A/N: Yes I'm back an ready to write once more...sorry for the long wait but heres my first attempt after so long...please be gentle. Now imagine you're a human from our world in rivendell and you over hear your crush kili saying how pretty some of the elf maids look and giving one a wink and you get upset ...so to make a point you decide to sing and dance for the company (especially for kili)

You sighed again as you had to watch the one man in the whole company that you were crushing on since the moment you landed in Middle Earth and joined the Company of Oakenshield, flirting with a elven woman playing the harp. That trollop even smiled at him and blushed  when he gave her a flirty wink and smiled back and yet still she kept playing that harp without missing a note to her stupidly perfect musical piece that she played for Lord Elronds dinner guests here in the to perfect daisy making snobs of Rivendell. The audacity of her made you grump even more under your breath to your seat mate, Oin, who couldn't hear a word of what you were saying so it was safe to mutter a bit. Of course you forgot about your other seat mate on the other side of you who had perfectly good hearing , Mr. Dwalin, and heard your muttering to yourself.

"Figures, rather snuggle with some stick." you softly griped as you crossed your arms and looked away so you didn't have to see him making eyes at the elegantly slender woman who was the complete opposite of you. Her hair was so long and dark falling like a sleek waterfall down her back to her perfect dainty waist that made you want to puke from how perfect she was. You on the other hand was not tall or slender with a tiny waist but short and very curvy all over especially in the bosom department. Your hair was not sleek  but was unruly and seemed unmanageble each time you tried to contain it in some kind of tail or bun when you were tired of it brushing the back of your shoulder blades or getting in your face once again. Hell, the lady elf probaly could sing with such beauty that it would mesmerize the men into falling all over themselves just to get to hear a single note of her sweet voice unlike your own which if a it was on key once it would be a miracle...most men would probaly run screaming for the hills as they called you a banshee with its screeching tones, making a sign of warding against evil as they fled from the sounds coming out of your throat. Suddenly you heard a humph off to your side and glancing over you see Dwalin looking at you before turning his eyes over to where Kili sat who with a quick glance at the older dwarf that was glaring at his words began to try to take back what he said. 

"I can't say  I fancy elves myself, too thin.  They're all high cheekbones and creamy skin. Not enough facial hair for me." with a quick glance behind him he sees another elf walking around playing a small harp close by and with a devilish smirk that both disgusted you and yet made you yearn it was directed at you, he commented to the elder man. "Although, that one there's not bad." his smile faded a bit when Mr. Dwalin leaned forward.

"That's not an Elf maid." he spoke in his gruff voice to the dark haired archer who got a stunned look upon his face just as the elf turned around and revealed that they were male and not maid. Seeing the dunbfounded look upon the handsome archers face made you snort in laughter that was swiftly followed by the others surrounding him as his cheeks reddened in discomfiture at the situation. 

"That's funny." he glared as he looked down at the table and grabbing up his drink to wash away his embarrassment of his words. Seeing how uncomfortable he was feeling you felt bothered by the look in his eyes and his words that he spoke once again coming back to the problem of him prefering the look of elves over someone like you. You knew you have always struggled with the image of yourself , believing that all men prefer someone more like elves with thier slender and graceful build over your own curvy and ungraceful gait that was akin to having two left feet as you tripping over thin air when walking. You decided to in that moment to just drink the wine the elves were pouring into your goblet instead of thinking anymore on the token of your obsession over these last few weeks on the road. Trying to dampen the emotions swirling inside your heart you drank the heady wine without thinking of the effects it would have on your human body and before you realized it you were drunk and the courage that you never had before when talking to the opposite sex suddenly engulfed you, which resulted in what happened next. Later you would wish that someone had taken mercy on you and ended your misery from the reminder of your bleeting out a song from your world that Bofur had pleaded to hear  so he could see the difference between your homes. 

You started off telling him how in your world there was carriages that could move so fast that one could cross middle earth in a few days instead of months...how great metal birds flew through the skies to take you to other lands... how with a switch lights came on in your homes. All the men listened , even the elves, to your tales all thinking you were to drunk and was making it all up...except for Gandaulf who winked at you because he knew you were speaking the truth. It was shortly after that moment when you truly wished for someone to erase your memeories of the rest of the night, as Bofur stood up and demanded you sing to them. At first you didn't want to , trying to claim your voice wasn't good enough but after a few more goblets of that elvish liquid courage you stood up on legs that remarkably didnt wobble but seemed very steady for the first time ever. You went to the center of the room and began to sway in  rythme to the song you could hear in your head...then you opened up your mouth and began to sing....your eyes focusing on the objectof your affections who looked a bit concerned as it looked like you were singing directly to him.

