"We need to talk."

I scowled up at Paul as I pulled my hand from his grasp. "Just leave me alone."

I sighed deeply and shook my head at how this night had turned out. I had been so excited to go to dinner with Paul and even though our families went, it almost seemed like a real date.  But it was one that ended in disaster. 

I crossed my arms over my chest and threw Embry a dirty look when he opened his mouth to speak. Traitor. He wouldn't even switch seats with me so I could get away with Paul. This was proving to be the worst car ride ever.

I scooted closer to Embry, allowing him to wrap his arm around my shoulders. Paul scoffed and muttered something under his breath. Embry glared at him and shook his head. "Don't start, Paul."

"It's bullshit and you know it. You did the same fucking thing I did, but you won't admit it."

Embry growled and pulled me closer to him. "Just drop it!" he whisper-shouted, leaning over me a little. 

"Did the same thing…" I echoed.  "You mean? You and Ava?" 

Embry's face said it all. He looked guilty as hell and before I even realized what I was doing, I was shoving his arm off of me.  We couldn't get back to the cabin fast enough.

I had barely allowed the Suburban to come to a complete stop before I scrambled over Paul and bounded toward the cabin with my high heels in hand. I ignored my mom and Paul when they called out to me. After I showered and got ready for bed, I waited for the coast to be clear before I ventured downstairs for some water.

Ever since we returned from the restaurant, I'd been thinking about what had happened. I knew I was mad at Ava and pissed that obviously Paul knew she would be telling me at some point, but he didn't tell me first. Would I have reacted any better if the story had come from him? Now I'll never know.

"I need to talk to you."

His voice cut through the darkened living room as I made my way back to the stairs. Was I ready for this? Did I need more time for the silent treatment? Should I punish him some more?

I blinked quickly as he made his way over to me. His hair was a mess, face crinkled with worry and his eyes? Those were the worst. Because I could have sworn he'd been crying.  "Keegan," he breathed once he got close enough to touch me. "Can you just let me explain?"

Suddenly seeing him there, so sad and alone in the dark had my heart begging my head to just kiss him and let it all go. I didn't want him to feel pain. There were so many times I had been this hopeless. So many times I wished desperately for the chance to fix things with Paul and finally bare my soul.

Now we were right there. So close and yet here was another bullshit problem keeping us from being together. In the past few hours, I had gone from pissed off, to sad, to just not giving a shit. Now I decided, it was time for some truth. "Let's talk then."

Paul's face held a tiny flicker of hope just before he pulled on my hand and led me downstairs.  I didn't question why he wanted to go down here, because this was better than our parents catching us discussing whatever this thing between us was. 

I pulled my hand from his and took a seat on the couch. I absently noticed the broken circle of cards on the coffee table and thought about the last time we were down here. How had everything gone so wrong in such a short amount of time?

Paul was pacing on the other side of the table across from me. I could see how upset he was, carefully planning what to say to me. "I don't have all night," I reminded him impatiently.

He glanced at me and nodded. I watched as he took a deep breath and then finally spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me and Ava."

"You and Ava? Do you have any idea how much I hate that?" I spat angrily. 

Paul grimaced. "Poor choice of words. There is no me and Ava."

"But there was...I mean obviously there was. But you lied to me, Paul. You said nothing happened in that gas station restroom."

"It didn't!" he sputtered. "What happened between us...it was over a year ago."

I gave him a confused look and he continued to speak. "Last year we came down for a long weekend but your family didn't come. Your dad had to have his gallbladder taken out, so you and your mom stayed home."

I nodded and Paul went on. "I hung out with Ava that weekend. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years and I don't know. I'm not even sure why it happened. I don't like her like that. But she's always flirted with me."

"Did you sleep with her?"

He turned his nose up and shook his head. "No way. This happened before I lost my virginity."

I blinked quickly and nodded slowly. "So…" I began shakily. "She was your first sexual experience?"

Paul moved around the table and perched on the edge in front of me. "Yeah, but…"

I held my hand up and sneered, "Let me guess...it didn't mean anything?"

