this is sort of a rant ig

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I've started having panic attacks again

I hadn't had one in years until about a month ago, a few weeks ago I started seeing a therapist because of how out of control the attacks were become

It's hard to describe, but every time it happens I feel like I'm not even in my own body. I feel so sick and I want to cry and I can't do anything. They can last from a few minutes to half an hour in one circumstance

Not only that, but one of my friends has been insulting me a lot lately , and I know she doesn't mean harm, and it's meant to be a joke, but it hurts so much.

And I've been so uncomfortable with my body lately. It's not dysphoria or anything, but I hate my body parts, but not because I'm large or I think I'm ugly. In fact, I think I look decent. But I just hate the fact that I'm not comfortable in my own freaking body. And it's so hard to explain the feeling. Like somethings not right with what's inside of me.

And writing and art are ways to make me feel better

So I'm going to write until I can't

And I'm going to draw until I can't

And I'm going to sing until a f—-ing cant

kinda sorry