Kabanata 25

"Wala bang nagmamahal sa kanya? Kulang ba siya sa aruga? Tangina naman. Kuya, two points po kay Czanne kasi akala niya syota niya 'yung syota ng aports ko." Gio was pissed off, he was still rubbing my back while I was sobbing.

I was petrified in the same spot. I couldn't move even a finger because I'm still trying to digest in my head what's infront of me.

May kaparatan ako, I know. Pero sino ako para pigilan siyang sumaya? It's my fault for not knowing his birthday earlier. Ano naman ang laban ko kay Czanne? She did things with more effort.

Kung tutuusin ay kaya niyang pagsabayin siguro ang pag-alaga kay Sath at ang pag-aaral niya. Unlike me who's finding it hard to even know my own boyfriend's birthday.

Envy crept inside my heart as I saw Czanne being cheered on by the people around them.

"Hey," parang kabute na biglang sumulpot si Arrisea. She was licking a lollipop. Her eyes went to the box that Gio was holding for me.

"Para kay Sarathiel? Bakit hindi mo ibigay?" Arrisea asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Umiling ako.

"Mamaya na lang..." I tried to get the box from Gio but Arrisea snatched it.

"Sis, hindi ikaw 'yung sidechick. Bigay mo na. Kapal ng mukha nung Czang baliw na 'yon." She bit her lollipop and walked towards the STEM building.

"Hoy Sarathiel! Tapos na ba 'yan? May surprise kami rito, si Zafirah naka-hubad!" Sigaw ni Arrisea. My jaw dropped and Gio was hiding his laughter.

The people around them made way for Sarathiel to come to our direction. He strides towards us. Agad naman akong umiwas ng tingin.

"Arrisea!" bigla akong namula dahil nakakahiya ang isinigaw niya!

"Saan?" I could hear the teasing voice of Sath.

"Hoy PG-13 lang tayo rito!" Gio added. I was about to run away but someone grabbed me in my wrist.

"Akala ko ba naka-hubad?" Sath chuckled.

Namungay ang kanyang mga mata nang makita na umiiyak ako. Agad na nawala ang mapaglarong ngiti sa kanyang labi. Napalitan ito ng nagaalalang mukha.

"S-sath, d-di pa tapos surprise sa'yo roon." Pinahid ko 'yung mga bakas ng luha sa mukha ko.

I was so weak when it comes to Sath and my acads. They were my biggest achievements, that's why without them — I really think I can't do things well.

"Hindi naman mahalaga 'yon." Sath was the one who wiped the tears for me and he also remove a few strands of hair from my face.

"Sayang effort..." I cleared my throat, napatingin sa direksyon nila Czanne. She was still holding the cake with distraught written all over her face.

"Mas sayang mga luha mo. Di mo dapat iniiyakan 'yung mga bagay na di naman mahalaga saatin." He scoffed while looking at me.

The lump on my throat only gets bigger when he decided to hugged me. Agad din naman siyang humiwalay sa akin.

"Lunch?" yaya ni Sath. Tumango naman ako.

Inabot ni Arrisea saakin 'yung box. Kinuha ko naman ito sa kanya. Inakbayan ni Gio si Arrisea pagkatapos kong makuha 'yung box.

"Sana all may jowa." Bumuntong hininga si Gio.

"Si Gio wala," halakhak ni Arrisea. Ginulo ni Gio buhok ni Arrisea kaya naman biglang sinabunutan ni Arrisea si Gio nang pabiro.

Kawawa naman si Adren.

"Let's go?" Sath reached for my hand and interwined his fingers into mine.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at tumango. Pumunta kami sa main caf para kumain ng lunch. Gio and Arrisea gave us a quick nod before going on their own separate ways.

"Happy Birthday, sorry kung ganito lang nagawa ko..." I felt bad because unlike Czanne who did many efforts for Sath, I can only do this.

I didn't even know it was suppose to be his birthday. Hindi tulad ni Czanne na mukhang naghanda talaga para sa kanya. Tinalo pa ako ng kaibigan lang. As much as I hate losing, deserve ko naman 'yata ito dahil hindi tulad niya ay hindi ako makapag-effort nang todo kay Sath.

Sath saw my expression and he immediately sighed.

"I didn't know about the surprise and if I did, I would have avoided it."