"It didn't. I swear it didn't."

I crossed my arms over my chest and scooted back from him. This hurt. I didn't want it to. He wasn't mine then. Even though I wanted him to be. If only I had been more brave. If only we could have had these firsts together. 

"There is something else…"

I scoffed. "What else?"

Paul raised his gaze to meet mine, a pained look crossed his face before he finally said, "Ava was my first kiss, too."

Fuck.

That information felt like a slug to the gut. I just kept shaking my head. Why did I need to know these things? Why did I want so desperately to go back and be his first everything? "We should have been each other's firsts, Paul," I blurted out without realizing. "It would have been so perfect."

He jerked forward and pulled my hands into his. "You think I don't know that?"

I yanked my hands from his grasp and blinked back tears. "There's nothing I can do...can give you, that you haven't already experienced with someone else. This is all ruined now."

Paul's face twisted with regret. He swallowed thickly and reached for the side of my face. I closed my eyes as his thumb trailed down my jawline and came to rest on my neck. "There's so much I haven't done yet, Keegan. And I want it all. I want it with you."

I lowered my eyes and sighed deeply. "I'll always compare myself to them. I'll always wonder if I'm enough. If I'm good enough, sexy enough, if you want me as much as you did them."

Paul laughed. Actually, he belly-laughed. I scowled at him and tried to move off the couch to get away from him but he lunged forward, straddling my legs and pinning me down.

"Get off me!" I squealed. "You're so fat!"

Paul laughed again. "I'm fat?"

I stopped struggling and peered up at him angrily. "Yeah...and ugly too."

He threw me a playful smirk before stripping off his shirt and tossing it behind the couch. "I'm ugly?"

My eyes lowered and scanned his bare chest once before glancing into his eyes once more. "Yep. The ugliest boy I've ever seen."

Paul hummed quietly as he smirked down at me. Even as I growled at him, my hands wandered up his stomach, fingers trailing over each defined ridge. I watched as his eyes zeroed in on my fingers. "I'm so ugly that you can't stop touching me?"

I yanked my hands back and sighed. "Why did you laugh at me?"

An incredible smile spread across his face before he shifted away from me, sitting beside me on the couch. I watched as he ran his hand through his hair and then smoothed it down his face. "I laughed because I can't believe you would ever doubt yourself. Good enough? Sexy enough? You've got to be kidding me, Kee."

I hung my head and sighed deeply. "I just don't think…"

I gasped when he leaned over and pulled me on top of him, before reclining back against the pile of throw pillows. "Don't think right now. Just feel."

I relaxed against his chest, smiling when I felt his hands go into my hair, tugging my ponytail free. I skimmed my fingers up and down his sides before turning my head to brush my lips back and forth over his bare skin. I heard his breath hitch, then he moaned my name so softly I barely heard it. 

I began scooting my body down, trailing kisses down his torso as I went. I paused at the waistband of his pajama pants to peer up at him. His eyes grew wide when I curled my fingers around the edge and began easing them down.

"Wait," he demanded breathlessly, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. 

I pulled away from him, rocking back on my heels until we were no longer touching. "You don't want me to?" I choked out.

"Keegan," Paul breathed as he pulled me toward him, angling my body to lie between him and the back of the couch. "Just don't go." He held me tightly against his side and stroked my hair.

"So I was right."

He caught my quivering chin between his thumb and forefinger, easing it up to force my gaze to meet his. "You weren't right if you meant I don't want you, because I do."

"No you don't," I countered.  "You wouldn't even let me do it. Why, Paul? Am I that hideous?"

Paul's mouth tightened into a straight line as he glared at me. He reached for my hand and pressed it to his crotch. "You feel that? Does it feel like I think you're hideous?"

He let go of my hand but I didn't let go of him. "So what's the problem? Why don't you want me to…"

"I do," he groaned a little as I stroked him through his clothes. "But not because you want to prove something to me."

I peered up at him and stilled my hand. "That's not why I want to. I just want to show you I can do these things. Things you like. Things that other girls have done for you." I let go of him and slid my hand up his chest. 

