It was a peaceful day at the bar that Jimin liked. Just people lounging around, filling themselves with boozes that perhaps will make them forget the harsh reality outside, and the slow jazz softly playing in the background. Sitting alone in the corner, Jimin took sips from his glass of Martini - his go-to drink whenever he was feeling down.

A tiring day at work, indeed.

Nonetheless, there was no reason for Jimin to be back early. He lived alone in this cramped apartment that was only enough for him to squeeze in his few belongings, and that living space made him feel lonely too many times. There were times he would look at those four walls surrounding him then succumbed to restlessness. Frankly, that experience was nowhere near pleasant, so Jimin decided to head out to the bar to escape his true feelings. Or maybe, he just yearned for the sensation of being anonymous in the crowd, and that he could act as if he was doing fine like everyone else.

It was the life Jimin dreamed of - going all out in New York. Leaving Korea behind his back to pursuit the exhilarating life, Jimin had experienced countless ups and downs. The American dream did not turn out like how he had expected, but he was grinding amid the Big Apple. What could he say, New York was the city of many Jimin's firsts:

His first time rebelling against his parents for his desires,

His first time to find a decent job,

And his first time to ever fall in love.

While Jimin was busy contemplating in his stream of thoughts, he recognized a familiar figure approaching him - the person whom he thought he would never meet again. Overflowing emotions hit him without warning, and he could not help but shiver slightly.

"Didn't know I would bump into you here."

Hoseok Jung casually sat down in front of Jimin with a glass of Gin, leaving him no time to comprehend what just happened. Hoseok's deep voice had somehow become more hoarse, but Jimin guessed that were the effects of adulthood on his ex-lover. Carefully judging the one whom he once loved dearly, Jimin realized that everything about Hoseok Jung from those past years once again appeared vividly in his memory. Hoseok's charming charisma, his uplifting personality, it was as if Jimin was reliving the younger days.

Everything was perfect from Jimin's perspective,

but reality never went as planned.

"It's my favorite bar. What're you doing here?"

Jimin could sense the awkward tension between the two of them. The slow jazz suddenly changed to a melancholic melody, what an excellent timing. Hoseok was probably trying to play it cool, so Jimin did the same. In the end, it had been years ever since they parted ways, and Jimin supposed they both had moved on at some point.

Hoseok stayed quiet a little bit, then let out a sigh.

"I don't know. I don't want to return home."

Then he quickly changed the subject, and Jimin decided it was best to pretend that he did not see the troubling expression on Hoseok's face.

"How are you lately? Doing fine?"

"Not so well. Things have been quite shitty, and here I'm wasting another night drinking alone. But that's just a part of being a grown-up, don't you think so?"

What was I saying, Jimin thought. He was venting about his miserable life with his ex, and the alcohol still had not taken over him. At that moment, if he could get so drunk to the point that this coincidence was just one big illusion, it would be better. Unfortunately, tonight had surprisingly turned out to be worse than before, and Jimin guessed everything would eventually go downhill.

"Hey, you're not alone. I'm right next to you, see?"

Then Hoseok gently held Jimin's hands, caressing his little fingers for assurance. What the fuck was happening? Weren't they supposed to have a regular conversation between acquaintances with nothing more? Then what did those gestures mean? Why was Hoseok here, in this exact bar at this exact time when Jimin was in his most pathetic state? God damn it, this situation was making Jimin go insane.

"Don't worry. I'm just trying to comfort you."

"Sometimes, life can be one hell of a bitch, I understand. But I also know you're trying your best in this mess. It might not be going as you've wished, but it will get better."

Back when they were together, Hoseok would also say this whenever Jimin was feeling uneasy. Peculiar enough, the aching sensation in Jimin's chest kept his heart pounding so tensely, yet he could not remember the reason why they had broken up. Hoseok was treating him as nicely as before, and those actions made Jimin let his guards down. Taking a deep breath, Jimin started to calm down.

"Thanks. Perhaps I needed to talk to someone after all."

