'There will come a time when you think everything has finished, that will be the beginning.'

"How are you getting on with packing?" Marilla asked, poking her head into Anne's room.

The redhead was sitting on her bed, sorting through some stacks of paper as the sunlight beamed in through her windows, birds singing outside. The lacy curtains were dancing softly in the breeze and everything seemed oddly bare without her books, clothes and papers scattered around. It wouldn't have seemed like Anne had ever been there, if it weren't for her presence on the bed.

Marilla fought back the emotions welling up in her chest and feigned a smile as Anne looked up. "Nearly finished?" She asked.

Anne put the stack of papers in her trunk which lay open beside her. She gave Marilla a knowing look, her eyes full of nostalgia and her lips turned up with fond memories.

"Almost. It feels awful strange to have all of one's worldly goods packed away in a case again, just like the day I came to Avonlea..."

Marilla's smile was real then, and awash with memories too. She softened. "Goodness that feels like a whole lifetime ago... well, I suppose my life didn't really begin until I met you."

This uncharacteristic vulnerability made Anne at a loss for words for a moment. But as quickly as this glimpse of emotion had come, it was gone and Marilla had her hands on her hips and that stern expression was back.

"Are you sure you have everything?" Marilla asked and and moved into the room to survey everything properly. "It'll be just like you to go all that way only to forget something important. I'll not be found driving backwards and forwards to ferry all of your forgotten belongings. One trip is quite enough."

Anne smiled, rolling her eyes. "Well then, I'll be sure not to bother you if I do forget anything! I didn't realise I'd built such a reputation as a scatter brains."

"Well, you have been known to... get in a muddle sometimes. You get caught up and things slip your mind." Marilla pointed out.

"You're right, I suppose... it's surely one of my worse faults," Anne agreed, furiously nodding. "Goodness knows I detest such forgetfulness in others. I do admire organisational skills and togetherness. I only wish I held such traits..."

Marilla looked at her sharply. "There's no use talking yourself down. You possess a great many good traits - I don't want to hear about detesting or--"

"No, not of myself of course... I'm trying my best to be my own encourager just in the case I'm too lonesome at college. I know Diana will be a real socialite and in the absence of one's bosom friend, it's good to hear from someone that you're loved."

"Well surely you know that we love you?" Marilla said. "That should be some comfort."

Anne's grey eyes dragged across the room to meet Marilla's gaze. She hesitated. "I may know it, but it isn't the same as really feeling it, is it?"

Horrified by Anne's change of mood, Marilla frowned. "Now, what's all this? Don't you feel it? I may not be as in touch with my emotions as you but I do my best to show you-"

Anne shook her head. "Not you... Matthew. It's too awful to talk about really, I've been trying to push any thought of it to the back of my mind Marilla but -- oh I think I've upset him somehow but, I don't know what I've done, or said, he won't talk to me and I think he's avoiding me and something's changed because it's not the same between us anymore--"

Suddenly the tears were streaming down Anne's face and her voice was shaking and her heart was contracting painfully. She loved Matthew so much she felt her heart would burst and she would die before she purposefully upset him. What had she done?

Marilla sat with her and hugged the girl like she was that small, sensitive little orphan crying in the woods after running from the church picnic. She was changed since then but deep down she really was that little girl still.

Marilla held her until she stopped crying then she went straight out to the fields to talk with her infuriating brother who was just as stubborn as Anne.

Matthew was tending to the soil of his vegetable patch when Marilla came storming over with a face of thunder.

"What on earth made you think you ought to punish Anne for going away? We both know you love her more than anything, and here you are making her feel like you don't love her at all!"

Matthew was silent for a while, looking down at the earth and struggling with the emotions whirling inside. Finally he looked up at Marilla and she saw the depths of his sadness in his eyes.

"Don't you see? I can't picture my life without her here anymore... what am I going to do?"

"Oh Matthew... it's not goodbye. She's not going forever and she going to visit and--"

"Nothing will stay the same. Everything will go back to how it was before..." Matthew choked out. "I can't lose her."

"You're losing her right now!" Marilla cried. "You're pushing her away."

Matthew looked away, the truth hurting.

Marilla sighed deeply. "Everything is changing. I know I haven't always been the first to embrace change but remember when Anne came to us - that was a great change in our lives. We weren't sure where it would lead but we chose her path and here we are now... This is a great change too - a more painful one, perhaps. But it's what's best for her. And surely we ought to do that? What's best for our girl?"