Paul grabbed my hand and pressed a kiss to the center of my palm. "I just don't want you to regret it. That's all. You should only do these things because you want to, not because someone else has done it first."

I sighed and rested my head on Paul's chest. "I guess you're right. I just...I don't want to lose you or lose this thing we have...whatever it is right now."

"Sleep with me?" Paul pleaded.

My eyes grew wide. "I don't think…"

"Not that," he laughed. "Just sleep. Last night with you was amazing. I love how cuddly you are in your sleep."

"Here?"

"Why not? We can say we fell asleep watching a movie," Paul supplied when I looked skeptical. 

"I don't know…"

"Please, Keegan. Spending the night together is something I've missed so much."

I was tempted. Extremely tempted. But I wanted the time and space to think. Here I was again, being hurt by Paul and then jumping right back in for more. I needed to make sure this is what I wanted. That he was what I wanted.  

I still had Embry to consider and we had some things to discuss as well. 

"I should just go upstairs to sleep," I admitted hesitantly. "It's not because I'm mad," I added quickly. "I know I can't control what happened in your past. I just…"

I drifted off into my thoughts about my confrontation with Ava. I felt Paul's hand curl around my back, pulling me close and forcing me to look up at him. "Go on, please?"

"I don't understand why you never told me how you felt about me."

He blinked quickly and nodded. "I wanted to. After I realized how much I wanted you, I tried to but…"

"What happened?" I demanded angrily. 

Paul sighed and glanced away. "I'm not supposed to tell."

"Paul Alexander Lahote," I scolded. "You need to be honest with me...right now."

I could feel him resisting me, his eyes on anything but me. I climbed over him, straddling his hips with one of my feet pressed to the floor beside the couch. I held his face in both my hands and I demanded answers. "Talk to me now...or I walk away for good."

Paul sucked in a deep breath and looked me square in the eye. He slid his hands around my waist and jerked me close to him, taking advantage of my position on top of him. The one I really didn't think through before I did it.  "Are you sure you want to know this?"

I nodded slowly, even as I felt his hands slip down, grip my ass cheeks and squeeze roughly. I held back a whimper and waited for his response.

"Your dad asked me to stay away from you."

…..

Paul went on to explain how he had gone to his own father for advice on how to approach a different kind of relationship with me. My father joined in the conversation, evidently protesting anything other than friendship between us. He didn't think I was ready for anything more serious and since this was last year, he was probably right. BUT his father suggested Paul sow his wild oats until I was old enough to date. 

This also partially contributed to Paul keeping the other guys away, because not only did my father want Paul to stay away, he also didn't want me dating anyone. Fuck. So many people making choices for me and keeping me from what I really wanted. 

"I'm so sorry, Keegan."

Sorry. Of course he was. We both were. This whole situation was sorry. So much wasted time being controlled by what other people thought. My head was swirling and I didn't even know who to trust anymore. 

I bit my lower lip as I considered my own role in all this. "I know you're sorry, Paul. And I'm sorry too."

He held me a little tighter against him, pushing his hands through my hair and searching my eyes for answers. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I should've told you how I felt.  I held back because I was too scared to make the first move. If we had talked and been honest… really honest about everything, maybe we wouldn't be here right now."

Paul sighed, his face twisting with regret once again. He pulled me closer, hugging me tightly and smoothing his hands up and down my back. "It's not too late to fix things. We can forgive each other for this whole mess and make a fresh start."

He paused to look for my gaze and he gave me a small smile before continuing. "I don't care what anyone thinks. You're the girl for me, Keegan. We can't let anything get in the way of what we want. You know how good we can be together, don't you?"

I rested my cheek on his bare chest, simply needing a break from how intensely he stared at me and how desperate his voice sounded. I needed a clear head. Whenever it came to Paul, I always jumped in feet first. I needed to start protecting my heart. If I agreed to see where this would go with us, how long would it be before he hurt me again?

