This is the first time I've vented that isn't pm or on the message board, I actually wanted to give some form to what I'm upset about and just want to get off my chest.

The next few moments might upset a few people who are sensitive. If you are, please wait for the next update.

Starting out with Arix. This isn't really anything bad, but I wanted to draw him because he's another thing I represent myself with.

He is the Wings of Death, a monster in the eyes of the dragons him and his brother created, and who puts up with being degraded and hated on everyday for as long as he's been alive.

Why does he represent me? For what he does. He has little self-love, a fragile mind, and takes every word of criticism to heart. Like me. But he tries to get over it with be reincarnated, brought into a world for a new chance at life. Something I strive for. I don't want to be known as the drawholic in the back of the class, or the kid with their nose buried in children's book to escape her life.

I don't want to be seen as just another overweight, ugly kid who has a broken family with a emotional and mentally abusive dad and a mom who doesn't take her serious. I don't want to be known as the crackhead's friend or the Bisexual female dog down the street.

I just want something new, for people not to judge me by everything around me.

Feeling like I deserved to be loved as always been hard for me. After an... event... a while ago, I have never viewed myself as someone who you could even spare a glance at.

Yet, I've tried to use this as a message to others. I told an entire group of teenagers and kids about what happened, and how it scared me. I even told them how I felt like a didn't deserve love, and cried in front of them because of hard it was for me to even say those words.

I don't deserve Jere, I don't deserve Leo or Amee or Rae. I don't deserved my followers, I don't deserve your votes or time.

Ending this off with a self portrait of my biggest challenge.

Physical contact is the hardest for me. I hate being touched, or grabbed, or in pain, or anything because of my PTSD. I keep telling my dad to stop it, but he doesn't believe me and does it all the time, not knowing how it keeps hurting me.

Unless I come up to you, I don't want to be touched; I don't want to have a panic attack or remember what happened, which, no, I'm not sharing.


 

That's all the time we have, sorry it's just me being angsty, but I just wanted to get it off my shoulders. My hand hurts, and my head is spinning. I have to take my drivers test tomorrow, so I really need to go to bed. Take care.