Matthew wiped at his eyes and nodded.

"You're right. I want this for her, I do." Matthew said under his breath. "I won't be the one to hold her back."

A tear left Matthew's cheek and Marilla went to him and hugged him. She thought then, how she had really been turned into such a hugger by that damned girl! It was entirely Anne's fault that they were both regularly overcome with all of those emotions, all of that pain. Yet Marilla wouldn't change any of it for a minute, for it was the price of all the happiness and love.

...

Diana was a mixture of excited and anxious.

It was only a few days before she was due to leave for Queens and she'd barely any time to pack. Of course her family weren't helping, they were barely speaking to her... The moment she'd relieved her acceptance letter she'd rushed to Anne and shared it with her. They'd spent the best part of an hour gushing about college and how exciting it all was. All the adventures they'd get up to together and all the possibilities... It felt so grown up and so exciting.

Until Diana got home and saw her Mother in the drawing room, lying down with her head in her hands.

Her Father was sitting beside her and he'd looked up, his face saying everything he hadn't. Her Mother was disappointed in her, heartbroken that her life's dream of sending her girls to Finishing School wasn't going ahead.

Diana had felt guilt stab deep in her heart but she'd pushed it aside. This was her life, her dream. She wouldn't let her Mother ruin her plans or decide her future any longer. She was determined.

The pressure was great, though... all of her family's reputation rested upon her shoulders. They were risking the future of the family on her, as her Mother said, and she mustn't mess it up. She couldn't just go to college, she had to go to college and do well, succeed. Do more than her best. Make it all count...

So the excitement was tinged.

After she was finally packed up there was nothing to do around the house, and so many disappointed family members to avoid. Diana knew one person who would cheer her up so she risked further aggravating her parents and took the train by herself to visit Aunt Josephine.

Who, of course was ecstatic at her great niece's achievement and bold decision. The two of them sat out in the garden amongst the beds bursting with bright flowers, humming with bees, the sun dappling down on them. Diana felt relaxed for the first time in a while and even dared to allow herself the pride of getting in.

"I know how hard this decision was for you..." Aunt Jo said softly, squeezing Diana's hand. "After everything I'm sure your parents said to dissuade you. You are more courageous than they can possibly understand for defying them to follow your dreams. I know your life might have been easier had you gone to France, you'd have had that comfortable life with a husband and children and money..."

Diana gazed back at Aunt Jo, her heart thumping hard with emotion. Aunt Josephine's words were quiet but fierce and passionate with pride and conviction.

"But you will be a thousand times more fulfilled now that you have chosen the hard path... You have earned this, fought for it. It's something you believe in, you have passion for. You're a bright girl and you're using your brains rather than doing what your told. I am so excited to see what you do with them."

"Thank you, Aunt Jo." Diana felt tears in her eyes. How she longed to hear this from her Mother.

Aunt Josephine wiped the tears with her fingertips and smiled fondly. "I am so proud of you, dear heart."

...

James Riley was suffering from homesickness.

He'd thrown himself into the farm work at the Blythe farm and grown a close bond with Gilbert and Sebastian of course, but the longing for Ireland which had started as a small seed in his heart spread day by day until it swallowed him whole. Laying in bed, he thought of returning home... seeing that island again, feeling his home soil beneath his feet, going back to the village he grew up... seeing his Ma if she was still alive... it made him want to cry just thinking of it.

Ireland was one thing, but as James began to dig back into his old memories and buried feelings he realised he was frightened to go back to his home village after all this time had passed. Last time he'd seen his Ma he'd been Sixteen... he hadn't left on good terms and people back there probably thought he'd drunk himself into an early grave or got himself into a fight he couldn't win. He always did have a bad reputation. It was daunting to return to his village and face that alone...

But Gilbert had his dreams to follow, and Sebastian was falling head over heels for Mary and was going to propose any day now. Who would go with him?

...

January was going stir crazy.

Rosalie was glad to have Peggy back safe and sound and the two sisters had fallen into a happy routine of working the farm, cleaning and tidying the house, cooking, going to market, spending their Sundays in the garden or sometimes taking walks, Rosalie had taught Peggy to read better and they'd been piling through every book they could get their hands on. It was perfect for them and Peggy seemed content...

January thought that the girl seemed to have moved on from her past, from the trauma of losing Kes and the entire ordeal in prison. Peggy visited Kes's grave often but she never spoke about it, which drove January even more crazy. How was it so easy for Peggy to move on when she was still torn up?

