Repentance is a process and not something that happens at one particular moment. It requires consistency.

Arnav came straight to Laxminagar from his office. He had delegated most of his work to Aman and Akash (who had been cold to him since yesterday). He wanted to focus completely on Khushi. From whatever had happened till date, he knew it was an uphill task, infact an impossible task but he needed her forgiveness. He realized the necessity of repentance and how direly he needed to redeem him behavior. Yesterday, Khushi had shown him the harsh reality between them. His insensitivity while dealing with her. Till now he had always done what he wanted, never asking her about her wishes. He had always assumed  and made decisions on both their behalf, always dominating her. His one-upmanship has caused as much damage as his wretched deeds have and now he understood how utterly wrong it was. The reins of their relationship were no longer in his hands and it was rightly so. He has to repent his sins and at the same time create a balance in their relationship. What she wants is of utmost importance. It would be callous of him to assume that she would forgive and forget like previous times. He had in a sense mocked her pain yesterday by asking her to marry him. His limit to make mistakes has been crossed. Anjali was right. Khushi has reached her threshold. 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

He rang the bell of Gupta House. Garima opened the door and told him in clear words that he was not welcome there anymore. He pleaded and requested for a chance to change himself but it was futile. Buaji came and closed the gate on his face. Garima reminded him of Shashi's health when his and Buaji's confrontation of 'his knocking the door and her shutting the door on his face with different warnings' happened for the fifth time. Arnav then stood outside the door. Garima came out after about 3 hours to pick the dried spices and found him still standing there. She sighed. What was he doing? She informed Buaji who said let him do whatever he wanted but she wont open the door and she really didnt open the door.

********************************

Khushi had a free period and was sitting idly in staff room, confused what to next. She had already done all her pending works as she had free time at home because her coaching hours were free. She was used to do some or other thing round the clock and this relaxation that she had enjoyed for some days felt so boring now. She was about 3 months now, everything was going well, other than nausea, upset stomach and her taste buds getting weird she and baby was doing fine and next checkup was about a month away. Even her stomach has not gown big, she touched her baby. She wasn't allowed physical work and this free time now felt all dull and monotonous. Also her thoughts have again started to shift to Arnav which she didnt want at any cost.

She got up from her seat and sat next to a fellow teacher who seemed to be studying something deeply. She was Shalini, not very friendly but so so kind of person. She taught Maths in class 12th. Khushi disturbed her and enquired about what looked like some aptitude question paper that she was going through. Questions were similar to those she taught in coaching so Khushi being Khushi wanted to help her. She must be preparing for some exam, Khushi thought. Shalini politely refused help and told her about her NET JRF exam in coming months. It was sort of a dismissal but Khushi wasn't discouraged. She kept talking. Shalini gave short replies to Khushi's questions which forced Khushi to finally move away and surf about this exam using school desktop. She had heard about it once or twice in her college but the looks Shalini gave her when she asked what is was, were as if she had been living under rock entire life. Like she didnt know the Sun rose from the East. 

The more she read about it, more interesting it became. She finally got what to do in free time. Best part was that this exam can get her into Ph.D something Khushi had never imagined herself doing. That too from best colleges of India. She had always thought Ph.D was something out of reach for her. Maybe because of less exposed environment of Lucknow. 

With no physical work allowed and her baby on the way, eatery thing seemed far far away. Khushi smiled and rubbed her womb softly. This was the her best option and it was so exciting!!! 

While going through previous years question papers, all her excitement frizzled out. Khushi found exam was pretty hard to crack.One was English comprehension and other was Maths itself. The previous years' results diminished her hopes further. She ll need to revise whole of post graduation syllabus alongwith English.  She would have to work hard as she had so less time to prepare. Khushi recalled what was mentioned in one of the books she had bought. It said that it was beneficial for the baby if mother read good books during pregnancy. So keeping the thoughts of failure aside, she filled the form. Even if she failed this attempt still she will have an experience and many next attempts to give.

Khushi decided to discuss it with family and went to take next class.

**********************

Khushi returned from school and saw Arnav standing at a corner outside her home. She immediately got angry when he started to say something. She paid no attention to him and rang the bell. Arnav didnt have guts to stop her, ask her to listen to him or hold her by force. He had today only decided to go according to her wishes. 

Khushi got inside and he kept standing out in sun. It was unbearably hot but he didnt know what else to do. Khushi came to know everything from Buaji who was in full complaining mode. Khushi stopped herself from feeling pain at his condition. He was sweating badly she could see. When Garima served her lunch, she wondered if he had food and then instantly reprimanded herself for still thinking about him. If he had a little bit of common sense then he wont play with his health. She was right here. Arnav wanted to solve their problems not create one. So he had eaten outside sitting at the stairs in hot afternoon. He had come prepared for the worst, even bringing first aid in case he got beaten. He had never thought such a day would come in his life but it was his own mistakes that brought him here, so he had no one to complain about. He knew it was nothing in comparison to what all he had made her go through. 

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

*************************

I will remember and recover not forgive and forget.

