Kabanata 33

"Sana tayo na lang, sana tayo na lang ulit." Gio was micmicking the lines from the movie.

Binato ko siya ng unan sa mukha kaya napuno ng tawanan ang buong sala.

I rolled my eyes at him as I went back on creating a powerpoint template for our entrepreneurship presentation.

"Ginagaya ko lang! Ba't ka nasasaktan?!" Reklamo ni Gio habang hawak-hawak ang binato kong unan.

"Alam mo magpa-pasko pa naman tapos ginaganyan mo lang ako?" nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kanya.

"Di mo rin naman ako reregaluhan kahit na maging mabait ako sa'yo. What's new?" ngumuso si Gio.

Nasa bahay kami ngayon at gumagawa ng preparations para sa product proposal namin para sa Foundation week na gaganapin next month.

I can't believe it's December already. Ang init pa rin kasi sa Pilipinas.

"Alam niyo bakit kaya nanonood lang tayo ng One More Chance? Di natin tinatapos 'tong powerpoint para sa presentation?" tanong ni Bea, who was focused on doing the ppt.

I felt guilty so I immediately went to her to help her with designing and adding information for the ppt.

Gio and Melay were really good with reporting and marketing. The rest of our groupmates are also good with other things such as cooking, doing the financial statements, and preparing the things we'll use for the event.

I used to think that people are being a free loader when they're not helping with certain actions needed for our group — hindi ko man lang naisip na iba't-ibang tao kami na may kalakasan at kahinaan. We all have our differences, we just have to accept it. Some put so much effort and some are just laidback.

Instead of being piss off because of free loaders, you just might as well use them for what they're good for. Mapipikon ka lang kasi talaga kung palaging iisipin mo na dapat fair distribution. May mga tao kasi talaga masisipag sa pag-aaral at may mga tao naman na talagang makapal ang mukha — but in the end, sila rin naman ang mahihirapan humabol sa reyalidad na kailangan nila ito matutunan.

"Tapos na ang ppt?" tanong ng isa naming kagrupo. If this was asked by someone to me before, I'll probably roll my eyes and answer in sarcasm.

That was me before. I was clearly different in a span of a month.

Slowly but surely. I'm trying to change. Hindi man sobrang bilis o sobrang laki ng pagbabago ay inuunti-unti ko naman ito.

Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, it's the experience who let's you heal your own wounds and accept your scars.

"Yup!" Ngumiti ako.

"Thanks, Zafirah and Bea! Thank you sa effort!" our groupmate said with sincerity.

The simple appreciation made my heart swell with happiness.

"Dati akala ko sobrang sungit ni Zafirah. Ayaw nga kitang maging kagrupo noon..." another one commented.

"You always tend to be bossy," may tumikhim pa.

"Mukha ba akong nangangangat?" I joked.

"Hindi naman. Pero sobrang focus ka kasi sa grades, GC ba. Nakakalimutan mo nang makisama..."

I didn't get hurt by what he said. Kung dati ay parang balat sibuyas ako sa mga kritisismo saakin, ngayon ay kinukuha ko na lamang ito para mag-improve ako. I was trying to help improve my mental health and in order to do that I don't have to take everything to my heart and let my mind be consumed by it.

There's a reason why the heart and mind are in two different areas of our body. Minsan dumadaan muna ito sa isip bago sa puso o kaya'y dadaan muna ito sa puso bago sa isip. Madalas nananatili muna ito sa isang lugar.

Pero nakakalimutan natin na pwede naman kasing pumasok at lumabas ito sa tenga natin. Piliin lang natin ang mga maaaring manatili sa puso man o sa isip para sa mas tahimik na buhay.

"Well, I really did value my grades. Of course, I still do. Pero mas gusto ko na munang i-enjoy na lang. Sa college na lang ulit ako mas-stress." Pagbibiro ko. All of them laughed at me heartily.

Walang mali sa pagiging grade conscious. But not with the expense of actually sacrificing your social life because you value your grades too much. Ang grado ay mababawi pa, pero ang tingin sa'yo ng mga tao ay maaaring hindi na.

It was already our Christmas break but we're still doing something related to our school. Ganun naman talaga e, pinipilit lang namin na maaga matapos para hindi hassle sa mga uuwi ng probinsya sa darating na pasko.

"Ade is inviting us. Party daw?" Anyaya ni Gio saakin nang magsimula na ako magligpit ng materyales na ginamit kanina.

Tumingin ako sa wallclock.

It was already 5pm and almost all of them are already home. Si Gio na lang ang natira dahil tumulong pa siyang mag-ayos ng bahay.

"Inom? Ayoko."

Gio shrugged his shoulders. "Pwede ka naman hindi uminom. Karaoke lang daw."

After being legal, akala mo palaging octoberfest kung magyaya ang mga kaklase ko o kaya kaibigan ko ng inuman. Syempre 'yung iba hindi naman pumapayag pero madalas lahat sila ay game na game.

Hindi naman talaga everyday walwal kapag eighteen ka na. Honestly, I don't even like the taste of it. May mga kaklase o kaibigan lang talaga ako na sinusulit ang pagiging eighteen nila, as if they can't drink anymore in the next years of their lives.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang magtaas ng kilay. "Kakanta ako?"

