of fun, it takes some pressure off and makes us forget we are doing a Live show. Doyoung is usually my partner in crime to do this, Jinyoung being his shy and reserved self usually just laughs at our silliness. Today, our younger member was his usual cheerful self, unlike all other staff members, joking and trying to make me smile and play along like he always does, even if that didn't stop him from talking about the elephant in the room, the thing that was making the whole studio avoid getting into conversations with me.

"Nonna, I don't wanna bother you, but I saw what happened. Is everything okay?" He asked as we practiced our scripts in the small room designated to that. It's actually really hard without the three of us. We have to stop when one of Jinyoung's lines are next or just talk and act to yourself. It doesn't flow.

"It is, don't worry. We are getting through it together. It will be over before we know." I responded, trying my best to smile.

False. Our dorm's a mess and the only person my members talk to is pretty much me when I try to console them. I am lost and I don't know what to do besides waiting for it to go away, but I can't really tell him that, can I? I would probably just confuse him with my rambling. It's not like he can do anything about it anyways. I don't need to bother him with this.

Jinyoung only got to our side a few minutes before we went on air. Him running out of hair and makeup and quickly greeting me before turning to talk with Doyoung about something on the script.

What the hell is going on? Why am I being ignored even when we are together?

I begin to question once again if I did anything to him and that he is mad. Why is he basically acting like I don't exist? It hurts and I have enough problems already to add another one to the list. It hurts, we used to talk so much and the moment Blackpink got into a scandal he left, right when I needed him the most, right when I was already used to his calls.

I looked down at my script, without saying a word to neither of them. It's not like I want to anyways. In that moment, and for the first time since arriving on set, I was glad everyone was afraid of starting a conversation with me today. I feel like I'll break down if someone does. This is so embarrassing, why am I so attached to this boy? He probably doesn't even like me back, I'm such a weirdo.

As I tried to put myself together for the show and did my best to stop the single tear that threatened to escape my eyes from falling, I noticed a pair of eyes on me.

Why is he looking now? I thought he was mad or whatever.

I looked right back, and, instead of him turning his gaze right away as it usually happens, he did something I didn't expect at all.

"I'm sorry." my co-worker mouthed, just for me to notice.

What? "I'm sorry"? What does he mean by he is sorry? Sorry for what? For ignoring me for a whole week? Was I really that obvious that I was sad? Why can't he just talk to me and explain what is going on instead of just confusing me even more? It hurts, he is the only person in this studio I wouldn't mind talking to me right now.

And I'm scared. This is the first appearance of a Blackpink member since the scandal. I don't know how it will go. Unconsciously, I wanted Jinyoung to console me but I also hate myself for becoming so emotionally dependent on someone, especially so quickly and without even noticing it. It's not like we are dating so why do I want his support so badly? We just work together and became friends.

The thing was, I did know why I crave his attention so much? My dumb self had developed feelings for the man without meaning to and now I was dealing with that.

Apparently, I was way too distracted to notice what was going on around me while I thought of this because before I noticed, I had staff members talking into my earpiece about how it was already time to go.

And so I did. It didn't go as badly as I thought it would.

The little section on set that can hold some fans of the MCs was full of ahgases and nctzens but only 5 to 10 blinks compared to the usual 20. It was expected, we all knew this would happen, but it doesn't mean I wasn't hurt by it.

The show itself went smoothly. Me trying my best to smile and go along with the planned jokes that were put on our scripts like always. I couldn't let anyone down. I had to keep up the good work. We were doing so well before this scandal, the staff was so happy with our chemistry as a trio and the ratings were going up. My co-workers are not to blame for this mess, they will not be suffering its consequences. Still, as well as the show went, I still couldn't forget that "I'm sorry". It being in the back of my mind the whole time

Dismissing my manager and makeup unnies, I stayed in my room with no one else. For the first time in a week, I was truly alone. No one around me asking for advice, telling me to do stuff or any situation that would expect me to be happy and bubbly. I was alone with myself and that was when I realized how tired I actually was. My mind was exhausted and I felt lost. My members needed my help as the older one, but there was nothing I would do that would make them feel better. Lisa was still in her room for hours, Jennie and Chaeng still cried whenever they realized the mess we were in and how bad everything had hit our youngest sister. My life at the moment was a mess and this whole Jinyoung situation.

