"Kyla," Regulus shook her shoulders gently, a huge grin on his face.  Excitement radiated off him, his eyes were shining, his hands seemed to shake, and he was a lot more pushy as she got downstairs and was slacking a little on manners, which she had to correct before her parents did.

"Reggie," she hissed quietly. "Shoulders back, keep calm, you're a Black, act like one."   He corrected himself quickly, and Kyla tried to ignore the small amount of hurt in his eyes.  It was just another thing chipping at her heart.

"Sorry," he mumbled, looking down slightly before correcting himself about that too.  Black's didn't apologize. 

Kyla just smiled and nodded, before ushering him to the table where everyone ate.  "Mistress Black," Kreacher bowed his head, "Master Regulus."

"Hello Kreacher," Kyla greeted him, it wasn't warm though.  She wasn't allowed to be warm.  "What's for breakfast today?"

"Waffles, bacon, and the berry sauce you said you wanted yesterday night, Mistress Black."

Yes!  Kyla fought the grin off her face as a plate was set before her, filled with two waffles, three pieces of bacon, and a generous spoonful of berry sauce.  Thank you...  she swallowed the words down her throat with the water glass placed before her.

"Hello, mother," she nodded in her parents direction, "father."

"I trust you slept well?" it wasn't a question.

"Yes." No.  She had been dreading today for the past week, fighting between nervousness, fear, excitement, and relief.  But in the end, no matter what she thought, she was going anyways, it wasn't in her control.  That both relieved her and scared her. 

It wasn't her choice.

Her twin walked into the room with a scowl, grumbling as he sat at the table.  "Good morning, Sirius," she tried to exchange pleasantries.  As she did every morning.

As of late, she had't been getting a reply.  she tried to rationalize it with stress, or he was trying to keep to himself and not get in trouble.  Speaking in earshot of his parents usually got him in trouble, so it was good that he wasn't talking to her. 

Wasn't it?

"Sirius," Regulus hissed, nudging him with an elbow. 

But her father cut in with a Hogwarts speech, one she knew they'd be getting. "We are the Pure-blooded Blacks, our family has gotten into Slytherin for generations.  I expect you to carry on the tradition," he gave Sirius a sharp glare before continuing, "We need to keep up to our expectations and make connections.  We're there to build bridges with the Pure-bloods, and burn the ones with filthy Mudbloods.  Carry on our reputation while at Hogwarts, you are our legacy." 

Kyla didn't have an opinion on the word Mudblood, they were just there.  She'd never met a Muggle so she didn't judge them, she didn't feel anything about them.  She couldn't develop negative or positive emotions when she heard the term.

She just dreaded one main part of the speech.  Slytherin.  She knew all about the houses, one for the brave and chivalrous, Gryffindor.  The witty, wise, intelligent, and creative, Ravenclaw.  The kind and loyal, Hufflepuff.  And finally, the ambitious, determined, cunning, and prideful, all Slytherin traits.  All traits she didn't think would end up defining her the most at Hogwarts.

No, she was much more Ravenclaw.  She wasn't ambitious or prideful enough for Slytherin, but she was creative and witty enough for Ravenclaw - at least, sometimes anyways.  And if she didn't get in Slytherin, she would get disowned.  Her family would abandon her, she'd have nowhere to go.

And... she didn't know what she'd do.  Not really.  Of course, she'd taken it into account, but never really found a proper solution.  She didn't know how to get food, or get a good supply of water, if she was stuck living on the streets.  And if she started really worrying over it, she'd change the subject, thinking about Dumbledore.  It might not of made things any better, but what you can't see isn't there, right?

But she knew deep down she was hiding, and that she was cowardly.  But what was she supposed to do?  She didn't know.  And a part of her didn't want to find out.   But suddenly everything seemed so much more real.  Like she thought if nobody said it out loud it wouldn't be real.  That it was all just a nightmare she could wake up from.  

But it wasn't, and that reality came weighing down on her at that moment.  A shiver went up her spine, and her eyes widened slightly, trying to suppress the emotions running wild inside of her.  The fear, that was the main factor.  The reality that running wouldn't help in this situation, it never helped in the first place.

That panic washing over her soul stuck with her the entire time she got ready for Hogwarts.   Any excitement she had felt vanished, leaving her numb.  It was like she used to be on a cloud, and she suddenly fell.

She was still falling.

That was how she felt as she packed up for Hogwarts and was apparated by Kreacher to Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters.  "Remember," her mother was saying, "We still need you to represent, every moment matters.  You need to position yourself like at all the parties."  the stern woman before her wasn't even sad that she was leaving.

It wasn't like she should be, though.  After all, Walburga hated any child besides her and Regulus.  "Of course," Kyla brought herself to speak, reminding herself that she was still a Black.  No matter what the circumstances were, nobody would know about her internal struggles.  She wouldn't allow it.  "Bye, Reggie," she smiled at her younger brother sadly, wrapping him up in a hug.  "I'll send you a letter - once a week, just like I promised."

"Bye, Kyla," Regulus said, holding back a whine that he knew would get him in trouble.  He wasn't supposed to complain, he had a reputation to maintain.  So he would, just like he was supposed to.  But that wouldn't stop him from hugging his sister goodbye and making sure she followed through with her promises, he could pester her with questions in letters once she got to Hogwarts if he needed to.

