4 

OVERTHINKING

𝕋hat night, Luna was exceptionally quiet when Kit was to rinse himself inside the tub of their narrow bath. The assumed scent of sea salt from the soap kept her senses at bay, her fingers ever so slightly making ripples in the warm water. Her mind was a mess, all the preceding moments from a few days ago flashing behind her eyes like the images in a photograph. Sheer embarrassment at her unthinking behavior and then heartbreak when the familiar hallmarks prodded her mind. She remembered the divot between his lips, the crevasses near his neck and the strenuous face that he wore - it was torture to remain where she was instead of by his side.

'Mom,' Kit spoke up. She lifted her gaze from the murky water to his, only to see him place the action figure he was immersed in placed by the side of the tub. The water was neck-deep in his position, the froth of bubbles sporadically layering his now dark hair. She reached out to palm a bit of water and wash the foam away but he shoved her hand instinctually, making her frown as the water dripped back down.

'Kit,' she admonished.

He folded his wet arms over the ledge. 'Tell me more about father. What was his name?'

Luna's breath caught in her throat, her posture going as frigid as a billboard poster. She had so many stories that pounded back to her as he spoke his words, but hers were reluctant to ascend. But she did anyway, for the little one's sake. There was no harm in telling him about his father - she was just surprised that it came at her without any warning.

'El'vira of Shi'ar,' she said in a proud tone, her voice deepened for effect. It made him giggle. 'I called him Eli. He was a fighter in the Imperial Guard back home. Like your Captain America,' she smiled knowingly. 'People sang songs about him, worshipped where he walked, told fables to children at night - he was a luminary.'

A wondrous spark went alight in Kit's eyes. 'And?'

'It means that - ' Luna sucked in a breath, searching for a way to describe what she was thinking. Talking about Eli was like opening a door at the back of her mind that was closed for a good reason. Her tongue was heavy in her mouth as she conjured up a buoyant smile, covering up her sorrow. 'It means that it's time for bed.'

'But, what about his powers?' He murmured as she lifted his soaking frame from the water and bandaging a warm cloth around him. She fought hard to ignore his question, quickly easing him into some dry clothes after toweling him dry and let him squirm his way out of her clutches. He turned to her as she continued to knead his hair with the cloth, a peculiar eye peeking out from the edge.

She raised her brows. 'What?'

He looked up at her from the ground, yet staring her down. 'Did he have a shield?'

'No.'

'What about a metal suit?'

'Never.'

'Did he have wings?'

'Kit,' she rebuked. 'He wasn't created. He was gifted with his powers.'

'Like you,' he said, angered by the revelation. Yet, he pushed his luck. 'What did he do?'

'His powers were,' she tried to locate her terms in such a way it did not scare him off. 'Dark. Only a few people knew about it.'

'He was a bad person,' he placed his assumption and Luna scrambled to correct his words with a string of 'no's.

'He had powers that affected evil, my heart. That doesn't make him bad,' she said in the most careful tone she could muster. With all the confusion around them, she sighed and decided to let the cat out of the bag. 'See, El'vira had a very rare talent. He could seize someone to see the evil side of their soul.'

It took a second or two for the information to sink in, his eyes slowly returning downwards. He climbed over the bed where she sat silently watching him move, the low drone of the TV in the background the only sounds accompanying theirs. It was hard to figure out what her son was overthinking - children as a whole - and he was positively shaken up when he leaned over to rest his head over her thighs. In automatic response, she placed a hand over his hair and toyed on it gently.

'You are disappointed.' 

Her head worked before her heart in insisting because she wanted to know his accurate views. She wished she was gifted with telepathic abilities instead; she could conveniently win every argument and learn her son's weirdly-working mind.

He nodded. 

'Why?'

'He makes bad people,' he whispered, in a little voice. 

'Ka'rier - '

Her heart sank when she saw the letdown frown on his face, lips quivering unnoticeably. She couldn't make out his eyes because of the thick fringe of hair that flopped over it and before she could push it away, he had pressed his face into her lap. His next words had rendered her speechless. 

'I wish he was better.'

*

Bucky was trying to sleep. 

He truly was, given the hour and the color of the sky, he knew he was supposed to get his teen-prescribed rest for eight man-hours. Being sleepless was an unfortunate situation, you begin to overthink every matter that had transpired; the ones that had gone transient, the stupid decisions that make you stir and groan. He tried to turn to the dark side of his room, focusing on the dewy shadows from the geometrical lights of the street outside but the total silence was overwhelming. He was adapted to turbulence - the buzzing, the beeping and roar of engines back home. 

Once his perfectly tidied bed had become a deranged mess over his body and the glaring discomfort started to grow, he prepared himself for scavenging walk around the street. Perhaps a stroll would clear his intruding thoughts instead of his directed sleeping pills. Speaking of, he cast the pills a quick glare before heading out to the living room. He adjusted the gripping edge at the back of his fitted metal arm, loosing and tightening his duplicate fingers to see if they were still operating. Technicalities, he remembered one of Shuri's friends' comment when he had done the same.

