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2020. kth - 23. jjk - 18.

Jeongguk had passed out from a panic attack. He had stopped breathing momentarily, but soon was respiring at a normal pace. Although he wouldn't wake up, so the paramedics took him to the hospital. Especially after Taehyung had explained everything that had happened. 

The ravenette woke up after laying for a few hours at the hospital, he was back to being in his conscious state but he was met with an extremely worried gaze from Taehyung and his doctor. 

Taehyung left the room to give the other a little privacy, but he had already heard the gist of things from the doctor. 

After conducting a regular check-up procedure, the doctor took out some sort of file and started flicking through it as she began explaining. 

"You're suffering from a symptom named psychosis. This symptom could be due to a number of things, so we had to perform a brain scan." The doctor held up two images that showed Jeongguk's brain activity. "These images were produced using a technique called magnetoencephalography. We conducted one while you were asleep."

The doctor pointed at the highlighted regions of the brain, which were quite significantly scattered throughout the organ. 

"After mapping out your brain activity, I can conclude that you are suffering from an overwhelming and intense case of post-traumatic-stress-disorder." She explained before stepping closer and handing Jeongguk the images. The ravenette received them with trembling hands. The scan didn't make much sense to him, but the shaded areas clearly told him something is wrong.

"Upon reviewing your medical history, and from these scans, I can also conclude that the psychosis is due to your severe recreational drug use and PTSD." She took the images back, sliding them into her file before closing it and clutching it to her chest. Jeongguk sat there, dumbfounded.

"Psychosis?" He muttered out in total confusion. He didn't even know what that meant. The doctor tightened her lips together before explaining exactly what the term entailed. 

"Psychosis is what happens when you start to lose touch with reality." She said, and judging from Jeongguk's small head tilt— he still didn't understand. She wore a small sorrowful smile before elaborating. "You're hearing, seeing, and feelings things which aren't... there. It's not real, Jeongguk."

He was silent. Jeongguk stared down at his hands, his bangs falling over his face so that his expression wasn't visible. 

"I'll get a psychiatric to write you a prescription for some antipsychotics, but I also want you to start seeing one on a regular basis." She scribbled something down in her file, dotting down a few words before clamping the paper shut. After not garnering a response from the younger, the doctor heaved a sigh before beginning to walk out the room. "I need to go speak to your legal guardian, excuse me." 

She left Jeongguk alone with his thoughts. 

Psychosis. PTSD. 

The boy cracked a smile, throwing his head back while placing his palms against his eyes. And he actually started laughing.

This was ridiculous. Truly, truly ridiculous.

God, he was such a fucking freak. Now he's seeing and hearing shit which isn't even real? How much more messed up can you get. 

He just can't catch a fucking break, there's always something else piling onto his entire mountain of shit. He can't take it anymore. Everything has become too overbearing and it's crushing the weight on his shoulders. 

He just needs this all to fucking end.

⛓️ ⛓️ ⛓️

After hearing about Jeongguk's diagnosis, Taehyung had forgotten everything about their last conversation and had stuck by the younger's side. 

All this time, Jeongguk has been battling the demons of his past, quite literally, and hasn't spoken a thing about it. And while the brunette is trying to convince the other to attend therapy, Jeongguk refuses. Or well, he says he can't afford it. 

Without seeing a psychiatric, Jeongguk can't be given a prescription. Meaning that he will continue to suffer from his hallucinations and his untreated psychosis could progressively get worse. 

Jeongguk hasn't spoken much after hearing about his condition. Taehyung could tell how ashamed the other felt just by looking at him, the younger never looked him in the eye and nervously twisted his rings as his hands lay in his lap. 

While driving back home, Taehyung kept stealing glances at the other as Jeongguk just stared out the window, lost in his own thoughts. 

"Y'know that you can talk to me." The older spoke up, hands gliding across the steering wheel as he turned the car. "You don't always have to deal with everything on your own." 

To Taehyung's shock, Jeongguk placed one of his hands onto his thigh. The older quickly whipped his head to the other's direction, but the younger was still just looking out the window. However, Taehyung didn't miss the redness blossoming at the tip of Jeongguk's ears, causing the brunette's own cheeks to begin to heat up. It wasn't helping that he could feel the warmth radiating from the younger's palm, almost grabbing all his focus off of the road. 

