Ratchets not sure what he's seeing when he pieces Ironhide's spark chamber back together after a battle with the Decepticons. the weapons specialist is unconscious, Ratchets doing, so he doesn't squirm and more importantly, can't tell Ratchet what the strange mark is. its not a very big mark, but it is on several pieces of his chest plates. it gathers all of Ratchets attention though. its not supposed to be there, nothing should be marking the spark chamber, but Ironhides never mentioned anything. maybe the mech didn't know it was there?

as Ratchet gets a closer look, he sort of recognizes it, but can't put a name on it. he's seen it before, or at least he's pretty sure he has.

its not until he finally pieces his plates together, that he realizes just what he's seeing. its a hand print, a human hand print. it has so much detail that a finger print check can be done on it.

Ratchet gives it a confused look, why the hell would Ironhide have a human hand print near his spark, before quickly scanning it and running it through every system he can think of. he was trying to figure out how this hand print was basically laser burned into one of the toughest part of the mechs armor. he wants to know whose it is and he wants to know why its there.... until the scan comes up with a positive match.

Captain William David Lennox, DECEASED

suddenly, Ratchets angry at himself for prying. angry for getting into business that wasn't his. of course it was Wills.

Will had been an Autobot Ally, Ironhides human charge, and bondmate, due to Allspark energy exposure, for just under 20 years. the same energy had caused the 50 year old mans early demise. everyone had assumed Ironhide had taken it in stride, like always. it had been almost 5 years since the man had died. the mech had never spoken a word, but he'd changed.

Ratchet ran Ironhides transformation process through his CPU, trying to figure out where the hand print would land since he'd never seen it before. to his surprise, he finds the print lands on Ironhides dash board, a place Ratchet remembers Will always patting affectionately or smacking when the mech annoyed him.

Ratchet silently fixes his friend up before stepping back to work on the next bad injury, but he dwells on Ironhide, wondering how he could've missed it. he shakes his head after a bit and keeps working.

when Ironhide wakes up the mechs servo immediately flies up, not to his freshly repaired wound, but directly over where Wills hand print would be, something Ratchet remembers him doing often when he gets injured, even when the wound was no where near the hand print, like Ironhide was assuring himself it was still there.

it clicks immediately in the medics mind, replaying the scene where Ironhide had been injured on the field. he thinks it over and realizes, the injury had been aimed directly at Wills hand print and Ironhide had deliberately put his spark in danger just to make sure the hand print wasn't destroyed completely, even if it had broken the pieces around it. Ironhide had risked his spark to keep Wills hand print safe, like he hadn't been able to do for Will.

Ironhide looks at Ratchet almost confused, until he notices the medic staring at his servo over Wills hand print. immediately Ironhide removes his servo, staring Ratchet down silently. after a moment Ratchet meets his optic and Ironhide tenses. he knows. Ratchet knows, and he knows Ironhide knows he knows. Ratchet glances back down before nodding once and copying a human gesture, pretending to zip his lip plates. a wave of relief passes over the mech, a wave of understanding between them. Ratchet won't mention it, but he does silently offers support if Ironhide needs it. Ironhide relaxes slightly, watching Ratchet turn to walk over to Bumblebee.

"you can go now Ironhide." Ratchet says, helping Bumblebee up gently. Ironhide watches him only a moment before nodding.

"alright, thanks doc." Ironhide mutters, getting up. he doesn't stop, doesn't look back. he doesn't spare a second glance at Ratchet and the medic doesn't give him a second glance either. there's a mutual respect between the two.

Ironhide's grieving, despite the passed time he's still grieving, and Ratchet refuses to get in the way. Ironhide knows he can come back for support later if he pleases. one does not simply get over a bondmates death, they grieve the rest of their lives.

Ratchet spares the doors a glance as they slam shut behind Ironhide and gives a small sigh.

Ironhides silent walking through the base. the other Autobots seem to realize something was up with the mech and immediately got out of his way. he doesn't look angry, he looks almost confused. a confused Ironhide, in a state like this, is worse than an angry Ironhide.

an angry Ironhide would never purposefully injure his friends, but a confused Ironhide almost couldn't recognize his friends and would hurt anyone in his path.

he looks utterly lost, like he had for the first year after Wills death. its not an unfamiliar look these days, on the mechs face plates, and they know to stay out of the way. they knew to stay away and not to mention Will. no one wanted to end up like Jazz had.

three days after Wills death, Jazz had stopped Ironhide in the hall with a soft "hey man, I'm sorry about it, but if you ever wanna talk about Will let me know." Ironhide had lost it. a red flare had come over his optics and he'd ripped into Jazz, literally. he destroyed the mech. he'd ripped off one of Jazz' arms, crushed his hip joints, beat the mech until Optimus had literally wrestled him off. Ironhide had vanished for 3 weeks after that, but was definitely not the same mech once he returned.

