Gryffindor: "Nothing bad ever happens at school... Except for learning."

Someone: "You're weird."

Ravenclaw: "Says you."

Ravenclaw: "And several psychiatric professionals."

Hufflepuff: "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words leave psychological wounds that will never heal."

Someone: "Slytherin, how do you feel?"

Slytherin: "I do not."