A/N: this is sung to the tune of the 12 pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers. This is what happens when you leave me alone with a awake baby at midnight who doesnt want to sleep.

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The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Is finding the Hobbit hole

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Dealing with stupid trolls
And finding that hobbit hole

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Orc scum
Dealing with stupid trolls
And finding that hobbit hole

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Gotta steal from Smaug
Orc scum
Dealing with stupid trolls
And finding that hobbit hole

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

I forgot my hanky!

Gotts steal from Smaug
Orc scum
Dealing with stupid trolls
And finding that hobbit hole

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Staying with elves
Oh my allergies! 
I hate that greedy worm!
Orc scum
Dealing with stupid trolls!
And finding that hobbit hole

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Stinking goblins

listen to them sing
Oh, blasted horse hair! 
gotta steal from Smaug
Oh, it's Azog!
I'm tryin' to free these stinking horses!
And finding that hobbit hole

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
I WANNA ALL THE GOLD IN EREBOR!
Goblins,
And what'cha mean "Their songs"! ?
Bofurs nasty rag! EWWW!
Oh, having to smell his breath,
Azog, thought you were dead?
What, we have nothing to cut with! ?
And finding that hobbit hole

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Getting bit by spiders
DWALIN I WANT ME ARKENSTONE! 
bad singing,
staying with elves,
I want another hanky!
Having to run through Erebor
Orc scum
Now why the hell are they hocking lugies! ?
And finding that hobbit hole

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Barrel ride down a river
They' re hairy than us
FIND IT FOR ME! 
Give me back my sword!
Staying with elves
I need a hanky
Yo Ho, I'm here you fat slug
Oh geez he doesnt give up!
One mention of parasites and you argue!
And finding that hobbit hole

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Stone Giants fighting
Bilbo dont know how to swim
Now we're in a web
DWALIN , MAKE THEM GO AWAY! 
Goblins
He's an elf, I hate him!
Aint anyone civilized
Oh, he seriously needs a tic-tac with that breath!
Who's got the Raid orc killer?
Great he used me as a tissue! 
And finding that hobbit hole

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Listening to Thorin whine!
Stone Giants fighting,
Water freezing my butt
Spider venom
Waaaaaaaaaaah! BILBO STOLE MY STONE!
goblins
Gotta accept their help
I miss my hankies
I'm not dealing with him, that's it!
Shut up, Azog!
Fine! You're so smart, you get out of this mess!
And finding the hobbit hole