EVELYN DeMARCUS

"Kuya Rus is in Ilocos to check out our hospital there. Si kuya Ruel naman, busy para sa proposal niya mamayang gabi. So there's really no one who can accompany me, ate," Eva said with a pout. Napailing ako habang siya ay mas pinagbutihan ang pagpapaawa sa'kin. "Hindi ka man lang ba naaawa sa'kin, ate? I can't go to the event alone! Ako lang ang mag-isa doon, if ever!"

I raised a brow. Hindi ako naniniwala diyan. "Why don't you take mom and dad? I'm sure gusto ka nilang samahan. After all, it is a parent meeting."

She waved off my comment. "Mom and dad are in Palawan for the week, 'di mo ba naaalala, ate?"

Crap. I totally forgot. Kaya pala cancelled ang Sunday brunch namin dahil wala nga pala sila dito. It totally flew my mind na itong weekend na 'to ang alis nila. And now Eva was bugging me dahil wala siyang kasama. It's in a time like this na pinagpapasalamat ko ang pagka-clingy ni Russell dahil 'di siya magaatubiling samahan ang bunso namin. But because of his business trip, I'm her only option now.

"Ano'ng oras ba daw kasi ang dinner ni Ruel at Kyla?"

Ruel, the second youngest, was preparing to propose to his high school sweetheart and long-term girlfriend, Kyla. Hindi na kami nagulat nang sabihin niya 'yon dahil alam na naming lahat na doon rin naman pupunta. Out of all of us, Ruel was the most emotional and the most in tuned to his feelings. Siya ang pinaka-seryoso pagdating sa lahat ng bagay, especially sa love.

"Six, but I really don't want to disturb him, ate. Abala siya sa pag-aayos sa venue for later," sabi ng kapatid ko.

I glanced at the pile of paperworks I needed to do then towards my sister. Nang makita ko ulit ang pagsimangot niya ay nawala na ang lakas kong humindi sakanya. None of us could ever deny our baby what she wants, anyway.

"Okay, I'll go with you. But I have to attend a meeting before lunch."

Lumiwanag ang mukha niya at masigla siyang napapalakpak. "Of course, ate! Thank you, thank you!"

"Don't worry about it. Magkita nalang tayo doon..."

She nodded eagerly again. Tumayo siya at humalik na muna sa pisngi ko bago nagpaalam. I only shook my head as she left my office. I'm really glad she didn't become a brat from all of us spoiling her. Baka tuluyan nang sumakit ang ulo ko kapag nangyari 'yon...

I distracted myself for the new few hours with work. It's been three days since I last saw Third. Pinagbawalan ko na siyang makapasok sa building at tinanggal ko na siya sa visitor's list ng condominium ko. I know I'm basically torturing myself, pero kailangan ko lang talaga ng panahon na patawarin ang sarili. I hope to love him when I'm whole, not when I'm shattered in pieces.

At ten in the morning, umalis na ako ng opisina kasama ang secretary ko para sa isang meeting. There have been some slight alimonies with our company at naghire ako ng isang investigator upang tignan kung ano ba ang nangyayari. We've been having so many delays and missing funds kaya gusto kong malaman kung paano 'yon napapalampas. We have some of the best corporate lawyers in our general counsel, but my gut has been telling me to be wary of them lately. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

"Mr. Russell is in Ilocos for your hospital there, yes?" tanong ni Rocco, my hired private investigator.

I nodded. "His secretary noticed some unbalanced numbers on the books. Inutusan ko siyang pumunta roon para tignan ng mas masinsinan."

"And I assume you two are the only ones that know this?"

"Yes. I made sure he was under the pretense of a check-up for renovations."

Tumango-tango si Rocco at may inabot sa'kin na manila envelope. I gingerly took it and opened it, gulat nang makita na copy 'yon ng last will and testament ni lolo Adan kasama ang isang witness' testimony.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What is this for?"

