"What the fuck?" marahan at nanghihinang sambit ni Chaileigh matapos kong aminin sa kanya ang lahat. "I..."

She rose from where she is seating. "Hindi ko dapat sinabi sa 'yo 'yon. That idea to elope with Maverick. I shouldn't have told you that. K–kung hindi ko sinabi sa 'yo, hindi mo maiisip na makipagtanan sa kanya. Then that Draven won't have a chance to..." she trailed off again like she's too disgusted by the word. Mariin siyang napapikit bago marahas na napabuga ng hangin.

I shook my head. I'm still thankful to her that she told me that idea.

"It's not your fault. If you didn't gave me that idea, there's a big chance that by now I'm already married to Draven. Your idea saved me from marrying a rapist."

I can't imagine how miserable I would be if I indeed marry him. I can imagine him forcing to do it with him while I am constantly declining. At kung tatanggi ako, gagawa siya ng paraan para lang makuha ang gusto.

"Draven's really a fucker. If he really wants to do something against me, he'll find a chance to do it. Kung sakaling hindi niya nagawa noong araw na iyon, hahanap at hahanap siya ng pagkakataon para gawin iyon sa akin."

That's how evil Draven is. I don't know what my parents saw from him and they want me to marry him back then. But maybe it's because his parents are their friends.

"And it's not your fault too," Cha muttered. "That you got... raped. I hope you know that, Rylli. It's not your fault. I d-didn't experienced it but I know how horrible it feels like." She shook her head while directly staring at me. "Don't blame yourself."

Inilingan ko siya. "I'm not. I'm alright. I'm done that stage. I know it's Draven's fault. Matagal na yon."

"But still! No matter how long, I know, hindi mo man aminin, apektado ka pa rin. H-hindi mo na makakalimutan 'yon, Rylli. What he did damaged you already and maybe you'll heal from that but the scars..."

"It'll stay there," she continued.

I tugged the side of my lips for a tight smile. "I know. No matter how many years had passed already, I can still... remember what he did."

She hissed before placing both of her hands in my table. "Tell me honestly, why did you pretend as a lesbian? Is Draven the reason why?"

"Pretend?"

"Yes, pretend because I know you're not one. I mean, I won't judge you if ever you really are. But it's just that, I know that you're not." Her voice rose at her last word like she's confident on whatever she's saying.

She really knew me well. Sa huli ay tumango na lamang ako at tipid na ngumiti. I reminisce how impulsive I was that time. I... am a woman. Alam ko iyon. But dressing like a man, it became my coping mechanism for years after what happened.

But after talking to Chaileigh when we met for the first time from being away for years, that's when I realized that it's not about the way I dress. And no matter what happened, I am a woman. Even if I dressed like how men does nothing will change. Everything will always be Draven's fault.

"The moment it happened, something dawned to me. If I am a man, maybe, Draven won't do that to me. He won't even dare touch me," I confessed.

That's what is keeping me sane for the past few years. At the thought that if I am a man, he won't do it. Without that thought in my mind, I'll probably lose my sanity. I admit, I'm too vulnerable before that I don't even know how I survived those years keeping all that happened from everyone.

She tsked. "Ang sabihin mo, uhaw lang talaga iyong lalaking 'yon!"

"Anong sabi nila Tito? Si Tita? Alam na ba nila? Dapat kasuhan 'yang si Draven! Ay nako, kapag talaga mas lalo kang tinulak ng mga magulang mo kay Draven, ewan ko na lang! Sorry agad pero makapagsasabi talaga ako ng masasamang wor—"

"Mommy cried," I whispered, making her stop midway.

Mataman niya aking tinitigan ay nang matantong seryoso ako ay napakurap siya. "A–again?"

"We haven't talk about filing a case because mom's not in her stable state last night. But she threatened Draven that she'll make sure he will rot in jail."

We're all preoccupied last night that we haven't even talk aside from what really happened. Hindi makausap ng maayos si Mommy habang si Dad naman ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip niya. I told him everything but I can't read his mind as he's not letting any emotion flash in his eyes.

