When Jimin turned around, he realized that they were sitting in Hoseok's old Mercedes, and both sides of the road were the vast sea. The windows were down, letting the salty breeze inside the small space. The refreshing air soon filled Jimin's lungs, and then he gazed at the world outside. It was pitch-black, the thick clouds had blotted out all those shimmering speckles, and the only light that they could see was the flashing headlight of Hoseok's car on the highway.

Jimin had always found the night to be a comforting presence. Out here, far away from the downtown whose shining lights were still visible on the horizon, there were only Hoseok Jung and Jimin Park. The darkness drenched them in this monochrome melancholy, yet it allowed their true sentiments to take center stage.

And it was Hoseok's turn to be the protagonist.

"I- I had this fear. The fear that if I kept you close by myself for too long, you would eventually know how terrible of a human being I was. I fucked up too many times, I hurt too many people, yet you still loved me. How could that be even possible? I despised myself, but there you were, saying so confidently that we were two lonely people who destined to make each other complete. The missing pieces to the jigsaw of life."

All the overwhelming emotions that Hoseok had tried so hard to suppress finally resurfaced. He was standing underneath this blinding light at the center stage, and Jimin was the only person amongst the empty seats to witness this dreadful showdown. The freezing atmosphere was suffocating; Jimin's intensive gaze was all on him.

"God damn it, Jimin, you were too good for an asshole like me! You and your pure soul, I just couldn't bring myself to pull you down the bottomless pit with me. I had made the heart of every person in my life shattered, and I always chose to run away. Fuck, New York was just one of my destinations, and little did you know that I had done terrible shits back in Korea."

The air grew thicker than before. Cold sweats glistened on Hoseok's furrowed brows, and he could not stop tapping his thumb on the steering wheel. Absent-mindedly looking at the highway, Hoseok pressed harder at the gas pedal, making the scenery scattered into blurry fragments.

"I was never wanted from the beginning. My birth wasn't supposed to happen, but I guess human rights and shit had brought me here. My parents said that I was no more than a mistake on that drunken night at the filthy motel room while they were eighteen. The distressing whimper of my mother every night when she had to face her unwanted son, the constant complaint whenever I couldn't live up to my father's expectations, they drove me insane. Because you know, even my blood relatives rejected me."

His cracking voice, his trembling shoulders, his red nose, this was the most vulnerable side of Hoseok Jung. At that moment, Jimin came to realize that he had never really known his ex-lover. It was heartbreaking, yet the only thing Jimin could do was continue watching this broken man revealing his most painful memories.

"I did believe it when my mother said I would never amount to anything. I still remembered her telling me every night that nobody would love me for who I was, and my existence was merely God's faulty creation. Seeing my parents tearing each other apart because of me, I wanted to escape to somewhere far enough so that nobody knew how fucked up I was, to have a fresh start."

Hoseok cleared his throat; his sweaty palms were shaking.

"So I chose New York - the city where your dreams could come true. When my father heard about my decision, he was thrilled. He told me that I should never come back, and for once did he feel the freedom he had always longing. As for my mother, she did not care much. Whether I could become successful or end up in hell, nothing mattered. So there I went, leaving behind my petrifying childhood, my parents who saw me as a nuisance, and broken pieces of the young Hoseok Jung."

Jimin was not expecting this. Hoseok's trembling words were cutting deep through his skin, and the whole world had somehow become much darker. The stars were falling from up high, the tides were engulfing the sandy shore, and everything along the coast was merely cold water.

"Damn it, Hoseok, why didn't you tell me? I- I don't know what to say. If I had known, we could have fought through those shits together. Why did you hide everything from me, you idiot?"

"For fuck's sake, everyone deserved to love and to be loved, including you! No matter how damaged you were, no matter how rough things had been for you, you must be responsible for your happiness!"

