A/N: Reminder that this is a Crack Fic. Nothing is meant to be taken too seriously, and if something seems out of place, I'm doing it for fun's sake (or I just don't mind HAHAHA) 😂 I hope you enjoy your reading! Thanks for taking the time to get this far. Love ya! <3

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"Good afternoon, Gotham," fizzed the car radio with a cheery weatherwoman. Her voice muffled the ambience of the busy city streets. "We've got clear skies and sun all day. So go outside, take a walk, have some fun in the sun. Now, onto today's report..."

          The driver's seat creaked as Murdock Quinn leaned forward, dialing the radio down. He pushed up his shades and glanced out the window of the parked car, the target blurring into sight.

            Gotham Bank.

            "Look out, Gotham," he mumbled with a smile, turning the car on. The metal rattled around him. "The fun's about to get started."

            In one moment, civilians paced the sidewalks without a care while the cars congealed in the streets. The next, it all dissolved into chaos.

            An explosion ripped through the front of Gotham Bank, spitting debris over the street. People screamed and raced for cover. Cars slammed on their breaks. The bank alarms screeched in desperation, but it was too late.

Smoke poured into the sky, and a figure emerged through the rubble, swinging bags of money over his shoulder. The sun magnified his hot pink hair and moustache and his laughing, white-painted face.

Murdock leaned over and threw the car door open.

"Need a ride, sexy?" he shouted with a smile, ignoring the sirens coming their way.

The Joker's eyes met his, and he burst into another fit of laughter. "I dunno..." he called back, voice slurred. God, Murdock fucking loved him. "Daddy told me not to talk to strangers."

Police cars skidded around the corner, and Joker threw the bags inside. He hopped in, and Murdock slammed the gas, clipping a car on the way out. The clown's laugh rang over the blaring music and the chaos of sirens, alarms, and screaming civilians.

"C'mon, Quinn baby," Joker taunted, looking at the rearview mirror. Red and blue lights crowded behind them. "You're letting the pigs catch up to you."

Murdock smiled and glanced at his partner through the corner of his eyes. "Really now?"

He yanked the wheel, and their bodies slammed aside, the tires screeching as the car spun into a narrow street. Cops sped past them and slammed on their breaks, struggling to stay on their tail. Joker's laughs kept Murdock going; shit like this gave him the time of his life.

The cops barreled into the street moments later, and Joker rolled down the window, lugging a neon-painted rocket launcher into his lap. Wind rushed into the car and rustled his hair.

"Hey," said Joker, propping himself up. "Got any gum, doll face?"

"I'm out," said Murdock, swerving into another street. Joker nearly fell out the window. "Sorry, puddin'."

"Shame," said Joker with a red-painted pout, aiming the weapon at the cops roaring behind them. The cars swerved at the sight of the rocket launcher. "I wanted some bubblegum."

"We can get some on the way."

"Mehhh," said Joker, grinning down the sights. "The Bat's who I really want."

Murdock's eye twitched at the name. The Bat. He jerked the steering wheel, and Joker yelped, clutching the car for purchase. His finger squeezed the trigger, and the rocket shot off, right into the squad of cops. Their cars slammed the breaks, the officers desperately trying to back away.

The rocket exploded, and Joker laughed as the cars shot aside from the force, tumbling into buildings and throwing debris everywhere.

"Strike!" laughed Joker, throwing the rocket launcher aside. He dipped back into the car and sighed, rolling up the window. "Speaking of, where is that hunk of repressed anger—"

A weight dented the roof like an anvil, and the car swerved from the force. Murdock shouted and tamed the wheel, knuckles going white.

"Damn it, Mr. J!" he cursed. "That's him! Is it all you wanted for Christmas?!"

"Well geez, no need to get your panties in a twist," Joker sneered. "Just get him off!"

Murdock sped faster and jerked around a corner, barreling into a busy street. Cars honked and swerved out of the way, knocking into other cars.

"Shit," cursed Murdock, his mood souring.

A black-gloved hand shot into view from the passenger window, and Joker looked at the hand, to Murdock, back to the hand.

"Shit," said Joker.

The hand shattered the glass and shot through, yanking Joker out of the car and throwing him onto the dented roof. He laughed, feet slipping, hands grasping for purchase. When he looked up, the sun pierced his eyes, obscuring the silhouette seething over him. Its cape waved wildly in the wind.

