I should be writing my other fic but I have so much inspiration for this one. Huge song reference in this chapter! The song in the media, I was listening to while typing this chapter. Don't forget to comment and vote. Enjoy! :)

When he got home that afternoon, his mother was already making dinner for them opting for leaving him alone as soon as she saw the expression on his face. He went straight for a shower letting the hot water relax his muscles remembering his first ever date with Louis. How magical it had been even if had been in a simple fair, yet Louis' face had shown nothing but pure bliss throughout it.

"And where are you taking me this fine afternoon?" Louis asked as he walked next to Harry towards his car leaving Louis' gigantic house behind.

"It's a surprise but I promise you'll love it." Harry smiled wanting to hold his hand but held himself not wanting to ruin it when it hadn't even started yet.

When they finally got to his car, Harry blushed seeing how old and crappy it really was but Louis only smiled at him letting him open the door for him. They talked about anything they could think of until they got to their destination and Louis actually gasped out loud.

"The fair!? I've only been to the fair once and it was when I was eight, my grandma took me behind my parents back. Dad thinks they're full of germs, he's weird." Louis hurried to get out of the car as soon as Harry had parked it.

"My mum used to take my sister and I every year until I was fifteen, that's when I started uni and didn't have much time to actually socialize." Harry chuckled glad that Louis had liked it.

"I still can't believe you're eighteen and in your last year, that's pretty awesome." Louis said in awe at the information after Harry had told him, "You're a genius, you're going to save many lives. You're going to make the world a better place. You'll see Harold."

"I hope so." Harry shrugged walking over to Louis' side shyly placing his hand on the small of his back.

He led him towards the entrance where he paid for their tickets then was pulled inside by the hand by an excited Louis who was looking at everything surrounding him with bright blue eyes. He went straight to the lady selling cotton candy and without saying anything, Harry bought him a blue one watching him eating it as if he had never eaten one before finding out that he hadn't since he was eight.

"I want to ride everything!" Louis exclaimed letting Harry guide him towards the first ride, "Like the ferris wheel...or the carousel!"

"Whatever you want." Harry smiled glad that he had just gotten paid and he had enough.

Louis smiled at him before taking him to the long line for the bumper cars talking about how he couldn't wait to ride them and when it was finally their turn, Harry knew he would never forget the way Louis had laughed. After that it was the rollercoaster where Louis had held onto Harry for dear life but Harry couldn't complain when it was the closest Louis had ever been to him. Louis had giggled the entire way to a bench after the rollercoaster grabbing Harry's hand out of nowhere.

"Where do you want to go next?" Harry asked as he looked around still holding Louis' hand in his.

"How about...we just walk around?" Louis suggested getting up as soon as Harry nodded.

They walked around hand in hand and when Harry won a medium sized white teddy bear for Louis, Louis had hugged him then kissed his cheek making Harry feel butterflies all over his stomach. Almost by the end of the night Louis got to ride the carousel then the ferris wheel holding tight onto the teddy bear. They didn't end up kissing while at the very top, no, their first kiss had happened in Harry's car parked outside the gates of Louis' house.

It had been Louis' first kiss, the sweetest kiss for both of them.

"Papa! Its dinner time!" Blake shouted from the other side of the door managing to startle Harry and almost slip.

"Coming!" He shouted back trying to calm down hearing a 'kay' from Blake.

He shut the water off then dried his hair and body with a towel before wrapping it around his waist making sure it was well secured around it. He quickly changed into black sweatpants and a white shirt before making his way to the dining room where his mother and son were already waiting for him.

"Hi mum." Harry greeted her with a kiss on the cheek getting one in return.

"Hello love, how was work?" Anne asked him as she passed him the lasagna she had cooked.

"Great! Surgery was successful and spent the rest of the day researching." Harry avoided looking at her as he served himself knowing the looks she was giving him.

"That's nice, love." Anne forced a smile.

"We have parents day tomorrow. Are you coming, papa? I wrote it in your calendar." Blake asked him knowing that if it was in his calendar then he had to go.

"Of course I'm going, bud. I made sure I don't have anything to do tomorrow so we can spend it together." Harry gave him a smile receiving one in return.

"Gemma's coming home for a few days." Anne commented, "She and Michael finally got a few days off and the kids have a three day break. They're coming saturday morning."

