MENTION of blood I guess????

"Carmen..."

"Carm, wake up..."

"CARMEN SANDIEGO, TIGRESS IS IN THE WAREHOUSE!!"

Carmen jolted awake, gasps rocking her body as she shot to her feet. "Where!?" Her head whipped around, searching for the promised villainess. "Where!?" she repeated, panting heavily.

Warm arms suddenly wrapped around her, and soft murmurs were whispered in her ear as she was guided back to the couch. "Sorry, that probably wasn't the best way to get you up," Ivy's voice said, sounding apologetic. She hugged the thief tighter when she struggled. "Ssshh, Carm, it's OK. Tigress isn't here. We just needed you to wake up."

Carmen sighed heavily, drooping back into the pile of blankets that rested on the couch. She adjusted her limp arm awkwardly, and Ivy appeared in front of her to help. The red head's face was flushed, and her eyes were dulled with worry.

"I'm sorry," she said again, kneeling in front of her. "Didn't mean to scare you."

The thief sucked in a shaky breath and did her best to give a smile, however wobbly it was. Ivy's face lit up at the sight of it, and she crushed her with a hug.

"Oh gosh, Carm, I was so worried."

Two new sets of arms enveloped her, and Carmen squeezed Zack's hand before Shadowsan's. "What happened?" she whispered, her eyes darting to those of her friends.

Ivy made a choking noise while her brother frowned. "Y-you don't remember?"

"Um, well..." She frowned, searching her memory. Waking up to find herself alone in her room, standing up and ripping the IV from her arm in a panic, collapsing again, snapping at Shadowsan later, then... "Oh."

Shadowsan shooed the siblings to the side and took Ivy's place on his knees in front of Carmen. "How are you feeling?" His dark eyes glittered with fear and guilt, and shame clawed over the thief.

"I feel fi-"

He cut her off. "How are you really feeling, Carmen?"

Her eyes widened, and she stared at the wall. Without making eye contact, she whispered, "I'm feeling a lot of things right now, Shadowsan."

The ninja nodded. "That is to be expected. You are young and-"

"I'm not weak!" she suddenly snapped.

"-have been through a lot," Shadowsan finished, eyes sad.

Carmen closed her own, willing the tears back. "Sorry." The couch next to her shifted as both Ivy and Zack sat on either side of her, taking her hands. She squeezed Zack's, who was on her right. "Is it- is it concerning that I couldn't feel Ivy's hand until I looked?"

The room's mood seemed to lower dramatically. "So you can feel with it?" Shadowsan inquired.

"N-no. It's like... it's numb. I just know that I should be feeling something so it's almost like I'm convincing myself that I can."

He sighed sadly, holding his palm out. "Carmen, place your hand in mine."

She almost put her right in, but she knew what he meant.

It wouldn't move. It sat on her leg, Ivy's fingers rubbing circles into the skin as it she could rub feeling into it, too.

"Carm, look at me," Ivy commanded. The thief did so. "Now, move your fingers."

Carmen made the motion, keeping her eyes strained on Ivy so that she couldn't see it.

Ivy's voice tensed. "Move your fingers, Carmen."

"I am," she choked out, tears once again building dangerously on her lashes. Her eyes darted from face to terrified face, until they finally landed on her hand.

Carmen doubled over and cried.

I don't know why it hurts so much. There's no real pain, it's all just in my heart. I don't know why I'm grieving for a piece of flesh and bone that I can't even use anymore.

But it feels terrible.

It's unnatural to have this limp wait at my side. When I want to move it, my brain thinks that I'm moving it, and I do too.

And then it doesn't, and it scares me.

I'm overjoyed to be back home, don't get me wrong, but my happiness these days is always limited. The hours drag by and sap my energy, and by nine o'clock every night I'm either a sobbing mess or I'm knocked out on the couch. They won't let me sleep alone anymore, and I like being in the main room than in my bed.

My body often aches in places I didn't even know existed, but my medication (VERY monitored medication, that is) helps a great deal with my stress for most of the day and the throbbing in my torso. The scars on my stomach and back are pale lines now, but when I run my fingers over my bare skin, there are bumps-grooves from where VILE whipped and cut me.

Even with my body in the state that it was, the nightmares were what I wanted to get rid of the most. I would gladly keep the pain, the useless arm, if it meant I could sleep peacefully.

Unfortunately for me, none of those things were leaving any time soon.

On the worst days, the fear of sleeping will keep me awake, and Ivy has to coax my eyes shut by holding me on the couch until I've stopped shaking. Shadowsan has tried to get me to talk to him, to see if he can help me, but that's not what I want-it never will be.

No one could ever fix me, anyway.

Not after what I did.

Carmen sat on the roof of the warehouse, staring numbly out at the sunset. She had once found the colors that splashed over the water to be beautiful -calming, even- but now all she could think of when she saw the deep reds and oranges was blood.

Blood on her hands.

Spilling from her body.

Bringing pain.

Seeping into her skin.

Staining her clothes.

The thief shook her head, wiping away tears she hadn't noticed until now. There was no point in reliving those memories. Her friends hadn't pushed very hard for her to tell them what had been done to her, and she was grateful for the respect, but she knew she couldn't hide it from them-not for forever.

She was joined on the roof by the siblings, and Shadowsan came up shortly after. Ivy and Zack sat beside her, Shadowsan laying his hand on her shoulder and giving a soft but comforting squeeze.

I've been awake for almost two weeks now, and yet I still feel distant.

Carmen reached up and tugged at the sling that kept her left arm strapped tightly to her body. They had resulted to using it when she couldn't keep it bandaged comfortably to her side, and it was easier to maneuver this way. Changing was always a pain, of course, as was showering, but she'd eventually figure a rhythm out.

She would have to.

"How will this affect my abilities as a master thief?" She suddenly asked, not really addressing anyone in particular.

There was a deep, throaty sigh from Shadowsan. "I've been talking with Player. He believes he could find a prothetic arm of high enough advanced technology, and tweak it to fit your needs."

Carmen frowned. "That would cost millions of dollars." 

"It would."

She sighed. "I hate using money on myself..."

"I know. But you'll need it if you ever wish to fight VILE again. It could never be the same, of course, but I'm sure in time a solution will present itself."

The thief chuckled half-heartedly. "So much for being ambidextrous."

The joke didn't do much to lift the somber mood. 

Carmen fell asleep that night squished together with Zack and Ivy, the warmth of her friend's bodies somehow chasing away the worst of the nightmares.

AAAA THE CHILDREN

I LOVE THEM SO DUCKING MUCH.

*faints of fangirl overload*

Also I'm sorry for causing any emotional suffering, please feel free to cuss me out in the comments if you see fit, and THANK YOU FOR HELPING THIS BOOK TO GET TO ALMOST 4K READS! That literally means the WORLD to me!

Ok I'll leave now. Love y'all's!!

Have a sandiego-tastic day! (Ha ha remember that one? I know it's still terrible. It doesn't even work, like what in heck is wrong with me? XD)