Chapter 13

The present

Emma's POV:

"You okay, Hon?" Sarah asks me, driving me out of my deep thoughts. 

I've been so out of it lately and it's his fault.

"You seem distracted," Lan notes, highly inquisitive now that Sarah has pointed it out to him. 

I am distracted. I can't manage to shake Xave's words. He's been stuck in my brain this entire week. He's all I've been thinking about and I hate him for it.

It's clear that my brother is concerned. He's wearing that look of his that he always wears when he's worried. It's his job to watch out for me. On the other hand, I'm proud of him. His temper seems to have died down slightly ever since Sarah came into the picture. She's good for him, exceptionally good.

Honestly, I don't know what I want from Xavier. He seems to know what he wants from me. However, I'm not sure if we're on the same page. I don't know if we're compatible. I'm not ready to take the next step with him. He's reliable, no doubt, but he's not exactly 'boyfriend material'. Then again - to be fair - I'm not 'girlfriend material'. We're suited for one another. But in another world, we're not. Once I enter something, I'm committed until the very end. Xavier, on the other hand, is famous for his playboy reputation. It's not just rumors because I've seen it with my own eyes. Would he ever change for me or am I just a mishap - a misdirect?

"Frown for a second longer and your face is going to stay that way." Landon remarks teasingly, Sarah swatting him on his arm for the insensitive comment.

"I'm sure my face will be fine considering your's sort of is and you've been frowning nonstop for years." I return the insult, Landon's face falling at my words. The sight is priceless. I love my brother, but he needs to learn to be nicer. I have no idea how Sarah puts up with his coldness, maybe it's because she has enough warmness for the both of them.

I stand up, grabbing my bag in the process as I head for the door, "I'm going to go see Grey." I inform my brother, updating him on my whereabouts so that he won't wait up and be paranoid all day. Fortunately, Lan trusts Grey. I do too. Grey's been one of my closest friends for as long as I can remember. He's easy to talk to, hence why most go to him with their issues.

"Good luck with that. Nancy's got her lapdog doing the rounds today." Landon laughs as if the thought of  feisty Grey Ferrot willingly doing work for someone is hilarious.

I roll my eyes at my brother, "Care to elaborate Lan?"

Still laughing, he nods, "Right, right, sure." He says through his fit of chuckles. I gotta admit, it's good to hear him laugh again. Whatever Sarah's doing, I hope she keeps doing it. I love seeing my brother happy. "He's busy hammering in all Nancy's new bedroom cabinets." Landon explains, "Even volunteered to do it himself."

I raise a shocked eyebrow before laughing too, "No way!" I retort in denial.

If you know Grey, you'd know that he doesn't do things for others - ever. He must really like Nancy if he's willing to go this far for her. If anyone else had asked him to do a favor, he'd tell them point blank to go screw themselves. 

A frown finds its way onto Sarah's lips, "I've only met him once or twice, but he seems like a sweet guy. Plus, I know Nancy has a boyfriend. She's been in a long term relationship with an old flame of mine, Ryan. Nancy better not be using Grey, especially when it's clear he has a thing for her."

"An old flame huh?" Lan presses, now interested in the topic, "This is news to me. Tell me more." He orders, Sarah offering him a half smile in return as she shakes her head at him playfully.

I choose to leave, then and there, before things get too mushy gushy for me.

I really need to get my head in the game. Championships are tomorrow. Xavier has thrown me off completely.

I somehow end up at JT's front door step. I'm closer to Grey - by far - but seeing as he's busy, I might as well make use of my friendship with JT. He might just be better suited for this conversation in any case.

I adore JT, I really do - but Grey's just always been more open and approachable. Jay's always been the closed off, distant one between the two. He seems to have this barrier set in place that none can break through. No matter how hard you try, you just can't reach him. The only one who has managed to successfully break down all his barriers, also happens to be the one who made him set all his barriers back in place - Aqueela Lawson.

Jay opens the door. I can tell that he just woke up. He still looks half asleep. It's a cute look on him. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees me. It's as if I'm the last person he'd expected to see on his front door step.

I'm even more surprised than him by the dog in his hands.

As if to make sure he's not dreaming, he questions it, "Emma?"

I stifle a laugh and nod, "That's my name. Don't wear it out." When he doesn't reply, I ask him an awkward question, "May I come in?" I quickly add as an after thought, "If you have time to chat, that is."

Polite as always, he nods, "Sure." He answers before stepping aside and opening the door, motioning me to come in, allowing me entrance into his place.

Jay gestures to his couches. I take a seat on the pink couch and raise an eyebrow when I see the neon blue splotches of nail polish on the surface of the pink leather.