"David and Michelle are finally coming!" Blake cheered having missed his seven and five year old cousins. "And tomorrow will be friday already!"

"Yeah, and they're staying at my house so you're welcome to go spend the weekend with us, munchkin...both of you." Anne patted the top of his hand earning a smile from both her son and grandson.

They chattered for the rest of dinner and when they were done, Harry sent Blake to shower while he helped his mother clean up the kitchen. They stayed quiet while wiping the table and countertops until Harry started loading the dishwasher, that's when Anne had enough.

"You went to see him again?" She asked already knowing the answer.

"You know I always do, mum." Harry sighed finishing what he was doing then looked at her after starting it.

"Did you find anything?" Anne took a step closer to her son hoping for a yes.

She missed Louis just as much as Harry did, had gotten attached to him and loved him like a son those few months he got to know him. She and Gemma always tried to forget the feeling when they had learnt about his passing, it was never easy.

"Nothing. I'm starting to lose hope and I've been thinking about..." Harry trailed off not wanting to say it outloud. It frightened him to say it outloud.

"About what?" Anne curiously asked getting closer to her son until she was standing right in front of him.

"Letting him go, letting him rest in peace." Harry said lowering his gaze finding his slippers interesting.

"Harry..." Anne's eyes filled with tears.

"It's what we should have done nine years ago, mum. We should have had a funeral for him. Do everything appropriately and let him rest in peace. We can't keep playing being God, I- I should have let him go years ago but I couldn't. I was too selfish to convince Mark and I did what I shouldn't have, I dedicated and still am dedicating my life on finding a way to keep him alive. His heart is too damaged and a transplant is risky, mum." Harry's voice trembled before finally letting the tears fall, "How am I supposed to have his heart regenerate...'"

"I know how hard this is for you sweetheart, but if that's what you want then you know I fully support you in your decision. It's hard but I think it's time to let him go, he deserves to rest in peace." Anne wrapped her arms around him holding back the tears when Harry's shoulders started shaking.

She let him cry on her shoulder until he stopped watching him wash his face then act as if nothing had happened as soon as Blake had walked into the kitchen. She ended up leaving half an hour later leaving them once again alone trying not to think that soon, Louis will finally be resting.

The following day Harry got up, his eyes swollen and dark circles under his eyes, sniffling every now and then as he made breakfast before he absolutely had to wake Blake up for school. He washed his face again before going to his bedroom smiling when he saw he was upside down with the bed sheets tangled up with his legs. His right cheek had pillow creases and he assumed he had just turn over onto that side making his way to him turning the light on.

"Blake. Buddy, time to wake up." Harry gently touched his arm smiling when his little nose, just like his father's, scrunched up then moved away from him, "Blake it's time to get up."

"I don't wanna..." Blake mumbled.

"Yes you do, you like going to school. You told me last week." Harry tried to make him get up only to have his hand pushed away by Blake's smaller ones.

"I don't like it...anymore." Blake mumbled.

"Blake Alexander Styles, get up. Now." Harry ordered watching him open his eyes then finally sitting up as he rubbed them.

"Can I skip it? Please papa." Blake begged pouting his bottom lip for effect. He was so much like Louis.

"But we have parents day today and we get to spend the whole day together. You get to show me your desk and all your projects, I'm really really excited to see them." Harry sat down on the bed next to him pulling him into a hug wishing Louis was there sitting on his other side. When all the other kids were going to have both their parents there, Blake only had him.

"M'kay." Blake yawned hiding his face on his father's chest hearing his strong heartbeats, "But only if you carry me to the bathroom." He giggled.

"Your wish is my command!" Harry exclaimed picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder as he ran to the bathroom hearing his loud laughs until they got there.

He left him alone so he could get ready while he did the same looking forward to spending the day with his son. When he was ready he walked by Blake's bedroom seeing he was already dressed and putting his shoes on furrowing his tiny brow as he did so. They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence and when they were done, Harry put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher before leaving since the cleaning lady was due that day.

When they got to the school Blake grabbed Harry by the hand and pulled him towards his desk where he made him sit down on one of the extra chairs every desk had next to it. Harry listened to the teacher talk proud that his son was paying attention then allowed himself to look around catching another parent already looking back at him. He had brown hair and blue eyes managing to smile at him a little before turning to look at the teacher who was explaining a project that he was supposed to do with Blake.

