—-

I know this isn't the kind of thing I usually post, and it seems very sudden, but I need to get this stuff off my chest

Sorry

I feel like crap

Last night was so incredibly amazing. I got to see an AMAZING show that a thoroughly enjoyed

I woke up this morning crying. Quite literally. My mom came and woke me up cause I had slept through my alarm. The first thing I did when I woke up was cry.

I don't even know why. I just cried.

My mom was super sweet and helped me calm down, and we watched Scrubs while I ate breakfast.

Everything was fine, we listed to Rent in the car, and I walked to class in a good mood.

And then I sat down in class and immediately felt like crying again.

For no reason.

And by then my mom was already driving home. I contemplated texting my mom but I knew my teacher wouldn't let me take my phone out. So I sat in the back of the classroom and cried.

And nobody noticed.

And my teacher asked if I was paying attention and I just nodded.

I spent my entire first period crying and then I had to act like I was fine so my friends wouldn't worry.

And I went to my art class and nearly cried some more, but I held it in and almost hyperventilated.

I thought about going to see the school counselor but I was too nervous or embarrassed to ask for a hall pass to go

And I went to my next class and had managed to stop the crying. But I was still nervous and at one point my friend asked me if I had a pen to use and I must have jumped 10 feet in the air, cause I was so anxious I forgot people where around me.

And I barely ate my lunch and I cried as soon as I got in the car on the way home

I talked to my mom about it and she offered to have me go see a therapist, because this has been happening so much lately.

Like that time a month or so ago I had a breakdown in the middle of resteraunt.

And last Saturday when I overreacted to a sore through and caused myself to have a panic attack.

Apparently my mom had the same issues when she was my age, and she said they are probably panic attacks. She asked if I knew what caused them, and I don't even know

And the few things that bring me comfort (theatre, art, my ocs) aren't with me when I need them

sorry