"Don't ask." Jay grumbles, seeing the questioning look to my eyes. I can only assume it is Aqueela related - meaning, off limits to speak about. She's a sore subject. It's a pity he hates talking about her, especially seeing as I'm going to make him go in depth today. There are things I need to hear from him for myself and for my own current predicament. Perhaps he can relate and offer me some guidance as to what I should do.

Eventually, I get on with it and ask him everything I've been dying to know. It takes a while and after much protest and debate (he's damn stubborn), he begins answering every question I fire at him.

"I waited a month Emma, and she never came back. And so I waited a year, still no Aqueela." He tells me, keeping up a strong front - though truly, I admire his willpower and inner strength to keep on going despite losing everything. "I tried to call her, but apparently she changed her number." Jay reveals, "It was then that she made it obvious that she had no plans to actually come back. I made a point to accept it. I made a decision that day, a decision to not to go after someone who doesn't want to be sought after. There was no point in doing so. If she wanted to come back, she would have. She didn't see reason to and I blame myself for that."

It's tough, but he got through it.

"I'm sorry," is all I can say, offering him my sympathy. "If it's any consolation, she's the one who made the mistake." I assure him. 

He shakes his head, "It's okay. It's been two years. I've accepted that I've lost her, but I still haven't quite managed to let her go." He admits before confessing softly, "And honestly, I'm not sure I want to."

He places the puppy on the floor.

It's in that moment where, for the first time, I want to strangle Aqueela for being such an idiot. Who leaves such a gem like JT behind? He doesn't deserve this. She's cruel. What reason could she possibly have for destroying what they had together? I just don't understand what was going through her head at the time. JT has been nothing but good to her.

It's obvious Aqueela leaving tore him apart on the inside. He's heartbroken, truly heartbroken. Heartache has set in and it seems it has made a home inside of Jay, continually eating away at his entire entity, his being, his soul, his everything.

Aqueela was his essence (able to revive his spirit when he'd been down in the dumps) and now that she's gone for good, he's left more emotionless and depressed than ever. He has nothing but memories. She took the better part of him with her, leaving the shell of him behind.

I know Grey's been there with him every step of the way, but sometimes even thee famous Grey Ferrot is not enough to solve our problems.

The hurt inside Jay is still there. It's been two years, but to him everyday still feels as if it's the first day she left.

For his own sake, I really do hope he gives this Mia girl a real chance. Then again - if I were him - I wouldn't risk falling in love again, not after the hell he's been put through. I'd be too afraid of having my heart ripped out a second time. In my case, a first time. I've seen what Aqueela has done to JT. I don't want to give anyone that same power over my life. I don't want anyone to be able to break my heart in the way Aqueela broke Jay's.

I finally summon the courage to ask him the question that's been on my mind since Xavier confessed his feelings for me, "Do you regret her?" I ask him boldly, "Do you regret Aqueela?" If I were him, I definitely would.

I would've thought he'd need time to answer, but he surprises me when he answers instantly, "No." He sets me straight in my way of thinking, "I don't regret any of it, especially not her. Aqueela was and is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I can hear in his voice that he means it one hundred percent. "I told her that once." He smiles slightly as he reminisces back, "If I could undo it all, I wouldn't. If I could reset time, I'd only go back to relive it all, not to change anything. In the end, it was all worth it, in spite of her leaving. She was worth it for the moment."

I find myself moved by his words. After everything he's been through, he still only has good things to say.

"Emma, you gotta decide if Xavier is worth it." He says knowingly, reading me like a page from a kiddies pop up book. How did he know that this was concerning Xavier? I didn't mention Xavier to him once. "If he is, then do right by him before he does wrong by you. I'm sure he's tired of waiting."

I really do wish only the best for Jay Taylor. It's what he deserves. I manage a smile as I prepare to leave, "You're one in a million JT."

"So I've been told once before." He frowns slightly, leading me to believe that it's another Aqueela related event.

I change the subject for his sake, "You thought more about the travelling thing?" I ask him, referring back to when he'd said he wanted to take a year or so off life to venture.

He shrugs and offers me a grin, "Who knows? I could be gone by tomorrow." He jokes, successfully lifting the mood.

Everyone knows that JT would never dare miss Championships (which happens to be tomorrow), not even for the world - literally.

"But seriously Emma," he takes on a more stern tone of voice as he addresses me, "make the best out of everyday because tomorrow the world might be a completely different place. Do what you have to do now before you lose the chance. Don't live life in regrets. After all, we only have one shot at living, one life to live. Make the best of it."

How he still stays so positive, I will never know...