"Batsyyyy!" Joker sang, grinning wide. "So glad you could make it, darling. I was wondering when you'd show up."

He shielded his eyes and squinted up at him, meeting uncovered and sharp, narrowed eyes. It sent chills down his spine. Underneath the Bat's face mask, he could just imagine his scowl.

"Enough, Joker," growled Batman, picking him up by his collar. The car swerved, and they swayed aside, bodies threatening to fall into the racing traffic. "You're going to Arkham for good."

Joker clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Ughhh, you say that every time, Bats," he groaned. "Why don't you admit it already—you love this. Us."

Sirens filled the air, and cop cars swarmed the end of the road, setting up a blockade. Murdock yelled with frustration, swerving again.

Batman's eyes narrowed. "There is no us."

Joker scoffed, ignoring the pang that stabbed his chest. Bats didn't mean that—he never did. It was all just a show. Deep down, he knew what they had was mutual. It had to be.

"Then why do you keep coming back?" taunted Joker, shoving his face closer to the Bat's. "If anything, you—"

Murdock slammed the breaks, and they went flying forward, their bodies barreling onto the road. They were a tousle of limbs—skin skidding, bone grinding, asphalt slipping beneath them, over them, everywhere. Joker felt the Bat's hand—or maybe that was his own—and when the momentum finally stopped, Joker groaned, squinting through his frayed senses. When his vision cleared, Batman was panting over him, eyes scowling and sweat beading on his forehead. Joker's heart raced when they met eyes.

"Well—" he laughed breathlessly. "Doesn't this remind me of—"

Car tires screeched, and Murdock's car lost control and swung sideways, barreling into the barricade in a cloud of smoke. Gotham PD rushed towards the vehicle and struggled to yank Murdock out, meeting the fury of his fists and his gun. When Murdock fired and killed a few officers, Joker took his chance.

Joker pulled a neon grenade from his belt, unpinned it, and threw it into the barricade of officers. Just as Batman's eyes followed the weapon arching into the air, Joker punched him across the face and made his escape, his laugh ringing out as the Bat dashed towards the barricade to their rescue.

The explosion rattled the street, and officers reeled back with shouts, swatting away the blinding cloud of glowing smoke.

Joker gas.

Laughs bubbled from Gotham PD, and Batman scowled, eyes snapping towards the nearest street. His eyes locked onto the Joker's, and the clown waved comically, sticking his tongue out before he disappeared around the corner. Every muscle in Batman's body tensed, hellbent on catching him, but Murdock's gas-induced laugh broke him from his focus.

He huffed with distaste, his breath heating under the face mask.

Joker would have to wait.

He pushed past the laughing police force and circled around the smoking car, finding Murdock cuffed to the floor, snickering to himself. His face was all smile, but his eyes were all fury.

Batman grabbed Murdock by the lapels and shoved him against the car.

"I don't see why you keep doing this to yourself, Quinn," he said, voice deeper in the mask. "Joker only sees you as a getaway device."

Murdock struggled in the Bat's hold and chuckled under his breath, his eye twitching when he stared at the vigilante's face.

"No, he doesn't," he said, struggling down a laugh. "J cares about me!"

"You're delusional."

"And Joker's fucking obsessed with you," laughed Murdock, glaring at Batman with all the hate he could muster. "Why do you think he keeps doing this? It's all for you."

Batman's eyes narrowed, and he grabbed Murdock by the handcuffs, dragging him through the officers. Murdock pulled back and struggled, feet scuffing the pavement.

"You're taking my puddin' away from me," growled Murdock, kicking and hitting at the Bat. "You shouldn't mean that much to him. And he shouldn't mean shit to you. He doesn't! Just admit it already!"

Batman shoved Murdock into the nearest police car.

"You're just stroking his fantasy, Batman," spat Murdock, keeping the door open with his foot. "Quit entertaining him, and he'll stop. You want that, don't you? A better Gotham?"

"Have fun in Arkham, Quinn."

Murdock spit at his feet and bared his teeth.

"He'll break me out," he said. "He always does."

"Not this time," said Batman, slamming the door shut. The Joker gas slowly faded, and before the officers regained full awareness, he shot his grappling hook towards the nearest building and vanished in a swish of black.

