There was a brief moment of numbness before the overwhelming feeling of vomit suddenly overcomes Louis as he hangs up the phone. He hasn't felt this sick to his stomach since many years ago. The day had seemed to take longer than usual, and it wasn't helping with Louis drinking away his worries with his secret bottle of vodka. In between lecturing students, breaking apart useless fights and getting future assignments prepared, Louis was subconsciously searching for Harry. Louis usually had a pretty good instinct, and today all Louis could feel was worried. Harry was hurt, and Louis was the idiot that lead Harry into that situation. School's finished and here Louis is, basically drunk in his office and hating himself more than ever. He knows if he drinks anymore that it could lead him to a potentially dangerous situation. There's no escaping it either, because at home he will drink, and if he drives to the bar, he'll get blind drunk. He's been ignoring Eleanor's texts and he just needs to escape. Louis knows when he's drunk he gets terrible ideas, and the idea that pops into his head may be the worst one yet.

Louis gathers his belongings fast, double checking the room in case he's left anything behind. His bottle is thrown into his bag carelessly and he locks his door and makes his way through the school. He really knows he has lost the plot when he's driving out of the school with his phone pressed to his ear, waiting for Eleanor to pick up. She literally picks it up almost straight away.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I need to tell you something," Louis sighs, relaxing a little

"What?" Eleanor's entire voice changes drastically, as if she was scared.

"I'm going to be out of town for the weekend. The house is locked up and such, but I will call you when I get back,"

Louis clenches his jaw, waiting for Eleanor's reaction. It's pretty much exactly what he expects. She explodes with rage, basically deafening him.

"You are not going out again! You saw how bad that last time affected you!"

"I know. I'm not going to drink Eleanor. I'm leaving town so I'm not tempted to drink!"

"And you think just running away and staying at a hotel is going to do any good? You'll be drinking until you're dead basically,"

"I'm not staying in any damn hotel. If you'd shut up for a second in your life you would understand. I'm going to visit mum,"

"Louis" Eleanor's voice is suddenly stern, completely serious. She sounds even angrier than what she did when she thought Louis was staying at a hotel.

"It's not going to be like that,"

"Are you insane? You know exactly how that's going to go! Louis, you haven't seen them in years. It's going to bring everything back."

"For fuck sake Eleanor. Are you quite finished controlling my life? I'm done. I'm sorry for even calling. Do not call me over the weekend. I have some serious thinking to do. I don't know who I even am anymore. I don't know why I called. Goodbye,"

Louis doesn't even give Eleanor time to respond before he hangs up and places the phone on the passenger seat. He focuses on the road, in complete silence. It's going to be a 3 hour drive to get to his mothers. It's a drive that he doesn't know too well, and especially while being more than slightly intoxicated, so it's going to be a long one.

It's a sad reality that it's been roughly 2 years since he had seen his family. He hasn't even called them. The voices of his sisters are a fading memory, and Louis always finds himself wondering how is mother is doing. It drains Louis knowing that he barely has a relationship with his family. Even through his ordeals, the most important thing in life to Louis is his family. He would put himself in front of a gun to protect his family, although they probably would never do the same. Louis can usually sit in silence for hours but today it's slightly unnerving.

The last time Louis had seen his family was probably one of the worst days of his life. He remembers quite vividly the night before he was leaving. One of his sisters, Charlotte, had quietly snuck into his room while he lay wide awake. She held Louis tight, telling him that she'll always love him and miss him more than anything. It was almost enough for Louis to cry, but at that time in his life, he just couldn't cry. He had to escape. It was either get out or die, especially at that time. He remembers having to wipe her tears away and promise to visit her soon. It's something he thinks about a lot. He hates himself because it's been basically 2 years, and she probably sits in bed every night waiting patiently for him to come back. There's the thought that maybe all his sisters hate him, for abandoning them. He wouldn't blame them, only Charlotte was really aware of the entire situation. The rest, they barely knew.

Louis' family was big and Louis wouldn't have it any other way. He loved each and every single one of his siblings like they were his own. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even to his best friend in the entire world but he'd constantly be their source of entertainment. That meaning they used to dress him up, put make up on him and they'd have tea parties. This was all totally in private, and he could do it openly around the house since his parents were constantly at work. After school, he'd catch a bus home, and be greeted at the door by his sisters. They'd play those games until about 6, when Louis knew his parents would be on their way home. He spent almost an hour every night in the shower, scrubbing the stupid make up off his face, and listening to his father scream at him to get out from the other side of the bathroom door. This happened basically every single day.

