TITLE: Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry......and Aliens
AUTHOR: WhovianHarkness
SUMMARY: 'Ianto's day was going rather well until he got turned into an eleven year old'
When Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato and Gwen Cooper get turned into children and sent to Hogwarts, what can go wrong? Or rather, what can't.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Torchwood belongs to BBC wales, Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, and most of my inspiration comes from the book 'The magic of Torchwood' on fanfiction.net'

The Hogwarts Express, while amazing, was very hard to access.
They had spent ten minutes asking around for 'platform nine and three quarters', when Gwen, slumping against the pillar inbetween in resignation, had fallen straight through.
The others had rushed through after her, and found themselves on the platform, where they had boarded the train.
They found themselves an empty compartment, and sat down, taking out their books.
Tosh started reading 'why your muggle gadgets dont work at Hogwarts', Owen opened up a page of 'Healing potions', and took out a pencil, Gwen started flicking through 'The tales of beedle the bard', and Ianto and Jack started reading similar sized books. 'Hogwarts a History', and 'Wizarding Law'.
After a while, the door to their compartment entered, and a boy with white blonde hair stepped in, double taking when he saw Ianto.
"Yan?"
"Draco?"
Ianto grinned.
"You spoiled egotistical bastard"
"You jumped up freak"
They could see Jack fighting to keep back his anger at the boy insulting Ianto, although the latter had clearly started it.
"Asshole"
"Poof'
The girls had to hold Jack back at that, but Ianto was laughing.
"Twat"
"Oi, that's a new one!"
"Blame Owen"
Owen looked affronted.
The boy laughed.
"Great to sew you, Yan"
"It's been years"
Jack looked on in shock as the two boys hugged.
"Sorry, Dray, forgot to introduce you. Guys, this is Draco Malfoy. Complete asshole and childhood friend. Draco, meet Tosh, Owen, Gwen and Jack, my friends"
Draco grinned at them. "Pleasure"
"Not to be rude, but, about the insults?" Tosh asked shyly.
"All true" Ianto grinned, and Draco nodded in agreement.
"Any idea what house you'll be in, Yan?" He asked, sitting next to his friend.
"Nope. Hufflepuff sounded cool, but from the photo of their common room in here..."
He showed him a page from Hogwarts, a History.

"It looks so untidy, and so....so.....hobbitty"
Draco laughed loudly, not noticing Jack's jealous glare.
"Most people in Slytherin think all puffs are gay, I wouldn't go there if I were you"
"Why? So I don't prove them right?"
"Touché"
"Ravenclaw also seems cool...."
"You? Ravenclaw? Biggest procrastinator I know"
"I've changed."
"Yeah, it's been what, three years?"
"Two"
"Feels like longer".
Ianto laughed. "You have no idea"
"I'd suggest you join me in hoping for Slytherin, but I dont think you're physically able to lie"
At that, everyone except Jack, who still looked incredibly jealous, started laughing.
"You'd be surprised"
Draco looked confused, but shrugged it off.
"So, Yan, you really a poof?"
Jack glared at him again for the derogatory term.
"Pretty much, why?"
"I just seem to remember you having a crush on Mary"
"I was four and she was a house elf"
"Yeah, I suppose, no one in their right mind would shag a house elf"
"Jack would"
"Right mind? He's friends with you"
"Fair point"
Draco glanced curiously at Jack.
"Why is he glaring at me?"
"Probably just jealous" Ianto shuffled up and sat on Jack's lap.
Before long, the train pulled into the station, and they followed a very tall man named Hagrid to some boats. "Fou' teh a boat" the man called, and after a moment of deliberation, Jack split them up. "I'll go with Ianto, you three go together"
Jack got into a boat with Ianto and Draco and courteously helped a Susan Bones into the boat after them.
"Ooh, chivalrous. He's just destined for Gryffindor" she muttered to Ianto, who just scoffed.
A girl with bushy brown hair got into the boat with the others, and immediately started talking to Tosh.
When they got within sight of the castle, even Ianto, who had seen photos, had his breath taken away. It was beautiful, tall turrets and glassy windows, bathed in moonlight amd reflected in the lake.

