I forcefully opened my eyelids as I felt my whole body aching. Muli akong napapikit nang sumalubong sa aking mata ang matinding liwanag.

Ilang sandali ay muli kong binalingan ang pinanggalingan ng sikat ng araw. I saw an unfamiliar curtains. Nakabukas iyon at isang malaking glass door lamang ang siyang humaharang sa sikat ng araw mula sa aking kinaroroonan.

Namilog ang aking mga mata nang natantong wala ako sa aking silid. That's when memories started flashing back in my mind.

Agad na kumabog ang aking dibdib nang maramdaman ang paggalaw ng kama na aking kinahihigaan. I immediately felt my body trembling as I turned my head and I saw Draven sleeping beside me, shirtless.

I clutched my chest as I felt it tightening while remembering what happened last night. Agad na nanubig ang aking mga mata habang tinitigan ang lalaki. My eyes doesn't have to see because I can feel it already, that I'm naked beneath this blanket wrapped around my body.

"N-no. No." I repeatedly shook my head as I felt everything crumbling down.

Tears rapidly cascaded down my cheeks like a waterfall. With my body aching, I forced myself to get up. Sa kaunting galaw na aking ginawa ay naramdaman ko ang lalong pananakit ng aking kaselanan, patunay sa kung ano ang nangyari kagabi.

The sobs I'm suppressing started coming out of my lips as I felt a pang in my chest.

At nang lalong lumakas ang mga hikbing kumakawala sa aking mga labi ay marahas ko nang tinakpan ang aking bibig, takot na magising si Draven at mangyari na naman ang ginawa niya sa akin kagabi.

Pinilit ko ang sariling huwag gumawa ng ingay ngunit bigo pa rin ako. Laking pasalamat ko na lamang nang manatili siyang tulog at hindi gumagalaw.

That's when I realized I'm already gasping for air. Sinimulan kong pakalmahin ang sarili nang matantong panay na ang habol ko sa aking hininga. I hastily wiped my tears to see everything clearly.

Agad kong pinagana ang aking isip. I tried looking for my clothes but I saw those on the floor, torn already. My sobs became audible again when I saw the blouse I'm wearing last night. Mariin aking napapikit nang maalala kung paano pwersahang sinira iyon ni Draven upang mahubad sa aking katawan.

Nakita ko ang aking pantalon at natantong buo pa iyon at maaaring magamit, hindi tulad ng aking damit.

Pinilit ang sarili na tumayo nang maramdaman ang paggalaw ni Draven sa aking tabi. Sa bilis ng pagkabog ng aking dibdib ay basta na lamang akong naghanap ng damit na maaaring isuot.

After that, I moved towards the door, limping because of the pain in between my legs.

Sumasakit man ang buong katawan ay hindi ko na iyon nagawang indahin pa dahil sa takot na magising si Draven.

I went out of the room as I quickly roamed my eyes around the place. I'm inside their mansion. Minsan na akong isinama ni Mommy rito at hindi madaling kalimutan ang mansyon niya dahil sa kakaibang disenyo nito.

I climbed down the stairs, dire-diretso sana akong lalabas nang makasalubong ko ang ina ni Draven.

"Amaryllis?" she called when she stopped walking in front of me. Tila naguguluhan kung bakit ako naririto sa bahay nila. "W-why are you crying?"

I immediately saw hope in her. The confusion in her eyes are telling me she doesn't have any idea on what Draven did.

I reached her hands and grip it tightly.
"T-Tita, help me. Draven r-raped me, Tita. I need your help, he raped me," I muttered with my voice shaking.

I caught how her eyes enlarged. Like she heard it clear but she still wants to hear it again. Then a glint of emotion crossed her eyes. "W-what?"

"He raped me. Y-your son raped me--"

I blinked when her eyes sharpened. Sumulyap siya sa paligid na para bang may hinahanap. Matapos ay muling bumalik sa akin ang kanyang mga mata. "What the hell! Lower you voice, someone might hear you!" She gritted her teeth.