Louis ends up turning on the radio, he needs to get comfortable. He can't keep relaying all the memories from his past, or else he'll have a panic attack and crash. Or drive off a bridge. But he doesn't want either. He wants to give his family a chance to be what they once were, and maybe things might start working for Louis. Maybe he might not be so psychologically fucked up. The reality of all this, no matter how things turn out he will probably still have all these issues.

Louis becomes aware of how miserable it looks outside, when it starts to lightly rain. The small droplets of rain splattering onto his windshield. The sky is a dark grey, signifying that it's getting late in the day and also looks like a storm is on its way. Louis will be honestly damned if he drives in a storm, especially with one that looks this bad. Louis is still a good hour or so away from his mother too. If he wasn't intoxicated, he'd be sensible and wait for it to pass but right now he's too anxious to be waiting around. He steps on the gas a little harder, forcing his car to drive a little faster. The music in the background does absolutely nothing to prevent Louis' mind from wondering. The sickly feeling before returns when Louis remembers that he was the reason Harry was hurt. He can't help but picture bruises, tears and blood. He pictures the way Harry looked like when he was hurt just not too long ago. It makes Louis' body tense with so much anger. Louis needs more to drink, or else these images and memories are going to kill him. But he needs to hold off. If he can get to his mothers, he will be able probably have a drink. Things have been a little different. He knew that Troy and Johannah had split a while ago. He doesn't even know how he found out but he did. Otherwise he wouldn't be doing this right now. With his father's toxicity out of the home, there might be a way to restore everything that is lost.

Louis is about more than halfway when his car starts to slow down slightly. There's a pure moment of terror as he looks at the fuel gage. It's about half full. Louis has to make the snap decision to pull over and park under a bunch of giant trees that sway gently in the breeze. It's still slightly raining. Louis climbs out of his car, muttering obscenities to himself and walking to the bonnet. He lifts it up with one hand and is suddenly inundated with a giant cloud of black smoke. Of fucking course he inhales it. He can barely breathe. He takes a couple steps back, stomach heaving as he coughs violently. His eyes watering, and body shaking.

"Are you fucking serious? You stupid piece of-," Louis can't finish his sentence as he starts coughing uncontrollably again.

He has to give himself a few minutes to stop coughing, because he's on the verge of vomiting. He stares at his car, completely unsure of what the hell he's going to do. On the bright side, the smoke has disappeared and Louis does have some knowledge of car parts. He approaches the bonnet once again, wiping at his shirt in case any shit decided to land on it. As he starts to look inside at all the parts, he can feel the rain becoming heavier and the back of his shirt becoming drenched.

"This is fucking bullshit," He grunts to himself, as he reaches continues to look around.

It takes almost an hour standing in pouring rain until he realizes something has come loose. Louis wants to kick the living shit out of his car, because if he fucking realized this an hour ago, he'd be home and not soaking wet. To his luck, the engine has cooled down and he is able to tighten the parts back into place. When he slams the bonnet shut and angrily storms towards the door, he realizes he really needs a lot more vodka. Its 7:35pm when Louis finds himself driving down the street he grew up in. He remembers all those times kicking the footy around with his sisters, and tackling each other into the dirt and grass, and all those times he snuck out growing up. He smiles to himself, forgetting about the fear that is growing with each second ticking by. His thoughts are cut off as he sees the house he had grown to hate. It stands tall, white and sort of ghostly. If his mother's car wasn't parked out the front, he would think that maybe they didn't live there anymore.

Louis has to literally give himself 5 minutes, preparing himself. He's fucking paralyzed in his car seat with fear and not to mention, ice cold from the fucking rain. He inhales deeply, running a hand through his hair quickly. He grabs his phone and bag, and quickly leaves the door. The quicker he knocks on the door, the least time he will have to chicken out. As he approaches the front doorstep, his eyes run over the place he once called home. It reminded him of the house from Amityville horror. It had that eerie feeling to it.

"C'mon. You can do this. You promised to come back. Just do it, you fucking chicken," Louis mutters to himself, as he comes to a standstill at the door.