I abruptly shook my head. I didn't want to be the type of girlfriend who makes her boyfriend change his social life. Hindi ko 'yon gusto. He has friends before me. I don't have the right to make him unfriend them just because...

"Okay lang, Sath. Okay lang naman..."

"I never celebrated my birthday." Sath suddenly confessed. I was initially confuse with his statement.

"Why?" I asked.

"Wala naman kasing tao tuwing birthday ko. I get gift cards for my birthday ever since I can remember. Meron man mga engrandeng handaan, I don't even know the people who are invited." He was gently unboxing the box, afraid that the box might get ripped.

When he saw what's inside, he beamed like a child of innocence. Lahat ng sama ng loob na nararamdaman ko kanina ay nawala. Iyon naman kasi ang mahalaga saakin, si Sath na masaya.

"It's funny how chocolates tastes sweeter when it comes from you," he mumbled while checking the chocolates I bought for him.

I playfully rolled my eyes. Bolero pa ang isang ito. I only bought the same chocolates he liked to eat whenever we had review sessions.

"It's your favorite brands. Iisa lang naman lasa niyan."

Ngumuso siya.

"I don't know. If it's from you, it just tastes different."

I chuckled because of his reaction. Hindi ko alam bakit napalitan ang lungkot sa aking puso. All of the negative feelings I had earlier vanished because of how he comforted me.

"Kapag binilang mo 'yung mga maliliit na papel diyan. It's more than 3000." Sabi ko sa kanya na para bang may trivia ako.

"You have pictures of us?" Sath looks quite shock when he saw the pictures.

Inisa-isa niya pa ang bawat pagtingin dito. I rolled my eyes lazily as he spread the pictures on the table.

"Duh, di ka naman mahilig mag-picture kaya puro stolen 'yan."

"Pahingi akong softcopy." He smiled. "I'll make it my desktop wallpaper, my phone wallpaper, kahit wallpaper na mismo ng kwarto ko."

I laughed at him. "Sure. Pipiliin ko lahat ng maganda ako sa picture."

He looked at me as he cleared his throat.

"Send mo na lahat. Maganda ka naman sa lahat ng picture." Seryosong sabi niya.

My heart warms up and the beating of my heart went fast. He really has that effect on me.

"S-sure." I bit my lower lip.

"Can we always wear these on?" Sath looked incredibly happy upon seeing the couple hoodies.

Agad akong umiling. Mahal kita pero mainit sa pilipinas!

"Huwag naman araw-araw! Hindi naman araw-araw malamig sa Pilipinas!"

"I want it so much! It's matching!" he said, his eyes were twinkling. I can't believe Sath can be this happy, he's always either sarcastic or sleepy.

My smile disappeared when I remember that Czanne had more hoodies created for him. That feeling crept inside of my heart again.

"Mas maraming hoodies na pinagawa si Czanne para sa'yo..." I mumbled.

Sath frowned at me and sighed. Napapikit siya ng mga mata saka tumingin ulit sa'kin.

"Zafi, I'm sorry if what Czanne does hurts you. Please tell me if it bothers you. I can avoid her or even not talk to her," his tone was serious.

Can he really do that? Paano 'yon? Kagrupo niya si Czanne sa Practical Research 2?

But I also didn't want him to recreate his social life just because I'm already his girlfriend. I know we sometimes need to compromise but I just didn't want to involve his social circle.

"Just...tell her about us. I think she'll keep her distance once she knows you're taken."

Czanne and I are both girls. I know she'll understand. Hindi naman kasi talaga maiiwasan ang selos pagdating sa relasyon. I'm just glad that Sarathiel gives his best to assure me even if I always have doubt in my head.

"She knows though..." he furrowed his eyebrows causing his forehead to crease.

Bumuntong hininga na naman siya. He also looks tired already, tiningnan niya ako at kinuha ang isa kong kamay.

"I'll talk to her. I don't want you getting upset over things that shouldn't matter." He said as he kissed my knuckles.

"You're the only one that I'll love more than 3000, Zafirah. It will be just you."

I smiled because I know it's the utmost truth. He loves me as much as I love him but the thing was I don't know if I deserve the love I'm receiving.

I always have doubt — not in him, but for myself.