She was stuck at the farm, having to keep a low profile and doing her best to keep active helping out around the farm but she was restless. January hadn't moved on, she still had nightmares about everything they'd been through and she found herself growing increasingly short-tempered and snappy. Every moment she wasn't busy she found her mind dragging back to that night with Kes's blood on her hands, or crawling through the tunnels to escape the prison, the walls seeming to close in on her, or the guards in the woods, the sounds of horses thundering and dogs howling, running in the dark until her feet almost bled, running until the sun came up, until she couldn't breathe...

One day she woke up in a cold sweat, after barely an hour's sleep, tormented by nightmares and driven mad by nobody mentioning any of it... January got up, got dressed and packed her bag for a ride. She didn't know where she was going but she knew she was sick of the farm, sick of their happiness and contentment which she so desperately resented and craved.

It felt good to be out on the road again, riding with the wind in her hair, the path before her... she wished she could ride without thinking of all the times she'd ridden to escape her past or somebody... she wished everything she did wasn't tainted by unforgiving memories.

After hours of riding, January found herself in Avonlea. The familiar roads made her feel dread at first, every inch of the woods seemed to teem with hateful moments in her past that sunk into her dreams every night. Then she thought of her friends who lived there, who cared about her. She wanted to see them. That desire overpowered the emotional recoil of locations kept so familiar in her nightmares and she rode on.

The first place she came to was the Blythe farm. She wanted to see Anne but something drew her to this place... She wasn't sure what and almost turned back to the road to go straight to Green Gables but then she looked out over the fields and saw somebody amongst the trees. A tall, lean figure with a mop of dark hair, filling baskets with apples in a dejected manner. Her heart melted at the sorry sight and she couldn't resist. Tying up her horse at the gate, January went down the path and out to the orchards.

James saw her coming a little way off and walked to meet her. His eyes were darkly shadowed and his smile cracked through a heavy mask of sorrow which she recognised in herself. She was relieved to see this, that he felt the same way as her... He was struggling too.

"Well, good afternoon, stranger."

Even his voice was a relief to hear. That incessant flirting tone! It drove her mad, but she was glad of it. Even the irritation was more stimulating than her day to day conversations back at Rosalie's farm which drove her beyond boredom.

"Long time no see, I know." January rolled her eyes but couldn't keep back her smile. "So you're a farmer now?"

James shrugged and wiped his brow, looking out at the fields. "Needs must. I'm saving up."

"What for? Got your eyes set above your station?"

James smirked. "Yeah, I've fallen hard for a Princess but her Pa says I can't marry her until I've got bags of cash."

"So you're gonna be alone forever, then?" January grinned. "You know there's not much cash in apple picking?"

"Oh, how I missed your biting remarks!" James said, sarky as ever.

"I gotta keep you grounded, I don't want you getting too big headed... your Prince's crown won't fit..."

A surprised, deep throated laugh burst out of James. Nobody was ever quite as sarcastic as he was, but she really was the perfect match for his sardonic quips. James' laugh was infectious and January found herself chuckling too. Neither of them had laughed properly in a long time. Jan felt her heart beating harder than usual and it felt good.

After his laughter subsided, James raised his eyebrows in seriousness and focused his eyes on her. They seemed to read her expression just as she'd read his.

"Seriously, what brought you back here? God knows there's a lot of... bad memories."

"I... I just..." January almost lied.

She was about to spin a hastily-invented story about something boring. But there was a look in his eyes... a longing for companionship in his hurt. He wanted solidarity. He wanted her to have been brought back by her pain, so he could have somebody to share his with. And God she wanted somebody to share hers with. After so long, keeping it in so as not to ruin the good life Peggy now had...

So she told the truth, at long last. Once she started, she couldn't stop and it all came out like a river bursting through a dam.

"I couldn't stand it at the farm any longer. Rosalie and Peggy are content on the farm, living a normal life. They're happy. Or they're in denial... either way, I feel like it never really happened, like it was all a dream, or maybe I just think it happened... They never talk about -- the prison, the escape, the woods, Kes, or any of it! But I haven't moved on. I still think about it every day, I have-- I have dreams... I can't get it out of my head, so it replays in my mind. I know they don't understand. Peggy just wants to live a normal life and I want that for her, I do! But it makes me feel like I'm going crazy..."

James stared at her for a while, his expression solemn and his pale face showing every hour of sleep-deprivation, every haunted dream, every dark thought. He knew how she felt, better than anyone. She stared straight back, feeling solidarity in her pain for the first time since it all happened. The cool breeze jolted them from their daze.