"Papa, why do people draw the heart like that? In your books it doesn't look like that." Blake asked looking at Harry then at a girl's backpack.

"Well...that heart is used as a symbolism of love before we knew what the heart really looked like. Many years ago people associated the shape of that heart with love and that is how it came to be." Harry explained smiling when his son shaped his lips into an O.

"I see..." Blake nodded to himself before he focused his attention back on the crossword he was solving while Harry went back to his own once again seeing the man looking at him.

When it was time to go home, Harry helped his son with his backpack letting him walk in front of him towards the car and once they were buckled up he drove to Blake's favorite restaurant to eat something. Harry took a seat in front of Blake watching him for a few seconds before finally looking at the menu he was holding. They ordered their food and when it was brought to them, they started eating right away.

"Papa?" Blake said earning Harry's attention.

"Yeah, bud? Do you need something?" Harry looked at him making sure he was okay.

"When are you going to take me to see daddy? You get to see him everyday and I only have pictures, Grandpa Mark and Grandma Jay get to see him too. I don't think it's fair that you get to see him and I don't." Blake looked at Harry in the eyes wanting his father to take him seriously.

"I already told you when. We agreed that when he wakes up and is able to see you too, then you'll be able to see him." Harry explained not knowing what else to do and say

The thought of Blake seeing his father like that frightened him all the way to his core when to him Louis was still as beautiful as ever, but to anybody else and especially their son it wouldn't look like that. Louis looked truly and beautifully frightening, pale as the moon when he no longer had blood flowing through his veins. His cheeks were no longer rosy but pale and his lips almost white with the extreme cold temperatures and lack of blood.

No. He didn't want his son to see him like that.

"That's not fair!" Blake's eyes filled with hot tears tightening his grip on the fork he was holding.

"Blake..." Harry sighed already knowing he would burst into tears at any time now, anger and frustration always brought him to tears.

"No, you see him everyday and it's not fair." Blake angrily wiped away his tears with his sleeves glaring at Harry, "Liar..." He growled under his breath thinking Harry hadn't heard him.

"What did you just call me?" Harry leaned forward grabbing Blake's wrist.

"You're a liar. Did he leave us? Jeffrey told me he left us too like his dad left him and his other." Blake sniffled seeing his father getting up and taking the seat next to him.

"I will never lie to you, when you were a baby your dad was sick and went to sleep. He did not leave us nor did he want to leave us, I will never lie to you." Harry said holding Blake's hands with his much larger ones seeing they were dainty just like Louis'.

He had to swallow the lump in his throat when all he did was lie to his child, but it was for his own good.

"I want to go home." Blake mumbled pulling his hands away from his father's.

Harry sighed as he nodded calling for the check and as soon as he had paid, they walked to their car getting in without another word. The ride home was silent with only the occasional sniffles coming from Blake in the backseat while all Harry could do was focus on the road and take them home. When they got there Blake quickly got out of the car and walked into the house going straight to his bedroom closing and locking the door before Harry could get in having noticed him following him.

"Blake, open the door." Harry knocked hearing his sniffles getting louder.

"Go away!" He shouted.

"Bla..." Harry was interrupted by his phone and when he looked at the caller ID he saw Niall's name on the screen, "Hello?" He answered making his way downstairs to the kitchen choosing to give his son time to calm down.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you if you're still up for eating dinner together. Zayn and Liam already agreed, Liam has the day off so this is our chance to catch up plus he's making dinner." Niall happily said while Harry served himself mango juice.

"Yeah, I'll be there. At their place, right?" Harry asked before taking a drink not feeling up to it but he had already promised his best friend.

"Is something wrong?" Niall asked, "You sound a bit down."

"Same as always, Blake wants to see him and I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep him away. He's growing up and the older he gets the less I can control that part of his life." Harry explained taking a deep breath at the end to try and calm his nerves down.

"I...Harry I honestly don't know what to tell you." Niall sighed feeling awful for not being able to help him.

"It's fine Ni, Blake and I'll be there tonight." Harry smiled a little.

"Okay, we'll talk after dinner. I can tell there's something you want to tell us, Niall knows everything." Niall said making Harry fully smile but only for a fraction of a second.

"I'll see you then." Harry said then hung up after Niall sad his goodbyes.