Tears of frustration and sobs started to leave my eyes just as someone knocked on the door, making me whip them off my face quickly.

"Hi" I heard a masculine voice say

Jinyoung. Standing on my doorstep with a worried look on his face. Great, he really had to come in right when I was crying.

My heart started to beat faster as he entered and closed the door behind him, stopping everyone from listening to our conversation.

Jisoo, stop that, he is just checking on you or wanting to explain what he meant by "I'm sorry"

 "Oh hi" I greeted, trying to cover up my crying voice.

"Jisoo..." He started walking in my direction as tears threatened to fall down my cheeks once again.

No, you won't start crying. Now you cry every time you and Jinyoung talk? Stop being embarrassing he probably thinks you are crazy by now.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said nothing to you all week when I knew you were going through a bad moment." He explained, looking down as if he was scared of looking me in the eyes.

"N-no. It's okay, you were busy." I lied. I have no idea why he didn't text me if he isn't mad at me. Was he scared of the scandal? It can only be that.

"No, it's not, I should have said something. Ask if you were okay." This time he looked at me straight in the eyes, making me shiver. 

Jisoo, control yourself, stop being embarrassing he is just talking.

"I am, don't worry." I lied, once again. I'm a mess but I'm not about to tell him that.

 "You are not okay, and you don't need to pretend that you are. Not with me." Jinyoung said walking even closer to my makeup vanity, where I stood.

Did he...did he just read me?

I looked down for a while, my heart beating as fast as it could, I hadn't been this nervous since our debut stage.

Should I just tell him about how much I am struggling or just keep quiet? He must think I am crazy and needy from all the times I cry about my problems to him.

But it was like my body was on auto-pilot, I sat down on the dressing room's couch with a sigh before starting to talk. 

"Is it really that noticeable?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"No, only to me. You are really good at hiding it but I didn't buy it. I don't know, it's like your smiles aren't as genuine as before and I noticed you were close to tears when we were getting ready to go on air." He confessed, looking straight into my eyes.

Here he goes again with making me flustered and awkward. Why is he saying these things?

Jisoo, calm down he is just being friendly. He knows you are going through a lot and wants to know if you are okay.

I looked at the floor for a couple more seconds.

No, friends don't talk or look at each other that way. 

We haven't been friends for a long time and both of us know it. Our friendship is weird and I'm afraid I'm the one making it that way with the way I rely on him. But why is he speaking to me like that?

"I-...I just...I don't know how to deal with everything and how to help my members. Especially Lisa. I feel useless as the older." I confessed, not daring to look at him as he sat next to me.

"Yeah, Bambam told me she is not okay at all. He is also worried. But...you know, that's expected of someone going through all the hate that she is. It doesn't make you a bad older member just because you can't make her happy and bubbly on command. She is just dealing with it on her own hard way. Maybe there's nothing you can do, just give her space." He comforted me his worried face from before transforming into a soft one.

He sounded so sincere. It wasn't like he was pretending to listen to me and my problems. He seemed to genuinely want to know what was on my mind, which made me smile. An actual smile and not one the of the fake ones I've been putting on.

But not for long, my smile disappeared right after I started my next sentence. 

"I know, but I can't help but feel helpless. I try to stay strong for them but it's hard." I told him, looking up for the first time since I sat down

A couple of seconds passed till he spoke, "You know you can talk to me right?"

He sounded nervous as if he wasn't sure that wasn't a good thing to say.

"I know." I awkwardly responded.

And there they were again. The awkward silences.

We were just looking at each other at this point, not saying anything and not doing anything. These are becoming more and more frequent and I can't say that I'm indifferent to them. They conflict me, make me wonder if I'm just seeing things.