Hoseok smirked, and that small smile made Jimin feel a little bit better. They just sat there calmly for a while, enjoying the moment with each other's presence. Every time Jimin was lost, Hoseok was the one redefining gravity for him to stay grounded. It was one of Hoseok's magic tricks, but Jimin guessed that even his ex-lover did not realize that. And Jimin wanted to know more about the times when he was not in Hoseok's life, as a friend.

"Is life treating you well? I assume that you're doing fantastic, cause you're the one and only Hoseok Jung, right?"

Jimin did not expect Hoseok to laugh hysterically. The background music gradually slowed down and ended, leaving them in this strange silence. The ex-lover quickly drank all of his leftover Gin, playing with the empty glass to figure out what to say next. The indistinct chatter, the lively atmosphere of the bar, Jimin did not care. He was curious about Hoseok Jung to the point that it was slowly making him on his nerves.

"Not quite. New York is seriously an abusive city, as it keeps pushing me to my limits. You know, it was tough to withstand all of those obstacles. Competing with talented individuals, staying sane in this ever-evolving society, god damn it's no easy. Not to mention the weather, summer is always too hot, and winter is always too cold."

"I hated everything, and I hated my life. That's why, whenever I experienced insomnia, I even wondered if I would die in the city of my dreams. Sounds pretentious, right, Jimin?

Jimin silently shook his head. Never had he thought, he and Hoseok would sit together and shared their worries just like the good old days. The warmth of the opposite person made Jimin relax, and it was nice to see someone who understood his struggles that he tried to conceal.

"But there was this one magical thing that made me appreciate New York from the bottom of my heart. All of my resentment vanish, and I couldn't stop myself from feeling more attached to this foreign city that I now call home."

"Something magical?" - Jimin pondered.

Then, Jimin could not take his eyes off Hoseok. His fierce gaze piercing directly at Jimin with sincerity, and the tight grip of their holding hands, the moment froze. The universe was standing still for them, as all they had at that moment was each other. However, Jimin was anxious to hear what Hoseok had to say. He already knew this would get him falling into the same mistake all over again, yet he couldn't help but feel anticipated.

"I met you, Jimin."

"Falling in love with my dearest in the city of dreams, it was truly magic."

Fuck. Jimin shockingly stood up, as he must go home right away. It must have been the influence of the Martini because he did not believe what he had just heard. Staring straight at the bar's door, Jimin knew best that nothing good would come after this. If he hesitated, Hoseok would eventually make his aching wounds open again, and being torn apart once was more than enough. Jimin could sense his tears were almost falling on his cheeks, but he painstakingly kept them all to himself.

Not here, not now, and certainly not with Hoseok Jung.

Before Jimin could step towards the exit, Hoseok had tightly grabbed his ex's wrist. No, he could not let Jimin go again. It was Hoseok's last shot to redeem himself, so he was determined to hold onto this precious person. Their broken love, their miscommunication, Hoseok realized that he had made such a mistake once. However, that stupid young boy from the past was long gone, and it was time for Hoseok to do something right for once in his life. Indeed, Hoseok was desperate and somewhat hopeless enough to make Jimin stop.

"Hey, I have a crazy idea."

"Let's fucking get out of here."

Jimin panted nervously, and cold sweats were dripping from his neck. He was afraid of his expectations for what might come, he was terrified that Hoseok would break him into millions of pieces just like before, but the temptation was too strong. Perhaps there was this part inside Jimin that wanted to give his ex-lover a second chance because, after all, Hoseok was his dearest. They did find each other in the city of chaos, and Jimin believed it was the happiest moment in his youth.

One last time, it would be one last time.

"Fine. I trust you, Hoseok."

After hearing the long-awaited approval, Hoseok instantly grasped his arms around Jimin's body, pulling his ex-lover into a tight hug. Then Jimin just stood there frozen, listening to Hoseok's steady breathing beside his ear. The soft ballad filling in the bar's romantic ambiance, people savoring their late-night drinks, nothing mattered anymore.

