Tremendous Ten and the Missing Piece of History by: Niranju98

Remember, these are just my opinions. Feel free to argue with or disagree with any points I make.

So, let's begin. While the prologue is strong and interesting, I feel as though chapter one could use a little more. Mainly more on Cathy and her character. While her friends are described, we don't really know that much about Cathy. Her likes, dislikes, interests, general mindset. The first few chapters are good places to introduce us to the MC, but the first one specifically needs to be over and beyond on the MC.

The overall body is alright. The grammar, spacing, and dialogue are correct. The main things for me in terms of issues is flow, pacing, and description. Starting with description, I feel as though it is unnecessary to describe every single persons hair and eye color, and what they're wearing. It's very repetitive, due to the fact that the colors don't really vary. Blonde, black, blue, brown. Not much variance. Many of the descriptions also seem very brief and quick, with a simple taste of what something looks like or how a person acts. Description should be fluid and moving, not one or two sentences.

In terms of flow, all the action is very choppy and not very showy, more telly.  For instance, in chapter 2, there is a whole paragraph dedicated to where they live and explaining their economic status. Which, when the next chapter roles around, is literally irrelevant to the rest of the story. There are better ways to include information than just dedicating one small paragraph to it. 

And with pacing, it literally just goes from zero to hundred real quick. Cathy is on Earth in chapter one, and beginning chapter 3 is no longer there. And then never returns there. To which then she starts her new life somewhere strange and new, with the next few chapters resembling the cliche 'girl goes to new school, spends next ten chapters describing first day there'. More could be explained about her home life, Earth friends, family, and whatever before sending her off to trust total strangers. 

This is more personal, but why are they just called 'powers'? It just seems like a missed opportunity to give them a cool and creative name. Powers sounds rather boring.

Summary:

Pros:

Correct grammar

Good spacing

Fine dialogue

Strong intro

Cons:

The above mentioned

So if you wish to experience a world where your imagination is limitless and anything is possible, then travel to Illusia, where anything can happen.