Rocco shrugged. "I did some extra digging and I've heard about the complications you've been facing with inheriting. Nagkataon lang na noong naghanap ako ng impormasyong tungkol kay mr. Romulo ay lumabas din 'yan."

I scanned the documents, pero ayaw ma-proseso agad ng isipan ko. What the fuck?

"It seems it was his idea in the first place to add the marriage requirement. I don't know if it's connected in any way to your current predicament, pero mukhang dati pa ay may plano na ang mr. Romulo na 'yan na hindi mapunta sainyo ang kumpanya."

I clenched my fists in anger. Simula pa talaga ay masama na ang kutob ko sa board member namin na 'yon. If he wasn't such a good friend of our lolo, siguro matagal ko nang nakumbinsi ang board na i-force buyout ang shares niya. The man was desperate to have his son be voted in as the CEO of the company ever since. Hanggang ngayon ay pasimple niyang kinukumbinsi ang board members na i-include ang anak niya sa candidates for presidency. That insolent man!

"He really is something else," gigil kong sabi. Pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko pero hindi ko talaga maiwasan ang 'di magalit. The man almost ruined my life. He had somehow influenced me and forced my hand into doing things I never even thought of. Ni minsan ay hindi ko inakala na itatakwil ko ang dignidad ko, but that stupid marital clause was enough push for me.

Napailing si Rocco. "Mas iigihan ko pa ang pagmanman sakanya. Although he doesn't seem involved with the delays or missing funds. Wala pa akong mga lead hanggang sa makabalik si mr. Russell kasama ang mga papeles na 'yon."

"I'll make sure he's here in two days. Alam niya kung gaano ka-importante 'to and he has no reasons to extend his stay there, anyway."

"Of course, miss Evelyn. Tawagan niyo nalang po ako kung may kailangan pa kayo sa'kin."

"Thank you, Rocco. I'll be in contact with you soon."

I left his office, still fuming mad. Konting-konti nalang talaga ay kakausapin ko na si dad tungkol kay mr. Romulo. I can't believe he would do something like that para lang makuha ang kumpanya! Like hell if I'd ever give it up for him to have it! Kung kailangan kong pwersahin si Russell na magpakasal sa anak ng mga Chua, gagawin ko! Anything to stop that bastard from getting what he wants!

Since it was lunch, pinauwi ko na ang secretary ko. I had to go to Eva's meeting after anyway. I texted my sister to see if she wanted to have lunch with me, pero nang hindi siya agad nagreply ay hinayaan ko nalang. I'll just look for a place here.

When I saw a Chinese restaurant in the corner, naisipan kong doon nalang. I've been craving dumplings for a while and I know that place has good reviews. I only had to cross the street to get there so I just told kuya Manong to eat wherever he wants.

What shocked me, however, was when I crossed the street, nakabungguan ko si Jane. She looked as surprised as I was at wala sa sariling napatitig lang ako sakanya. Suddenly, the intense guilt came crashing down again at parang wala akong masabi agad. I only stared at her in utter shock.

"Sorry," she mumbled and attempted to leave pero pinigilan ko siya. I grabbed her wrist and she looked at me again, parang gulat na gulat sa ginawa ko.

"Err—I apologize," sabi ko at binitawan siya. Tumango lang siya at hindi na tumingin sa'kin. I sighed deeply and decided this must be God's gift to me: a chance to ask for forgiveness. A chance to clear my conscience and ease my guilt. "Jane... can we talk? Please?"

Tinignan niya ako gamit ang mga matang naninimbang. I was a bit scared na aayawan niya ako, pero hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi kung 'yun nga ang gawin niya. What I did to her was horrible and even unforgivable. Hindi na talaga ako magugulat kung may poot siya para sa'kin.

"Gusto mong... mag-usap?" She looked hesitant.

I nodded once and sighed. "Please... I want to properly apologize to you, Jane. Mali ang ginawa ko sa'yo."

