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SIXTEEN ONCE UPON A THRILL

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       STORIES HAVE NO START, ATTICUS MALFOY is beginning to realise. Whilst one tale may have a natural place to begin explaining, there is no true beginning. There's always a cultivation of prologues, epigraphs, footnotes explaining different moments, the ways other act in certain situations. Whilst Atticus' story seems to start on the 15th September 1963, the day he was born, it doesn't necessarily begin there.

       Part of him wonders if the story of his life begins years before he was born, when his ancestor named Atticus Malfoy was so powerful that his parents were later inspired and hoped that, by giving their second son the same name, he would rise to power like that other Malfoy had done. Or maybe his life truly begun the day he was subject to a prank by 'the Marauders,' permanently staining his hair coal-black, and his parents realised how he wasn't destined for greatness, for leadership. All Atticus wanted was to live peacefully, to stay away from all of the ludicrous prejudice his family believed in — he wanted to explore the world, learn about witchcraft and wizardry all across the globe, how it changes according to location. He wanted to learn and learn until his brain was full.

       He didn't want this, eating dinner with his parents as they reeled off the reasons they were proud of his big brother Lucius, but not him. He didn't want this, nodding along as they said how stupid he was, studying History of Magic at N.E.W.T. level. He didn't want this, walking up to his bedroom and feeling like shit because his parents don't care. They don't care that he wants to be an adventurer, who travels the world and relays his newfound knowledge of different witchy cultures in his non-fiction masterpieces. He doesn't want to be a Ministry man, and that's that — he isn't worthy.

       "The Malfoy name is too powerful to be subjected to research," his father told him, the first and only time he expressed his dream to him. "You don't find out this information, boy. You are gifted this knowledge, because you are a Malfoy."

       By this point, Atticus doesn't really care. He knows he's going to leave school and become this world-renowned pioneer for the history of magic, but it just sucks, knowing that his family don't want anything to do with it. All he has is his best friend, and even she's a Death Eater now.

       Around midnight Atticus takes a leisurely stroll out of his bedroom, the corridors of Malfoy Manor dimly lit by the moonlight seeping in through the curtains. He opens one of the doors leading into the garden, and quietly closes it behind him. It's not like his parents would hear it, anyway, but he gets paranoid about this. He can't even imagine his parents' reaction to this... He doesn't think he wants to.

       "Well hey, stranger."

       He hears the familiar voice from the gazebo at the very end of the garden, far, far away from the rose garden and apple orchard. Atticus walks up the steps and immediately he's greeted with a smile.

       "I'm surprised you're still putting up with them," says Sirius, nodding towards Malfoy Manor. Atticus shrugs his shoulders, leaning against a side of the gazebo. "You know, if you ever wanted to leave, you can always..."

       "How do you think Mar will react to that?" says Atticus, raising an eyebrow.

       Sirius pulls a face. "I don't see her living in that house...?"

       "If I leave, she'll know I'm against everything she's doing," says Atticus, digging his hands into his pockets. For an August night it's pretty cold, the breeze biting the back of his neck. "She'll wake up eventually, but before then, I don't want to fall out with her..."

       "You don't know that," says Sirius.

       Atticus frowns. "I know her, she'll realise," he replies. He glances at Sirius, and smiles weakly. "I've only got two weeks until school starts. And after this year, I can move away, start travelling the world... I can manage my family until then."

       Sirius doesn't respond. 

       "Well, I missed you," says Sirius. Atticus looks up at him, his heart jolting. He's genuinely surprised, and he doesn't get it. After these last couple years of on-and-off talking, you would've thought that a brainwave would go off in Atticus' brain and go, HE LIKES YOU but apparently not.

       It all started a couple years back: once upon a thrill, Atticus was leaving the library late (surprise, surprise) and came across Sirius turning into his Animagus form, a black dog. He promised not to tell anyone, and Sirius was cool with it, and during the first September without the Marauders at Hogwarts, Atticus got a letter, saying, So how's school without me?

