Chapter 14:

It's the next day when I catch wind of the rumors spreading around the tracks. I don't believe it at first. Rumors are started by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots. But when I see that his presence is lacking, I can't help but question if there's any truth in the gossip.

I'm already a ball of nervous energy for Championships as is. I can't deal with news on a nerve-racking day like this too. I mean, he's my friend. He can't just be gone.

I go to the one who always seems to know everything, especially when it comes to JT's personal life, Grey Ferrot. "Where's JT?" I ask him, not bothering to first beat around the bush. This is Grey I'm talking to, he gets me.

"He's around here somewhere." Grey answers, putting an immediate stop to all the crazy rumors going around like a wild fire.

I place a hand over my heart in relief, "Oh thank goodness!" I exclaim, "Everyone was saying that he pulled out of Championships last minute."

I'm so stupid to think he'd pull out of Championships on the very day of Championships. If he were to drop out, he'd have done it ages ago.

"He did." Grey answers flatly, not looking at all happy about it.

Shocked, I go silent. "What?" I finally manage to sputter out.

"Maybe you should talk to him yourself." Grey advises before gently nudging me in the direction of JT.

JT, in the midst of answering questions, happens to spot me. He leaves his crowds of fans before making his way over to me.

"Why did you pull out?" I ask, the first words coming out of my mouth on impulse. He always kicks ass in Championships. He's in the process of making a name for himself as a pro racer. He could make a career out of this. I just can't see why he'd give all that up (the fame, the fortune, the fans etc.) for nothing.

He smiles down at me, "After talking to you yesterday, I realized that I've been stuck in a rut - a dead end - since she left. I'm tired of feeling like sh*t all the time. I don't want that for my life. I gave you advice, advice that I now plan on following. I only have one shot at living and so now, I'm going to make the very best of it."

It's then I notice the red backpack strapped over one of his shoulders.

"So what does that entail for you?" I question, needing to see where he's taking this. What is his goal here? What is he hoping to achieve, because it's certainly not to be a professional racer.

"A new start, I guess." He answers before taking the time to explain himself, "I'm going to get my life back in order. I'm going to take some time off to readjust and see life from a fresh perspective."

"What are you saying?" I press for answers.

He has nothing anymore, except for his dreams.

He gestures to his backpack, "I think it's time I take that world trip I was talking about. I'm going backpacking. That consists of venturing the world, exploring the unknown and maybe even endeavoring my help in the Third World."

A smile escapes from my lips, "That's great!" I cheer him on for his efforts, "I'm so happy for you right now!" I say, practically ready to launch off the ground in joy. If anyone can pull this off, he can. "How long are you going for?"

He shrugs, clueless, "For as long as I need to."

"That all you're taking with?" I point to his backpack.

"It's called backpacking for a reason Emma." He enlightens me, making it known that he plans on being taken right out of his comfort zone, "It's time I become a nomad for a while."

I'm glad that Jay's doing something for himself for once. I'm glad he's finally decided to stop waiting around for Aqueela. I'm glad that he's pressed the 'play' button to life; for a while he'd been living in the 'stop' button. It's about damn time!

"When are you leaving?" I keep up with the questions. He must be so sick of me and my pestering questions by now. Although, I do feel him opening up (especially yesterday) has brought us closer as friends. I finally feel like I can relate to him. I now see why Aqueela was so taken up with him. There's a lot to love.

"Very soon," is his two worded answer.

I'm assuming that means now, evidently so, judging by his packed backpack slung up upon his shoulder.

"No wonder Grey's so moody." I joke. The two of them are ridiculously close. They started off as mere acquaintances, then to best friends and then that escalated and they jumped forth to brothers. "This can't be easy for him."

At least Jay has the decency to say goodbye to all of us before he goes.

"Make sure you take care of him, yeah?" Jay asks, well more like demands.

"Of course." I agree. Grey's one of my closest friends too.

"JT!"

Jay and I turn around upon hearing the familiar voice - the voice that constantly echoes through my mind, the voice I long to hear all the time, the voice I want to hear when I get up in the mornings.

"Yo?" Xavier greets Jay, "So it's true?" He asks, "You're upping and leaving town?"

"Try the continent." JT corrects him.

Xavier nods, and much to everyone's surprise, he taps Jay on the back in support, "No hard feelings bud. I only have the utmost respect for you JT. You're a stand up guy. All the best mate. You've always been a go-getter. Enjoy life for once dude." He encourages, his rare (once in a blue moon) nice side coming to play.

Jay shakes Xavier's hand as they do their 'bro hug' stuff, "Thanks man."

"This means that there will be no challenge on the tracks for me today." Xavier grins, trying to lighten the load for Jay, knowing how difficult this must be for him. He's leaving everything he's ever known behind. It's a courageous leap.

"Look on the bright side," Jay smirks, "you might actually win Championships for once," he motions to me, "that is if Emma here doesn't give you a run for your money."

Everyone who knows Xavier knows that his ultimate dream is to win Championships. Today, his dream may very well come true.