By the time they got into the castle and the Torchwood team were reunited, they started planning how to get into the same house, but were cut off when a tall woman with her hair tied up in a sharp bun cleared her throat.
She led them into a large hall, with no visible ceiling-instead, stars glittered in the night sky above them.
There were four tables of students, each sitting under a different coloured banner. Red, Blue, Green, and Yellow. They followed the strict looking teacher up to a stool with a hat, which started to sing.

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
a smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
There's nothing hidden in your head,
The sorting hat can't see,
So try me on amd I will tell you
Where you ought to be.
You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart.
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,
And unafraid of toil;
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;
Or perhaps in Slytherin,
You'll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means,
To achieve their ends.
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though i have none)
For I'm a thinking cap"

The room erupted into applause, as though singing hats were a regular occurrence, but the Torchwood team looked around worriedly.
If the hat could read minds, then..............

Susan Bones, from their boat, went into Hufflepuff, along with Hannah Abbot, but before long, it was Gwen's turn.

Apt mind, and very hard working, but not all that loyal. Very ambitious, too. And hot headed, and very brave......Better be...."GRYFFINDOR!"
The table with the red banner erupted with cheers as she went to sit down.
Next from torchwood, was Jack.

And another time traveller. You're a lot older though. So much experience, seen so many bad things. You are cunning, can hold your own in a fight. Better be......"SLYTHERIN! "
Owen followed next, and the hat spent even longer anyalising him.
Snarky, a mask of sarcasm, on the surface, the perfect Slytherin, but underneath, fairly hard working, brilliant mind, incredibly brave. You are incredibly loyal, but to more than what's normal. You are loyal to the world. I think I know where to put you......"HUFFLEPUFF"
"Jones, Ianto"
Ianto walked up and sat on the stool.
Loyal, yes, and incredibly clever, amazing memory, very brave, and an excellent liar, my, my. Underestimated, need for order........let's put you in "SLYTHERIN!"
Ianto slipped into the seat next to Jack, and watched as Draco was sorted into Slytherin and sat next to him, too.
They sat back to wait for Tosh, only Ianto really understood the small commotion over Harry Potter.
"Toshiko Sato"
The hat barely touched her head before crying out "RAVENCLAW!" And she went to sit down with a smile next to Mandy Brocklehurst, and a kind looking Chinese girl from the year above.
"Blaise Zabini" joined them in Slytherin, and after some very random words from the headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, which reminded Jack of the Doctor, food appeared on the table, and they started to eat.
"Hi. Cap....Jack Harkness"
"Ianto Jones"
"Draco Malfoy, these are Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle" he gestured to two heavily built people stuffing their faces.
"Daphne Greengrass"
"Millicent Bulstrode"
"Blaise. Blaise Zabini"
"Pansy Parkinson. Nice to meet you."
One of the older students leaned towards them.
"Hello firsties. I'm Flint. Marcus Flint. Prefect. Now, us Slytherins are generally perceived as the bad guys, perhaps because our Founder wasn't all perfect and honourable, or because we tend to play dirty in quidditch, or because a lot of bad wizards came from our house, but what I want to say is that we're a family. We stick up for eachother. We keep eachothers secrets, we......"
He broke off at the sound of a crash from the Hufflepuff table. Owen was brandishing a fork at one of his housemates and declaring that "-they can't be all bad. Some of my friends were sorted there. I will HONESTLY impale you with this fork if you don't shut up"
Jack and Ianto started laughing.  Owen was the last person they would have expected to be in Hufflepuff.
Then, Dumbledore stood up and introduced the school song, which everyone halfheartedly sung along to.
A few people looked at Jack in surprise, as he sung along. He really was an amazing singer.

A/N: he actually is really amazing. Well, John Barrowman is.

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