Khushi tried to shift her attention from the man outside. She had a task this evening to find the books required and she should focus on that. She had to talk about PhD with her family. Focus Khushi focus. She slept while reading a book and woke up in evening at 6 to find him still there. She didnt know what to feel about it and how to make him leave. Surely she wont talk to him let him stand there. As soon as Arnav saw that she had woken up and was at window staring at him, he smiled. He had just called her when she slammed the window shut. He requested her to open the window and listen to him just once but nothing happened. His pleadings for the sake of love, baby, everything went in vain. She hadn't replied to any of his messages and turned her cell on silent after cutting the call for 5th time. All the paper slips he had slipped in from door and window remained there only.  He had no option but to wait outside. He will wait here till she opened the door, he decided. 

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

************************

He sat down at stairs to take a nap and woke up at the horn of one of his own cars. His family was visiting Guptas? They saw him and understood everything. Obviously they felt bad for him but what could they do? 

Buaji was about to shout thinking it was Arnav again at the door when she found that it was Nani. She welcomed them inside and again shut the door to make sure that unwanted remained outside. Hmpff. What was he trying to achieve by sitting outside their house in a silent dharna?

Mohan placed the gifts on the table. Guptas were confused. Nani told them it was sargi for tomorrow's Karwachauth. Gupta Ladies were speechless. Did Raizadas forget what all happened yesterday? 

"Naniji. Hum maaf kar dijiye par hum vrat nahi rakh rahe hain." ,Khushi spoke up coming straight to the point.("Forgive me Naniji but I am not fasting")

"Hum jaanat hain bitiya. Aisen main aapko vrat rakhna bhi nahi chahiye."Nani replied("I know dear. You should not even fast in pregnancy.")

"Naniji. Hum pregnant nahi bhi hote to bhi nahi rakhte. Naa hi aage kabhi rakhenge." Khushi made it clear.("Naniji. I would not have fasted even if I wasnt pregnant.Nor I will, in future")

Arnav didnt believe in rituals but her words pierced deep into his heart. He understood the meaning of this sentence, its implications. It was damn painful. But he will not lose hope. No, he will not lose hope.He touched the mangalsutra in his shirt pocket. He will not lose hope. He will one day return everything he has snatched from her. Yes, one day she will have it all. He ll make sure. She ll have all her dreams. All of them. She ll take him back. One day.  

"Bitiya. Hum aapko kabhi bhi aisa kuch karne ke liye nahi kahenge ji aap nahi chahti. Na humne kabhi Anjali bitiya ko vrat rakhne se roka hai na hi kabhi Chotey se vrat rakhne ko kaha hai. Aapka jaisa mann kare aap kijiye. Hum to sirf aapko khush dekhna chahte hain." Nani said in her defence.("I wont ever force you to do something which you dont want to do. I have never asked Anjali to stop fasting nor I have asked Arnav to fast ever. You do what you desire. I just want you to be happy.")

"Fir ye sab...", Buaji spoke up("Then all this...")

"Madhumatiji. Ye to bas sargi hai jo hum Khushi bitiya ko dene aaiye hain.", Mami replied.("Madhumatiji. It is just sargi, It is Khushi's right")

When Khushi refused to take gifts as she was no longer a Raizada bahu, Nani got emotional and told that she will always be her granddaughter-in-law no matter what happens between Arnav and Khushi. She requested her to take the gifts she had brought with so much love. Khushi returned jewelry but accepted the saree and sweets to respect the old lady who had been caring towards her most of the times . Nani and Mami didnt allow her to bend and touch their feet. Khushi thanked them profusely for taking time out and preparing so yummy sweets for her. Anjali and Payal informed that sweets were prepared by them, so she should thank them ideally. Akash teased them siding with Khushi. Anjali then informed Khushi about NK coming back next month. He has applied for a photography course in Delhi. The next hour was spent discussing about the baby and Khushi's health, tips from all and their plans of pampering junior when it arrived. They were enjoying themselves completely. Raizadas promised to visit her frequently and have fun.    

Arnav who was watching all this from window, smiled to himself lost in thoughts of his child, the loveliest baby of the world they both have made so beautifully. He was eager to enjoy this experience with Khushi. He wanted to shower her with all the love and  care in this world but reality is far, far away from his dreams. Khushi was done with him.

And you let her go

He also knew why Khushi refused the jewelry. Why she hadn't reacted to NK coming back. It was all his doing, his words. He consoled himself that even after everything he has the satisfaction of watching her smile. The way Khushi was glowing more day by day, brought a sense of peace to his soul. The devil in him had not snatched her smile. He was thankful to her. He was unaware of the struggles she went through to get this smile back on her face. 

Arnav desperately wanted to talk to his wife and baby but thanks to himself, their time together was running out.Clock was ticking. It was already about three months. He needs to find out about her checkup schedules too as she wont tell him herself. When they both need his care most, he is unable to provide that. But he wont lose hope. He got busy in getting all the information through his sources. 