Her hand snatched my arm ang grip it. Marahas niya akong dinala sa gilid ng kanilang mansyon, malapit lamang sa ilalim ng hagdan.

My brows creased. "T-tita."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Nanlilisik ang mga mata niya sa akin.

Bumuka ang aking mga labi at nagtatanong siyang tinignan.

"Hindi magagawa ng anak ko ang sinasabi mo, Amaryllis! Huwag kang sinungaling!" Mariing sambit niya ngunit pigil ang pagtaas ng boses na tila ayaw na may ibang makarinig.

Sumikip ang aking dibdib dahil sa mga salita niya. "I'm not l-lying. I won't lie. He raped me. Draven raped m-me," I muttered in between my sobs but seems like it wasn't enough for Tita Milena, Draven's mother to believe me.

I caught a glimpse of fear in her eyes but it instantly vanished as she intently stared at me. Muli niyang hinaltak ang aking braso at mariin itong hinawakan.

"T-tita, nasasaktan ako--"

"Don't you tell anyone what happened," she whispered using a commanding tone.

My lips parted as I gasped for air.

Pirmi ang mga labi at nanlilisik ang mga mata niyang titig na titig sa akin. "You think they'll believe you if you tell them?" She let out a sarcastic laugh and shook her head. "They won't, Amaryllis. Kayang-kaya kitang baligtarin. I know who your boyfriend is. Maverick's the name, right? I heard he is a son of rapist."

Natigilan ako at matamang napalunok. No! How did she know?

"Don't dare tell anyone if you don't want me to blame your boyfriend for what happened to you. Kaya kong gawin 'yon, Amaryllis. And you'll surely marry my son if that happens. Better shut your mouth if you don't want that to happen."

Mariin at pinal ang bawat salitang sinasambit niya. At sa paraan ng pagsasalita niya, alam kong tototohanin niya ang mga salitang binitawan. She'll blame Maverick if I did tell my parents about what happened. Madaling maniniwala sila Mommy kung sasabihin iyon ni Tita Milena, lalo na kung makikilala nila si Maverick.

My parents knew that Maverick's biological father forced his mother. And I can still remember how mom told Maverick to do not come near me as he is sharing the same blood with the rapist.

Pipilitin ni Mommy na magpakasal ako kay Draven at tulad ng sinabi ni Tita Milena, ikakasal kami. Alam ko na kapag nangyari iyon, wala na akong magagawa lalo na kung madidiin si Maverick!

I was immobile and not in my mind for weeks after what happened. I failed to go with Maverick and I have no idea on the last message he sent me before leaving. That he understand if I can't go.

I don't understand him because we talked about it already. That whatever happens, I'll be there. I promised. Sinabi kong darating ako. Kaya't bakit sasabihin niya sa akin na naiintindihan niya na hindi ako nakarating. At umalis siya. Ng mag-isa.

The moment I went home that day, I was hoping for mom's embrace. Because I felt like I really need it that time. I wasn't planning to tell them what happened. I just want her embrace. But instead, she shouted at me for not going home.

My mind seems exploding that time but I have no one beside me. Mom sent me to States the same day dad had his heart attack after I pretend that I'm a lesbian and in a relationship with a woman.

I started dressing like a man. I actually don't know but that's what is keeping me sane and alive. I kept thinking that if I am a man, no one would hurt me. If I am a man, Draven won't rape me. He won't even dare touch me.

"I was raped, Maverick. I don't know if you'll believe me after seeing that video that I'm..." I let out a sad smile as tears continue cascading down my cheeks. "Moving on top of him."

Marahan kong itinulak ang mga kamay niyang nakapulupot sa aking katawan. I faced Maverick who's kneeling behind me. Ngayon, tulad ko ay napaupo na siya sa sahig at tila hinang-hina sa naririnig.

Pinalis ko ang mga luhang naglalandas sa aking pisngi upang makumpirma kung tama ang aking nakita, that Maverick's silently crying. "I'm s-sorry, Rylli."

