[WARNING: ANGST, AND TOPICS OF ATELOPHOBIA ]
                                                                ...

atelophobia (n.) the fear of imperfection or not being good enough.

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Lance didn't know why he called Keith. He didn't bother cleaning his house, or anything. He drove home in an absent state of mind, reached his apartment with the tears and dark thoughts trailing behind him, praying he could hold himself together.

He slammed his door, leaving it unlocked. He didn't want to be alone.

He collapsed on his bed, feeling the voice begin to stir awake again.

He just wanted to be held.

He wanted someone to tell him what James had said wasn't true. That it was going to be okay. He needed the reassurance.

The voice in his head had duplicated, mimicking the voices of the people who had ever doubted him.

Hated him.

Hurt him.

Don't smile at me son, change.

I never loved you Lance, you should have seen that.

Don't be foolish.

Stupid.

Desperate.

Raw, dark, pain. Screeching at him.

He covered his mouth as the fear rose from the bottom of his stomach, hot tears trickling fast. He couldn't breathe.

He fumbled for his phone, Keith's number a glowing oasis.

"Lance? What's up?" Keith's voice was hoarse, his breathe quick and short. He must've just finished his run.

" I- keith-" Lance's voice broke as a fresh wave of fear hit him. Keith wouldn't accept him. No one would.

"Lance? Are you okay? What's going on?"

Keith's voice seemed to warm Lance, a little. For a split second. Before the cold voices chilled his heart.

"I- I'm s-scared, please-" he couldn't finish the sentence. It was too much, he started sobbing. He wanted Keith here. He needed Keith.

But why?

When had Keith ever meant anything to Lance?

"I'm on my way."

The call ended, Lance gripping the phone as the voices grew louder. Voices he hadn't heard in so long. Voices he had forgotten about, with years of therapy and grasping his own emotions.

Fear.

James' words had triggered a relapse. They had tripped a wire. And Lance was falling.

Young, alone, scared, atelophobic Lance, trying his hardest to please everyone and anyone. Leaving him alone to stare at his own broken, abused heart. Wanting to mend everyone else's.

You will never be treated like you want to be treated. No matter how well you treat others.

The world is cruel, you don't belong here.

Stop pretending this is a fantasy. Dreams don't come true.

Not here.

Not with you.

You aren't enough.

They know that.

Do you?

Lance couldn't breathe. He didn't want to be alone.

He had tried.

So, so hard.

Did the relationships he had bled for, cried for, worked for... 

Did they not mean anything to anyone?

Did he mean anything to anyone?

He didn't want to be the last resort anymore.

The backup.

The rebound.

The forgotten.

And alone.

You were never enough.

Nothing has changed.

Stop living in your head.

They don't care.

Try harder.

Lance screamed into his hands, clawing at his hair, the hollow, unknown, fear choking him. He couldn't imagine. Being left behind.

His friends cared, didn't they?

He had always been there for them...

And they'll leave you.

Just like Dad.

Just like your first love.

Just like Keith will.

Lance howled. Keith.

His name hurt the worst. Why?!

Confusion coarsed through his blood, creating more fear. Keith wasn't that imporant. Why did he need him so bad??

Why was he so scared to lose him.

Years, and years of rivalry.

Friendship.

Flirting.

Years.

Years, Lance.

Don't pretend he doesn't mean anything.

You can't imagine him being gone.

He's apart of you now.

A rival, a partner.

Maybe more.

"Noooooo," Lance howled, clawing at his face, cutting. Deep.

So, so deep. He was falling. Into a deep abyss.

Alone.

"No, no, nooo." He screamed, the blood trickling down his cheeks, intermingling with his tears. Salt water in the wound.

Weak.

Men don't cry, Lance.

I'm disappointed, hijo.

The rough, voice of Lance's father broke him. He felt like he was bleeding internally. He felt helpless.

Not helpless.

Useless.

"Lance? Lance, I'm here."

It was Keith, the concern in his voice was an alarm. Lance's voices quieted.

But they didn't leave.

"Lance....?" Keith's footsteps shuffled into the bedroom, spotting Lance, crumpled and shaking on the floor. He saw the blood and tears.

" Lance!! " He shouted, rushing over to him. He kneeled down, wrapping his arms around Lance without a second thought. "Fuck..fuck..shit, what the hell-" he muttered, taking in Lance's disastrous state.