At mention to my name, Xavier turns to look at me as if only noticing me now. I glance back at him awkwardly, uncertain as to what to say. On any normal occasion, I would have agreed with JT and said that he'd indeed lose to me. Now things between us are just uncomfortable and the tension between us is sky high. I don't really know how to precede or react. I have nothing to say to him.

JT swoops in to save me, "Anyway, I should get going. Hopefully when I get back, you'll all still be kicking."

"Hopefully we don't kick the bucket before you get back." Xavier jokes before saying his goodbyes and walking away without even acknowledging me.

It stings.

JT sees this and says something I hadn't been anticipating to hear from him, "You'd better do something about him sooner or later. Don't make the same mistake I did with Aqueela by leaving things unsaid and unfinished."

I guess he and Mia didn't hit it off after all. She couldn't convince him to stay. At this point, I don't think anyone can convince him to stay.

Changing the subject swiftly I ask him one final time for his input, "Any last racing tips?"

"Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Most importantly - just remember - if you're in complete control behind the wheel, you're not going fast enough." Jay tells me, but I can't help but get the feeling that he's referring more to life itself than to racing.

"That's a new one. Haven't heard that one from you before." I fish for it's origin.

"It's how I live my own life. I never forget it, especially when during a race. It inspires me to keep going." He confesses, confirming my assumptions and finally giving away his secret to winning. It's the inspirational phrase that has him always out lapping all of us. "Maybe it can do the same for you."

I hope so.

  '...if you're in complete control behind the wheel, you're not going fast enough.'  

"Make this race a hot lap if you have to." Jay suggests, willingly offering his advice to me.

The word 'hot lap' is a racing term for a car racing at full speed on the course. It's a lap without meaningful competition because no results are taken, however, the laps are usually done at high speeds - hence the term 'hot lap'.

 'Hot-lappers' like JT and Xavier are generally fast drivers. However, 'hot-lappers' are also inconsistent in their racing abilities. That part of the description does not match JT. He's pretty much consistent in always winning.

"Be inconsistent this one time. Just win." Jay tells me, his advise quite out of the box, innovative and unorthodox. His methods and exit strategies are creative and original. Usually the only advice I ever receive is to keep in control. Yet here JT is, telling me the exact opposite. 

With that said, I say my own goodbyes to Jay just before he leaves - for good. He's made it apparent that he's not staying to watch the outcome of the race. I'll miss him. The tracks won't be the same without his presence. He's a good guy.

My anxiety peaks as I wait from within my car for that gun to fire off. I can't help but stare out aimlessly at the tracks head of me. All the while, I nervously drum my fingers across my steering wheel in anticipation to start.

There's something different this time. A feeling of something new blowing offshore enters mind. Something good is going to come out of this race. I can just feel it burning inside of me. It breezes right over my anxiousness.

I find myself actually smiling before the race.

I'm going to take up JT's advice and make this the best race ever. I'm not going to hold back at all. I'm going to go all out and I'm going to make this one count for the ages to come. It's going to be a hot lap!

I don't even bother to take into account my position behind the others. It's not going to matter. Today I'm a 'hot-lapper', an inconsistent driver that races at full speed the entire time.

I'm not even in the right frame of mind when the gun sets off.

I'm out of it, but that doesn't stop me - in fact, it seems to play to my strengths. Not caring makes for a more interesting race. 

Usually, when racing, you go through so many different emotions that vary with each person - however, today, it's nonchalance.

I act on instinct when throttling it out from the very start. If I get the lead now, then that's one thing I don't have to worry about.

I accelerate on the first lap, the second, the third and so on. I nos it out to amp up speed even more. Eventually, I lose track as to what lap I'm on. All I know is that I have to keep on going, and so I do.

When that sharp turn comes, I check reference points before taking into account both what JT and Xavier had said. I practice control whilst still keeping my speed. I'm more than satisfied at how agile I've become. That turn felt almost too easy. Before, I would have struggled. Turns out my private lessons have paid off.

In the moment, I find myself not caring if I win or lose. All I care about is the speed, it's addicting. I'm reminded of his words: 'If you're in control, you're not going fast enough.'

I now understand.

Once you've reached full speed, there's no going back. You race for the moment, you race for the time at hand, you race not to win or lose, but you race for yourself alone.

Control keeps you at bay, whilst speeds gives you a platform of freedom that nothing else can compare or match up to. It feels as if time momentarily slows as you zoom your way through it. You can't help but relish in the peace and content it brings along with the dodgy edge.

Is this why he raced? To feel this 'high' all the time?

Coming out of my trance - out of the feeling of insane bliss - I notice that I'm actually currently in second place. How the hell did that even happen?! I check the lap board up ahead only to see that I'm on my last lap.

Xavier's the only obstacle in my path to winning.

Of course he'd be the only one standing in my way. Hell, even Grey is behind me.

Xavier is so close to the finish line. He just has to go around one more bend. There's no way I'll catch him at this rate. The distance between us is too much. It's a wide gap.

But somewhere along the line, I watch him actually lose control on a turn - something he doesn't often usually do.

As he swerves out of control, I easily fly by past him.

I win.

