the summer we both died

The thing about love was that Elis knew nothing about it.

For the most part, she's only ever felt it towards her family. But romantic love? That was something of a mystery to Elis. But she wanted to know, to experience, to understand.

Elis wanted to be able to express herself in ways she never could before. She longed for it to accompany her wherever she went. She wanted to feel it close, like it suddenly turned from an abstract feeling to a tangible object that she could reach out and touch.

That was what she thought when she stayed awake in the night, a pencil and a notebook in front of her.

Gray left a few hours ago with aunt Lauren, and Elis couldn't stop thinking about writing the sonnet Gray had challenged her to. It probably wasn't going to meet the guidelines of a sonnet, though, her mind wasn't poetic enough to produce fourteen lines of...whatever it was that Elis was going to write.

So she would write less, thinking of the one and only girl who's picture couldn't leave her mind since the day she saw her, seated around the dining table in a place she greatly despised.

Elis thought of her appearance, her smile, her eyes, her skin... She thought of her kindness, the joy she emmits, and her enthusiasm when she spoke of topics she was passionate about. Gray became the more perfect in the eyes of Elis.

Although she had never written a single poem in her life, being all alone in the night, and seated in the dark room with only a bedside lamp providing light, Gray was who Elis was going to write about. She was who Elis wanted to write about.

And instead of writing of a winter's night, Elis changed it to a better fitting, night's constellations.

Shall I compare thee to a night's constellations? Thou skin so full of freckles to build up a thousand galaxies. And flawless skin that belong to thee more beautiful than a wallpaper of space, sometime too captivating I get lost in exploring. Let I compare thee to a night's constellations, because thy red hair darker than night itself. And often gray eyes emmit more gray than moon itself. But galaxy in thy eyes never fade away. And if I compare thee to a night's constellations, I'd say thy beauty untrues nature. And so long stars could shine, so long the universe could live, thy'd forever make the perfect night.
       
 

The next day in the lake house came with a much brighter morning and warmer air.

The summer was in full set.

Elis's mother had prepared an extra special breakfast to celebrate the house's renovation. She had invited Lauren and Gray to join them, whom Elis found already seated when she walked down the stairs.

She barely slept, and by the time some sense of sleep was finally overwhelming her, the sun began to make reflections on her windows, and her mother began to pound against her door, demanding she awoke to prepare for a hopefully, much better day.

"Look who's finally here. Take a seat honey. I made the eggs just the way you like them."

Elis grinned at her mother, leaning down to give her and her father a kiss on a cheek. She then decided to sit on the chair directly in front of Gray, grabbing the bread from across the table.

"Thanks mom. It looks good."

"Thank you honey. Today Lauren and I are going to look at some furniture downtown. Wanna come along?" Mrs Collins asked, looking at Gray. Elis cut in when ginger girl nodded.

"Actually I was thinking Gray would help with something in my room..." Elis trailed off before looking at Gray. "I mean, if that's okay with you, of course."

Gray nodded as she drank the cranberry juice, but she knew that something was up. It was Elis, after all, she'd never willingly invite someone into such a personal space like her room.

~

"Sufjan Stevens?" Gray said, picking up the vinyl disc from the turntable. "I love the music."

Elis turned around to glance at the shorter girl. "Really?" She walked over to her, looking at the disc in her hands. "It doesn't belong to me, though. I found it in one of the discs downstairs. But this one does..." She picked up the disc Bryson had given to her.

"The 1975? I don't know them," she ginger girl said.

"Should I play it for you?"

Gray looked up at Elis, spending a moment before she nodded, and Elis played the disc.

"I got it on our thirteenth birthday. It was a gift from Bryson."

"Our?" The shorter girl picked up. "You and Bryson were twins?"

Elis grinned, walking over to her bedside table to grab the pack of Marlboros. "Yes," Elis said, taking the cigarette between her lips and walking over to Gray with the lighter, holding it towards her. Gray gave her a confused look.

"I drag, you light. Remember?"

"Oh," the shorter girl smiled, surprised that Elis remembered her words from the night of the bonfire. "You drag, I light." She then turned the lighter towards the end of the stick, lighting it, and the taller girl taking a long drag afterwards.

"Did you guys look alike?" Gray asked. Speaking of Bryson in the past tense was still uncomfortable for her, even though a whole three years has passed.

"Kind of," she blew the smoke out. "His pictures are in there." Elis gestured to the case on the floor beside her bed, and Gray walked over to it as Elis continued smoking.

Gray slowly opened the case, and was met by a combination of pictures, jewellery and a piece of paper.

She began by going through a few of the pictures, seeing a younger Elis and a boy that really looked similar to her holding paintings.

"Was he a painter?" Gray asked, and Elis continued looking out of the window as she smoked.

"No. I was."

"Was?"

"Yes."

"You don't do it anymore?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I quit."

"Why?"

Elis opened the glass door and walked out onto the balcony, resting her elbows against the rail.

"Because it was a Bryson and I thing. He was the first ever person to see something I painted. And so he had to be the last."

"I would like to see something that you would paint now though," the ginger girl replied, letting go of the pictures and grabbing the bracelet that matched the one on Elis's arm.

"Did you have the same bracelet as him?" She asked.

Elis took another long drag, "Yes," she said, looking at the perfectly blue colored sky. "They symbolise that we belong together. And no one else can wear it now that Bryson can't."

Gray let go of the bracelet, and then she grabbed the folded note out of the case, opening it to see a messy handwriting sprawled all over it. The paper had drops of water smudged into the ink, as if someone was crying as they wrote it.

"Was this note written by Bryson too?"

As soon as the words left Gray's mouth, Elis turned back, discarding of the smoke before rushing into the room and prying the paper out of Gray's hands.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" She bellowed, throwing her a cold look. Gray's eyes widened, unsure of whether she did something wrong.

"Elis...I don't understa--"

"Just don't, okay? Don't." Her voice was low again. She didn't want to become angry, knowing that Gray went through the case unknowing to how much the paper, the pictures and the bracelet were important to her.

Elis folded the paper again. "I wrote this when Bryson died, after his funeral...we were leaving the next day," Elis let out a shaky breath, walking back to sit on her bed. "I wrote this for me to read whenever we came back here. I knew that I was going to feel this way."

"So did you?" Gray asked, and Elis shook her head.

"I can't find it in me to do it...to even open it. That's why I freaked out when I saw you holding it," she looked at the girl standing in front of her. "I'm sorry."

Gray smiled, and she reached out to touch Elis's shoulder. "It's okay... I shouldn't have touched it anyway."

Elis looked at where Gray had touched her, leaving an internal mark even when the ginger girl long removed her hand.

Elis stood up, putting the note in the case before closing it and kicking it under her bed, needing to forget about Bryson for a while.

"Do you wanna go for a swim?" She then asked. "I haven't been to the lake since we came back."

Gray looked down at her shorts and shirt. "I don't have anything else to wear..."

"I can give you my clothes afterwards. Don't worry about it," Elis suggested, walking over to the door.

Gray nodded, following her out into the sun. And Elis bit her lip to keep from suggesting that Gray could swim in her underwear to save her dry clothes for later.