Ironhide had never been the same after Wills death. sure he'd still been a grumpy old mech, angry and triggerhappy, but he had changed. he put himself into more dangerous situations, he didn't care if he lived or offlined. he didn't care.

he hated humans, or at least pretended he did. he still had a soft spot for Sam and Epps, but he never got close to any other humans. he refused. two years after Wills death, Optimus had attempted to assign him another human charge, more to give Ironhide something to do than out of need, and Ironhide had lost it. he'd flat out attacked the Prime and nearly killed the human. Ironhide refused to allow any human in his interior. human soldiers were allowed in the bed of his alt while on missions but no one was allowed in his cab.

Ironhide shakes his head, pull from his thoughts when a servo lands on his shoulder. he turns his head to look at the Prime behind him.

"Prime." Ironhide mutters.

"why don't you go out for a drive old friend." Optimus suggests.

"scaring human soldiers again?" Ironhide huffs. Optimus gives a tight apologetic smile.

"a little. go on, go for a drive." Optimus murmurs.

"whatever." Ironhide mutters, shaking hsi head. he transforms and speeds off. one place in mind.

Lennox family farm.

Optimus had pulled strings to get the Lennox farm to stay as military property, so Ironhide would have a place to go. so Sam and Bumblebee could go out and think about Will quietly. so any of the human soldiers who please, could go out and just reminisce.

Ironhide wastes no time pulling up to the farm house and sitting in the driveway like he always used to. he stares for a few minutes before letting out a quiet sigh, activating his holoform.

he clutches the set of keys Will left him in his left hand, despite the fact he doesn't need them, he uses them anyway. Will always hated it when his holoform just appeared in the house. he opens the door slowly, staring into the house.

"somethings never change I guess." Ironhide murmurs, walking in slowly. the house is silent and still, looking more like the brig to Ironhide than the once loved and lived in home. "can't believe I let some stupid human.... can't believe I let it hurt like this." Ironhide mutters.

y'know, one of these days, you're going to have to tell Ratchet about me.

Ironhide stiffens and his holoform swallows hard. he doesn't turn.

"can't do that." Ironhide mutters.

and why not?

"we've been over this. hallucinations in Cybertronians mean a loss of sanity. I'd be stripped of my rank, my cannons, all my weapons. I'd lose my freedoms. I wouldn't be allowed to leave the base or fight. there is no cure. no program that can fix this. no medic that can rewrite the code. its a death sentence Will." Ironhide says, finally turning. Will grins at him cheekily from the arm of the couch. "you know how I feel about you sitting there. the real Will would never sit like that." Ironhide frowns, turning away.

hey! I am real! I'm your memories!

"you're my CPU glitching and causing insanity." Ironhide argues.

you love me though. hallucination or not, you'd have really gone insane without me a long time ago.

Ironhide heaves a sigh and sits on the couch.

"yeah... I know... I do love you and I miss you.... this was all my fault." Ironhide mutters.

no it wasn't. I was a deadman either way Hide.

"but I-" Ironhide tries.

it was only a matter of time. the Allspark energy was killing me Hide, if Starscream hadn't.... I would've died anyway Hide. you know that.

"I know..." Ironhide admits softly. "that doesn't mean I have to like it." Ironhide mutters.

I don't expect you to like it. I expect you to hate it. I expect you to hate yourself, to hate me, to hate Sam, to hate Optimus. I expect you to be angry.... I expect you to be you.... but you're not. not anymore.... you're not the Hide I remember.

"I will never be that mech again Will.... you were my bondmate. you physically ripped my spark in half when you died. Ratchet fixed it, of course, but there's that crack in it that no one can fix. I'm not the same mech you knew anymore.... I'll never be him again Will." Ironhide murmurs. his hallucination stays silent for a moment.

Hide?

"hmm?" he grunts.

you should tell Ratchet about me. I know he'll fix everything without risking everything.

Ironhide shakes his head.

"I'll go insane without you." Ironhide murmurs.

you're going insane with me.

Will laughs. he actually laughs, and its a sound Ironhide honestly didn't realize he remembered. he gave a small smile at the sound, but it falls quickly.

"I can't lose you again." he admits.

you won't. you have your memories of me. your holoprojector. you won't lose me.

"Will, I can't." Ironhide murmurs.

yes you can. its okay Hide. you can do this. Ratchet already knows about the hand print, you can tell him about me.

"and if he decides I need to get rid of the hand print?" Ironhide asks. Will shakes his head.

he won't. I promise. you know this. come on Hide. its time for you to get some help.... its time you let me move on.

Ironhide nods and sighs.

"okay. you're right... I'm gonna miss you asshole." Ironhide murmurs, turning to smile at the hallucination. Will smiles back at him.

love you too bastard.