"Bye, father," Kyla nodded at the scowling man that was focused on scolding Sirius.  She didn't need a reply as she turned away, but then she stopped.  She wasn't going to run away, no, she wouldn't make it obvious, anyways.  She'd wait for Sirius, then make a promise she wasn't positive she could keep.  But that wouldn't stop her from trying.

So when Sirius finally made a run for the train to Hogwarts, Kyla fell in step with him.  "Hey, Siri?" she started, used his old nickname, he didn't turn to face her.

"Yeah?" he asked, not really paying attention to what she was saying.

Annoyance bubbled in her chest, but she pushed it aside, he was still her brother.  "If I get in Slytherin - heck, even Ravenclaw, we'll still be friends, right?" she asked, praying she'd get an answer.

"Yeah, sure." 

As much as Kyla wanted to make sure he heard her, and ask why he'd been ignoring her lately, she was stopped by him running towards a dark-haired boy with a pair of glasses.  She's never seen the boy before, but Sirius somehow did. "Oi, James!" he called, the boy in the glasses spun around in surprise.

"Sirius!"  These two... know each other?  Kyla was so confused, Sirius wouldn't keep a friend from her, right?  She's never really had a friend before, not other than acquaintances, something she seemed rather gifted turning people into.  She's sift through their information quite quickly as well, learning all the helpful gossip.

But she wasn't a snitch, Sirius had done lots of things, but she never told anyone.  She never told her parents when he snuck out to see those Muggle boys.  Or when he pranked their parents by making the underside of their shoes slippery so they'd fall.  Or the time when he snuck downstairs to make Kreacher clean up a abnormally large mess.  No, she wasn't a snitch.  Sure, she might not help him with anything, but she'd never sell him out.

So what did she do to lose his trust?

She was thinking about this as Sirius and James ran off to find a compartment as she searched for an empty one herself.  Friends are drama, she told herself, The only thing they'll bring to you is trouble and favors they'll never repay.  Sure, it might hurt, she reasoned, but at least it wasn't physical.

Then why did it hurt like a punch in the gut?

Her eyes began to hurt, which confused her.  Instinctively, she began to rub them, and her hands were wet.  It was then that she realized what she was doing.  No, I can't cry, I won't cry.  Crying is for the weak, she fought with herself internally.  She didn't want to cry.  That would just prove that she was hurt.

Kyla didn't need anymore evidence, she didn't want it.  What she needed was a distraction, what she needed was to curl up in an armchair and read a book.  Or lull herself to a dreamless sleep.

So she tried to fall asleep.  She'd never been on a train ride before, or any vehicle, but after about thirty minutes, she decided she didn't like it.  Her stomach was upset, and she'd been sick enough to realize she was sick.  But it didn't make sense, she hadn't eaten anything to make herself feel that way, and she certainly wasn't sick earlier that morning.

Not that it mattered, she was still going to vomit.  Quickly she sat up, ignoring the uneasiness in her stomach, and looked for the loo.  It's got to be somewhere around here- there!  A little girls sign was there, with an arrow pointed towards a door.  It must be where the bathroom was, nothing else would make sense.

She practically ran into the bathroom, finding the nearest stall and tried to pull her hair up as she gagged into the toilet, trying to rid the vomit from her mouth and stomach.  It was like acid, or all the worst flavors all mixed together into one big goop. 

She didn't realize she was crying until she looked into the bathroom mirror fifteen minutes later while she was cleaning her face and mouth.  At least her hair was fine, she tried to be optimistic.

Kyla looked like trash, her face was sullen and her eyes were red, she felt every way she looked.  that was probably the worst part. 

But at least her hair was fine.

She wanted to laugh at that thought, just by how ridiculous it was, nobody would care about her hair when they realized she was a Pure-Blooded Black, the train taking her just hours away from her undeniable doom.  She could call herself dramatic, but she couldn't deny that it had some truth to it.

A small part of her just wanted to get the sorting over with, while another screamed for her to just open up a window back at her compartment and jump out.  But the reality was that she was terrified of both options.  Both brought her pain on a silver platter, one was just mental, the other physical.  But both hurt just as bad.  Even if she did miraculously survive the fall, she wouldn't survive her injuries, let alone last the night. 

No, she had more of a chance with the sorting hat than the cruel fate of the world.  Maybe she could've said the gods dealt her a shoddy hand, but she was an atheist, those gods were nonexistent to her.  She dealt herself that hand, or maybe her parents did, she didn't really know.  but she also did really care.  As far as she was concerned, she couldn't change anything.

But that didn't stop her from regretting or wishing things were different.  It didn't stop the mental prayers from playing through her mind, who she was praying to, she didn't know, but she prayed nonetheless.

But the cruel hands of fate still had more planned for her.

(A/N: Can I just take a moment to talk about how horrible motion sickness is, I don't have it all that bad, and it's lessened over time, but i still hate it.  It's horrible, I feel so bad for everyone that has to deal with it.  And I always wanted to know why they made the train ride so long because of it. But hey, I didn't make Harry Potter, lol.  Also I don't own any pictures.  Cya all later - no, I physically can't, but I'm still going to say that)

(PS: Sorry if you hated the chapter)