4 years before the present

Nervous, that was what I felt the moment I woke up. Nervousness overshadowed my excitement. Today was my first day at my first job. And it was only 6 a.m.

Emily helped me ease my nerves and so did mom. This was the time I so badly wanted to see my brother. Evans moved to Canada and I haven't seen him for a few years now. Even though I got adjusted to this new situation, times like this I wish I had my brother near me. He knew exactly what to tell. But I couldn't call him either since it was night and he must be sleeping.

Instead I decided to meet Lucas. I texted him hoping he would be awake. And just after a minute or two I got a reply, 'Nervous?'

I smiled despite my uneasiness realising that he know me too well. I texted I will come to his place and quickly left, taking a coat to wear over my pyjamas.

"Hey." He waved seeing me as I reached the gate.

"Hey, I couldn't sleep properly." I admitted.

"It is okay. My first job was like this too. I was so nervous and thought I would mess it up. But it won't."

"I hope so."

"I know so. Remember, both of us met at the park that day and I almost threw up coz of fear?" We both knew he didn't feel that nervous but was exaggerating to make me feel better.

"If you threw up it would've been great. Something I could tease for years." I said.

"But I do remember you throwing up on me after eating both of our foods in one sitting. And that, I will remember forever." He added making me laugh at the embarassing moment of a 14 year old me hobbling two large shawarmas because my parents wouldn't buy me that. After that day, I have never touched it.

"I still can't stand shawarma or even it's smell."

"I know. I can eat it only if you are a mile away from me." He chuckled.

We sat on the porch talking for a long time and finally decided to head back home. He walked me back to my house which was only a few minutes away.

"Thank you. I feel good now." I pulled him into a hug, an extra strength of assurance I needed from him.

"You will do great." He said placing his hands on my cheeks making me look at him. Without any warning, he gave me a kiss on my cheek and walked away. I was taken aback a little but I realised I was smiling too.

Without losing that smile I walked into my house and to my room, to freshen up to get to work.

"Was it Lucas?" I was startled by the sound. I didn't even know my dad was back from the business trip.

"Yeah. I'm going to freshen up now." I said heading to my room upstairs not bothering with any more words.

-

My first day was not that bad. I didn't make any friends which is not surprising, because I am really bad at those. My only friends are Lucas and Hannah other than Emily. That was the main reason I was nervous, the reality of spending time alone with no company.

Even if I didn't get any friends, the co-workers were friendly and helpful. They filled me in with the duties and responsibilities and everything.

I took a cab to head back to my house and on the way I texted Emily, Hannah and Lucas. They all were happy for me except Lucas, he didn't even see my message. So I called him but it was out of coverage, so I decided to call him or maybe visit him later.

Which didn't happen, I didn't get to reach him. And to say that I was bummed would be an understatement. I couldn't even go to his place as my cousins and family came over to ours and it all got busy.

I fell asleep with my phone on my hands that night feeling sad for not being able to tell him my happiness and excitement for the next day at the job.

But that was all shattered by a phone call early in the morning telling that a car was lifted from the lake, a black honda city, his car. It was hit by a truck and got submerged under the lake of the toll bridge. The driver left without even stopping. Only one person was found to be in the car which was lifted after hours of search.

My whole world shattered and I felt nothing. I couldn't even cry or speak, I felt dead inside.

When I reached his home, I always envisioned it to be me happily with him talking about our exhaustive days, making fun of each other, gossiping about the people around us but never did I think of the possibility of one us being here for the other's funeral.

I just stayed the whole day quietly in the corner of the room where he laid, looking at him without moving my eyes away, remembering every single details of him that I loved from when we were three years old to now.

After the funeral in the church, Emily brought me back to my house and I quickly went to my room and broke down. I cried and cried for hours, realising how lost I was, how alone I was. I was helpless, pathetic and broken.

I didn't go to job for two more days calling in sick leave which was true. I didn't talk nor did I leave my room. Emily was the only person who was able to get me to eat. The only person I showed how broken I was, how empty I felt.

-

The morning was dull and cold, I dressed up to go to work in a simple white shirt and pants and headed downstairs. The house was empty, just me and a few workers in the house.

I grabbed a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator when I heard his name being said by someone. I listened in, hoping to hear more about him, to see that no one has forgotten him.

"That poor kid left this house crying." I heard one of the workers say.

"Ofcourse he would have. Even I sweat when I see Mr. John." Remarked the other.

"Tha-" They stopped talking when they saw me. I didn't wait for another moment but asked for answers.

"It is nothing Miss John." They hesitated.

"Tell.me." I sounded cold and I didn't care even a bit. I wanted to know what they were talking about him.

"Lucas was here that day. He was talking to Mr. John." One said. I realised he was telling about the day I met him before I left for work.

"Talking? More like shouting." Remarked the other.

"What happened?" I asked.

"We don't know the details. But Mr. John rebuked him from meeting someone. And the boy was sad at first but then he too got worked up telling him it was not his place or his control or something like that. I'm sorry miss, I don't clearly remember."

"Yeah things got pretty heated and Mr. John threatened him to leave this town and never return or he will see that he won't be able to see the other person ever again. That's all we know, miss"

I didn't bother with any reply, I got away from the kitchen, realising my face was wet with tears. I was heartbroken and angry.

I came across my dad on my way to the front door.

"Where are you going looking like that?" He asked in a stern voice that demanded answer.

"Anywhere but here." I looked at him with burning rage and disgust remembering what he said to Lucas.

"What? I said you can't go. And you listen." He was furious.

"Like you dictate everything in my life? Like how you decided what part Lucas should have in my life?" I spat. He was shocked at my sudden outburst and the words I said.

"I know what you did. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have lost him. I would still have someone who cared. Now I have no one. All because of you."

"Eliza." He was irate and I saw a flash of hurt in him but it quickly vanished.

"Now you lost me. I will get out of this hellhole too." I shut the door against me heading out to the park. The only place I feel his presence.