I could have my Gucci on
I could wear my Louis Vuitton
But even with nothin' on
Bet I made you look (I made you look)

I'll make you double take soon as I walk away
Call up your chiropractor just in case your neck break
Ooh, tell me what you, what you
What you gon' do, ooh
'Cause I'm 'bout to make a scene, double up that sunscreen
I'm 'bout to turn the heat up, gonna make your glasses steam
Ooh, tell me what you, what you
What you gon' do, ooh

With each word you got bolder and began to dance as you sang...your hands mimicing your actions along your body as your eyes stayed on his dark brown ones...never detouring.  Suddenly you began to dance around making your hips twitch erotically as you moved and allowed your eyes to turn away with glances in his direction as you performed your song, trying to convey what you were feeling to him. You could see his eyes and mouth drop open in surprise and his cheeks became red in either mortification or maybe arousal which you were going to go with the last one, as you kept twitching your hips and grabbing your boobs as if fluffing them up to make a point about the lack of breasts these elves had.

When I do my walk, walk (Oh)
I can guarantee your jaw will drop, drop (Oh)
'Cause they don't make a lot of what I got, got (Ah, ah)
Ladies if you feel me, this your bop, bop (Bop-bop-bop)

I could have my Gucci on (Gucci on)
I could wear my Louis Vuitton
But even with nothin' on
Bet I made you look (I made you look)
Yeah, I look good in my Versace dress (Take it off)
But I'm hotter when my morning hair's a mess
'Cause even with my hoodie on
Bet I made you look (I made you look)

As you danced you could see intrest in those brown orbs and they got darker as he looked at you...doing a mental fist bump inside yourself that maybe you finally got his attention you made sure to give him more sensual looks as you sang and danced...happy that he wasn't running away in horror from you.

And once you get a taste (Woo), you'll never be the same
This ain't that ordinary, it's that 14 karat cake
Ooh, tell me what you, what you
What you gon' do, ooh

With a special twitch of your hips that caused him to suddenly groan outloud which reached your ears and caused the other me to glance in shock at the sound of him, you begin to slowly strut towards him..your eyes now focused like a laser upon this gorgeous dwarf who shifted in his seat. His eyes couldn't seem to look away from you and his mouth parted more as he tried to get more air into his lungs that seemed to magically vanish at the sight of your curves moving around. As you drew closer you could hear his breath coming faster and in that moment you knew he found you desirable and not something less...giving you more courage to keep coming closer and using your hands to accentuate your angles for him...his eyes got glassy as he gazed upon you...finally seeing you as the  alluring woman that you are..

When I do my walk, walk (Oh)
I can guarantee your jaw will drop, drop (Oh)
'Cause they don't make a lot of what I got, got (Ah, ah)
Ladies if you feel me, this your bop, bop (Bop-bop-bop)

Your moves brought you so close to him that if he just reached out he could be holding you...wrapping those strong , large hands around your waist or touching your delectable body. You could see the struggle in his eyes and you knew he was never going to let his control go, so you kept dancing for him...maybe at least he will finally know how you feel.

Ooh, I could have my Gucci on (Gucci on)
I could wear my Louis Vuitton
But even with nothin' on
Bet I made you look (Said I made you look)
Yeah, I look good in my Versace dress (Take it off, baby)
But I'm hotter when my morning hair's a mess (A mess)
'Cause even with my hoodie on
Bet I made you look (Said I made you look)

Just as the last note left your lips , Kili suddenly surged upwards ,grabbing you up in his arms as his mouth stole your starled gasp that tried to slip out. You could feel the passion in the way his lips moved over yours, the taste of his own yearning for you flowed across in that kiss and without even thinking about what you were doing your hands slipped around his neck , deepening the kiss into something more erotic and best left in the privacy of a room as you groaned into his mouth and got lost in his searing embrace. Suddenly there was laughter and yells of "Get a room!..Hell No!..innocents are watching!" that made you both stop to look around at everyone there. You both began to blush as you realize that there was onlookers to your very public display. With a mortified moan you buried your head into Kili's shoulder who with a growl let you go but promptly grabbed your hand and dragged you away to someplace more private. You went not knowing what was going to happen and prayed it wasn't him about to tell you how lame you were in privacy. As he walked he kept looking around as if searching for something until suddenly he must have spotted what he was after...with a yelp of glee he drugged you faster to a small balcony and stopped , only to turn away for a brief moment and drop the curtain to shield you from any passerbys. When he turned back to you  it was very apparent to his eyes that you were feeling ashamed of your behavior and tears started to form in your eyes as you looked down. Without even missing a beat he quickly grabbed your face in his hands and leaned down a bit to look in your eyes as he spoke gently.

"Hey, hey...don't do that. Look at me and tell me whats wrong." When you didn't answer and tears began to run down your cheeks he began to worry and spoke faster." Please say it was because I kissed you. I'm so sorry if it was something you didn't want. I shouldn't have taken that from you. Oh, Mahal...please forgive me for taking liberties that i shouldn't have." as he spoke he became more aggitated and his voice took on a tone of self loathing at his actions. You could hear it in his voice how much he was beginning to hate himself and it broke through your tears enough you heard his words that he whispered as he turned his gaze away. "I know i'm not handsome enough like Fili with his beard..I'll never have one as good as him...everyone tells me that all the time...I'm to much like an elf, can't grow one. Why would I think you could be interested in someone like me. I should have guessed it was Fili you were dancing for , not me. " he looked down in sorrow and you knew in that moment he felt like he was not good enough for you and he was about to walk away..maybe forever. With sudden clarity, you knew what you had to do before he was lost to you. With a sterness in your voice even though your legs were trembling you called out to him as he reached for the curtain.