Before Jimin knew it, there was this shouting. It was his voice, his words, yet everything sounded too distant. Then Hoseok's foot slipped off the gas pedal, making the car veered toward the middle line until it completely stopped. Both of them gasped for a while, and gladly no one got hurt. While Jimin was still trying to process Hoseok's crazy behavior, Hoseok had gripped tightly at the steering wheel as if it was his only anchor from shattering.

"Meeting you was never in my plan, Jimin. I only thought this fun game of ours would end quickly, yet I found myself catching feelings. It was rushing through my veins, the kind of feeling that made my heart race whenever I saw your face next to me, the kind of feeling that told me to give you lots of hugs and kisses, the kind of feeling that urged me to give you my everything despite having nothing. Then, I knew I had screwed up big time."

"During the daytime, I could pretend to play the role of Hoseok Jung - the joyful sunshine, but when the night came, I was only this Hoseok Jung created from ugliness inside out. And that moment made me realize that I didn't want to drag you down with my self-loathing mechanisms, as well as my detrimental actions."

When Hoseok's heaving finally slowed down, he desperately looked at Jimin. In that instant, the pale-looking Jimin was staring straight into Hoseok's eyes, and his mouth was frozen wide open in an expression of stunned shock.

"I owe you an explanation, don't I? When I was with you, I stopped using my antidepressant pills. I don't know, I thought being next to you was enough to cure my internal sickness so that I could finally find happiness. However, it was never enough. Did I love you, or was I just clinging onto you to hate myself a little less? There were times when I even contemplated the reason why I had fallen in love. What was the point if either one of us breaks the other one's heart in the end?"

Hoseok could sense it, the tension in every of his muscles screaming him to stop, his sight getting blinded by Jimin's devastating gaze in the front row, yet he understood. This climax was not going to be beautiful.

"You know what, it's funny how we conceal our broken pieces underneath the conventional smile. A world built on lies and deception, I guessed that's just humanity's coping mechanism. Nonetheless, I believe deep down, all we wanted was someone to say that we're not doomed to say this miserable forever. Little did I notice, the voice echoing inside my head had won over."

Hoseok's confession passed through Jimin like a hurricane. He could not believe what he was hearing, yet the painful expression of Hoseok Jung proved that his ex-lover was not lying. It was the purest revelation of Hoseok Jung that Jimin could ever witness, and he wished everything was just one absurd hallucination.

However, this was reality.

"That's right, Jimin, I was that sick asshole who couldn't even love myself properly, so I decided to run away as far as I could. Because in the end, I didn't want to get you hurt. Everything I treasured ended up corrupted, and I cared too much about you to let that happen!"

That was the last straw Jimin could ever take. He furiously stepped out of the car, not bothering about the freezing wind struck against his body. The loud "thump" of Hoseok's slamming the car's door did not make Jimin stop; he kept on walking on the empty highway.

"Jimin, wait!"

Jimin violently yanked his wrist when Hoseok tried to grab it. Wasn't breaking his heart into a million pieces enough for Hoseok Jung?

"I'm- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have become a part of your life."

Hoseok watched his ex-lover's eyes. Then he realized. The anger was nothing but a shield for pain, resentment, and disappointment that Jimin had to endure. Jimin was a ticking time bomb, and the clock finally stopped at zero. His dearest glared at him with so much hatred in his dull eyes, and Hoseok felt clogged with sorrow pressing against his throbbing chest.

"Fuck it, Hoseok!"

Out of complete silence, Jimin's cry arose. His walls, the walls that hold Jimin up, eventually collapsed. Jimin did not care anymore; all his defenses washed away in those salty tears.

"You know what's the worst part - it's that we're too much alike! We embraced each other's wrongdoings, we understood what it felt like to be lonely amidst this devastating world, but we also brought out the worst of each other."

"We weren't the missing pieces to the jigsaw of life. We were only the broken pieces that never meant to be, and I guess that's all we're going to be!" 