       Since then things have escalated. And by 'escalated,' Atticus means, at the start of this summer, the two had gone to the docks in Liverpool, and after the sun had set they had gone back and sat in this gazebo. And they had been talking and talking and, just like that, their faces were an inch apart, and Sirius had closed the gap between them, kissing Atticus.

       And now they're this: a thing Atticus doesn't quite get.

       "I was at Mar's for five days," says Atticus, struggling to smile. He's taken aback by this. Sirius Black missed him? But, he looks across at him, and Sirius shrugs, as if to say, 'Yeah, well, I still missed you.' "I missed you, too."

       "I can come and visit you in Hogsmeade," says Sirius. He grins. "I've missed that place, anyway... And I can't even imagine how badass you're gonna look, having a boyfriend that isn't in school anymore—"

       "Boyfriend?"

       "I figured?"

       Atticus looks at Sirius in shock. He feels as if his stomach's plummeted straight to the ground, and that the entire world has slowed down and burned up; he feels as if his cheeks have become an intense shade of pink, and he's grateful that the light's limited outside.

       "It's fine if you don't—"

       "No, no, no!" says Atticus, and he steps forwards, holding onto Sirius' hands. He smiles at him goofily, his heart swelling with joy. "I'd really like that."

       Sirius smiles back at him. Atticus leans forwards and kisses him.

       He's on cloud nine. Suddenly he realises why Margo had that massive smile on her face the day after she kissed Regulus for the first time. He can't describe this, except for how happy he feels. He feels like he's got someone, like someone other than Margo cares about him.

       But this is something he can get used to. Sneaking off down a beaten track in Hogsmeade, still a little too scared to tell his best friend that he's got a thing for her boyfriend's big brother, leaving Christmas dinner early to Apparate to Sirius' flat in London, getting to the end of the school year and thinking maybe once this war is over, we can travel together...

       And then everything crumbles.

✧

       HOLLY WAKES UP EARLY the next morning, the locket around her neck feeling... strange. She feels almost as if she's going to get a headache from it; during parts of the night she'd wake up, convinced she was back at school and scrambling away from her mother, who was inching closer and closer, until the blood began to pour from her neck... She gives Harry the locket as soon as he walks back into the tent. And then, the four of them remove the enchantments and move to a new woods, in a new part of the countryside.

       The next few days consist of planning and thinking, planning and thinking. They must've gone through Hermione's inherited copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard at least three days, trying to pick out anything of interest. There were the Deathly Hallows, sure, but the story wasn't of importance, and Holly had to step backwards whenever Hermione started to think about how that tale could help them.

       They go through Voldemort's life, thinking about the different places he went over his years. Holly was adamant on the idea that he wouldn't dream of planting a Horcrux in that orphanage, every time they got back to the beginning. Then there was Hogwarts, and then Borgin and Burkes, and then Albania...

       "Yeah, let's go to Albania," says Ron. "Shouldn't take more than an afternoon to search an entire country."

       "That's the spirit," says Holly, rolling her eyes.

       "There can't be anything there. He'd already made five of his Horcruxes before he went into exile, and Dumbledore was certain the snake is the sixth," says Hermione. "We know the snake's not in Albania, it's usually with Vol—"

       "Didn't I ask you to stop saying that?"

       "Fine! The snake is usually with You-Know-Who — happy?"

       "Not particularly," says Ron.

       Holly crosses her arms. "Well, we can always have a look into this mirror and see if that shows anywhere," she suggests, trying to ignore the increasing amount of tension in the tent. "We sort-of have an idea of where he might leave something, so if this mirror shows anything we can figure out where it's telling us..."

       "We're relying on a magic mirror?" says Ron.

       "Yes, Snow White, we are," says Holly, giving him a look. He rolls his eyes back at her, and she ignores it. She's used to Durmstrang and Slytherin, she can handle a grumpy ginger. "And if this mirror doesn't help, then we go to places of significance."