"It's okay, I'm here." He whispered, trying to get Lance to look at him. He continued to claw at his hair and face, eyes squeezed shut. Embodying his child self.

Terrified.

"Lance-" Keith said, overwhelmingly afraid. He grabbed at Lance's wrists, holding his flailing arms still so he couldn't scratch himself anymore. 

Keith wasn't thinking anymore. All his thoughts were occupied with Lance. Lance's safety. Lance's hands. Lance's cold skin.

Lance's tears.

"I'm here." He repeated, closing his hands around Lance's, pulling them to his chest. "D-do you feel my heartbeat?"

He said it barely above a whisper, but Lance's body responded. He stopped shaking, his teeth still clenched together. Tears still gushing.

"Don't cry, please," Keith said, eyes pleading. "It hurts.... Seeing you like this."

It was a heartbreaking site, really.

"What can I do? I'll do anything, you know I will."

Lance didn't say a word, instead, his shaking started up again.

"God-" Keith muttered, pulling Lance's hands back to his heart. "Come on, it's okay."

" I won't leave. "

Lance stopped shaking again, his lips relaxed.

Something about those words had somehow...

"I'm not going anywhere." Keith said, clenching Lance's balled fists. " I promise. "

Lance swallowed, tears still coming. His bottom lip twitched.

He was broken.

Keith scooted closer, pulling Lance's head to his chest. "It's okay," He repeated. He ignored the intimate position they were in, praying to any religion or god, that Lance would be okay.

"I'm here. Lance, I'm here."

Keith heard the sniffling, and saw the tears stop.

"I'm not going anywhere." Keith said again. He felt as if he were talking to himself.

He took another brave leap, pressing his fingers into Lance's hair. Soft, but tangled. Unruly.

He then used the hem of his shirt to wipe the tears from Lance's face, eyes still clenched shut.

"You're cut..." Keith mumbled, inspecting the small paper cut like marks all under Lance's eyes and on his cheeks. So, so many.

Keith then felt Lance's head budge, eyes opening.

Keith felt his breath slow. Lance's glittering pools of cerulean were now dull, puffy, red.

Lost.

"Keith?" He whispered. 

Keith smiled warmly. "Hey."

Lance sniffled, sitting up. Keith had really shown up?

They locked eyes, before glancing down. Keith still clutched Lance's hands, their chests centimeters apart.

Keith blushed, pulling his hands away. Lance pulled back too. They moved to sit side by side against Lance's bed.

" Ok so, uh- what the fuck was that? " Keith asked. "That...that wasn't you, Lance. That was freakish."

Lance's eyes were still clouded. "I-i'm sorry."

" For what? " Keith asked quickly, glancing at Lance.

"You had to see me like this, at- at my worst. And I was crying too."

" Don't apologize for that Lance. Ever. " Keith said, his tone grave, "I cry too."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

" Really. "

"Oh." Was all he said.

" So, uh... What happened? "

Lance felt his nose tingle, signalling incoming tears. "Atelophobia."

" Huh? "

"I'm atelophobic." Lance said, crying again.

" That was a phobia? " Keith frowned. "What does that mean you're scared of?"

" I'm scared of being imperfect. Not good enough. " his fists clenched.

"You're insecure??" Keith questioned. " I-i didn't know that. "

Lance shrugged. "There's a lot you don't know about me."

Keith smiled at his hands. "That's true." He glanced around Lance's room. " I didn't expect your room to be this neat. I guess I didn't know you were actually a tidy person. "

That made Lance smile. "I'll take that as a compliment, mullet."

The room was very, very Lance. Cosmetics, makeup, and beauty products cluttered the cream colored dresser against the wall. A few more shelves held figurines and action figures, anime and star wars posters strewn across the baby blue walls. Constellations were painted on the ceiling in glow in the dark paint.

"That's beautiful." Keith said, glancing at the ceiling. "You did that?"

Lance nodded. "Yeah, hand painted." He sighed. " I've always done it. Since I was really, really young. I've always loved space too. Reminds me of home. "

Keith smiled. "That's cute."

Lance chuckled at that. "Yeah." He sighed.

" I thought I'd gotten over this. "

"Over what?"

" My phobia. " he frowned at Keith. "Another thing I've had since a kid. I went to therapy for years though, and never told my friends. You're the first to know."

" I'm honored. " Keith said. "So you were what, getting better?"