He guessed that this was Jeongguk's way of telling him that he's struggling to find any words right now, but he doesn't want Taehyung to leave. 

He tried to calm down his raging heartbeat, scared that Jeongguk would be able to hear it in the quiet silence inside the car. He didn't even notice how his entire body tensed up in effort to stop himself from becoming a total mess, however after receiving a small squeeze at his thigh, Taehyung's entire figure seemed to relax.

No matter how hard Jeongguk tried to deny it, this feeling was deeper than simply being impulsive. 

⛓️ ⛓️ ⛓️

Somehow, after days of convincing and begging, Taehyung managed to get Jeongguk to agree to going to the beach with him. Although they had to drive there, but the car ride turned into a huge karaoke fest where they blasted their old hype childhood songs while singing at the top of their lungs. 

There was an opening at the roof of the car, so Jeongguk stood up and yelled as Taehyung laughed while speeding up when they were alone on a big road. 

It was liberating to see Jeongguk finally letting his guarded walls fall and just letting himself go. These past few weeks have all been so intense and a constant back-and-forth between the two. Taehyung was relieved that they had been getting along since Jeongguk's diagnosis. 

Taehyung didn't want to leave Jeongguk alone, and Jeongguk didn't want to be alone either in fear that his thoughts would corrupt his head and he'd start freaking out again. They haven't spoken about the incident yet, but Taehyung isn't even sure if Jeongguk remembers it in the first place. He was pretty out of it, at the time. 

It was more like a silent agreement they had together to spend every second with one another. 

The wind was stronger by the beach, Jeongguk's long locks kept waving into his face, causing Taehyung to laugh while he tucked the wild strands of hair behind his ear only for them to fall out again. 

It didn't take long before the boys were racing to the ocean, pulling off their shirts and throwing them to the side before plunging into the water. Jeongguk got ahead so Taehyung did the only reasonable thing he could think of and jumped onto the younger, causing them both to fall down into the waves.

Taehyung resurfaced, gasping out for air as he accidentally swallowed a handful of water as he went down under. He blinked a few times before spotting a drenched Jeongguk who was desperately raking his hair back to get the wet strands out of his eyes. The older chuckled witnessing the other's dilemma and swam over to help him.

As the older approached him with a boyish grin, Jeongguk subtly grabbed his hips to bring the other closer. Taehyung giggled as he pushed the raven hair back, only to mess it up into a silly hairstyle. He was so distracted that he didn't notice how Jeongguk was staring at him, completely endeared by the box-shaped grin which was plastered on the brunette's face. 

An idea popped into Jeongguk's mind, causing a smug look to grow at his features. Before Taehyung could comprehend what was happening, Jeongguk wrapped his arms around him and dunked him underneath the water. 

The younger was laughing as he pulled Taehyung back up, the older was sputtering out water while desperately trying to open his eyes. 

"Jeongguk! What—" He couldn't even finish before he was back underwater again. This kept continuing despite him trying to wriggle away from the other's grip, but Jeongguk was a little too strong. 

However, the ravenette soon stopped as he didn't want to harm the other. Taehyung looked pretty unamused by everything, water was cascading down his face as his own brown bangs were now stuck to his face. Jeongguk was giggling at the older while helping him with his current dilemma. After his laughter started to die down, it caused Taehyung to snap out of his trance from being enchanted by the other's beauty, and they finally became aware of their current situation. 

Jeongguk was still carrying the older in the water, and Taehyung's arms were loosely circled around his neck. And while the younger's cheeks started to flame up, and his mouth opened to say something, Taehyung silenced him by pulling him closer and pressing their lips together. 

They kissed slow, steady. They grew completely oblivious to the cold wind hitting their skin as they bathed in the warmth from each other, and lost their senses in the heat of it all. Taehyung's fingers buried themselves in the younger's black locks, and a small tug at them resulted in a low groan slipping from Jeongguk's lips. 

Taehyung smiled against him, and his grin was so contagious that it rubbed off onto Jeongguk himself.

And even after they parted, their smiles remained as they continued to mess around in the water. 

——————

sum of this plays off my experience w psychosis (although my case isn't as severe) but obv not everything is accurate, i aint no medical professional

this chap prob sucked but im so tired bye