──────••• ♤ •••──────

Damien Edwards sighed as he peeled off his face mask, running a gloved hand through damp black hair. His footsteps echoed around him as he walked down the runway, the sound bouncing off the endless, dark cavities of the Batcave. Darkness slithered all around him—under his feet, at his sides.

            At the sound of his arrival, the Batcomputer glowed to life, and the light melted into the sharp angles of the cave. Glass vials, gadgets, and vehicles glinted in welcoming; the keyboards and graphs at his enormous desk lit up in greeting.

Another pair of steps clicked far off, and a figure parted through the shadows, half-lidded gaze finding Damien's. His eyes were a sharp blue that glowed like his white hair.

            "You're getting slower, Dame," said Xilef Aarvid, the glow highlighting his pale figure. His black shirt and pants festered with the shadows. "You let him get away again."

            Damien sent him a tired look and took off his gloves as he walked up to the computer, setting them down.

            "He could have killed those policemen," he said.

            "But he didn't."

Xilef examined his friend for a moment, eyes calculating. He grabbed Damien's gloves and pat him on the back, feeling the tight stress of muscles beneath the batsuit. "I'll get you a drink."

            Damien set his hands on the desk and stared off, his mind a blur of fatigue and the events of the bank heist. Joker swelled around his skull—his taunting grin, his wild, multi-colored eyes, his piercing laugh. And then Murdock invaded his thoughts, replaying what he said.

            'Joker's obsessed with you.'

            His fingers curled into fists on the desk.

            'It's all for YOU.'

A mug settled in front of him, pulling him from his reverie. When he looked up, Xilef was at his side, his hand gently on the Bat's shoulder.

            "Get some rest," he said. "Call me if you need anything."

            Xilef lingered a moment before walking away, his footsteps receding further, and further, and further.

            "Quinn told me something," Damien said.

            Xilef stopped and looked over his shoulder, his gaze—though always emotionless—imploring. Damien continued.

            "He said the Joker's obsessed with me."

            "You and I both know that already."

            "He said everything the Joker does—it's for me. To an extent, I already know that. Countless times he's done things to draw me out, but..." Conflict crossed Damien's face, and he glanced at Xilef, meeting his eyes. "I don't want to be the reason more people die."

            Xilef's gaze hardened, and he walked forward, resting against the desk to better catch Damien's gaze.

            "He's a lunatic, Dame," he said quietly. "With or without you, he'll always hurt people. It's in his nature."

            Damien glanced back down at his hands.

            "Even if the purpose in everything he does is to draw you out—which is unlikely—" continued Xilef, "—he'll still hurt people in the process." He shrugged. "And who's to say about Riddler, or Quinn, or any of the other villains in Gotham? You keep more people from getting hurt. You bring them justice."

            Damien gave a half-hearted chuckle under his breath. In his younger vigilante days, that was all he droned on about. Justice. Saving Gotham from the writhing evil that bred in its underbelly. Now that he heard Xilef say it out loud, it sounded cheesy.

            "I'll find him," breathed Damien. "And I'll keep him down for good."

            "That's the spirit," said Xilef, patting the desk. "Goodnight, Dame."

            His footsteps faded away, and Damien sank into his chair as a door echoed shut. Even with Xilef's reassurance, he still couldn't get Quinn's words out of his head.

            'You shouldn't mean that much to him,' came his voice.

            Damien ran a hand over his face.

            'And he shouldn't mean shit to you.'

Quinn had a point. Joker shouldn't mean anything to him but an enemy. As much as he wanted that to be true, deep down, Damien felt something for the Joker. He would never admit it—not even to himself—but his subconscious knew it. Felt it in the way Batman's heart raced when he'd pin the Joker under him, or when their breaths would mix, faces close; felt it in the heat that burned through him after a fight; felt it in the darkest thoughts that only came to Damien when he was asleep and out of control, when his dreams would succumb to fantasies with the clown.

            Damien and Batman felt nothing for the Joker.

            'Quit entertaining him,' rang Murdock's voice in his head, 'and he'll stop.'

            Damien closed his eyes.

            'You want that.'

            Damien felt nothing for the Joker.

            'Don't you?'

            And he would prove it.

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That's the first chapter <3 I only plan to have 10-15 for this fanfic. (We'll see how that goes).

How was it? What are your thoughts? 😁

If you have any suggestions for the AU, do share them! I have everything outlined already, but who knows--I could always sneak in a thing or two ;)

Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day/night!

See you next Sunday <3

Sheera Ayame