Jimin felt himself crumbling. Similar to a crystal vase falling onto the cold hard ground, his final fragments of sanity laying on the floor, shimmering with speckles. Who knew falling apart could look so mesmerizing? There was no hope in trying to put the pieces back together because, in the end, those fine shards would eventually cut Jimin again.

"I was nowhere near perfect, Hoseok, you knew that! I had insecurities, worries, anxiety, just like you. I thought together we could make sense of this ambiguous life or even heal our inner wounds. I saw you as someone whom I could trust, could lean on to, yet I was mistakenly wrong."

When Jimin looked up to Hoseok, he was no more than a portrait of sorrow, loss, and devastation. His swollen eyes, his runny nose, his constant heaving, nothing was pretty. It was the face of someone who had suffered tremendously and did not know if he could do it again.

"I hate you, Hoseok, I fucking hate you! You made me become this broken mess, and you turned every moment we spent together into painful memories! But you know what? I did love you, Hoseok, I certainly did! Perhaps that was the only real thing that had happened in this messed-up relationship of ours."

Jimin's eyes were burning, and his chest felt heavy to the point that he just sat there numbly on the ground. Jimin had broken down entirely. The sadness was still there, but not raw anymore – it was a void of emptiness – the kind of feeling he knew that would haunt him for a long time.

"Everything's over." - Jimin muttered to himself. He had finally reached his limit, and now he was just done. After everything they had been through, it turned out that Jimin had always misinterpreted his ex-lover's words, actions, as well as expressions. In the end, Hoseok Jung had never wanted to be a part of his life, and now he was out of Jimin's life for possibly forever.

Hoseok's head went light. All he could sense left was the chill rushing through every vein of his, and the coldness bringing the synapses of his brain to a standstill. He silently stood there right next to the devastated Jimin, gazing at the raging storm from afar that was coming close, preparing to wash away everything it saw on the way. How spectacular, similar to Hoseok Jung, who had mercilessly thrown his loved one into the bottomless pit of despair.

Hoseok's depression was the eternal ocean, painted by a million shades of grey. His mind was the constant poison that would fill him with venom, making him destroy every single person that loved him. Good people found pleasure in making others happy, but Hoseok Jung got addicted to breaking others. It was mesmerizing; how people shattered because of his existence. He had been running away, denying what he had done; nonetheless, the dead-end was in front of him.

Hoseok was doomed, and his judgment day was here.

At that moment, Hoseok immediately understood what he must do. The grand finale, the spectacular end of this showdown.

"I'm sorry... for everything."

"Farewell, Jimin."

Those were the last words of Hoseok Jung. Before Jimin could even notice, Hoseok had gone under the vicious currents, knowing that the ocean would devour his entire existence, stealing away his precious source of oxygen, making him suffer profoundly before granting him death. It was not going to be a pleasant experience, but Hoseok hoped it must be worth it.

Because Hoseok Jung was a terrible person, and this was what he deserved for being alive.

"The view from halfway down is going to be phenomenal, right, Jimin?"

"Fuck, Hoseok!"

Jimin's brain cogs could not turn fast enough to comprehend what Hoseok had just done. Every muscle of Jimin's body automatically pulled him to the edge of the highway; nonetheless, there was only pitch-black water swirling underneath. The drowning was too subtle. Hoseok Jung did not make a sound nor call for help. He quietly waited for the raging currents to enveloped him, taking him to where he belonged.

It was the finale for both of them.

Hoseok Jung had left Jimin for the second time.

Before Jimin could let his cry out, his world had turned into a blur. All the sounds, the taste, and the smell; everything just vanished. Jimin was falling; the thick air pushed against his face made breathing impossible. Then, the last painful sentiment struck Jimin before he lost the feeling of feeling. Everything before his eyes darkened into nothingness, and Jimin felt relieved as he passed into the void of unconsciousness.

---

"Welcome back to save point."