       "I can't see him hiding anything at Borgin and Burkes," says Harry, repeating this for the fifth time today. "Borgin and Burke were experts at dark objects, they would've recognised a Horcrux straightaway." Holly nods in agreement. She hears Ron yawn. "I still reckon he might have hidden something at Hogwarts."

       "But Dumbledore would have found it, Harry!"

       "Dumbledore said in front of me that he never assumed he knew all of Hogwarts' secrets. I'm telling you, if there was one place Vol—"

       "OI!"

       Harry turns to Ron. "YOU-KNOW-WHO, then!"

       Holly doesn't remember the rest of the conversation, since it boiled down to most of their discussions nowadays; the boys would get pissed off at each other, and that was it, they wouldn't work together for the next couple of hours.

       But then, a few days later, the conversation turns to something else — the sword of Gryffindor. The portrait of Phineas Nigellus eludes to the fact that the sword can destroy Horcruxes, which is enough for Harry and Hermione to look over the moon. Holly glances up as Harry jumps to his feet, pacing up and down the tent.

       "Where would he have left it?" says Hermione, in regards to Dumbledore and the sword.

       "Not at Hogwarts," says Harry.

       "Somewhere in Hogsmeade?" says Hermione.

      "The Shrieking Shack?" says Harry. "Nobody goes in there."

      "Doesn't Snape how to get in there?" says Holly.

       "Dumbledore trusted Snape," says Harry.

       "Not enough to tell him that he had swapped the swords," says Hermione. Holly raises her eyebrows in an 'ohhhh that's a good point!' fashion.

       "Yeah, you're right!" says Harry, looking relieved. "So, would he have hidden the sword well away from Hogsmeade, then? What d'you reckon, Ron? Ron?"

       Ron lies on the bottom bunk. "Oh, remembered me, have you?"

       "What?"

       "You three carry on. Don't let me spoil your fun."

       Holly winces. Harry and Hermione look equally confused, and before Holly can say something along the lines of 'hey, Ron, you all right?' Harry says, "What's the problem?"

       "Problem? There's no problem," says Ron. He doesn't look at all three of them. Holly suddenly feels very away that she isn't a part of this group, not really, she's never seen them argue. She's used to Pansy, not this. She's used to people getting annoyed and her knowing straightaway, not grumbled comments like, "Not according to you, anyway..."

       "Well, you've obviously got a problem," says Harry.

       Holly has no idea what she's supposed to do. If it wasn't raining she'd sit outside and let them talk about this... She recognises the fact that Harry, Ron, and Hermione have been in hiding in a tent for over a month, and that they're wearing a Horcrux a third of the day. That's got to be affecting their mood — it would affect anyone.

       "Harry," she says quietly, as if to warn him.

       "No, I want to know!" he says. Holly frowns, as he turns back to Ron. "Spit it out, will you?"

       "All right, I'll spit it out," says Ron, and he swings his legs off of the bed, getting to his feet. He looks pissed off, and he glares directly at Harry. "Don't expect me to skip up and down the tent because there's some other damn thing we've got to find. Just add it to the list of stuff you don't know."

       "I don't know?" says Harry. "I don't know?"

        "It's not like I'm not having the time of my life here, you know, with my arm mangled and nothing to eat and freezing my backside off every night," says Ron. "I just hoped, you know, after we'd been running round for a few weeks, we'd have achieved something."

       "Ron," says Hermione quietly.

       "I thought you knew what you'd signed up for," says Harry.

       "Yeah," says Ron, letting out a grumble. "I thought I did, too."

       "So what part of it isn't living up to your expectations?" says Harry, stepping forwards. Holly looks at Hermione, who's frozen completely. "Did you think we'd be staying in five-star hotels? Finding a Horcrux every other day? Did you think you'd be back to Mummy by Christmas?"

       "We thought you knew what you were doing!" says Ron. Holly sees Harry's expression react, just for a second. "We thought Dumbledore had told you what to do, we thought you had a real plan!"