I lifted my head slowly, needing to put some space between us for my own sanity. "Paul…"

I locked eyes with him and I couldn't resist the pull. His fingers brushing over my cheek felt like heaven. His touch was so soft and it set my skin alight with desire. When he cupped my jaw and leaned down to close the distance between us, I whimpered in protest. "I need some time, Paul."

I knew how much those words were hurting him. I could feel how desperate he was to settle this and move on. I wanted that too. But my fragile heart was begging me to make sure. I was still holding back for fear of getting hurt. How could I not? It had already happened so many times before.

"I can't talk you into sleeping down here with me?" he offered sweetly when I climbed off of him. 

"Not tonight."

"No kiss good night?"

I sighed when I heard his voice call to me from across the room. Without turning to face him, I sighed, "No. You can't be trusted to keep it PG." I wasn't kidding. He was so bad.

I stood there for a moment, knowing if I didn't escape right then, he'd have me in his arms, his tongue in my mouth, and his hands all over me. I was torn between staying and letting him or running and making him wait.

"Come here."

I was instantly stunned when I felt his hands on my shoulders, spinning me around to face him. He held my hands in his, intertwining our fingers while he pressed the softest kiss to my lips. I was still leaning in, eyes closed and eager for more when he pulled away. He was smiling down at me when I looked up at him in wonder. "That's it?" I mused playfully.

He grinned in amusement and nodded. "You said you wanted PG."

"Oh." My body slumped a little and dare I say I was...disappointed? When I turned my back on him, he pulled on my wrist and yanked me back quickly. Our chests collided before he held the front of my throat posessively and kissed me hungrily. He kept his hands pressed tightly to my lower back as his mouth explored mine. 

Paul nibbled my lower lip and swept his tongue across mine when I paused to moan into his mouth. My hands gripped his wide shoulders, pulling him down to me and needing him as close as he could be. So much for needing some time.

When I felt Paul trying to walk us back to the couch, I made every attempt to ease away from him. I wanted this kiss. Hell, I wanted him. But I had to get my head straight. "I...should go," I whispered hesitantly against his mouth.

He growled in frustration before releasing me. Paul held his hands up and smirked at me. "You're free. But if you don't get going soon, I swear…"

I didn't let him finish that thought. I laughed as I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and escaped up the stairs, two at a time. I tiptoed up to my room, feeling pretty confident that no one had noticed that Paul and I had gone missing.

"Are you okay?"

I gasped hearing his voice in the dark. "What are you doing in here?" I flipped my nightstand lamp on to find Embry stretched out on my bed. 

"You never came back from the kitchen. I just wanted to check on you."

"I was with Paul." I flopped back beside Embry on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"Did you have a fight?"

I sighed. "No. He just told me some things I needed to hear."

"So you forgave him? Again?"

His voice sounded bitter. Letting Paul off the hook again made me sound weak. But I knew that opening my heart to Paul was very brave. My mom was right. I had to stop letting my fear keep me from getting what I really wanted. 

I wanted Paul.

"Yes. I forgave Paul. We all have a past, Embry. His just happens to be on vacation with us."

He turned to lie on his side, facing me. "You know I'd never stand in your way, Keegan. If Paul is who you want, then I will stand aside. I just don't like seeing you get hurt over and over again."

"I know what I want, Embry. I want Paul." I took a deep breath and turned my head to look into his eyes. "I know I misled you. I said I wanted you both, but my feelings have changed. I just want Paul."

Embry nodded and sighed sadly. "I knew the chances were slim that you would ever pick me. But you know I had to try."

"I'm so sorry."

He forced a small smile and cupped my chin in his hand. "Don't be. I'm a big boy. I'll be okay."

"I wish you'd just be an asshole," I laughed. "It would have made things so much easier on me."

Embry laughed too before his eyes got serious and shifted on top of me. "I can be an asshole."

I blinked up at him and opened my mouth to speak. I heard my door open and my stomach twisted when Paul's face came into view. 

"What the fuck is going on here?"

Shit.

......

A/N: once again, sorry for the cliffhanger, but I gotta keep y'all coming back for more! Wonder how Paul will react?