Lance nodded. "Modeling uh..." He paused, shaking his head. " It's stupid."

Keith moved a little closer to him. "It's not."

Lance glanced at him, uncertain. "Modeling...made me feel pretty. I don't know. Worthy. Wanted. In some ways, perfect. I stopped hearing the voices."

" That's really good Lance, I'm glad. "

"Yeah." He shrugged. " Nothing good lasts forever though, right? "

"Don't say that." Keith said. " That's not the optimistic Lance I know. "

"Yeah, well it's the real me."

Keith frowned. "I don't believe that."

Lance didn't say anything to that.

"We all have our moments Lance, but that doesn't define us."

Lance didn't look at him.

"Lance, you're still a fun loving guy, and you're happy. Fear doesn't change that."

Lance nodded. "Ok."

" I wouldn't say I'm as happy as you, all the time. " Keith said. "But I'm still scared."

Lance frowned. "Of what."

Keith sighed. "Being alone." He glanced at Lance. "Which I guess you're scared of too, right?"

Lance nodded absentmindedly.

"Being an orphan does that to you, I guess. I never felt wanted. And, I don't have your phobia so I won't try to relate. But uh, I get it. Feeling like you have to be perfect to be wanted.

" I'm always scared Shiro will kick me out, just like all my past foster parents did. I would say the wrong thing. Tell someone off. Get angry. Punch a kid. Lets just say I was good at packing my stuff, quickly. And moving on. "

"I'm sorry," Lance said. "I didn't know."

Keith shrugged. "There's a lot you don't know about me either."

Lance smiled at that.

"I love Shiro, but...He doesn't owe me anything. He doesn't have to keep me around. We're foster brothers, not blood related at all. And sometimes I feel like that means we're connected by a string that's so, so much more delicate than everyone else's."

" Blood isn't what makes brothers, brothers. " Lance said quietly. "It's love, Keith. Don't worry about Shiro."

Keith smiled. "Okay."

" Thanks for telling me. " Lance said. "Good to know I'm not alone."

" Sure. " Keith said. "And uh, funny we're both scared of being alone. "

"Yeah," Lance said. " I guess. "

"We could help each other ya know." Keith said. He stared at his outstretched feet, trying not to blush. "Help each other not feel so alone.."

Lance was silent. Keith felt his heart pound. Had he fucked it up??

"Yeah." Lance finally said. " I'd like that. "

Keith smiled, his ears red. "Me too." His heart fluttered. But he just wanted to see Lance smile.

" Lance... " Keith then said. "If modeling had helped you get over the phobia for a little while, what uh- what caused the breakdown?"

Lance picked at his jeans. "It's embarrassing, Keith."

" I won't judge. "

Lance glanced at him. "Ugh. Um, James."

" ...James? "

"Yeah, he uh. It isn't a big deal. I just... I trusted him so much, and I thought, I guess I thought he believed in me? I thought he... Cared. So, hearing him on the phone talking about how desperate and worthless I was, it really made me feel... broken and, lied to? "

Keith's eyebrows began to furrow. His smile was long gone.

"It's stupid. A few words from someone I trusted... Really threw me into an almost irreversible depth. You brought me out of that, so thanks Keith." 

" Don't thank me yet. " Keith said, suddenly standing up. "I knew James was an ass!"

" Huh-"

"This motherfucker totally ruined you, you- you were so happy, and bright and it was beautiful. And now you're a hollow shell of yourself." Keith glowered down at Lance. "He deserves to pay for that."

Lance shrugged. "I'll be okay, I just need a few days to uh, do my therapy exercises... Not that I remember them much-"

Keith shook his head. "I'll fuck his life up."

Then he turned back to Lance. "I hate seeing you like this."

"I'll be okay."

Keith crouched down in front of him, "I know. But I don't want to see you like this ever again. I want you to feel loved all the time, okay? Because you are wanted Lance, you are perfect. Please, know that. "

Lance stared at him, "O-okay. I will."

Keith blushed, realizing what he'd just said. "Uh, I'll call Ren from Balmera, and have him replace James." He grabbed for his phone.  

"Keith, don't tell him what happened okay? D-don't tell anyone. I don't want our friends to know about my phobia. "

Keith nodded. "I won't." He started for the door, phone in hand.

" Keith, another thing-" Lance said, finally standing up.

"Anything."