       "RON!" says Hermione, although she's ignored.

       "Well, sorry to let you down. I've been straight with you from the start, I told you everything Dumbledore told me," says Harry. "And in case you haven't noticed, we've found one Horcrux—"

       "Yeah, and we're about as near getting rid of it as we are to finding the rest of them — nowhere fucking near, in other words!"

       "Take off the locket, Ron," says Hermione, her voice rushed. "Please take it off — you wouldn't be talking like this if you hadn't been wearing it all day—"

       "Yeah, he would," says Harry. "D'you think I haven't noticed the two of you whispering behind my back? D'you think I didn't guess you were thinking this stuff?"

       Holly steps forwards, putting her hand on Harry's arm. "C'mon, you don't mean this, you've been trapped together since August, you're bound to get agitated, all of you—"

       "Oh, come off it," says Ron. "You're not in the same boat as us. If anything goes wrong ickle cousin Draco will save you, won't he?"

       She freezes, genuinely stunned. Her grip on Harry's arm softens completely, as she begins to say, "My dad..." but then she cuts herself off. For a second she relives watching him go, relives being killed in Malfoy Manor, relives running out of that house with no idea what will happen to Draco.

       Harry steps in front of her. "So why are you still here?" he asks Ron.

       "Search me," says Ron, with a shrug.

       "Go home, then," says Harry.

       "Yeah, maybe I will!" says Ron, stepping closer to Harry. "You know, it's all right for you three, isn't it, with your parents safely out of the way—"

       "MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!"

       "AND MINE COULD BE GOING TO SAME WAY!"

       "THEN GO!" shouts Harry. "Go back to them, pretend you've got over your spattergroit and Mummy'll be able to feed you up and—"

       Ron moves, but before either boy can get their wand out, Hermione casts Protego, keeping them apart. The shouting from before has gone completely, the only noise in the tent being the rain hitting it outside. Holly glances at Hermione, who's close to tears.

       "Leave the Horcrux," says Harry.

       Ron takes it off. He turns to Hermione. "What are you doing?"

       "What do you mean?" she says.

       "Are you staying, or what?" he asks her.

       "I..." Hermione pauses, her brows furrowing. Holly looks away, feeling awkward. She feels like she shouldn't have seen this. She isn't in their group, is she, and yet she's seen the worst argument they could've had. "Yes — yes I'm staying, Ron, we said we'd go with Harry, we said we'd help—"

       "I get it," says Ron. "You choose him."

       Hermione's voice fills with desperation. "Ron, no — please — come back, come back!" she says, and she tries to get past her shield charm to catch him. She frantically attempts to remove it and runs out of the tent, leaving Holly and Harry.

       "He didn't mean that," says Holly quietly.

       "No, he did," says Harry, putting the Horcrux around his neck. Holly watches him for a minute, unsure what to do. She frowns, and she opens her mouth to say something, but he turns to her. "Did you think that, too? That I don't know what I'm doing?"

       Holly furrows her brows. "The thing is, the reason they thought that is because you three have been trapped together for so long now... You're all getting cabin fever, you're all getting agitated easily — you're on the run and you're wearing that thing and you don't know what's going on in the outside world," she says. "They didn't mean that stuff."

       "You didn't say if you thought it, too," says Harry.

       She looks at him, and she shrugs. "I didn't think you'd know everything. Dumbledore wouldn't have had enough time to explain everything to you," says Holly. "But then, I haven't been here for as long as you three, whereas Ron and Hermione—"

       "Were getting fed up of being with me—"

       "OK, Potter, that was not what I said," says Holly, giving him a look.

       Harry frowns. "Would you leave?"

       Holly narrows her eyes. "Where would I go?"

       Harry goes quiet after that. Holly rolls her eyes.

       "I didn't mean it like that."

       "What, like you're only here because you've got nowhere else?"