Harry spent the rest of the day in the kitchen until Blake walked in looking a bit sleepy and going straight to the fridge to get a water bottle. He ignored Harry as he drank his water and was just about to leave when Harry stopped him having had enough of it.

"We're having dinner at Zayn and Liam's, all your uncles are going to be there." Harry informed him seeing he had been crying but said nothing.

"I don't want to go." Blake rolled his eyes frustrating Harry to no end.

"Just go wash your face and meet me here." Harry ignored him getting up to do the same and just as he turned his back on Blake, he heard his voice.

"Why won't you let me see him?" He whimpered and when Harry turned around and picked him up, he wrapped his arms around his neck resting his head on his shoulder nuzzling his face on the crook of his neck.

Harry walked with him towards the living room and took a seat on the couch with Blake still in his arms trying to find a way to explain things so his son could understand them. Wondering if he should just get him used to the idea of letting him go.

"You know your daddy's heart is not beating anymore, right?" Harry asked feeling him nodding.

"He's asleep." Blake mumbled, "And Grandpa Mark froze him."

"That's right." Harry's eyes started stinging with tears at the thought of his son knowing things he shouldn't, of having to go through things he shouldn't at all.

"And because he's frozen and in a very sterilized cold place, the institution doesn't allow children to go in there. That's why you have to wait until he wakes up." Harry explained feeling him tightening his hold around his neck.

"But what if he never wakes up?" Blake cried harder breaking Harry's heart.

"Then we have to let him go, baby." Harry said hugging him tighter trying so hard to fill that hole in his son's heart Louis had unintentionally left behind.

He let him cry it out with him silently doing the same until his son wiped his tears away and got up to wash his face wanting to go eat dinner. He stayed quiet on the way there until they got to Zayn and Liam's house where he got out of the car and ran to Niall's awaiting arms. Harry watched him pick his son up then Zayn and Liam joining in on the hug knowing that his son at least had them and will always do.

"Let's go eat while food's still warm." Liam motioned for Harry to join them and once Harry was within arms length, he wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him inside.

"Uncle Liam, you made my favorite pizza!" Blake exclaimed as soon as he saw it in the middle of the table.

"Of course! I even made two more so you can take some home." Liam high fived him then took a seat next to Zayn and Harry.

"So! How was parents day?" Zayn asked Blake with a big smile on his face making Blake smile a little, "Did your dad behave and pay attention?"

"He did...sometimes." Blake shrugged trying not to smile.

"Hey!" Harry pouted finally making his son giggle then heard his laugh when Niall tickled his side.

"I think his days of paying attention in school are over, Blake. You should have seen him back when he was in uni, studying twenty four seven." Niall gave him a plate so he could serve himself.

"I like school too." Blake shrugged.

Harry grabbed the plate his son passed to him saying a small thank you then two cups pouring juice for his son and himself. He let him chatter away glad that his friends were distracting him from Louis still unable to decide how was he going to break the news to him and his friends, how was he going to tell Mark he couldn't do it anymore. They ate sometimes making conversation and when they were finished, Blake immediately went to play with the neighbor's Golden Retriever now that his owners had taken him outside as soon as they had seen the nine year old.

"Feeling better?" Liam asked as soon as Blake was out of earshot.

They were sitting out in the front porch keeping an eye on the nine year old and the dog who were playing in the front yard.

"Not quite." Harry said unable to look them in the eye.

"Is this about Louis?" Zayn asked. "Niall told us Blake was upset and so were you. What happened?"

"I can't find anything. I can't find a way to fix his damaged heart and if I don't then there's no use...he'll- he'll only die again within minutes. That's if we even get his heart to start beating again." Harry fiddled with his fingers trying not to cry when he felt his eyes stinging with hot tears.

"I know you'll find something soon. You're the best in the field, you're a genius." Zayn looked at him with desperate eyes only making Harry feel worse.

Zayn had been friends with Louis ever since they had started kindergarten and had taken the news about his death just as bad as Harry had. He still remembers the way Zayn had screamed when they all realized what had happened and the way he had almost punched Liam to get him to let go of him.

"Harry..." Liam felt a lump in his throat as soon as he saw Harry's bottom lip trembling.

"I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep doing this to myself, I can't keep letting Blake believe he's coming back when he might never do that." Harry finally dared himself to look at them hearing his son's loud happy laughs.