Bucky decided to desert his baseball cap and tie his hair into a low-hanging bun, ousting the thoughts of getting caught at midnight in a ghost town and plucked his door open as slowly as possible so as to not wake his sleeping acquaintances. 

What he did not expect to see was the same next-door-neighbor, very awake and outside with her head between her knees. He couldn't make out anything else other than the mess of brown that hung down past her chest. A fleeting feeling of guilt passed him, he felt oddly responsible for this woman's troubles. He decided to take his chance to turn back into his apartment, voting for as soon as the thought passed him.

The floorboards betrayed his decision, creaking with his movement forward and making her head shoot up to glance at Bucky. Luna's eyes were dreary from lack of sleep, widening a fraction when they fell on him. He could see that she was flustered, using a finger to push her thick tresses behind her ear and flashing him an unfulfilled smile.

'Bucky,' she greeted in all normalcy. 

He nodded at her stoically, taking a short step forward. He could see her better, with the dim light that shone above them in the hall. He spotted a lone tear-track down the side of her cheek and her light, sunny eyes dulled to a sable color he couldn't make out.

'You must have so many questions for me,' she said, half-laughing. It was a darker laugh analogously giving up. 'I nearly took your eye out a few evenings ago.'

He shrugged. 'To start with the obvious.'

She sighed. 'One out of many.'

'Is the kid asleep?'

She nodded slowly, her face falling again. So it was something to do with Kit. Bucky didn't want to ask the next query and he fought hard to hold his tongue. 

'Mind if I join you?'

His heart worked before his mind and he hated it. As soon as he said it, he couldn't take it back. Luna looked at him in an instant, more dubious than usual. She didn't answer, staring back down with her hands. He took her silence as moody acceptance, quietly sitting a few feet away with his legs folded over another. He felt her tighten her arms around her knees, setting her chin over them.

'How did you lose your arm?' Luna asked first, her stare directed on him. He swallowed tightly at her unexpected question, lifting a side of his lips hesitantly. He thought he heard her sharply inhale. 

'You first.'

She was amused. 'Fair enough. What is it that you wish to know?'

'Why do you talk like that?' Bucky asked, scrunching his eyebrows. 'Like you're from the seventeen hundreds Britain.'

She laughed. It sounded like a sudden tinker of chimes and lighter than her last. When he looked back at her, she was teething the edge of her index nail that had reduced to the nailbed. Anxiety, he assessed. 'I really thought I caught onto the accent.'

'Still sticking out like a sore thumb.'

She breathed out roughly. 'Well, I may look young to people when I'm approximately a century on the inside. I don't know, I lost count.'

'Me too,' he related with her dumbly. He regretted his words, discretely pressing down on his forehead to hide a loud groan. Whereas Luna looked at him curiously, her eyes wide and her lips parted.

'Uh,' he drawled. 'Maybe another time.'

'Okay,' she responded and nodded at him. 'Anything else?'

'Yes,' he said way too quickly. She looked taken aback for a second and composed herself when he began to speak. 'Who are you? Like literally, who are you?'

Luna seemed like she had aged a decade in a second, her face holding a rigid grimace and tension making her bit her nails down to the quick. He could almost hear the static of a radio that had lost signal in her mind, her eyes ever so discretely glancing back and wishing the question had disappeared between them. His question had hit home so bad, he spotted cold sweat above her delicate lips.

Her voice was small when she spoke. 'You wouldn't believe me.'

'Luna,' he said, matter-of-factly. Her name sounded alien in his mouth similarly, too intrinsic to him. 'I've seen weird at its max. I don't think yours could top it.'

'No one knows,' she mentioned, eyeing him again. 'No one.'

Bucky was struck down with indecision. Awareness crept through him, rethinking his next words carefully. What was he doing? If he gets into the know-how, it would be like wanting to save them from hell. Trapping the smoke from a raging fire. Did he really want that in his situation? This course of action would mean that he would be the first advance in case of crises and he was done with all of it. Because of his false nobility, he would get mixed up in the process. Maybe it wasn't worth the risk. 

'It's okay,' she shook her head, a shaky smile on her lips. 'It is better that way.'

When she rested her head over the wall with a blow of breath out her lips, he saw a completely offbeat character. A tired parent, carrying this burden of her yesterday for god knows how long, possibly lost without a purpose and with a child who depended on her doings. His intentions meant no harm but with knowledge which he knew Luna wasn't exaggerating on, it would tip the scales. But it was time somebody supported her. He would be the world's biggest asshole if he refused to help.

'I want to know,' he decided. 'It's time you shared this with somebody.'

'You don't know us, Bucky,' she said. 'It could cost you greatly - '

'Try me,' he said, cracking a smile. He saw her eyes fall on his lips, absorbing the expression and her flickering back to his eyes. She pressed her lips into a tight line pensively and let out a, hopefully, relieved breath.

'It goes both ways,' she said plainly. 'I can't trust a man without a past.'

Bucky had the urge to comment snidely. 'You won't regret it, then.'

'I doubt that,' she narrowed her eyes. 'After this, you won't look at the world the same way.'

He nodded in confirmation, readying himself for the worst and the better. 'You before me.'

'If that is the verdict, so be it.'

*