Tahimik na naman siya pero nang maglaon ay tumango rin. I smiled in gratitude before leading her inside. It was really awkward at walang nagsasalita sa'ming dalawa. Even when the hostess got us a table, wala sa'min ang nagsasalita.

I tried to be casual. Sinubukan ko ring mag-isip ng p'wedeng sabihin para simulan ito, but I am, for the first time, at a total loss for words. This was no regular business meeting where I can just demand answers. This was personal.

Jane was quiet in front of me, nakayuko at ayaw tumingin sa'kin. I wanted to yell in frustration pero natandaan kong ako ang may mali dito. I have no other choice but to be patient with her. Ma-suwerte na akong pinagbigyan niya ako ng pagkakataon na makausap siya. I can't blow this chance by demanding her to respond when I have no right at all.

"Ready to order na po?" the waiter asked hesitantly, parang nararamdaman rin ang tensyon.

I looked at Jane and she nodded. "Yes, we're ready."

The waiter left after taking our order at muli na naman kaming nabalot ng katahimikan. I know she won't say anything first, that awkward ice-breaker goes to me.

I'm good at talking with investors, clients, business partners, even some of our leaders; however, Jane is another breed altogether. Hindi ko siya maloloko sa iba't ibang pakulo ko dahil masyado siyang genuine. It feels like a morbid sin to fool her in any way, which is why I feel criminally unearthly dahil sa ginawa ko sakanya. No one as kind as her should be put through pain the way I did.

"Jane..."

This time, she glanced at me. Wala siyang pinapakitang emosyon sa mga mata niya, pero alam kong hinihintay niya ang susunod kong sasabihin. Wow. I've never felt this kind of pressure before.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. "I'm sorry. Alam kong hindi maaayos ng sorry lahat at hindi rin nito maibabalik ang nawasak na, but I am genuinely sorry for what I've done. Hindi ko dapat ginawa 'yon and even knowing that, ginawa ko parin... Kaya humihingi ako ng patawad, kahit ang kapal ko na para hingin 'yon sa'yo."

She did not respond to me. Nakatitig lang siya sa'kin. I uncomfortably shifted under her intense gaze. Walang kahit na ano'ng galit sa mga mata niya, nanunuri lang. It was as if she was gauging how sincere I was. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nakikita niya, but the truth is I am utterly sincere with my apology.

"I really am so sorry, Jane. Alam kong walang kapatawaran ang ginawa ko sa'yo—sainyong dalawa."

Finally, Jane sighed. She looked dejected. Fuck, I did that.

"Tapos na, Evelyn. Wala ka nang magagawa pa."

She sounded as deflated as I am. Para bang tapos na talaga ang laban. But no, their love was just too strong to give up on! Hindi sila p'wedeng sumuko na.

"I can talk to him, Jane. Make him reconsider. I know he is still in love with you. Imposibleng hindi, Jane. I'm sure—"

"Evelyn, tama na. Third has made up his mind."

"No!" I insisted, now panicking. "Mahal ka niya. Mahal na mahal ka niya!"

"Kung mahal niya ako, hindi niya kayang mawala ako sa buhay niya. Pero ito na, nangyari na. Binitawan na niya ako, Evelyn..."

My eyes were burning. "I-I'll fix this, Jane. Aayusin ko 'to, p-pangako."

Pumikit siya ng mariin bago umiling ng isang beses. "Evelyn, enough... Wala na, tapos na. Stop trying to fix it and just accept the fact na p'wede kang maging masaya kahit na may masaktan!"

Napasinghap ako. I had nothing to say.

"Look, I get it, you're guilty." Huminga siya ng malalim. "At oo, nasaktan ako. Nasasaktan parin ako dahil, tama ka, ang tagal ng pinagsamahan namin at marami na kaming pinagdaanan, but that's it, Evelyn. Our story has ended. Tanggapn mo nalang na storya niyo naman na ngayon. Just accept it, Evelyn."