"You can't do that." Zayn said through gritted teeth holding tight onto the glass of juice he was holding.

"Harry, a- are you sure?" Niall grabbed fistfuls of his own hair not knowing what to do at all much less say.

"I made my decision last night and I'm going to tell Mark as soon as I can." Harry wiped away a tear when he felt it rolling down his cheek making the skin itch.

"No. You can't do that." Zayn said about to burst into tears not caring who was watching, "You can't do that to him."

"You need to understand, Zayn. He's been there for nine years and every time I see him I can't help but think that maybe that's not what he wanted, that maybe he wants to rest in peace." Harry tried to make him understand only seeing his face getting redder by the second.

"You think that's what he wants? Or maybe that's what you want after all. You promised him the world and failed to give him just that when you didn't fight hard enough and now you're telling me you're giving up. That's bullshit!" Zayn glared at him.

"Zayn, that's enough." Liam snapped at his husband of three years seeing the hurt on Harry's face when more tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Don't you think he deserves to rest in peace?" Harry asked, "We're not God, we can't keep bringing people back...there's a reason why death happens. How do you think he's going to react when he figures out it's been nine years and he missed out on everything."

"Yet you didn't have problem those two times Mark did it but since it's Louis, you have a problem now." Zayn continued with his attacks while Niall watched Blake making sure he was busy, "If you have someone else then just says so, you don't need to lie. You don't need to pretend you still love him after all this years."

"Zayn, that's not it. Please, you have to under-"

"You fucking promised!" Zayn spat then got up going inside slamming the door shut.

"I'll go talk to him." Liam sighed squeezing Harry's shoulder on his way inside.

"It'll be okay." Niall got up to sit next to him wrapping his arm around him, "He'll understand, it will be hard but he will understand. Now we need to keep him from stressing out, he's barely three months along and it's not good for him and the baby."

"Part of me thinks it's the right decision but the other...the other doesn't want to let go. Never wants to let go and I want him back, I want us to be happy again but I can't stop thinking that maybe this is not what he would have wanted." Harry finally started crying.

"It hurts but you know I'm with you until the end, you're my best friend and I'm always going to be here for you." Niall rubbed his back letting Harry rest his head on his shoulder and soak his shirt with his tears.

Zayn never came back out and while Harry waited for Blake to go say goodbye to him he couldn't stop thinking if it was the right decision after all. Louis had been and still was the love of his life, he would always be it for him but there was only so much he could take. He wanted to stay in love with his sorrow, but he wanted to let it go, giving up in the end knowing he would never be able to.

Blake walked out snapping Harry out of his thoughts watching him get in the car and slam the door shut knowing Zayn had probably said something. He ignored the anger bubbling up in his stomach and instead waved at Liam who had apologized for Zayn's behavior until he had convinced him that it was understandable.

He drove home in complete silence and as soon as they were home Blake said a quick goodnight then went to the bathroom to take a shower. He decided to take one too already exhausted but unable to wait to see his sister the next day, he was going to need her as well as their mother. When he was done showering he walked out of the bathroom ready to go to bed finding Blake in his bed already asleep holding onto his teddy bear.

"Goodnight love." Harry mumbled kissing his forehead before he turned the light off and wrapped his arm around his son falling asleep minutes later.

That night he tossed and turned around dreaming of Louis and his sorrowful blue eyes that never seemed to stop following him wherever he went. They were the bluest he had ever seen them not wanting to forget the way they looked like, the way Louis would look at him. He didn't want to forget the burning feeling his fingertips would leave behind on his already heated skin.

"I love you forever..." Louis whispered against Harry's lips in their small cocoon of blankets, their bodies flushed with the other.

"And ever." Harry smiled before closing his eyes and leaning in to kiss him as gentle as he could not wanting to disturb the oasis of serenity surrounding them where they knew they were safe.

No. Harry didn't want to forget him at all. He would always hold him in his beating heart whose strong beats were solely for him even though Louis' had ceased to do so a long time ago.

He wanted to freeze time before it turned cold and the memories could dissipate as time went on. The moments went by learning that life goes on and the torturous stars took every breath he wished Louis held, and that the love in his heart was never ending.

He would never stop loving him nor forget him.

Thoughts? :)

New tag, Mpreg!Zayn. Its my first time writing him knocked up and I like it so please don't hate.