Masakit man pero matagal ko nang tanggap na wala akong talent. Singing is definitely not my forte, kahit nga skill ay hindi talaga e.

Humalakhak si Gio. "Alam mo pwede mo namang sabihin na ayaw mo e."

I contemplated if I can ask this. Ade is friends with him. Kaya agad akong umiwas ng tingin at binatuhan ng tanong si Gio.

"Pupunta ba siya?"

Natigilan si Gio at tumingin lang saakin nang seryoso.

"Nevermind. Bakit ba nagyaya si Ade?" I asked, trying to change the topic. Ano naman ngayon kung pupunta si Sath? What will I do? Nothing.

"Ewan ko roon? Trip niya lang." kibit balikat ni Gio.

Sa huli ay napapayag ako ni Gio dahil ayoko rin namang maging loner sa bahay. Nasa probinsya kasi si Tita Clara at ang mga pinsan ko. Pagbalik nila ay saka ako naman ang pupunta sa Batangas para roon mag-Pasko.

I decided to go with jeans and a white button down shirt. Napatingin ako sa salamin habang nag-aayos, I applied some mascara and a nude lipstick I always wanted to try on.

Sa isang KTV Bar kami pumunta ni Gio. Mukhang may nakapagpa-reserve na nga talaga para sa'min. Pumasok kami sa isang kwarto kung nasaan nandoon na si Ade at ang mga kaibigan niya. The dancing lights welcomed us as we enter the room.

"Hey," Ade was the one who greeted us.

They already ordered food. Most of them were sizzling plates and grilled seafood. Siguro ay talagang gusto lang ni Ade ng get together. I saw his friends on the couches.

Si Iscalade ay may kausap na babae. Sachael was typing on his phone while Cae was entering the number on the karaoke with Aisha, if I recall her name right.

"Bakit ka nagyaya?" tanong ko kay Ade. Umupo ako pinaka-gilid kasama si Gio.

Agad na kumuha si Gio nung mga pagkain sa lamesa. Wala ngang alak, puro juice lang ang nandoon.

"States ako sa pasko. Gusto ko lang kayo makita," Ade pinched my cheeks.

I pouted and tapped his hand away. Tumawa naman si Ade.

"Gumaganda ka."

Humalakhak ako. "What the hell? Araw-araw mo ako nakikita noon!"

Since we're on a break, I decided to cut my hair to shoulder length and dyed it with a lighter shade of my hair. Sabi nga ni Clary, it made my skin look more fair.

"I don't know? You seem prettier or well more okay. You look gloomy before..."

I know it didn't seem malicious to Ade. Sanay na sanay na ito pumuri ng babae kaya naman walang malisya 'yung pagkakasabi niya saakin.

I furrowed my brows, causing my forehead to crease.

"Geez, did I really look too stressed out before?"

"Yup, anyway order anything you like." then realization came into his face. "Pupunta pala mamaya si Sarathiel..."

"Oh," I tried to calm my racing heart. "I don't mind."

Sakto namang bumukas ang pintuan. I knew he was coming but it felt like I haven't seen him for ages when I saw him again.

"Sarathiel!" tawag ni Ade kay Sarathiel na kaagad lumingon para tanawin si Ade.

Sarathiel was sporting a longsleeves polo and pants with leather shoes. He looks nice.

Our gazes met and locked with each other.

He smiled.

He fucking smiled.

There was no hurt, pain, anger or any emotion on his smile.

It was pure indifference.

But it hurted so bad.

It made my insides burst out. It was stomach churning for me.

How could he hurt me by only smiling?

I smiled back. Kahit labag sa loob ko at kahit para bang may mabigat sa dibdib ko.

It was the only thing I could do for now.

"Did you bring Cait along?" tanong ni Sachael na tahimik kanina.

"Nag-restroom lang saglit," Sarathiel said, shrugging.

I knew I was delusional to think it was false alarm. Of course, Cait was also here. Sath used to always ask me if I like to tag along with him during events like this. Iniiwasan niya kasi 'yung nangyari noon sa movie.

Gio suddenly leaned towards me to whisper. "Magpapanggap na ba ako na syota mo?"

I looked at him and widen my eyes.

I laughed at his serious expression. "Baliw! Hindi makatotohanan."

Ngumuso siya. "Sabagay, tap the table three times if you wanna go home. Iuuwi na lang kita kapag dumating 'yung babae..."

I knew Gio felt guilty but he wasn't responsible for anything. Kahit si Ade ay wala namang pananagutan. Everyone thinks we've moved on.

I was just stuck with the thought that there's still something. Kahit kaunti lang...Kahit kapipirangot...Tatanggapin ko.

When Caitlyn entered the room, I knew I should just stop fantasizing about it anymore.

Her outfit was matching the color of Sarathiel's. She was wearing a shirt from a luxurious brand, denim jeans and doll shoes. I was watching Sarathiel the entire time, I knew the way Sath looked at her...like she was a precious diamond among the rocks.

Of course I know...

He used to look at me like that before too.

I cleared my throat. Tigilan mo na ito, Zaf. You're clearly only hurting yourself with these thoughts.

I painfully returned my gaze to Sarathiel who was staring at me indifferently.

Masasanay din ako, Sath. But for now, let me hurt a bit. Let me just swallow this painful truth that I no longer have your heart.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