       "OK, well, that is sort-of true... But I could've gone to Greece to find my dad. I stayed here because I want to help you. If you don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you're doing. But I want to know you're safe."

       "I don't know for how long," he tells her.

       "Don't say that," she says, crossing her arms. "I'm meant to be dead. If you go, I go."

       "I'm not letting you do that—"

       "How do you think I feel, when you say that stuff?"

       "Too many people have already died for me, I don't—"

       "You forget there's a reason you're his only threat. And it's not just because you're connected," says Holly. "You're braver than he can imagine, and you said it yourself, you feel love, he doesn't... I'm just saying. I doubt you're wanted, just because the two of you are connected."

       And, with that, Hermione returns to the tent, her wet hair sticking to her face. She bursts into tears, exclaiming that Ron's gone, and she collapses into one of the chairs. Holly walks over to her and puts her arms around her, letting Hermione cry onto her shoulder.

✧

       ATTICUS' BEST FRIEND shows up at his flat after months of no visits, with tears rolling down her cheeks as she lets out, "I slept with a muggle and now I'm pregnant and Regulus is dead and I'm fucked I'm going to die if anyone finds out what I've done they'll me and they'll kill my baby and I don't know what to do—" And Atticus hugs Margo with all of his might and, just like, he gives up his life, his dream, for a person he's yet to meet. He marries his best friend, but not the one he wanted to. He spends his life in a prison for a crime he didn't even want to commit — and he never even got to leave Europe.

       And now he's here, living a washed-up life. He never got to travel the world, learn about thousands of years of history, because he had made that choice when he was eighteen. His best friend had fucked up, yeah, but he wasn't doing it for her, and he knows that now. He saw the real matter at hand — if he didn't help Margo and she went to Azkaban (like she would, she isn't as smart as everyone thinks) then, what would happen to that child of hers? There's no way the Death Eaters would hand the kid over to a muggle, and he doubts they'd ever find out who the father was. So the baby would be left with some Death Eater family and raised to agree with those ideals. Even if Margo managed to escape the grips of Azkaban, there's no way that child would grow up unbiased. It was weird, but Atticus felt some responsibility towards that baby.

       Which explains his current situation. Why he's taken a ghost's job, why he's sitting in a classroom at Hogwarts with the most defeated look across his face, why he's listening carefully to any conversation that could alude to how Holly is.

       Because he feels it again, this responsibility. Gus doesn't know about what is going on, and he can't know anything, not until this is over. Atticus barely knows Gus, but he can gather that if he discovered what had happened to his daughter, he would march back into the UK with a fiery vengeance. So Atticus is spending the war at Hogwarts, struggling to seem friendly with the other Death Eaters working at the school. Part of him wants to walk up to McGonagall, or even Flitwick, and say, "I'm on your side!" But he knows he can't. It'll make things worse for himself and for Holly... At least if he's seen as a Death Eater, he can get to her if she's found...

       ... He hopes she's OK. Really.

       There's a knock at the door.

       "Come in," he says, rubbing his eyes.

       Pansy Parkinson looks at him awkwardly, closing the door behind him.

       "I wanted to ask a question," she says.

       "I don't teach you," says Atticus, and he thinks, don't ask about Holly, this isn't safe.

       "I know, but, you're Holly's step-dad," says Pansy.

       Atticus stands up. "I think you know how dangerous that subject is," he says, giving her a look, hoping she'll take the hint. "Go back to your common room. It's unsafe to wander the halls."

       Pansy gives him a nasty look.

       As if he cares. His best friend was Margo Valen. He can handle a nasty look.

—✧—✧—✧—✧—

im so sorry for how long this took!!! honestly i was really uninspired, and if you didn't know, i took a break from this account for most of september

but, during the break i took, i started a story on my second account killbiII called Ruby, Ruby. it's a stranger things fic and i'm honestly really proud of how it's turning out, even though there's a couple of chapters out. but like, i'm super pleased with it and if you like stranger things, i'd really like it if you checked it out.

so, i hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you thought! :-)