"Kili Durin. You stubborn, clueless , oaf! How could you think I would dance for Fili? Didn't you notice this whole time how my eyes always followed you around...how everytime i tried to talk to I couldn't seem to make anything sensible out except for stuttering?..." he stopped and froze as you spoke. Knowing that you finally had his attention, that he was finally listening to you, you became even more braver and dared to tell him what you tried to keep secret from him. Stepping closer to his form...seeing that his hand was trembling upon the curtain you pressed on and spoke softer...letting your love spill out in your voice...your words that had been locked in your heart all this time. "How I've dreamed of you every night since the moment we met...how I love looking upon your face as you smile, when you're resting and seem so at peace with everything around you. How I know in my heart it is your face and not Fili's that I want to wake up to every morning."the last part was spoken so softly you didn't think he heard you, but the sharp intake of breath and the quivering of his body told you he did hear. You took a step back in shock at what you had revealed and about to run away yourself when suddenly his voice filled with pain and yet hope halted your retreat.

"You mean that? It's not Fili but me you dream about each night?" the sound of his words tore your response from your soul and you couldn't help but respond to his pain and the traces of hope you could hear in them.

"Yes." gasping out as you began to tremble in agitation..not seeing until it was to late how he spun on his heel towards you and swept you up into his arms..his mouth explosively claiming possession of yours in such a way that left no doubt in how he truly felt. As his lips once again moved on yours firmly you let out a whimper and he suddenly gentled his kiss, slowing it down so not to overwhelm you with the intensity of his passion. The way his tongue slipped between your parted lips and tenderly carassed yours sent a fire shooting straight through you making you feel as if you were being consumed by the intensity of your emotions. Slowly his mouth began to ease up and the searing kiss moments before turned into gentle ones as he began to sweetly feather your closed eyes, your forhead, your cheeks, your nose with little kisses as he whispered words you longed to hear for so long.

"Mahal, you're so beautiful...so sweet... so perfect. I was an idiot...I'm so sorry sanghivasha (perfect treasure)...I didn't want to see and I almost lost you because i was being a wazzock (fool). Can you forgive me  gimlelul ( my brightest star)? " you could hear the self recrimination in his voice along with his unspoken love for you within those depths and you couldn't help but respond with your own.

"I also was being a fool. I thought you preferred elves over someone like me...someone without all this meat on the bones." you worried a tiny bit but the last of your fear dissolved when his gorgeous smile crossed his face and the look in his eyes became intense as they scanned over your body..being followed by his hands where they settled low on your back close to your bottom where he pulled you tighter against his own.

"Honestly, how could I want someone like that. I prefer a woman that I can hold in my arms and not worry that I will break her if i held her to tight...like I'm doing right now. I love these so called meat on your bones." his eyes gazed steadily into yours as they darkened more in hunger and his hands embraced you tighter to him, not making you feel crushed but cherished and wanted. "Believe me kurdunuh (my heart)...I love to devour your meat on yhese bones...I could feast on you all night." he growled out and you couldn't stop the whimper from leaving your lips at what he was saying. His soft throaty laugh at the sound made him hunger for more to spill from your lips. "Men zirikh menu (i want you)" his breath ghosted across your lips  making you want more...those brown  eyes not missing your reaction to his words na dhe couldn't stop himself from tormenting you more  as he leaned closer and whispered hotly in your ear making you shiver at his words. "Mahal,men smiddag menu zak(you make me crazy)... men zirikh bayruk men irkat kurs(I want to bury my shaft in you)...Rasup vaas irmish fur men(Im so ready for you)...Sakhab zut irmish rasup fur men (Look how ready i am for you)."Each whispered word in your ear made you crave him more than you thought possible and you trembled as his hands pulled your hips flushed against his , proving the honesty of his words to you. With a gasp as you felt the proof of what he purred about and the smile upon his lips you felt everything inside aching for more which he could sense and enticing him to deliver the final blow to you and making you cave to his command as his voice dropped even deeper. "An men kanur menu abushag azying (Will you handle my invasion lover) ? Can men kanur ukratur zagar menu, likkag an gabil zagarum  men kurdel(can you handle my glorious sword ,like a great swords man my heart of hearts)?" the words he spoke so darkly to you inflamed your senses that with a cry you sealed your lips to his ...feeling him smile in victory as you submitted yourself into his care. 

Niether of you hearing the whispers behind the curtains from those viewing you both. "Oh Mahal...finally they pulled thier heads out of thier asses and we can move past all this mooning over one another. It was enough to make this dwarf sick to his stomach. Now maybe we can focus on the objective at hand of getting back our home from that greedy, over grown piece of gutter trash aptly named Smaug." the voices moved off to give you both some much needed privacy.

A/N: i left the dwarf in question up to you to decide who you want to be the voyeur on these two idiots.