"It's alright, you know..." James said gently with that empathetic upturn of his eyebrows. "Not to have moved on yet. I know it feels like you're stuck in the past when everyone else seems fine. But it's alright to be struggling."

January felt herself breathe out deeply, a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. It was shaky and uneven. She noticed her heart was hammering hard.

"I know you you feel. I understand." James told her.

It was hard for January to talk about all this that she never spoke about. She was always the tough one, the one who kept it in and helped everyone else. To let it all out felt like exposing her very heart and soul and leaving it out in the cold, vulnerable.

Suddenly she felt embarrassed, even if James did understand.

Even if his very eyes seemed to see right into her mind.

She barely knew him.

"I'm sorry, this came out of nowhere..." January stammered, wishing she could take it all back. "You're busy, you're working, I shouldn't just come here and tell you all my problems--!"

"January, stop. Don't apologise." James stepped closer.

January met his eyes, his big eyes full of concern. She felt emotion rising up in her chest again. Why did she feel so unravelled all of a sudden? She always kept a lid on it and here she was letting it all out like some emotional--

"This was stupid. I'm gonna go, I'm sorry I ever--"

"Come with me." James said suddenly, an idea breaking over his face.

"I-- What?"

James was impassioned, eyes bright and dancing with the possibilities.

"Come with me to Ireland... I'm going home, as soon as I have everything ready. It'll be a fresh start for you, far away from everyone who ever wanted to arrest you or hurt you, far away from this place, these memories... nobody knows you there, you'll be safer. You won't have to hide."

January felt dumbfounded, mind whirring at the speed of lightning. How did he always manage to make her feel like the rug had been pulled out from beneath her?

"You-- I don't--"

James was looking at her like that again, his eyes flickering over her, trying to analyse every emotion which crossed her expression. She felt so exposed, so seen... his gaze like a heavy wave crashing over her. Why had she told him everything?

"You don't have to decide right away, I'm sorry if this came out of nowhere..." James cringed at himself and his impulsiveness. "Just promise me you'll think about it."

January forced herself to take a deep breath so her words would come out evenly. "I have to go." She turned and began to walk away as fast as she could.

"Jan, please just think about it." James caught her arm, turning her around to see her almond-shaped eyes full of pain and embarrassment.

"I-- fine." January nodded, trying not to think about the way he called her Jan. In that beautiful Irish accent...

Then she was walking back up to the yard, to her horse, riding back down the road. It was half an hour before her hands stopped shaking and her heart stopped hammering against her ribcage.

...

Anne had finished her chores and was reading in the meadow when Matthew had gathered thd courage to go and speak to her.

One of the books Diana had gifted her was cradled in her hands and her brows were furrowed in concentration, swimming deeply in her imagination and thoughts. Matthew watched her for a few minutes, his heart swelling. The grasses were high, wildflowers dancing in the breeze. The sun was hot but there was finally a touch of crisp cool in the air at times. Autumn was approaching, the time of great change. September.

"Hello, Anne." Matthew nodded to her as he sat down beside the redhead.

Anne squinted at him from the sunlight, her expression carefully guarded but her grey eyes were watchful and hesitant. She waited in silence for him to find the words he needed. Her silence was dreadful to him, so unlike what he was used to.

"I reckon I owe you an apology." Matthew said slowly.

Anne looked up sharply, but held her tongue.

"This is-- hard for me... as I'm sure you know. But I realise... I've-- I've hurt you." Matthew went on painfully slowly, every word a struggle. "There's nothing in this world... that would make me-- do that on purpose."

Anne felt tears in her eyes already. She was so relieved, so deeply relieved. Matthew was apologising to her, he wasn't angry or upset with her. It felt like her world was complete again.

"Before you came to Green Gables, it was different... Marilla and I, we were half asleep to the world. You... you changed our lives, Anne... and I will always be grateful to you for that." Matthew went on.

"You also opened our hearts and filled them bursting... When you go away... I will miss you every single day." Matthew's voice shook with tears. Anne watched him, their tearful eyes locked. "I love you, more than anything."

Anne couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Love was swelling in her chest until her heart felt it would burst. Matthew took her hands and held them tightly, her book falling to the grass.

"But you're my daughter, Anne. I want the best for you. If this is what you want, then I want it. I won't hold you back."