He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes, forcing his hand to knock quickly and hard. He has barely 5 seconds to mentally prepare or leave. He's shaking and his stomach is churning. He is staring at the floor when the door opens quickly. Louis' head snaps up, and he can already feel tears burning his eyes as he stares at his sister. Charlotte stares back, for about 30 seconds. It's almost as if Louis is a ghost or a figment of her imagination. She opens her mouth and Louis' name falls from her lips. She sounds shattered.  Louis' legs almost give out. He wants to cry, he really wants to. If he says anything, he will cry.

"Char, who's at the door?"

Louis swallows when he hears his mother voice yell, and he can hear her getting closer. Charlotte opens the door wider, making sure his mother can get a full view of Louis. Johannah makes eye contact with Louis and stops dead in her tracks. It's completely silent, except for the fact Louis can't hear over the sound of his heart hammering against his ribs. He can't breathe. He's going to collapse if nothing is said.

"Louis...what...is this real?" She stammers

Louis has to swallow the lump in his throat to speak. His voice barely comes out as a squeak.

"Yeah mum. It's me,"

That's all it takes before he's enveloped into the arms of his mother. The mother he lost so many years ago to a terrible man. Although Louis is soaked, his mother doesn't give a fuck. He can feel her warm tears soaking through his shirt. She clings onto him as if we were going to fall apart or disappear in a split second. Louis shuts his eyes tightly, just focusing on the feeling of hugging his mum and her warmth. Something he had missed out on for years. They stay like that, for what feels like for an eternity. Until the other sisters come to the door to find out what the hell is happening.

"Girls, go into the lounge room. We will be there in a minute," Johannah steps away from Louis, wiping her eyes

The girls don't speak and Charlotte looks at Louis one last time and disappears into the lounge room. Louis' mother looks so different now. Her hair is shorter, and she's starting to look a lot older now. Louis doesn't know what to do or say.

"What made you come back? You can't just rock up like this after such a long time. Charlotte waited for months. You never called...you don't know how much we all missed you,"

"You know why I had to leave mum. I couldn't be here that much longer," Louis forces it out, voice strained

"I know. I know honey. But you never called. We thought you had died. There was not a single sight of you anywhere. You don't know how much this has affected us,"

"Mum. I wasn't going to come back. I went down a destructive path when I left. I was an alcoholic, I was on some heavy shit that I don't want to talk about. I was basically killing myself slowly. But I got myself back on track. I found out about Troy and you, and I...I just needed to come back and fix this part of me. I'm getting bad again," Louis forces himself to explain

"He's your dad, love. You should call him dad," Johannah sighs

"A dad would never do what he did to me. I won't call him dad, not even the day I die," Louis says firmly

"I don't want you to go back down that path honey. I don't want to see you go back to those days. Your dad and I...I need to talk to you about that,"

"I don't want to listen. I don't want to talk about him. I just need to see the girls. I need to tell them how much I love them. I need some kind of closure. I can't keep living with the guilt of leaving,"

"Okay...but first. What's made it get bad again? You need to confront that issue, and not let it affect you. What's going on Louis? You know you can tell me anything,"

"Mum. You never have and never will understand the issue,"

Johannah's eyes widen as Louis speaks, understanding filling her eyes as she looks slightly disappointed. He clenches his jaw. He shouldn't have come. This was a terrible idea. His hands are shaking slightly as he runs a hand through his hair.

"You can say hello to the girls. I'm going to make tea. Then you and I need to discuss what's going on. We have basically 2 years to catch up on,"

"Thanks," Louis nods

Johannah steps to the side and Louis walks into the door. The house hasn't changed, it's still the exact same as he remembers. He finds the lounge room in a second, and Charlotte is already hugging him tightly. Louis smiles to himself, hugging her back.

"You came back. You took so long, why did you take so long? I thought you weren't ever going to come back,"

"Lottie, you know I'm always going to come back. If I promise you, I will do it. I've had a lot going on for 2 years. I was really...sick. I needed a lot of help. You wouldn't have wanted to see me like that. I'm coming back to get some more help. Things are getting tough where I am, and I just need to escape,"

"Was it because of Dad? With him always-,"

"Don't finish the sentence. Please. I don't want to be reminded. Living is an everyday reminder. But yes. Okay? That's all you need to know."