That's all it is to it.

It doesn't feel quite as satisfying as I envisioned it to feel.

The speed is gone, and in it's place...nothing.

Xavier comes in second, Grey third and Landon fifth.

There's no way Xavier would just suddenly lose control before the end. He damn well threw the race for me. He knew I wanted to win and so he threw Championships - of all races - just to see me happy.

I'm so out of it by the time I'm done, that I only notice the trophy residing in my hands now.

"Well done! You finally got your wish and defeated me! Congratulations little Emma, you won your first Championships." Xavier says to me sincerely, finally choosing to talk to me again.

I glare up at him, unimpressed by his ploys, "You're such a fake!" I yell at him, aggravated and more than pissed of with him.

Xavier raises a shocked eyebrow before quickly recovering, flashing me a dazzling smile as he meets my gaze all too eagerly, "You'll have to be more specific, Love." He jokes, attempting to kill the tension between us:

He fails.

I'm not moved by his stupidity. "I'm serious Xavier." I frown, "Why would you do that?!" I shout, raising my tone, managing to capture some bystanders' attention.

"Do what?" He asks innocently, acting as if he has but not a clue.

Angry, I shove the trophy into his hands, "This belongs to you, not me!" I hiss, "I don't understand why you'd throw Championships for me!" I protest, confused, "You deserve the win. Championships has always been your absolute dream. You've wanted to win Championships since forever. It's always been important to you. Why would you throw your only shot at winning away?!"

This is obviously the reaction Xavier had not at all been anticipating from me, judging by his perplexed expression.

"Answer me dammit!" I huff, frustrated with the way things turned out today.

"I didn't throw my shot at winning away." Xavier finally speaks up. 

"What?" I ask, my tone falling flat. I'm so lost at this point.

"The goal has never been to win Championships. It's been to win you. You're the trophy in the end Emma. You're way more important to me than some stupid race. I'd rather have you over some dumb trophy any day." Xavier confesses, puzzling me further. He sees this and continues to explain, "You're the pot of gold over the rainbow you clueless twat."

I crack a smile at the last part, "I got that you imbecile. I'm just standing here wondering what makes you think that you've won me over."

Instead of his face falling or him losing confidence, he merely smirks as he references back, "You said that if you beat me, you'd make due on kissing me - remember that?" He asks me, "You'd better live up to your promise. I didn't just let you win for nothing."

I laugh as I remember back to our conversation we'd had:

"So are you going to make due on that kiss you blew me right in the beginning of the race?" He asks, taking a shot at flirting.

"Maybe if I beat you." I pout, disappointed in myself.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Oh please. I totally beat you fair and square." I boast, now rubbing it in his face seeing as we're back on good terms.

"Just shut up already Emma." Xavier orders before he grabs hold of my arm to tug me forward. I go stumbling into his chest. "I'm just making good on your promise." He whispers before he leans down and kisses me. 

I'm always on edge with him - the feeling always brings me back wanting more. It's more addictive than the speed.

Things have shifted in our relationship and I think it's apparent that we're both ready to take a chance on each other.

Of course, Landon ruins the moment, "Well I can't say that I'm thrilled about this."

We both pull apart from each other before simultaneously putting Lan in his place, "Put a sock in it 'Ruthless'!"

Xavier chuckles before glancing down at me with admiration as he takes both of my hands into both of his own, "What do you say, we're official right?" He queries.

Of course he won't ask me first. He just expects.

I grin up at him teasingly, "Well what do you think?"

There's no way I'm letting him go now. I promised JT that I wouldn't make the same mistake he did with Aqueela.

"I can't be sure. You could just be kissing me because I'm a fantastic kisser." Xavier smirks in delight before raising his eyebrows at me teasingly.

I swat him on his chest, "It might be your only valuable quality." I joke.

His jaw drops at that one as he feigns offense, "I think we should break up." He states, coming to his own conclusion.

"Which brings us back to the question, are we even together?" I question absentmindedly.

"You're together, now shut up." Grey mutters, irritated that we both destroyed him in the race. He's not used to me beating him.

However, Grey Ferrot always knows best.

"You heard the man..." I smile up at Xavier, blown away in the fact that this is actually happening, "we're together." I confirm.

"Thank goodness!" Xavier releases a tense breath as I try not to laugh, but fail in my efforts. 

His desperation is cute. I gotta say, over the years, he's grown on me. He kind of had to in a way. We've made it this far. We didn't just cross that finish line, we full throttled right over it.

"I've been waiting for this for way too long." Xavier adds in a low tone of voice. 

I can do nothing but just smile as a revelation occurs to me:

Taking a risk with Xavier is like a hot lap -  full of potential, yet inconsistent, all the while no meaningful competition, but worth the high speed we both move at in the end.

 *~*

Hey all :)

So that's the end - but heads up, there's still an epilogue ;) and don't forget about the sequel of HBK (Return of His Bubblegum Klutz) coming out in October. Hopefully this story kept most of you busy and preoccupied whilst waiting for the sequel :)

Thanks for all the support <3 You guys have been awesome! Xx

~CJ