It took all my strength to push him away.  I hated to do it. Paul was all I thought of, all I had wanted for so long.  But I didn't want anything else to happen between us unless it was for the right reasons.  "Paul…"

He lazily raised his head and gazed down at me.  "Yeah?" he replied dreamily, his voice husky with desire.

"We should talk."

His brow furrowed in confusion.  "I thought this was what you wanted."

"Can you...let me up?" I asked gently, pressing on his naked chest. This conversation was difficult enough without the temptation of his gorgeous, tanned body clouding my decision. 

He climbed off of me and I sat in front of him with my legs crossed.  "What's wrong?" he finally asked when I didn't say anything.

I wrung my hands nervously and looked around his room, needing something else to focus on other than that killer smile of his.  "I just don't know what's going on between us right now. You've been so against us being anything other than friends. What's the deal?"

Paul just shrugged and smirked.  "I'm curious...and turned on. Don't you wanna know what it would be like?" he asked, reaching for the side of my face.

I covered his hand with mine and scowled.  "No."

"No?" he challenged.  "I think we both know that's not true."

I pulled his hand from my face and continued to scowl at him.  "I don't wanna be part of some weird experiment and I definitely don't need your charity."

Paul scoffed.  "Charity? I don't see it like that at all."

"Oh come on," I gruffed skeptically.  "You've never seen me as anything other than your best friend and now all of a sudden, you're all over me?  I don't buy it."  

I didn't know where the self defensive tirade of mine was coming from but the way he was acting with me now, was freaking me out.  We had never even kissed before. I knew he cared about me. He had been looking out for me since my parents adopted me when I was five.

Living on a reservation full of beautiful Quileute people, I stuck out like a sore thumb.  My red hair was unique enough as it was but my alabaster skin made me really stand out from the native American russet faces I went to school with everyday.  As long as I could remember, I was teased for being different. It didn't take long for me to complain to my best friend about the way I was being treated.

As we grew up together, Paul was always sticking up for me and took a few beatings too.  He made sure that everyone knew we were friends, even when we were at an age when it wasn't cool to be friends with a girl.  At around 10 years old, his guy friends turned on him and accused him of 'liking' me, which always made him mad.

Over and over again, he told people we were just friends.  Even our parents, who had introduced us and been friends since high school, had it in their minds that we were destined to be a couple.  But despite that, they never kept us from spending ridiculous amounts of time together, including these weekly sleepovers.

I kept telling myself to get over the ego-filled Paul Lahote.  I loved him, I really did. Even if we never went beyond anything other than friends, he was still my most favorite person.  If I had news, he was the first person I would call. If I had a problem, he was the one I needed to help me with it. Paul was it for me.

Over and over I told myself to ignore the ache in my heart that made me want to be more than friends.  Last year, when we turned 15, Paul lost his virginity. I spent the whole weekend in my room crying. I hated the disappointment I felt every time I knew he had been with someone that wasn't me.  I hated feeling that way. He wasn't mine. We were just friends. I just wanted more. 

After Paul began sleeping around, I grew more distant, more angry.  He told me about his conquests, like seriously? I then realized that he only saw me as one of the guys.  I couldn't blame him. By all accounts, I was a tomboy. I thought my parents had always wished I had been a boy, from the name they gave me to all the sports they signed me up for to the way my room was decorated when I came to live with them.

I became more determined for Paul to see me.  I started paying more attention to my looks. I ditched my messy ponytail in favor of straightening my long red locks and leaving a little curl on the ends.  My pale face was in desperate need of some color so I started wearing a little eyeliner, mascara and eyeshadow to define my eyes better. And of course some color and gloss on my lips never hurt.

Then came the changes to my wardrobe.  I was always a jeans and t-shirt girl, favoring loose fitting clothes and never really showing off my figure.  I ditched those clothes and began wearing skinny jeans, leggings and more form-fitting tops that showed my shoulders or had cutouts in the back.  And of course the sports bra had to go. Being on the slightly larger side of a C cup, I quit hiding the girls in a bra that did nothing but smash them down.  I began wearing bras that pushed my breasts up and out and it made a huge difference.

Pretty soon the boys at school were noticing me.  All except for the one that mattered the most. The first time I walked into school after Spring break last year, I felt my stomach fluttering with anticipation as I approached Paul and some of his friends.  He was popular, athletic, and good looking...a deadly combination. It wasn't uncommon to see him with a group of guys and girls too. But he always made time for me, made a point to speak to me. 

I strolled down the hall with all the confidence I could muster, when his friend, Jared noticed me first.  "Holy shit, what do we have here?" Jared began shoving the other guys aside to make room for me. "Hey, beautiful."