『••✎••』

I thought everything was going fine until Czanne was waiting for me outside our classroom.

Nginingitian niya ang bawat taong dumadaan dahil kilala siya. She's well known because of her position in school. My knees went weak upon realizing she's here for me.

"Anong ginagawa niyan dito?" naningkit ang mga mata ni Bea.

"Sabihan mo kami kapag kailangan mo ng back up." Melanie raised her fist.

Umiling ako sa kanilang dalawa.

"Baka may sasabihin lang." I sighed as I walk outside so that Czanne and I can both talk.

"Hi," bumati muna ako sa kanya.

Lumingon siya sa akin. She had her award winning smile on her face.

"Can we talk?" tanong niya. I nodded my head.

We went to evergreen garden since we wanted to talk privately. The garden had the vibe for open forums. The stoned benches with vines are the perfect places to talk with someone. At saka, tsimoso't- tsismosa kasi mga kaklase ko.

Czanne smiled at me. She really has an award worthy smile, kaya naman hindi nakapagtataka na nanalo siya sa SSG last year. I bet she will also run this year for another position.

"Zafirah, I just want to say sorry if I hurted you by doing things for Sath. I just thought as his closest friend, I should do something for his birthday." She said in her soft voice.

My eye softened and slowly nodded my head. I feel bad for thinking badly of her. Tingnan mo, she's even apologizing...

"Pwede naman 'yon. Hindi naman ako magagalit. You should have just told me earlier so that I didn't take it in a wrong way." I wanted to explain my side too and gave her a small smile.

I didn't want to hate Czanne. I have too many problems already, ayoko na madagdagan.

Nalaglag ang ngiti niya at bahagyang naging seryoso ang tingin sa akin.

"Honestly speaking, I really think it's immature of you to make Sath avoid me. Can you be mature enough and trust him?" she was still smiling, she has a tone of someone lecturing a young person.

My mouth went dry. A lump seemed to rise to my throat as I find the proper words to address her.

"Frankly speaking, I do trust Sath but I don't trust you."

She snorted and rose an eyebrow. Parang nagmaang-maangan ang kanyang mukha. I gritted my teeth in annoyance. I can't believe I even defended her in my mind!

"It's because of your immaturity. This is probably your first relationship, that's why you're so possessive of Sath." She said as if she's spouting facts.

Napaawang ang bibig ko. Saan niya nakukuha ang lakas ng loob na sabihin ito saakin? Ako na pilit siyang iniintindi?

"Hindi ako immature, malandi ka lang." I can't help but fired back.

I'm trying so hard to understand her. Pareho kaming babae, I just don't see the worth of fighting over a guy. Kahit pa si Sarathiel ito.

She laughs mockingly.

"See? I'm not even flirting with Sath. I'm just doing things for him like how friends do." She was shaking her head like she was disappointed.

I never asked you to do any of those and that's my responsibility as his girlfriend. Bakit ba ito sumasapaw?

"Bakit mo inaagaw responsibilidad ko?" I asked her, unleashing my inner thoughts.

"Probably because you don't do them?" malamig niyang usal.

That hit a nerve. Lalo lamang lumiyab ang galit na namumuo sa puso ko. She's going too far.

"Wala ka bang ibang kaibigan, ha? Ang hirap bang tanungin kung okay lang saakin kasi girlfriend ako nung kaibigan mo?"

"If you're his girlfriend, act like one. You're not even there for him when he's so frustrated with his acads. Ikaw palagi niyang iniintindi. Isn't that immaturity?" she rolled her eyes.

I know Sath is not vocal with his own problems but I didn't know he was hiding this from me. Akala ko ba open kami sa isa't-isa?

Sa katahimikan ko ay nakita niya ang kanyang pagkapanalo. She patted me on my shoulder and leaned in to whisper.

"See? Talk to me when you're already matured enough. Poor Sath, babysitting a fucking crybaby who doesn't even care for him like a matured person would do." I saw how Czanne has a smug look on her face. She immediately concealed it with her smile.

Lumayo siya agad at tiningnan ako sa aking mga mata. Nananatili akong hindi makagalaw sa aking posisyon. Her words still lingering in my mind.

"You know what? I used to think you're smart. Sadly, grades can't really measure someone's capability of understanding. Perfect example? You." She shook her head before throwing me another dirty glance.

"Be mature, senior highschool ka na."

Iniwan niya ako mag-isa sa evergreen garden na nakatulala. Napaupo na lang ako sa isa sa mga benches.

I was pondering over the words she told me. Totoo naman, I knew how she's better than me when it comes to knowing Sath. That mere fact made me clutched on my chest.

"Zafi," I saw Sath walking towards me. Malapit nga pala ito sa building nila.

Sa sobrang inis at galit ko ay nagpupuyos akong lumingon sa kan'ya. It felt so annoying that everything Czanne told made sense!

"What?! Are you also going to call me an immature person?! A crybaby?! Someone who can't understand you?!" I was so frustrated that I started shouting at Sath.

Natigilan si Sath at unti-unting lumapit sa akin. He immediately cupped my face as the tears flow down my face.

"Who the fuck told you that?" I can see how Sath's face contorts in anger.

I can't help but cry in frustration because I couldn't hurt Czanne physically. She emotionally scarred me. Never have I ever been mock like that!

"Sino pa ba?! Edi 'yung bestfriend mo!" I was freaking crying again! Wala na akong ginawa kundi umiyak ngayong taon!

His peers were also there. Nakita ko kung paano tinuro ni Iscalade 'yung sarili niya.

"Ako? Putangina bakit ako?! Ma? Bakit parang kasalanan ko?" Iscalade asked in confusion.

"Iscalade? Cae? Ade? Sach? Who?" Sath didn't have a clue and was utterly confuse. "Sinong bestfriend?"

Hindi ko alam bakit kay Sath ko nalabas lahat ng galit ko kanina. I pushed him because of how I was feeling. Para akong sasabog sa galit.

"Magsama kayo ni Czanne! Tutal mas kilala ka naman niya 'di ba! Mas naiintindihan ka niya!"

I was so mad! Lahat ng sama ng loob ko ay ngayon ko nalalabas. Matagal na akong nagkikimkim pero hindi ko alam bakit ngayon lang sila lumabas nang ganito. I probably had enough.

"Let's talk," hinawakan ako ni Sath sa pulso ko. "Calm down, Zaf. Let's talk, okay?"

He was brushing my hair using his fingers. Unti-unti akong tumatahan habang ginagawa niya ito. My shoulders were shaking. Sobrang galit ko dahil hindi ko mapagtanggol ang sarili ko sa mga sinabi ni Czanne.

"Gusto mo ng tubig?" alok niya habang humihikbi pa rin ako.

"I'll talk to Czanne or we'll talk to Czanne. Tangina, hindi nga kita pinapaiyak tapos papaiyakin ka lang niya nang ganito." He sounded pissed off.

Sath was my human tissue. He's always there to wipe my tears for me.

Pero hanggang kailan?

No one would stay with someone who cries every time. Nakakapagod pa lang isipin na palagi na lamang ganito.

"I don't want to see her." I said through gritted teeth. She made me feel so small, so little and worthless.

He breathed out and hold my hand. He squeezed it to offer assurance.

"I'll fix this for us. Please stop crying. Zafirah, you're not immature or whatever shit she told you."

Naalala ko kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Maraming alam si Czanne na hindi ko alam tungkol kay Sath. She knows him too well. Ano na lang ang puwang ko kung ganoon?

"How can you open up to her about your problems but never to me, Sath? Don't you think I can handle your problems too?"

He abruptly shook his head.

"I never had any problems—"

"Stop lying!" I shouted out of frustration. "Alam mo ba bakit ako nagseselos kay Czanne? Because I think she knows you more than I do! I think she deserves you more than I do! Sath, how can I freaking calm down knowing she might be better than me for you?"

"She can never do that..." Sath rested his head on my shoulders.

Mariin siyang pumikit at namamaos ang kanyang boses.

"This is not a fucking competition, Zafi. Fuck, even if it was — I will always choose you. You're my fucking finish line. You're not even a participant in the first place because you're the fucking trophy, Zaf. You're the highest merit I could ever achieve."

I could pretend not to feel but I could feel how scared Sath was. His heart beat was racing and he was trembling. He was also scared of losing me as much as I was scared of losing him to Czanne.

This shouldn't be a competition but why do I feel like I'm losing?

❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