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2020. kth - 23. jjk - 18.

There was no one else standing in the small cemetery, but nearly all the graves were prettily decorated with flower arrangements and polished memorial stones. 

Taehyung frowned when seeing the state of Jeongguk's parents resting place. The plants were overgrown, or dead, and some moss has started to creep onto the letters carved into the stone. The brunette side-glanced at Jeongguk, who was passively staring down at the two names etched into the markings. 

Hesitantly, the older reached out and brushed his fingers against the other's. A small breath got hitched in his throat when he felt how Jeongguk slowly intertwined their hands together. There was a heavy silence that followed, their gazes stuck at the small gravestone.

"I can't even afford the cemetery gardener." Jeongguk finally spoke, he released his grip around Taehyung's hand to step forward and crouch down. The younger gently brushed away some fallen leaves which were covering the dates of birth and passing. "I barely even come here." 

Taehyung could feel Jeongguk's guilt cloud the atmosphere, his tensed body sat still as his eyes followed the lines of his parents' names. The air felt heavy, it was filled with loss and grief. Taehyung could practically feel all of Jeongguk's demons hovering over him.

Not knowing what to do, or what was the right thing to do, Taehyung quickly told Jeongguk that he would be return soon, before turning around and hastily walked down the dirt path. 

Jeongguk smiled bitterly down towards the ground. Of course Taehyung left. The sight of him was probably so pathetic that he felt terribly awkward. He shouldn't have brought him here, Taehyung has nothing to do with his parents death. 

God, he shouldn't even have come here. What was the point? Just looking at how miserable his parents' resting place was— reminded him how much of a fucking loser he is.

His dad is probably so disappointed in him. He can't even look at their names, it made the pit of his stomach churn and for his collar to feel too tight. Jeongguk's fingers tugged down his shirt, just to make it easier to breathe. 

He felt a presence behind him, but he didn't want to turn around. Every time that he did, he saw her.

He saw her battered white dress which was stained by the blood that spilled from her own mouth. He saw the rope looped around her neck, and how it looked so heavy as it hung down against her shoulder. He saw her eyes, those eyes—

A hand was placed on Jeongguk's shoulder which made him flinch so badly that he practically jumped away. He was suddenly aware of his erratic heartbeat and harsh breathing. However, as he raised his eyes he was only met with Taehyung's concerned-looking ones.

And a beautiful floral bouquet in his hand. 

Jeongguk's shoulders were still heaving along with his breaths, but he was slowly calming down as he watched how carefully Taehyung set down the flowers before approaching him. Before he knew it, a pair of strong arms pulled him in, making his trembling body collide with a comforting, radiating, warmth. 

Taehyung held onto him for a while. But when Jeongguk pulled away, he avoided his eyes as he quickly turned away from him. The brunette sadly smiled before picking up the bouquet again. 

"Sorry for leaving, I shouldn't have." Taehyung spoke softly, then he raised the flowers in front of the younger. "These were their favourites, no?" He asked. Slowly, Jeongguk turned around to glance at the ensemble of Lavender and Orchids. 

"No, they loved Lilies." The ravenette muttered, but upon spotting how Taehyung's expression deflated, he quickly added: "But they used to grow these in the garden, so... Thanks." A small smile settled onto Taehyung's lips, making relief flood over Jeongguk's body. 

"Next time, we can bring shovels so we can pot the flowers." Something inside Jeongguk sparked brightly when Taehyung mentioned that he would come back here with the younger again. He head quickly whipped towards him, but Taehyung was picking some moss off the gravestone, his attention elsewhere. 

"Okay." He responded, watching how Taehyung's warm gaze met his own. Something about the  chocolate that swirled within his eyes reminded him of a sunset. The comfort of the last few sunrays hitting his skin before they disappeared past the horizon. 

Taehyung was like that. He's always been that. His last ray of light before his world was overtaken by darkness. 

He wondered if he meant anything like that to Taehyung, if the other could see something in his eyes. But then he painfully reminded himself that all the older is staring into is a pair of pitch-black irises that can't even reflect his own appearance. 

With that thought, Jeongguk broke their eye-contact before clearing his throat, causing Taehyung to snap out of it too. The two of them embarrassingly looked around, recovering from the previous intense moment. 

Jeongguk placed the bouquet at the bottom of the stone, slightly adjusting the petals until he deemed it perfection. A sudden warmth flooded him when he realised that Taehyung brought beauty to this grave, the grave that stood out for being abandoned was finally being decorated just like all the others. 

Jeongguk smiled. He smiled and finally felt like some of the darkness that loomed around the death of his parents had been lifted, had become lighter. 

And it was all thanks to Kim Taehyung.

The older was taken aback when he felt Jeongguk hesitantly wrap their hands together. Something had shifted within Jeongguk's eyes, he stood up—pulling Taehyung up along with him—and looked off into the distance. 

The curves of Jeongguk's mouth twitched up into a sad smile. 

"I think I know why I still see mom—or hallucinate her—or whatever," He sighs, eyes drifting off to look in the distance. Unknown to Taehyung, the younger was actually making eye-contact with the woman herself—or well, the ghost of her. Taehyung gave Jeongguk a reassuring squeeze at his hand, eyes glued to him so that he knows that he's paying attention. That he's listening. 

"When I, um... When I found her, y'know— hanging," His chest stuttered as his breathing became laboured, he was still looking at the pale figure of his mother. Her dead eyes squinted at him, the thick rope hanging heavy around her broken neck. "I couldn't even scream. Nothing came out."

"It was like my mouth was moving, but I couldn't make a sound." Taehyung watched his adam's apple bob in his throat. It felt incredibly dry so Jeongguk swallowed numerous times in attempt to find his words. "By the time that someone came into the house and saw... it had already been three days."

"I spent three days with my mother's dead body." 

Every word which was uttered out from Jeongguk's mouth was spoken with such a passive—and dead—tone, but Taehyung could feel every syllable carrying an unbearable amount of weight. It became difficult to breathe. 

Taehyung couldn't even imagine how Jeongguk had to live with this weight, this pain, since he was only fifteen years old.

There was nothing that could be said, no words which would be able to comfort the other in this moment. Jeongguk just stood there while still staring off at another gravestone, so lost in the eyes of his late mother. 

Honestly, Taehyung couldn't believe it when he heard that the woman had taken her own life. In his memory, Mrs Jeon loved her son with her entire being. Jeongguk must have thought so too, until that day, because he always cherished the love he received from his parents. He was always so grateful for his family. 

Now every memory of his mother was clouded by the lifeless body that hung from the bedroom ceiling. 

"Your mother looked her best when she wore her classic oversized denim overalls and large straw hat." Taehyung spoke, envisioning how the woman would gracefully expel her laidback demeanour. Her bow-shaped smile always stretching out whenever Jeongguk would come running with something in his hands, eye glimmering in curiosity when he excitedly showed her whatever he found. "Let's try to remember her like that, yeah?"

Jeongguk could only weakly nod, but his gaze  remained fixated on the rotting corpse of his dead mother. Taehyung softly pulled him away, guiding them out of the cemetery. 

Jeongguk was no where near ready to face his demons, and Taehyung would never force that on him. 

———————

the purpose of this chapter was to show the build of their emotional connection. jeongguk is kind of relying on taehyung to keep him grounded ever since hearing about his condition...

also just sayinnnn sum interesting thingz abt to go down

but im busy for the next two weeks so hahahaha byee