Jimin startled; he did not recognize the strange voice. It was a husky Northern French accent. After clearing his hazy vision, Jimin saw a man sitting comfortably across him, hands leisurely flipping through pages of an old book. Looking around, Jimin realized that they were sitting in a train's cabin, and the scenery outside was far from familiar.

Night had fallen upon the land. There were no hues of colors shimmering up high; there was only a thick cloak of white covering everything along the way. Jimin's favorite colors - two shades of black and white; they flawlessly harmonized with one another; thus, creating a stunning canvas of the first snow. Aside from the brown of the denuded trees, the only other color that Jimin could see was the subtle shade of saffron staining around the base of each tree and shrub.

To Jimin's surprise, he was younger than he imagined. Looking at his reflection wearing a tan trench coat and trousers, Jimin was still trying to figure out where he was heading. However, the memories of those horrendous sequences of events with Hoseok Jung abruptly resurfaced in Jimin's mind. He looked at the man in shock, trying to make sense of this reality.

"What's happening? Who are you?"

The stranger put his book away, grinned mysteriously.

"Don't you remember? You asked me to look into your future, and so I did."

Jimin sat up straight and looked at the man with his brows creased and face tense; he was figuring out if this man was playing tricks on him. However, the stranger's serious expression said otherwise. He was not joking.

"I assumed you would read my palms or something! Not fucking teleporting me into the future!"

The more Jimin thought about it, the more unsettled he became. All of these questions kept appearing in his head, one by one bombarding his stream of consciousness. How could he possibly answer them?

"Let me get this straight, I found my love, broke up with him, then met him again only to witness his suicide in front of my eyes? Fuck, I can't! He was supposed to be the one, and now you're telling me that would have been the outcome of our relationship?"

The stranger coughed for a bit; then, he took sips from his hot beverage. He was not bothered by Jimin's confusion at all.

"The memories of what you've gone through are not always meant to happen. Right now, they are gone, or as I put it, not yet happened. You saw the future, but you've not lived through it." 

"They may happen, or will never happen. I don't make the rules, kid. In the end, reality is merely constructed from our sequence of actions. There's no guarantee of reliving every single moment that you've experienced; that's what makes life intriguing."

The train's echoing got louder as it passed a tunnel; the outdoor view quickly darkened. When the lights in the cabin dimmed, the stranger nonchalantly asked Jimin.

"So, who was your ex-lover?"

Jimin could feel it, his ex-lover's name being at the tip of his tongue, yet he could not say it. For some reason, he could not bring himself to finish his answer.

"Wait a minute..."

What was his ex-lover's name? Who was that person? Whom was he trying to remember? Even though Jimin had tried his hardest to recall his past life, every memory related to that one individual eventually vanished into thin air. Then he just mindlessly sat there, observing the snowy landscape changing every moment. Hiding away his mysterious smile, the stranger also returned to his old book, flipping nearly to the final pages.

Eventually, the train's momentum slowed down; they had reached a stop. The stranger put away his book, grabbed his drink, and headed out to the door first. Before making his way onto the platform, he turned around.

"Hey, kid, I have one final piece of advice for you."

"You're not responsible for anyone's past scars; remember that."

Off the stranger went, and Jimin started collecting his belongings as well. The ride was kind of long - Jimin believed. Was there someone sitting next to him? Jimin couldn't remember, so he decided to brush it away as the chilly breeze caressed his flustered cheeks.

In the daytime, the subway station was usually a seething mass of commuters from all strands of life with no personal space. However, at this ungodly time, there is space between people, making the atmosphere more pleasant. Breathing in the cold air of winter, Jimin could not help but feel excited. Upon that snowy night, he could feel the calling of his own warm heart. His hard work, his determination, everything Jimin had ever done, had led him to this perfect moment.

Looking at the magnificent clock being placed at the heart of Grand Central Station, Jimin realized that his new life in New York now began at 1:00 am.

At that moment Jimin wondered, what would this city of hope offer him?

---

Fin.

p/s: Merry Christmas 2020.