How long had Hoseok not been able to embrace Jimin? The delicate sensation of Jimin's skin, the subtle smell of Jimin's shampoo lingering his nose, also the distinct warmth that made Hoseok feel at ease, Hoseok realized that he was holding his entire universe by his bare hands. It was burning, it was overwhelming, but it was utterly euphoric.

"Thanks for giving me another chance. I promise I won't screw this up!"

An enigmatic smile appeared on Hoseok's face, and Jimin could see excitement sparked in those light-brown eyes. He glanced at Jimin with endearment, and damn, Jimin was still not ready to fall for Hoseok again. The faint lights guided their way to the exit, and they began to run as quickly as they can. The bar's scenery around them gradually blurred away into distorted color fragments, as they both opened the door without hesitation.

---

The chilly autumn breeze caressed Jimin's bare flesh, and the sudden change of temperature made him quiver unconsciously. They were standing underneath this velvet blackness, and somehow it was strange seeing the dark curtain draped over the horizon while being embellished by millions of milky speckles. Those luminous stars glowed dimly in different patterns, creating a canvas of absolute harmony that took Jimin's breath away.

After living for quite a while in New York, Jimin was familiar with the orange glow of streetlights filtering in his windows, also the blinding lights of sky-high buildings liting the never-ending night. Never had Jimin thought, he would witness this incredible vast expanse of brimming darkness that perfectly hid the abundant presence of humankind along with his ex-lover.

"I've wanted to take you here. The seashore at eastside, I always come here whenever I need to take a break from the bustling city."

Hoseok broke the silence then carefully wrapped his oversized jacket over Jimin. The leather outerwear lingered Hoseok's fresh scent, and how Jimin secretly loved that. Glancing at his ex-lover, Jimin realized that Hoseok had become astonishingly attractive. Those past few years must have been tough for Hoseok; nonetheless, he gave out a mature aura just like fine wine.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

Then they strolled along the seashore, gazing at the glistening dark sea painted with the reflection of shimmering stars, the waves fondly hugging the silent shore, as well as their shadows imprinting on the moist white sand. It appeared as if the serene portrait of this breathtaking scenery was depicted only for Hoseok and Jimin to perceive, and this night was surely a night to reminisce.

"Hey, remember the times when we have our dates? We wandered amongst the busy streets of Manhattan, living the most of our youth. Not to mention, drinking boozes at our favorite bar, discovering new neighborhoods, damn, we truly had fun."

"Also, that one time we lost each other in Times Square, I never really got it out of my head. To be honest, at that moment, I couldn't stand being separated from you."

Memories of their past dates started to replay in Jimin's consciousness, and he grinned at how simple they were. There was this incident when Jimin got lost in a crowded intersection in Times Square, so Hoseok had to find him amid the chaotic crowd. Indeed, Hoseok searched for him relentlessly, and in the end, they found each other. Nevertheless, whenever Hoseok reminded him of how it was such a cliché, Jimin would embarrassingly tell his lover to forget it.

"You never really forget them, do you?"

Hoseok was right, that cheesy memory never faded away in Jimin's mind. The firm hug, the relieved sigh of Hoseok, every single detail still appeared remarkably lively. They were so innocent, and Jimin missed those times when love was all they got. They were young, they both yearned for that special affection during the most beautiful moments of their lives, and both of them did cherish every second they shared.

Despite everything, they grew up.

Suddenly, Jimin could sense the light warmth from Hoseok's hand intertwining with his as they slowly walked along the coast. His ex-lover's hand was as large as before, and it perfectly fitted through every single gap of Jimin's small hand.

"Things must have been tough for you. I can see it, that dull spark of hope in your eyes."

"What happened?"

Jimin chuckled, as he did not believe that Hoseok would notice such a trivial difference. Then again, the man next to him was Hoseok Jung, and Hoseok Jung did know Jimin Park inside out.

"It's not a big deal. I drew almost every day after we had broken up, and somehow I ended up being an artist. It looks like those excruciating years grinding at art school did pay off, right? You know, I spent quite a time indulging in arts, venting out my sentiments on canvas to the point that I felt intoxicated. Honestly, it wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but it kept me from falling apart."