After sometime, he saw his family coming out and the look Payal gave him was pure hatred. He sighed at the long list of his wrong doings. He needed to remedy this one as early as possible. He waited there till 10 in hope of Khushi opening her window or door but it dint happen.  

******************************

It was late when Arnav came back from Gupta house. He wanted to talk to his brother and his wife. He knew Payal had returned back but was hesitating to go to her room. But this needs to be done. It was inevitable. His actions have impacted so many people. His rash decisions should not have repercussions on his brother's married life. Payal that he knew as Khushi's elder sister was more dangerous than he was as a brother.

He knocked the door and Akash opened it. They were trying to sleep as they had to get up early for sargi. It was their first karwachauth.  Payal got up too but ignored Arnav. Already expecting this cold behavior from her, Arnav entered inside.

"Akash Payal. Were you guys sleeping? Did I disturb you? I am sorry.   Main vo...leave it. I ll talk tomorrow"

"Koi nahi Bhai. Aap bataiye..." Akash coaxed him to speak. ("No problem Bro. You talk... ")

"I wanted to say...that...I am sorry. I am sorry for using your marriage as a bait. Trust me I would have never stopped your marriage." Payal turned away indicating she was not interested in his sorry. He had hurt her sister in every possible way.

"Payal I am really sorry. I know tumhe bahut gussa a raha hai mujh par. Khushi is your sister. But I didnt know what else to do then.I had just seen Khushi with Sh...Main..."("I know you are so angry with me.")

"You basta*d!!" Payal didnt let him complete and punched him square on nose. She was that angry. Was he trying to justify using her to blackmail her sister?  "You have always taken advantage of Khushi's innocence. You...you.." She tried to move out of Akash's hold who had grabbed her as soon as she had punched Arnav. She glared at her husband.   

"Payal calm down!! What happened to you? You were never this violent before!!!" Akash spoke trying to calm his wife

"Phele kisi ne humari behen se zabardasti shaadi bhi nahi ki thi ! Tum chod dete tumhari behen se koi zabardasti shaadi karta to?" Payal trying to get out of his grip, sneered back in high pitch. She gave a damn to anyone's sleep now. This man had single-handedly tortured her sister so much. She 'll beat him black and blue.(" No one had even married my sister forcibly before ! Would you leave the man who married your sister forcibly?") Both Arnav and Akash were quiet at her question. Bloody hypocrite Raizadas!!!

 A very ominous thought came to her mind out of nowhere and all her anger cooled down. She was about to vomit as it registered into her brain completely but reining in her fears, she thought it was better to ask Arnav. She spoke hesitantly "I want to ask you something?"

"Hmm..." Arnav said still rubbing his nose. Whats wrong with women in the house? Were they sharing notes on how to beat him? He hoped not. What happened to Payal?  One moment she was so angry that she had almost broken his nose and now she was all tensed and hesitant.

"Aap dono ke beech...matlab...Khushi aur aapke beech...ye bacha....is sab mein Khushi ki marzi se thi  ya Aapne.. " ("Between you both...I mean...this baby...Everything that happened between you both was with Khushi's consent? ")

"How dare you!!!" Arnav thundered. What the hell was she trying to say! The thought was purely disgusting, nauseating for him. He can't even bring himself to think something like that and she is asking about their baby. Was she mad? Akash was stunned too. What's wrong with Payal?  How can she even think on those lines! From Arnav's reaction he understood that Payal surely went overboard. He tried to hide her behind him.

"Payal tumhe aisa aadmi dikhta hu main? Tumhe pata bhi hai tum kya bol rahi ho? Its disgusting!" Arnav was hurt. This was too much. First his failure to reach Khushi and now this. It was a very bad day. It started taking toll on him. He started loosing patience that he had kept since morning.He looked completely agitated.("You think I am such kind of man? Do you even know what you are saying?")

"Listen to me carefully, I wont ever repeat it. Our baby is the love that we have for each other and so will be all our kids." Arnav kinda warned her to behave with his stern tone.

Akash tried to calm them down but Payal, now guilty for thinking all this rubbish, was in tears. Its not her fault. He had married her sister forcibly, tried to choke her, abused her in worst way then was she wrong in thinking something like that? Yes, she was. Going by the way Arnav has reacted, she should have not let it even cross her mind. She said sorry "Maaf kijiye. Aajkal humein aisi aisi baatien pata chal rahi hai ki humein kisi baat par koi bharosa nahi raha. Kuch bhi ho sakta hai to jaise hi humein ye khayal aaya, humne puch liya. I am sorry."  

("Forgive me. But with so many hidden truths coming out now, I dont trust anything. Everything is possible. So as  soon as this thought came  to my mind, I asked you. I am sorry. ")

But Arnav didnt wait a second longer and went to his room while Payal stood there guiltily. 

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NOTE:

Please VOTE and comment to share your views. Story is going to move faster from next few chapters. If you have any suggestions regarding it then please share in comment section. I cant change the storyline as I have already completed the story just weaving dialogues with setting.

It was very hectic today and with pathetic network, it was a complete mess.

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