Dear Fragile Heart Of Mine,

How are you doing today? Any better?.

O lonely heart so timid of approach,
Like the shy tropic flower that shuts its lips
To the faint touch of tender finger tips:
What is your word? What question would you broach?

My lustrous-warm eyes are too sadly kind
To mask the meaning of your dreamy tale,
My guarded life too exquisitely frail
Against the daggers of my wandering mind.

There is no part of the unyielding earth,
Even bare rocks where the eagles build their nest,
Will give us undisturbed and friendly rest.
No dewfall softens this vast belt of dearth.

But in the socket-chiseled teeth of strife,
That gleam in serried files in all the lands,
I may join hungry, understanding hands,
And have my share of ardent love and life.

You've been through a lot. I know how hard it's been. I know how many times you've been broken, only to be stitched precariously back together. I know it feels as though you're being weighed down with the problems and sorrows of the world. I know it's tough to keep beating.

But, dear heart, look how far you've come. You've made it to your nineteenth year of life, alive and pumping stronger than ever. Don't you realize how strong you are? Don't you realize that you have walked through fire and are shining with all the renewed hope that comes with suffering? You. Are. Alive.

I am proud of you. I have seen you at your worst, I have seen you falling into despair, your pieces shattering like glass. I have seen you at your best. I have seen you falling in love with life, and using your immense love to make the world brighter.

I know it's hard. I know, I know.

You have to keep going, dear heart. Keep pumping, keep beating, keep loving. There is hope and a purpose through and from this pain. There is a glorious plan for your love that is in the works, stitched together brilliantly by the hands that created you.

Don't give up, dear heart.

Don't give up.

Don't you get it heart? I'm okay being alone. I've felt that way for so long and untouched. It's no different for me. Yeah, for what little time we got treated good was great. It was better to not have experienced it so we wouldn't be hurting. That we wouldn't sleep more than we should, barely eat, or stuff our face with chocolate. We either don't eat or we emotional eat. We cry or just sleep to make it all stop hurting. This roller coaster of love is a huge mess. It messes with so much and drains so much of you when you are trying to give yourself to someone to make it work. The lesson is that if one puts in the effort and the other isn't as much, maybe you aren't worth it to them. Maybe it's the wrong timing. Maybe it's lack of compatibility. Maybe it's a million things but communication is the key to knowing. You'll remain in the dark, alone and hurt if you have no answers.

Listen to me,my heart. You are amazing. You love so much. You keep my body working. You keep me alive. You are remarkable in so much that you do. You beat around 10,000 times per day according to Google. I couldn't imagine the love we could give to the right person. I made my fair share of mistakes but I'm growing and learning from all of that. The way I love people and how I love people is because of you heart. So many have made amazing remarks saying that I have a heart of gold. Even though I've repaired you a million times and we keep trying to find a match for us, you are dripping in gold. Shining so bright and ready to just keep giving.

I'm locking you away again. Don't escape. I'm not ready for any more heartache. I'm running low on band aids, needle and thread. Let's sit on the sidelines and be alone. Let everyone else be happy. Let us just take time to heal.

For most of my life I imagined a hole in the middle of my chest. My heart space. —I poured my love into everyone who would take it and eagerly awaited my feeling of fullness.

I read Buddhist philosophy, Taoist philosophy, and yogic philosophy. I practiced maitri (loving kindness) meditation and imagined my enemies as children and found love for them, too.

But all the while, I didn't love you, heart. I kept picturing you as a big dark void, an emptiness, and I was angry. I thought perhaps my heart was born broken. That no matter how much love I could find to send out to others, that this love would always be buried beneath the sadness that lived in this black space.

I am sorry, but I was angry with you. I wanted you to be full the way my belly is after a good meal. I wanted to be sated with love.

I think I missed the point.

My dear heart, you are not an empty space. You are a muscle.

I asked you to contract, to pump love out in all directions. I never allowed you to relax, to inhale, and receive. I sent all of my nourishing love away and never saved any for you.

You are a muscle. You are strong and you are open. And I will keep seeking within your sacred space for love to send out in all directions, even to my enemies. But I will also remember to send a bit back your way.

I am so grateful for my beautiful, sad heart. It was the emptiness of my heart space that inspired me to seek beauty, love, and art in all things. And through this long journey, I learned to love the fragile, vulnerable beauty of an open heart.

And finally, love is real in all directions, not something to be sought, forced, or held. Love is a beautiful secret space that often lives on the other side of sadness. Sadness that fosters compassion, compassion that fosters connection.

You are not an empty space. You are a muscle. And as with all muscles, your ability to soften only makes you stronger.

I am so proud of my open heart. You remained open even when I asked you not to. It is because of you that I have become myself, a woman full of love, who would not change one thing.

Never Give Up!!

With lots of love and respect
Lavanya
Or whatever you feel like;))