Fritz went on my room last night, urging me to file a case. He told me he can help me even though he's not yet a lawyer. Sinabi pa niyang kung ayaw ko, siya mismo ang gagawa noon at sisiguraduhing magbabayad si Draven.

While Romulus, he asked me if I'm alright and I said yes. Matapos ay tumango siya at sinabing iyon lang daw ang kailangan niyang malaman. And that's enough for me, too. For years, we're living in the same mansion yet that was the first time he asked me that since our relationship crumbled when I started wearing men's clothes.

"Tita really cried?" nahihiwagaan pa ring tanong ni Chaileigh.

I was about to open my mouth to answer when someone knocked on my door. Napalingon si Chaileigh doon at agad na tingungo ang pinto ngunit bumukas na iyon bago pa siya makarating.

Spence came on my view, wearing his plain shirt and black pants. He smiled and nodded at Chaileigh before entering. Nilagpasan niya si Cha at wala na itong nagawa kung hindi ang lumabas dahil dumiretso na sa akin si Spencer.

"Ry!" he greeted as he stopped in front of my table.

Tumayo ako at naglakad patungo sa harapan niya na may ngisi sa aking mga labi. I faced him with my hands tucked in the insides of my trousers' pockets.

His forehead frowned. "You're not answering my calls."

"You're calling?" Inilabas ko ang aking kamay mula sa bulsa kasama ang aking phone. Bumungad sa akin ang ilan ngang tawag mula sa kanya na hindi ko nasagot dahil nakasilent ito.

"Nakasilent." Ipinakita ko ang aking phone ngunit mabilis ding binawi iyon.

"Yeah, I figured. I called Maverick and he told me you're here."

"Hmm. Hinatid niya 'ko kanina," I answered. I can manage but Mav insisted. Wala na akong nagawa dahil nang tumawag siya sa akin ay naroon na raw siya sa labas ng aming mansyon at ihahatid daw ako.

Ngunit napakurap ako nang matanto ang sinabi niya. I even stopped for a quite while to make sure I heard it right. "You called Mav?" nahihiwagaang tanong ko.

The last time I checked, their relationship is just greater than stranger but less than friends. They just know each other, simply like that. And now, suddenly they have number of each other!

"You have his number?" I asked though that's an obvious already.

He nonchalantly nodded his head. "Yes. We exchanged numbers last night," he winked at me.

Pabiro kong sinuntok ang balikat niya bago siya inilingan.

"What brings you here?" tanong ko bago isinandal ang pang-upo sa gilid ng aking lamesa habang bahagyang nakatagilid upang manatiling nakaharap sa gawi ni Spencer.

"The videos, they're now all down. Maverick's with the team right now, making sure everything's really down already. Tinitignan lang kung may natira pa."

Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi. "Hmm, thanks to the both of you."

"And you owe me a lot of explanation, Rylli."

"Where do you want me to start?"

His brow manly rose on me. "Everything? Before we even met each other?"

And for the nth time, I started narrating what happened, from where he want it to start.

I met Spencer when my mother sent me alone far away from them. The time when dad had his heart attack. I stayed in States without anyone I know guiding me. I was just seventeen but eventually turned eighteen a few days after. I'm too lost that time. Tila wala ako sa sarili dahil na rin sa ginawa sa akin ni Draven. Wala akong pinagsabihan kahit na sino dahil sa takot kay Milena Ynares.

That's when I met Spencer, I can't remember the exact date but I still clearly know how and where I met him. Turns out, he's living just a few blocks away from where I'm staying. He approached me first because he said he recognized that I'm a Filipino.

I was distant at first. Because he's a man and I can remember Draven everytime I'm interacting with a man.

But as the days passed by, he proved me he's different. That not all men is like Draven.

"We won't let him go just like that, huh? Sisiguraduhin ko 'yon."

His jaw tightened after telling him everything.

"Pwede pa ba 'yon? I mean, it happened seven years ago? How can we prove what he did?"

"Lawyers can find evidence for that. We only need to find a good lawyer who can dig in Draven's closet."

Marahan akong napatango. I can't think of anything that can prove it. Other than the video. "Can we use the video?"

