Dear Silent Warrior,

As the shadows grow longer, you exhale deeply. Night is coming, and it feels both a shelter and an interminable hole. Wherever you turn in your life, the exits seem blocked, the options for freedom or choice dwindling or limited. The drum beat and drone of a persistent hopelessness play out their mournful rhythm. Life is closing down on you.

When you step into the place of despair, an ocean deep as this, it’s hard to know what coming out of it will ever feel like, or if it is even possible. The darkness drains all colour from life, all spark and possibility of fire to light your way out of this place.

Of course this is a type of depression. The depression that inhabits your very bones and cells, your way of thinking, moving, talking, being.

It might be the depression of not feeling loveable, not feeling like you matter, not feeling seen or wanted.

It might be the depression of seeing the world split between the haves and the have nots, the despoiling and murder of the planet, the exploitation of others for personal gain.

It might be the depression of not feeling represented or heard, and feeling that things will never change.

It might be the depression of not finding connection with others, being a lover, parent, friend, son, daughter, brother or sister.

It might be the depression of being parented by a narcissist or controlling mother or father

It might be the depression of childhood emotional neglect

It might be the depression of abuse, loss, violence or other trauma.

It might be the depression of not knowing your path and purpose in life, what you are called to do and where your blessed talents are most wanted and helpful.

It might be the depression of infertility or childlessness, denied this human right to have and love a child.

It might be the depression of a failing or diseased body or that of coming to the end.

These, and many more, are all reasons to feel hopeless, to feel mired in depression.

And if only it could change, right now. For the sun to break through the clouds and bring just the possibility that things can and will be different. If only that, now, soon. If only.

I wish there was solace enough for all these pains of yours right now.

In our world of quick fixes, instant gratification and incessant hurry, the longing is to be better, now, immediately.

This deepest work of the soul doesn’t work to that speed. It may be possible to make tweaks and changes that alleviate suffering, but the deepest changes of new emergence and possibility move at their own speed.

The work of therapy, isn’t simply to make the pain go away, though that might be an outcome.

It’s an invitation to step into the experience and to bring a gentle curiosity to it, to greet it, as best you can and stay with it as much as you can bear.

It’s an invitation to notice the coping strategies, embracing those that help, honouring those that no longer serve, at the same time as shedding them gently.

It’s an invitation to step into that inner darkness, and to ask, ‘who in me is depressed, who in me feels hopeless?’

It’s an invitation to shed the skins and masks that no longer serve, to make way for a new more authentic and real version of yourself.

It’s an invitation to forge, in the crucible of pain, crisis and failure, new creative possibilities.

It’s not to be stepped into lightly, though lightness might be called for.

But, if you’re ready to honour the deeper longings and needs, your depression and hopelessness foretells….

If you’re ready to look into those hidden and shadowy places and ask the question of what lurks within…

If you’re ready to gaze at all the parts of yourself, those that are known and to discover those that are hidden…

If you’re ready to embrace your right to choose your life, and your right to love and be loved…

If you’re ready to walk the road less travelled…

The door is open and I’m waiting to welcome you. Why not step inside?

If you’re caught in a loop of hopelessness, depression and despair…

Let’s face this together.

If you told me your goals, I’d treat you like a little child who thinks anything is possible. I will say it sounds great and you can do it because that’s what I believe. Why else would I say otherwise? I’m not here to crush your dreams. Who am I to belittle them? They are your dreams. Not mine. I want to see people doing what they love. When more people are, it makes the world a better place.

Our lives aren’t pre-determined. People who only knew about poverty as a child have become billionaires. While other people, who were born in million dollar mansions, have grown up addicted to drugs and in and out of jail. So get rid of that belief. Whatever your life is like now isn’t what it will be like if you have any control over it and guess what? You do! You have so much power and you don’t even know it. Your lack of skill and natural ability can be made up with hard work and determination.

If I asked you how bad do you want it a better life, what will you say? You might say you really do, but do you really? Are you willing to make that commitment?

In the book The Element, author Ken Robinson recalls a story that put into perspective his level of commitment. After listening to his brother perform in a band one night, Ken complimented the extremely talented keyboard player named Charles.

Then I said that I’d love to be able to play keyboards that well. “No, you wouldn’t,” he responded. Taken aback, I insisted that I really would. “No,” he said. “You mean you like the idea of playing keyboards. If you’d love to play them, you’d be doing it.”

Charles practiced every day for three or four hours in addition to performing. He’d been doing that since he was seven. That’s why he played so well. Suddenly, Ken felt that playing the keyboards that well didn’t seem so appealing.

Liking the idea and being committed are two completely different things.

People who like the idea of making money online, just read about making money online. Committed ones put what they learn into action. The idea of a writing for a living sounds good to many. Committed ones live and breath writing. The idea of losing 20 sounds great. The committed ones actually do it.

What happens now after you read this letter is up to you. You can put it away, continue with what you were previously doing, and forget you read this. Or you can re-read it and let the words really sink in and take a deeper look at yourself and wonder if what you’re doing now is right for you. Is it leading you on the path where you want to go? Are you making the right daily choices? Will you have a life full of regret when you’re on your deathbed?

You can do something about it. You always have a choice. It doesn’t matter what happened before. What’s important is what happens from this moment on. It’s time to draw a line in the sand and separate the old you from the new you.

So quit your excuses, your pity party, your complaining, and finger pointing and start to do something. Life moves pretty fast. You’re not going to achieve everything at one time, but focus on just one area of your life and work on changing it to the way you want first.

You’re responsible for everything in your life and because of that power you can have the life you’ve always dreamt of.

In anticipation of seeing your beautiful smile forever,

With lots of love and respect
Lavanya

Or whatever you feel like;))