I wish I had the guts to tell him how I felt, but I'm scared. Scared of rejection and scared of how it will affect our professional relationship. I can't let that be tainted, we are doing so well together with Doyoung. Especially now that Blackpink isn't exactly in terms of having another one of us dating. But I can't help how I feel, it's not like I chose when to like someone and after that time Lisa teased me about it when I ran into her and Jungkook in bed, I started to think about how I actually feel. It was something I had never thought about. All I knew was that I would get flustered every time we were together just the two of us and that the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't calm down.

Like now.

We kept looking at each other, his expression sweet but nervous as he looked at me. He seemed just as nervous as I.

Maybe I should just go for it. End this awkwardness around us. Understand what this is about or if I'm just seeing things. Just get rid of this uncomfortable atmosphere between us. Deal with whatever comes after. One less worry in my head.

"Jinyoung-" I start before I got cut off.

Cut off by something I wasn't expecting at all. Him kissing me and somehow I was kissing him back almost instantly. Was I really that desperate for it?

I guess that is better than me speaking.

Our lips kept moving against each other, the butterflies in my stomach from before looking more like elephants but at the same time it was so relaxing and good.

He kissed me, my mind started to process.

We got closer to each other, Jinyoung pushing my body closer to his from my waist, as my hands circled his neck, the kiss being slow and caring instead of intense.

And at last, he finally pulled away. A smile in his face.

"I'm sorry, I know this really isn't the best moment to do this due to what is happening but I just...I don't know...I've been waiting for right the moment but I guess I don't know how to pick." He started all shy but I interrupted him by kissing him again but much more briefly than the previous one. I had never seen him this nervous.

I pulled away smiling shyly.

It's like life had something good again. I no longer felt unmotivated but hopeful instead. The agony I was feeling was not gone, but lighter.

The awkward cloud that was over us was finally gone.

"I'll take that as an I like you too?" He asked also smiling.

To which I replied using the same expression, my face showing a soft shy smile, "Yes, I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how. I was afraid you would reject me"

The smile didn't leave his face, "Well now I guess you know I wouldn't."

Okay, we like each other. Now what?

I'm scared, it's not as simple as that. I don't want to make him wait for me. He will get tired of it but I also don't know if we can just start to date with everything going on. My members and our careers are on the line right now, even though our CEO has decided to not disband us. I can't be selfish, but somehow...I want to. I want to be with him and have his support. I feel lonely without him. The past week was hell, it's like I have no one to talk to and comfort me.

"What do we do now?" I asked my co-worker turned lover. His expression changed together with mine. From happy to worried. He knew what I was thinking. What the hell was I to do in the situation I'm in.

"Jisoo, I don't want to pressure you into anything after everything you and Blackpink are going through. I understand if you aren't ready." He explained but I could feel the sadness in his voice.

He is being too sweet, I can't do that to him. It's not fair. He deserves to be with someone who loves him and not waiting for me to be ready.

"I can't do that to you, Jinyoung, it's not fair and...I kind of need you right now." I confessed shyly.

It's true, I do need him. He was the only one that made me genuinely smile in a whole week. The one who uplifted my spirit when I was at my lowest 10 minutes ago. I feel the happiest and the safest when I'm with him. Is this what liking someone feels like?

"If you want let's keep it between us then. For now. We will tell our members as soon as the scandal subsides but for the time being, let's keep it private. That way no one will bother you and we will still be together, okay? We can still meet whenever we want." He told me while caressing my cheek.

I was in awe at his dedication. It meant so much to me and I was so happy to have him by my side.

"Thank you." I simply said before resting my head on his shoulders to which he replied by full-on hugging me.

"We are going to be okay." He responded before shutting up. Both of us staying there, just enjoying the moment.

Yes, we are going to be okay.

____________________________________________________________________________

Omg I'm so sorry this took MONTHS. I just lost inspiration and motivation for a moment, I guess. I swear I'm back now. 

Anyways, we are now entering what is not covered in House of Cards so stay around to see! I hope you enjoy it!