"I understand,"

Charlotte being the oldest out of the siblings was the wisest. And especially being the person closest to the age of Louis, they had a special bond. As Louis grew up, Charlotte was the person he vented to. She knew almost every aspect of his life. She knew more than his own journal did, and she kept every part of it a secret. She knew of all the problems Louis was going through, psychologically in high school. She knew of the issues at home. But her love for Louis was never lessened. He loved Charlotte, more than anything in the entire world.

It isn't long before he's saying hello to the rest of the sisters. They're all beyond confused, happy and excited to see him again. Louis cries because there's nothing else to do. Everything hurts and he regrets ever leaving, but he had no choice. However, it's cut short when Johannah enters the room with tea and biscuits, and tell the girls to go into their rooms. Louis knows there's a serious conversation going to happen. These conversations never ended up well.

Johannah speaks as soon as they're sitting comfortably on the couch. Louis takes a sip of his tea, listening to his mother carefully.

"The main question I have here is, what have you been doing these past 2 years? I need you to tell me everything,"

"Well. I'm living in Cheshire now. I'm a teacher at a High School and I live by myself. You remember Eleanor? Well...We're still together. She was half the reason I didn't come back sooner. The rest was myself and also all the psychologists. When I left here, I was on drugs and drinking. I spent a solid couple months every night at the bar. It was really messed up. I was drinking to die. I was going through post-traumatic stress. I couldn't sleep, eat or go out in public. I was terrified. I went through all this fucking therapy, medication and shit. It took me so long. I was going well for so long, and lately...not so much. All the anger, sadness, restlessness and pain is coming back,"

Johannah takes a second to soak all the information in. She frowns and takes a few moments to think.

"What happened? What caused it all to come back?"

"It's not easy to talk about mum. I literally cannot open up about it. You wouldn't understand. No one would,"

"Try me," She replies back

Louis' in full panic now. He doesn't know what to say.

"Okay. I saw a kid get beaten at school. Two of them actually, on two separate occasions but days apart. However, the first one was what triggered me. The victim was a student of mine. He was being attacked because of his sexuality. I guess......I don't know. It triggered the anger again, and from that everything else stemmed from there,"

"Honey," Johannah places a hand on Louis' knee

"All you can do is help him, you can't let it affect you,"

"How can I not? I'm the way I am because of being attacked too? I was beaten to a pulp. I almost died so many times. I know what it's like to not be accepted," Louis retorts

"But look at you now. You have a girlfriend, you were happy before that incident. I'm sure you can get back to being that happy,"

"How? This boy is not only being attacked by students, he's being attacked by his...boyfriend...I..um. I can't stop that part mum. I can't get him out of that part. I'm only his teacher. He's going to end up like me,"

"His situation is different..." Johannah says softly

"What's different? He's getting attacked from students and a boyfriend? I got attacked by someone I considered family. There's no difference,"

"The difference is, he's gay,"

Louis bites his tongue. He wants to be sick. The word makes him want to curl up and die inside. He physically cringes. Before Louis can respond, he hears a voice yell from the front door. Louis' entire world stops within half a second. He can't see straight. His throat is closing up, and he has to place his tea down before he drops it. His hands are shaking badly.

"W-What is he doing here?"

"I told you we needed to discuss some things. That being one of them,"

Louis' jaw drops and he can taste vomit. He looks at the entry to the lounge room, his entire body seizing up.

"You mean to tell me, you are back with that monster? You didn't warn me! You didn't tell me!" Louis is suddenly speaking erratically

Louis can honestly feeling his life being slowly squeezed out of him as the man that caused every ounce of trauma in his life is suddenly standing in the doorway. Louis is staring at dark blue eyes and messy thinning grey hair. He is starting to see doubles, as he's edging towards hysteria.

"What is he doing here?! You allowed this little prick back into my house?" Troy suddenly shouts, causing Louis to cower into the couch.

This is something Louis was never expecting to feel again. There's fear, and anxiety and these terrible feelings but the feeling of fearing for his life was something he thought he'd never live to go through again.

(btw university is getting hella intense now so idk if i'll be updating as often. hope you're enjoying this new and updated version of homophobic :) comment below, and don't forget to vote. i love you all xx )