Lance felt his bottom lip began to tremble, scared to be alone. Scared of another relapse.

"Don't go."

Keith felt his heart break.

"I won't. I'll be right here."

He started back over to the bed, kicking off his shoes, and slipping off his hoodie, letting his shirt ride up a little.

He heard Lance exhale in quiet shock, so he quickly glanced over. "What is it?"

Lance blushed. "Nothing. Just uh," he scratched the back of his neck. " Didn't know you had abs. "

Keith blushed too. "Oh, right... Yeah, I do."

" You uh- you look good. " Lance said awkwardly. "Under there."

That made Keith even redder.

".... I'll call Ren now."

" Yeah. " Lance said quickly, slipping under his covers. He pulled them over his head. "Just don't leave."

Keith sat on the edge of Lance's bed. " Never. "

...

Plaxum, was a tall lady, with sea creatures and blue butterflies tatted on her wrists. Blue dyed hair, and sea green eyes. She was a mouthful, as exotic as her name.

Colorful, and vibrant, she was the perfect candidate for Lance's new model. Ren was sending her down the next Monday, when Lance would be back from his leave.

Meanwhile, Keith's job wasn't finished.

With James moved from their studio, Keith was given the remarkable gift of the address to James' penthouse. He owed Ren big time for not questioning Keith's requests.

He didn't bother knocking at James' door, he was taking the opportunity of Lance napping as a sign to head over.

"James! Open up, it's Keith." He called, readjusting his fingerless gloves. He would hate to get his hands dirty.

There was slight shuffling, and muffled cursing, before the door unlocked. James stood there in an unbuttoned white dress shirt, his tie undone, and slacks wrinkled. He looked disraught, hair unruly, and eyes dark.

"What?"

Keith felt his blood boil. Just seeing James, intact mentally, and physically, pissed him the fuck off. He didn't deserve to be okay, not with Lance torn apart at his home.

"I have a few choice words for you, asshole." Keith said, stepping in. He grabbed a fistful of James' shirt, scraping the man's neck. He kicked the door close, pushing James back.

" Keith- I'm sorry Lance had to hear all that, but chill out-"

"Shut. Up." Keith said, letting James go. He glared at him, not letting them separate. "I'm gonna make you wish you'd never laid eyes on Lance."

James chuckled. "Sure, hotshot-"

Keith clocked him in the jaw, a fast and hard punch, causing James to stumble back, fear and pain in his eyes. It quickly turned to anger.

But it didn't match the flames of rage burning in Keith's eyes. He smirked. "Think twice before you speak, James."

James lunged at him, seething at the mouth, his jaw beginning to turn purple where Keith had hit him. He swung at Keith's head.

Keith ducked it, kicking James hard in the knee. The man crippled, cursing.

Keith went down on him, his hand around James' throat, pinning him to the priceless ceramic floors. He punched ruthlessly, his knuckles having no mercy on James' shining white teeth.

As James' head whipped back and forth with each blow, Keith spat on him, pressing into him with words sharper than daggers.

"Lance is perfect. He will always be perfect. And fucking with someone's life is irreversible." Punch.  

"Luckily," Punch. "This is punishment enough," Punch.

"Let's see what your definition of pretty is after this-" Punch.

As James' eyes began to droop, and blood pooled from his front teeth, Keith backed off a bit, sitting back, heaving. James wheezed, coughing from the blood.

Then he scoffed, glancing up at Keith. "It's a pity he'd never do this for you, eh?"

Keith's fire reignited, and without a breathe of hesitation, he punched James in the nose, letting the bone crack, and James' head snap against the ceramic, going unconscious.

Keith knew James couldn't hear him, but he didn't care.

"Lance may forgive you, because he's that guy." He stood up, unstrapping his bloodied gloves.

" But I never forget. "

And with that, he dropped the gloves on James' chest, turning for the door. He had a drawer full of them anyway.

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SORRY LEMME JUST SQUEAL AGFIEJNDMDNE WHEN I REREAD THIS I DIED💀 KEITH IS TOO HOTTTT

lol we love a protective hubby😭

When keith came over lance really said 👀

anyway hahaha im such a klance fan chekfjejdme sorry for the angst!!! i really really hope the fight made up for it or whatever lmao

qotd: phobia(s) you have?

a: like lance, im atelophobic so this hit home 

love you guys!! hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading <3