drowning in living waters

Time. It served with three outcomes in Elis's life. First, it was it's aggressiveness to Elis whenever she'd spend each and every counting day living in distraught and in the overwhelming sorrow that never faded for the three years that it began. But secondly, it expresed it's sensitivity towards Elis, showing her it's side of emotional kindness... And this reminding her on how much time made her sentimental whenever she would sit down and paint.

Elis would spend so much time painting that Bryson would have to physically lead her to bed at three in the morning. And then he would carefully pick up the many portraits the curly haired girl spent the entire day painting, inspecting each one of them admirably.

She was talented, incredibly. Elis has only ever loved painting, of which she often used as a platform for her to express the masses of unspoken words from a mind full of wonders in a world that never gave much. But she would still paint, anything and everything, including a time when she painted a faceless figure standing somewhere in the green wilderness and a waterfall behind the womanly shaped figure. Back then, Elis had identified the girl in the portrait as her love, her entire reason for existence and her partner in this world. It was the first ever time that she'd understood a single thing about herself, yet instead of clarity, it only left so many unanswered questions in her mind.

But it had only ever been weeks that Elis met Gray, for Elis to somehow begin to comprehend one of the biggest confusions in her life. She acknowledged her love for Gray, the fact that she could wake up in the middle of the night thinking of the girl that from the very beginning of their time together, took her breath away. And Gray had since ever taken so many breaths of Elis that the curly haired girl would only survive by Gray's air.

So it was on another one of their hot summer afternoons that Elis let out a heavy sigh and walked over to the closet, where she took the portrait of the faceless girl out.

Gray was seated on the chair in Elis's room, looking curiously at the curly-haired girl walking towards her.

"What's that?" She'd ask. "A painting," Elis replied, walking over to Gray as the ginger girl was unable to compress her smile upon seeing something that Elis painted. And Elis sat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath before turning it around and handing it over to the smaller girl.

Gray ran her smooth fingers along the dried paint, her excitement mistakenly making her realize the art rather than the message of it.

"It's beautiful," the ginger girl would say, looking at Elis with a thoughtful look as she took in the artwork.

"She's faceless," the ginger girl said.

"I know."

"It's incomplete?"

"It was meant to be like that."

"Is there a meaning?"

"Not really. It just... It represented something."

"Something like what?"

"A deeper meaning..."

The taller girl sighed, a small smile on her face as she glanced at an intrigued Gray. "Let's just say... It's left like that to represent a person, unbeknownst to me at that time, that I would only ever want to share a life with."

Elis grabbed the painting, setting her eyes on it again. "But now what I would say is that, it was my way of making you up before I met you."

The smaller girl was astound as she listened to Elis.

"And I still make you up... Everytime that you're not with me. But it's funny because I think of you with a different me... A person I don't know if I'll ever be."

Gray took the portrait from Elis and placed it on the bed, before she intertwined their hands together. "Elis, there's nothing about you that I would change."

"But why are there so many things about me that I would change?"

By this time she had done it. She let down all her walls, succumbed to her fears and looked to approach her long hidden woes.

"You don't have to feel that way for me. Elis you need to do that for yourself. Not me. It shouldn't ever be for someone else."

Gray comfortably squeezed Elis's hand when the taller girl's eyes became glossy with tears.

"Do you know how many times I've tried doing that?" Elis said, almost bitterly, as she looked out the glass door leading over to the balcony. "I needed a reason. Something to live for, something to make myself better for."

"But what if I'm not that reason?" Elis looked at Gray when the words escaped her lips. "Why is your perspective on healing dependent on another person when it could be dependent on you? On accepting your past, on that case you're hiding under your bed because you're afraid to face your woes and to making sense of that letter you wrote?"

Elis frantically stood up. "Do you think that's all it will take?" She bent down to pull the case from under her bed, opening it and taking the folded paper out before she ripped it to shreds. "What did that ever mean, huh? I was only as fucked up then as I am now. Keeping safe of all these items, all these stupid items, it won't ever bring Bryson back will it? Nothing ever can. Nothing. Not even you."

Elis moved away from the stunned girl and walked onto the balcony, where she angrily lit a cigarette and lied on her back, her face rough from the drying tears.

The curly haired girl had not wanted to hear, especially from Gray herself, that she wasn't the person to get her out of her misery. Because she loved Gray with everything she had. And it wasn't just that. It was the joy she made her feel. It was because Gray's image had infested itself so permanently in her brain. That it was beautiful. . . The most beautiful thing Elis has ever known. That she became the face Elis would imagine to complete the portrait she'd worked on all those years ago.

Gray walked over to her, the hurting girl taking the longest drag of the smoke just as Gray sat next to her. And both girls shared no words, for the longest time, as Elis finished one cigarette and moved on to the other, as Gray sat cross legged while Elis lied on her back. There were clouds in the sky that day, and it was in that deafening silence, that Gray couldn't help but make shapes out of them.

"He meant everything to me," Elis finally cooed, and Gray set her eyes back to her, still without saying anything.

"He was my best friend, my brother, the only person I've spent my entire life with. Every memory I have of myself involves him," Elis exhaled the smoke, letting out a sinister laughter. "But he left. Just like that. A few bottles of beer and a car was all it took to take him away from my life forever."

Elis let out a shaky breath, her mind back to the day of Bryson's death.

"Why wasn't he considerate of us all? Of me? How could he put his life in danger? As if he'd not had people that cared for him?"

Gray couldn't help but reach out, at least until her hand touched Gray's, just so that she could know that she wasn't alone. And Elis looked down at their hands before she further conjoined them.

"I appreciate you being here."

"I won't ever go anywhere, Elis. For as long as you need me."

"For as long as I need you?" Elis took another drag of the smoke. "Gray, I don't think there'll ever be a time where I don't need you."

"Elis," Gray started. "You need to find yourself without anybody else."

"So what?" Elis's hand moved away from Gray's. "You're just gonna leave me?"

"No," Gray shook her head, looking down at her hands with tears threatening to fall. "You will."

Elis's chest clenched. It clenched because she knew Gray was right. But that was the third thing about time, it runs fast. And the time both girls had with each would quickly run out too. So Elis, at the very least and out of all depths with her denial, understood that there would come a time in future that she won't be able to hold Gray anymore.

It was a painful defeat, one that neither the curly nor ginger haired girls could do anything about. But until that time came, until such decisions were made, until not even the last choice existed and the last words had already been spoken between the two, that Elis would do the only thing she ever wanted to do, which was to hold Gray. To hold her as she waited.