"I-I don't know, Jane..."

"Do you love him?"

Fuck!

This time, my tears fell as I nodded. "Yes. I'm so sorry!"

She sighed. "Don't be sorry. Just promise me that you'll make sure I got hurt for something worth it."

What? What!

Kumunot ang noo ko at kahit tumutulo ang mga luha ko ay hindi ko parin napansin. I don't... What?

"Hindi ko maintindihan."

"Nasaktan ako, pero alam kong may dalawang taong sumaya dahil don. It's harsh and cruel, but if you sacrifice your happiness to apologize to every person you hurt, hindi ka magiging masaya." Jane looked at me with wet eyes and my heart broke. "You're guilty, I get it. I'm hurt, you get it. That's reality, Evelyn. Nagdudusa na ako, do you really want to add to the list of broken hearted? One person's misery should never lead to two more people's agony."

"Hindi ko talaga maintindihan, Jane. You are too kind."

She is. I can never imagine being this forgiving to someone who had hurt me. Pero siya... fresh out of a heartbreak, she was here trying to console mine. Ang kapal ng mukha ko. Ako pa talaga ang inaayo. Imbes na siya.

Now I know why Third loved her so much. Why he tried his best not to hurt her too much.

Fuck... what kind of evil is in me to hurt her?

It was like wounding an angel.

"People react to hurt in different ways. May mga taong gustong manakit dahil nasaktan, pero hindi ako ganon. Alam ko na ang pakiramdam at ayokonh ipadama 'yon sa iba. I forgive you, Evelyn. I only ask that you love him in the way I did and in a way I will never do again. Nagpaparaya ako para sa'kin at para sa'yo. I know we'll all be happier this way; otherwise, hindi mangyayari ang lahat ng ito."

I covered my mouth in shock. Oh my god!

Jane looked down for a bit bago sinalubong ang tingin ko. She forced a smile. "I want to let him go, too. I kept someone that was never mine to keep for years..."

"What do you mean? You loved each other."

Umiling siya. "I loved him the way a woman loves a man. But he always loved me the way a man had to love someone they've been with for years."

I closed my eyes. This was all too much, even for me...

"It was still love.."

Naramdaman ko ang isang mainit na palad sa kamay ko. I opened my eyes to see Jane holding my hand. I let out a shaky breath. I can't comprehend how I can deserve such forgiveness in such a short time.

"Kung ganon, respect my love for him, then. Don't hurt him then. Kasi masakit sa'kin na mawala siya, pero mas nasasaktan ako tuwing nakikita ko siyang nahihirapan. It was why I easily let him go, Evelyn, because he was struggling to keep me. Kasi hindi ako 'yung babaeng gusto niyang makasama. I was not and I will never be the girl he wants to call his. Ikaw 'yon..."

"Jane... I'm so sorry. H-hinding hindi 'yon magiging sapat."

Binitawan niya ang kamay ko at umayos ng upo. She wiped away her tears and I did the same. Tahimik kami ng ilang sandali, nagmumuni pareho.

I could not say anything more. I was the villain here; she was just an innocent collateral to my evil.

And yet, here she was, giving me the forgiveness that I don't even deserve to beg for...

"Take care of him for me, Evelyn," ani Jane. Tumayo siya ng dahan-dahan at wala akong magawa kundi makinig at panoorin siya. She gave me a brave smile. "I loved him with my whole being, so I expect you to do the same. Don't waste another second trying to push him away to ease my pain. Hindi ako ganon. Kahit ano man ang galit ko sa'yo noon, wala na 'yon."

I wiped some of my tears away. Nakayuko ako, hindi makatingin sakanya. I wanted to ask her one crucial question. Naglakas-loob akong tumingala sakanya.

"Why don't you hate me?" I whispered in despair.

She gave me a bitter smile. Tumingin siya sa labas ng bintana at bumuntong-hininga. She looked at me again.

"How can I ever hate the woman that makes him happy?"