Saglit siyang napatitig sa akin bago nagkibit balikat. "I'm not sure, Rylli. But... if ever it can be used as evidence is it okay with you?"

Napakagat ako ng pang-ibabang labi at marahang tumango. Wala akong maisip na maaaring gamiting ebidensya laban kay Draven. Dahil nga matagal na iyong nangyari.

Police report sana ngunit hindi ako nagpunta sa presinto noon upang magsumbong sa kung ano mang nangyari. Medical documents? Hindi naman ako nagpunta ng ospital–

I blinked and froze when I remember something.

"Draven's the father of your child," Spencer stated like he was so sure of it.

Namilog ang aking mga mata. My lips parted but nothing came out of it. I was too stunned that he spit it out without even hesitating.

For years, I know he's wondering who got me pregnant. But he never even once asked me about it. Nito lang nakaraan, when he learned that Maverick's my boyfriend back then, he thought it's Maverick and asked me but no. I'm sure of it because we haven't done that thing before and until now. So it's really not possible for Maverick to get me pregnant.

"Don't you really have plans on finding your child?" he asked.

And I felt like I have no rights to find her. No matter what happened, I never once acted like a good mother to my child.

When I learned that I'm pregnant, weeks after staying in States, it sent me to hell. Lalo akong nalugmok nang nagpunta ako ng ospital at sinabing buntis ako.

One thing immediately came in my mind. I should abort it as it was a product of Draven's evilness. I didn't even think twice as I planned it.

But when I'm already there. When I'm about to actually do it, I suddenly remember Maverick. I remember how her mother carry him in her womb and let him live even though his mother was just raped too, reason why she got pregnant.

I remember how thankful Maverick is to her mother for giving birth to him. Nabanggit niya sa akin na kahit minsan, pisikal siyang nasasaktan ng ina ay iniisip pa rin niyang malaki ang pasasalamat niya rito. He told me he's lucky his mother let him live.

I remember it all. That stopped me from aborting the baby and decided to keep the child. Siyam na buwan ko itong dinala sa aking sinapupunan ng hindi nalalaman ng aking pamilya.

I was in States for a year and they didn't even bother visit me. Sometimes they're calling but never even once I answered any one of them. I shut them all off of my life.

Si Spencer lang ang nakakaalam ng lahat dahil siya lang ang kasama ko noon. We became friends because he's constantly bothering me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ginagawa niya iyon ngunit sa tingin ko, may pakiramdam siya na wala ako sa sarili at mukhang hindi ko kakayanin na mag-isa.

Maybe he saw that I'm too miserable that anytime I will decide to end my life. But luckily, I didn't. Hindi ko matandaan kung naisip ko bang magpakamatay noong mga panahong iyon. Basta ang alam ko lang ay masakit at malungkot at gusto ko nang kalimutan ang ginawa sa akin ni Draven.

I gave birth to a girl but I really can't keep her. I tried for months and Spencer helped me a lot. Ni hindi na nga siya umaalis sa tabi ko at ng aking anak at kulang na lang ay doon na siya tumira sa tinutuluyan ko, dahil na rin madalas ay wala ako sa sarili. Sometimes I can hear the baby crying but I can't move.

Every time I'll see her, the baby, I will remember Draven. Ni hindi ko naisip na bigyan siya ng pangalan o ayusin ang mga dokumento niya.

I can't keep her.

Iyon ang tumatak sa akin noon. Bumabalik ang lahat ng sakit tuwing nakikita ko ang bunga ng kababuyan ni Draven.

That's why when my parents called and I finally answered, that's when they asked me to go home. So I did, with Spencer and the kid.

Without even thinking twice, I let the kid go. She can't be with me. She'll be the constant reminder of what happened that I badly want to forget.

Sa ampunan ako dumiretso matapos lumapag ng eroplano sa Pilipinas. Iniwan ko ang bata roon kahit na hindi sang-ayon si Spencer sa naging desisyon ko.

He didn't talk to me for weeks after what I did. Ngunit sa huli ay wala rin siyang nagawa dahil naging matigas ako sa aking desisyon.

__________