"I'm already on my way that night. Nakaalis na 'ko ng bahay. Papunta na 'ko sa 'yo, Mav." I nibbled my lower lip while suppressing the sob wanting to come out of my mouth.

"Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit umalis ka noon nang hindi ako dumarating. I told you I'll come with you. Yes, I hesitated. But I was the one who's eager to leave so why did you leave without me? C-can't you wait for me for another hour? Or day? I told you my decision is final, that we'll elope. B-bakit umalis ka?" Sunod-sunod na hikbi ang kumawala sa aking mga labi.

Confusion flickered in his eyes. "R-Rylli, you told me to go." He tried to reached my arms and when he did, it slowly went down on my hands.

My mouth parted while my eyes were fixed on him. Tears are rolling down his cheeks but he didn't even wiped it like he doesn't care even if I see him crying.

"I didn't," I said while shaking my head. I won't do that! Even after what happened, my decision is still firm. That I'll come with Maverick. I'm planning to tell him. Only to him. About what happened. Then I'll let him decide if he still want to marry me. And if he still did, we'll leave.

Ngunit ang bumungad sa akin ay ang mensaheng nakaalis na siya at naiintindihan niya na hindi ako nakarating.

"R-Rylli, that n-night, you sent me a message that you changed your mind. That you doesn't want to come with me and you agreed to you parents on marrying that fucking Ynares. I don't b-believe that." Marahas siyang umiling habang pirmi ang mga labi, tila nagpipigil ng hikbi.

"Reason why I waited until we missed our flight. I didn't stop calling and messaging you but you won't answer any of my calls. You're just replying on my messages but you're not answering my calls. And every reply you make, my hope's slowly fading. You clearly told me you're following what your family wants. You told me to go alone." His voice was laden with emotion.

"Still, I waited. I told myself, Rylli will come. We'll leave and marry each other. But when morning came, someone fucking sent a video. T-that video, Rylli. T-the one..." He trailed off, not wanting to continue his own words. Though he tilted his head towards where the laptop is. Dahilan kung bakit nakuha ko agad ang sinasabi niya. "Ang s-sakit, Rylli. I can't stand what I saw on the video. That's why I took the flight and leave."

I didn't. Hindi ako 'yon. How can I do it when I was drugged that time? Buong gabi ako akong wala sa sarili. Ngunit alam ko kung ano ang ginagawa sa akin ni Draven. Alam ko pero wala ako sa katinuan at wala akong sapat na lakas para manlaban.

My shoulders fell as my anger for Draven came to surface again. That fucker! How dare he!

"I thought... Fuck! I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry." He cried as his grip on my hands tightened.

I offered him a faint smile. He thought it was my own will to do it. I understand.

"I was already outside our subdivision. A cab stopped in front me. H-hindi ko naman alam na si Draven ang driver at may b-balak siyang masama sa akin."

Guilt immediately flickered in his eyes. I didn't mean to.

"I'm sorry. Fuck! I'm sorry. R-Rylli, forgive me. I'm sorry. Fuck, if I didn't go to dad's company this won't happen!"

I firmly bit my lower lip as my heart's clenching upon seeing him like this. I'm not used to him being like this. I knew his childhood. He never cried like this when he's telling me how painful his childhood is. But right now, he's weeping in front of me.

Hindi na ako nakatiis. I pulled him closer to me and hugged him tightly in my arms. I know he's blaming hisself for what happened but it's not his fault. Bali-baligtarin man, si Draven pa rin ang may kasalanan.

It's not Maverick's fault that he went to his dad's company, reason why he failed to fetched me outside our subdivision.

It's not my fault that I went out in the middle of the night. It's not my fault that I am wearing decent clothes, for Pete's sake. And even if I wear revealing clothes it would never be my fault.

It is merely Draven's fault that he can't control his fucking libido. And I loathe him to death because of it.

I suddenly remember how depressed I am that time. I was raped. Mom sent me to States. I was far from my family, alone. And what made the situation worst is when I started vomiting every morning.

__________