italic isn't valerie

-

"Ian!"

"Hey Elliot."

"Oh my god, I didn't think you'd come..."

"Me neither, to be honest."

Elliot makes Ian a caffe crema, althouh Ian hadn't asked for anything yet.

"Oh! I didn't order yet."

"It's on me. Anyway, I have a story to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"So I met this girl yesterday-"

"..."

"-and her name was Ianora. Nora for short, but the details aren't important."

"Really? So Ianora's actually a name?"

"Well she's real, so yeah. And get this, her girlfriend's name is Ella."

"No."

"Actually yes."

"What? I have to meet them. I think you're bluffing."

"I have Nora's number. I can call her."

Elliot hastily punches in her number and waits.

"The Wales residence. How may I help you?"

"I'm looking for Ianora?"

"You've reached her."

"Oh, hi! It's Elliot, you know, from Marina's the other day."

"And he is being blessed with the presence of  Ian Durrell. Is your name really Ianora?"

"Sadly. Hey Elliot, so did you grow some balls and do-the-do yet?"

"Do-the-do?"

"What?"

"Don't think gross; tell Ianora what's on your mind."

"You or him?"

"You are seriously the dumbest piece of ass I've met."

"But the nicest ass, am I right?"

"..."

"No."

"You hesitated."

"I'll admit, he has a nice butt, although it's nothing compared to mine."

"Yeah, I trust that. Oh shit I have to go. By the way, Ian?"

"Yes name twin?"

"Elliot probably likes you. He's just too chicken to say it, and I honestly think you guys sound good together. Even if you aren't, the lonely guy needs a partner."

"I gotta go now because I'm gonna go meet my girlfriend, something you two don't have."

"Well no, we aren't straight."

ringback tone.

"..."

"..."

"You're not straight?"

"..."

the two mutter 'oh god' under their breath.

-

awkward convo af