I blushed a little, already liking the attention I was getting from his other friends who had noticed me standing there.  I stood in front of Paul and motioned for him to let me get to my locker. He scowled at me and sent his friends away. "What the hell are you doing?"

I laughed and swept my hair over my shoulder.  "I'm...getting my books for class. Why, what's wrong?"

He leaned against the locker next to mine and let his eyes drag over me.  "Why are you dressed like this? It's not Halloween."

I scoffed and turned to face him. "Wow really?  I don't look any worse than all those girls you sleep with.  Why is okay for them and not me?"

Paul looked flustered.  "You're better than that.  You want guys hitting on you?"

I smirked and nodded.  "That wouldn't be so bad.  Maybe I wanna be more than just Paul Lahote's best friend.  You don't have a problem with that, do you?"

Paul rolled his eyes and opened his own locker.  He pulled out a hoodie and shoved it in my direction. "Put this on," he demanded.  

I turned to face him, my hand firmly planted on my hip.  "No."

"Please?"

"It's too hot for that.  I'm not wearing it," I replied defiantly.  "And what's wrong with how I look?"

Paul just glared at me and when his eyes lowered to my chest, he sighed.  He leaned forward and whispered, "I can see your tits."

I looked down at my chest and smirked.  "And?" I adjusted them and gauged his reaction.  "How do they look?"

Paul swallowed thickly and shook his head.  "Don't do this, Keegan."

A couple of senior boys walked by and paused when they passed by, turning and staring in appreciation.  "Looking good, Red," one of them called as Paul scowled. 

"Keep walking," Paul growled. 

I rolled my eyes and walked away from him, making sure to sway my hips in a way he couldn't ignore. I even turned around just to make sure I had just full attention.  Of course, all I saw was my pissed off best friend. A few minutes later, he was jogging to catch up to me.

I caught the eye of a boy in our class and as soon he started to drift my way, Paul slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close to him.  Paul pressed a kiss to my cheek and when he pulled back, I stared at him in a daze. "What the hell was that?"

Paul's eyes followed my would be admirer as he retreated quickly.  A smile started to form at the corners of his mouth. "Nothing," he replied mischievously. 

And that's how it went.  Paul stuck closer to my side than ever, but nothing ever happened between us.  No dates, no kisses, no declaration of feelings. We just continued to stay friends, even when I got drunk at a house party a few months ago and tried to kiss him. He rejected me gently, but it still stung.

And now here I was, Paul in front of me actually admitting he was turned on, by me of all people and I was questioning it.  I watched as he scooted back from me and rested against his headboard once again.  

"My feelings for you haven't changed 'all of a sudden,' Keegan."

I blinked quickly and shrugged.  "What does that even mean?"

He sucked in a slow deep breath and began to speak again.  "Do you remember when we were 13 and we went swimming at the beach?"

I nodded.  I remembered it clearly.  It was the first time I had worn a bikini.  My breasts were finally developing into something I wasn't embarrassed for people to notice.  I had always swam with a t-shirt on, but that day I had proudly tossed it aside and entered the water in only my new black and white bikini.  It wasn't terribly revealing, but it got the boys' attention.  

That was when I realized that Paul was the only one I wanted to impress.  His friends teased him mercilessly. I could see him watching me as I played down by the surf.  I wanted him to approach me, tell me he liked my suit or that I looked pretty. But all he did was glare at me.

"Yeah, I remember that."

Paul pressed his lips together and nodded slowly.  "And you remember that I got mad at you and went home?  And when you came to find me later, I was locked in the bathroom?"

I nodded as I felt a knot forming in my throat.  "You screamed at me. You told me to go away...and you hated me," I choked out.  It had been 3 years, but the pain of it never left me.

"I didn't hate you," he replied softly.  "I was just embarrassed because of what I was doing when you came over."

I furrowed my brow for a second and Paul sighed loudly as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I was jerking off, Keegan...because I liked the way you looked.  And it confused me because we had always been just friends. I was a mess."

He finally opened his eyes and stared at me.  I lowered my gaze as I felt a blush creep up my neck and into my cheeks.  "I didn't know that."

He chuckled.  "I never wanted you to know that.  I've been trying to resist you. When you wanted me to kiss you at that house party during Christmas break, I nearly gave in.  I wanted to so badly. But you had been drinking and I was afraid you'd regret it later. I didn't think it was fair to you."

"That was months ago, Paul.  You've had lots of opportunities to kiss me since then.  Did you change your mind?"

Paul sighed softly, then he clenched and unclenched his jaw.  I gasped when he leaned forward, slid his hands under my armpits and dragged my body up between his legs, to rest on his chest.  His hands went immediately to my hair as he ran his fingers through my red waves. He pushed through to grip the back of my head, angling my face under his.  He licked his lips and I couldn't tear my eyes away.

.......