Anne let the tears come and sunk into Matthew's arms, hugging him as tightly as she could manage. He held her in silence, a weight lifting from his heart after putting her mind to rest. The two of them sat there for a while, even after their eyes dried out and their breath ran heavy. Sitting curled together in the afternoon sun and the flowers with the bees and the butterflies dancing around, the birds singing loud.

"I love you." Anne whispered into Matthew's shoulder.

...

Gilbert tied up his horse and made his way up the path to Doctor Rooke's practice.

He let himself in and tucked his key back into his pocket. The room was clean and bright, and Gil looked around thinking of all the people he'd helped there and all the things he'd learnt. His time in his apprenticeship had taught him a lot but he was excited to move on, to further his education in the medical field and be able to help people even more.

"Doctor?" He called out, walking down the hallway to Doctor Rooke's private office.

Sure enough, there he sat, scribbling away at some papers. There was somebody else with the Doctor too, a young man with chestnut curls.

"Edward!" Gil greeted. "It's good to see you. How are you?"

Edward was ashen, his face thin and eyes ghosted. He didn't look at all himself. Gilbert hadn't seen him in a while and wondered what had kept him away as he was usually a hardworking, reliable member of the practice who was always on time. Doctor Rooke had only told him it was 'a personal matter' and withheld any details.

"I'm getting by," Edward forced a small smile but it didn't reach his eyes. "How are you?"

Edward didn't seem game to dive into the reason he'd been absent, so Gilbert didn't push him.

"I just got my acceptance letter to Medical School..." Gilbert turned to the Doctor. "That's why I'm here today. I know I'm not working, I just had to come by and tell you in person, Doctor. I'm leaving soon. I wanted to say goodbye and thank you for everything."

Doctor Rooke stood up and clapped Gil on the back. "Congratulations, Blythe! What good news." He beamed.

"That's wonderful," Edward cried. "I'm happy for you, Gilbert."

"Thank you both. I owe a lot to you, for all you've taught me. Even for giving me this opportunity... I don't know how I'll repay you."

"Nonsense!" Rooke exclaimed, waving his hand and shaking his head. "No talk of repaying... just go to college, get your degree, go out there and help people!"

"That's all that matters." Edward agreed.

"Make a difference, boy." Rooke looked at Gilbert with a serious expression and tapped him on the chest. "I believe you will. And if you believe it too, you really will."

...

January sat at the top of the hill by Kes's grave, the wind billowing her skirts around her bare feet. Her dark hair blew into her eyes but she barely noticed.

James's offer was ringing around her head, over and over. Come with me. It'll be a fresh start. Ireland...

January was imagining it. Travelling across the sea... that wide, deep blue sea. Sailing out to the horizon, as far as the eye could reach, even further... To another land. New people, new towns, new languages, new everything. Perhaps it really was what she needed - to get away from everything that reminded her of her past, to make some new memories that wouldn't haunt her dreams at night.

But she barely knew James... He was arrogant and infuriating and a drunk, too by her guess. He had a lot of secrets, swimming in those eyes of his. She didn't know his past. Yet was she any better? A convict, a runaway, a grief-ridden insomniac who'd never known a moment's peace and hated it when it finally arrived.

They were both as bad as each other.

Gilbert trusted James though, with his life. Gilbert was a good man, January thought. Anne loved him. If Gilbert trusted James, surely he couldn't be that bad?

You're neglecting to think about something, came a voice at the back of her mind. The way he makes you feel... honest, unravelled, excited and so alive. That's not normal. That's special. That's worth getting to know him for.

But what if he gets to know me back? What if he gets to know me real well and doesn't like what he knows. What if he--

January felt a shiver at the thought and clutched at her shoulders, looking up into the endless sky. "What do I do?" She whispered. "I wish you were here, Kes. You'd tell me straight what I gotta do. I feel that I shouldn't leave Peg, we're a family and I always said we'd stick together... but our little family's already fallen apart and I know I'm gonna bring her down if I stay. I don't want to ruin what she's got here. She's happy. Is it so bad if I want that too? I deserve to be happy, right?"

Kes seemed to be with her then, sitting right by her and putting his small hand on her shoulder. She could picture his crown of red curls, his big eyes and cheeky smile. She was sure he'd mock her, point out the obvious and she'd laugh and feel better.

"Don't be an idiot, Jan. Go with James! Have an adventure. Peggy will be just fine, I'll look out for her."

"Thank you." January smiled gently.

She knew then.

She was going to Ireland.