"How should I put it, I got numb. All of a sudden, everything stopped happening for a second, and all I could process are the million memories and emotions. I had tried so hard to run away from them, and when I finally let my guard down, they all simultaneously hit me in the gut, knocking the wind out of me until I was merely a broken shell of myself."

Jimin's lips were trembling, his breathing was unstable, and he certainly knew that it was not because of the crisp wind passing by.

"I never really tell you this, but all I had back then, was us. There were times I felt utterly lonely, I wanted to give up and return to Korea, yet you persuaded me to continue. I had doubts, yet I trusted you, Hoseok. It was me who was going to determine how I would live my life - you taught me that valuable lesson. To be honest, I chose New York over what my parents had planned out for me, and you were that anchor that helped me stay grounded."

"So when you decided it was best for us to part ways, my heart shattered into millions of pieces on the cold ground. It was incredibly painful, yet I had to experience it over and over again whenever I woke up. Crying in loneliness, feeling bad for feeling bad, I couldn't stop drinking. I was drunk all the time because being sober means I had to endure every bad thing that had ever happened to me, and I wasn't ready. In fact, at some point, I even thought that I would never make it since everything I had been clinging onto made no sense anymore."

"You, Hoseok Jung - my sole reason for staying in New York, had left me."

It was hard for Jimin to relive those daunting experiences, yet they led him to the reality in which he was living. He was grateful, he certainly was, but he couldn't help but feel agitated.

"Eventually, it had gotten better. The pain gradually disappeared, though I guessed I had just gotten used to it. It left me a hideous scar on my heart, aching every time I thought about everything that had happened. But somehow I started to find it beautiful. After having survived through the most pathetic stage of my life, I guess I deserved to see that scar as a radiant constellation of my courage."

Jimin had said all of his thoughts about their abrupt breakup. The moment when Hoseok left him without saying a word on that midnight was still a nightmare, but Jimin had gotten over it. His shoulders felt lighter than before, as he could finally inhale the refreshing ocean breeze.

"About how I became an artist, it was quite coincidental. After posting my works on social media, I started receiving recognition. Truthfully, I was surprised when people resonated with my creations, and perhaps they saw that speck of talent within me that I tried so hard to deny. But then again, being an artist doesn't solely solve my financial problems. Bills to pay, rent to handle, I knew life wasn't going to be ideal. Hence, I had other jobs now and then, but creating meaningful works was always my main hustle."

Hoseok's silence was numbing, and Jimin knew that his ex-lover needed a while to process everything. Along the coast, Jimin could see the dark sea illuminated with the portrait of dazzling stars mirrored from the inky canopy up high. Hoseok and him, they were nocturnal dwellers wandering under the night sky, trying to unravel their fragile souls. A faint gush of wind then drifted across the skyline, taking their conventional masks to the depth of the ocean. It was time for them to face each other.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I was such an asshole for putting you through such a hard time, and there's no way I can ask you for forgiveness. But still, please know that I'm sincerely sorry." - Hoseok said while stumbling on his words.

Jimin slowly shook his head, then let go of Hoseok's hand. His ex-lover possibly could not have known better, and Jimin was glad enough when Hoseok got to hear about his emotions. However, forgiving Hoseok for everything he had done was not something Jimin could decide immediately. He was busy feeling the ticklish sensation of his bare feet on the white sand, not noticing how Hoseok was fidgeting in awkwardness.

It was too overwhelming for Hoseok, Jimin's sentiments. The crippling guilt started to crawl in, and Hoseok had nowhere to hide. Looking at his broken ex-lover who had risen splendidly from ashes, Hoseok knew he was the worst person to have ever stepped in Jimin's life. He was a hurricane, wrecking Jimin's life then leaving behind all the damage.

Clenching his hands in restlessness, Hoseok had indeed pushed his dearest away when he needed him the most.

"Jimin, I have something to tell you."

---

Cont.