AN: Hello, lovelies! Please vote, follow, comment, enjoy, and strap a knife to a Roomba named Stabby.

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Chapter Eleven: In Which Namjoon Raids Hoseok's Room and Seokjin Makes a Promise

Lube.

Lube.

Right, he needed to find lube. A quick check of their bathroom yielded nothing so Namjoon hastily yanked on a hoodie and left the bedroom on his quest, hoping the bulky top would hide the obvious erection he was sporting. It was going to be bad enough trying to explain why he was digging through all the bathroom cabinets if one of the others saw him without shoving a boner in their faces.

Logically, there wouldn't be any in the downstairs bathroom as it was communal space. Plus, Namjoon figured Hoseok was probably in there gathering together the medical supplies as Yoongi requested. There was one communal upstairs bathroom at the end of the hallway but the only thing Namjoon found in there was extra toilet paper. Biting his lip, he tried the knob to Hobi's bedroom and found it unlocked. Quietly, he pushed in. If anyone was going to have lube hiding somewhere, it was probably Hoseok.

Instead of heading to the bathroom, Namjoon started at Hoseok's nightstand. From his experience, people tended to hide it near the bed so they could grab and go. It took all of two seconds to find the prize but, the moment Namjoon picked it up to confirm the label, he felt a weird panic grip him.

What the fuck are you doing? He swallowed heavily and stared at the bottle in his hand as his brain screeched at him. He shot a quick look toward the closed door of Hoseok's room then back at the bottle. What the fuck did you just do? With a curse, he dropped down on the edge of Hobi's bed and dropped his head into his empty hand, staring through the bottle into nothingness as he tried to calm himself down and wrap his mind around what had just happened.

The endorphins were wearing off, leaving him feeling a mixture of embarrassment and regret that he'd let himself slip like he just had. He ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth, still tasting the salty tang of Seokjin's cum. "Shit," he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut. He should put the bottle back and tell Seokjin that they needed to stop before something happened that they'd both end up regretting. He'd moved much too quickly, escalating what should have been a make-out session into a blowjob, like he was just looking to get into the older man's pants.

The sound of a door opening yanked Namjoon out of his thoughts and he scrambled off the bed. Too late, he realized he was still holding the bottle in plain sight as Hoseok stepped into his room. The redhead, not expecting to see someone standing there, yelped and backpeddled into the door, shutting it.

"Jesus, Joon! What the hell are you do- oh." A sly look swept across his year-mate's face as his eyes landed on the lube in Namjoon's hand. "Soapy washcloth not doing it?"

Namjoon opened his mouth to reply, fully intending to deny the he was going to use the lube for anything but knew he had really no excuse for standing there with the bottle. Plus, lying wasn't going to do anything besides make a fool of himself. Licking his lips, the blond tossed the bottle onto the bed and sighed.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Hobi continued. "You can borrow it if you want, though your timing is a little questionable. We're trying to get stuff together so we can leave, remember? Unless you wanted to bring that along?" There was a touch of confusion in Hoseok's tone and Namjoon looked to the side as he tried to decide what exactly he was going to say.

With a groan, he dropped back onto the edge of the bed, cradling his head between his hands, elbows on knees. In light of Hoseok divulging his secret earlier that day - had it really only been a few hours ago that everything had happened? - Namjoon didn't feel right lying. It didn't mean that he had to look at the other, though, and kept his eyes fixed on the carpet at his feet. He felt the mattress dip beside him as Hoseok took a seat. An arm wrapped around his shoulders.

"Hey." Hobi shook him slightly. "What's going on with you, huh? If it helps, I can pretend I never saw you in here-"

"It was for Jin," Namjoon interrupted. "I was getting it for Jin."

There was pause. "For Jin-hyung? Soapy washcloth not good enough for him, either?"

"No, not that. For... for us." He chanced a look at Hoseok and watched as a myriad of emotions danced across his friend's face.

"Well, shit! What are you hanging around here for? Go get that ass!" Hobi reached behind them, laughing, and scooped up the bottle, shoving it at Namjoon.

The blond gazed down at the bottle, licking his lips. "It isn't that simple," he muttered, shaking his head.

"What do you mean? It's super simple." Hoseok leaned over to bring his face into Namjoon's plane of vision. "You've done this before, right? I mean, if I can succeed at it having never fucked a dude before, I'm sure you're a pro."

Namjoon shot his friend a withering glare. "That's not what I mean."

Hoseok pursed his lips. "Then tell me what you mean," he said more softly. "What's going on?"

With a huff, Namjoon tossed the bottle back onto the bed. He tried to put his thoughts in order so they didn't all come out in jumbled heap, but he was having a hard time figuring out where to start. Finally, after Hoseok murmured his name in question, the blond stood from the bed and paced across the room.

"I don't want to ruin things," he admitted, running his fingers through his hair as he walked back and forth between the wall and the bed. "What if I ruin things? He's never done this before, Hobi. What if, I don't know, I h-" his throat squeezed, catching the word partway out. He swallowed and pushed on. "What if I hurt him?"

"Take your time?" Hoseok suggested. He stayed in his place on the side of the bed, leaning back on his palms.

"We don't really have time right now. You said so yourself; we're trying to get ready to leave. The last thing I should be doing is trying to take this guy's ass's virginity," Namjoon snapped back. He cringed, feeling immediately sorry for his tone. Hoseok didn't seem bothered, though, so he continued, albeit less aggressively. "He said he liked me. Like, really liked me. What if I fuck that up?"

"Do you like him back?" Hoseok smirked slightly. "Like, really like him?"

Namjoon ignored the jab at his wording as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "I don't know. Maybe?"

"If you didn't like him, like, like him like him, would you be worried about hurting him or ruining things by diving into that ass?"

Namjoon paused in his pacing and rubbed his hands together idly. Despite the fact that they sounded like middle-school girls discussing a crush, he had to admit that Hobi had a good point. If he didn't like Seokjin, at least a little, he wouldn't care about ruining their friendship, or whatever it was they had. "What if," he pressed on, shaking his head and starting up his pacing once more. "What if I do this and things get... weird."

Hoseok sucked on his teeth for a moment, staring up at the ceiling in thought. "Weirder than the fact that he's a federal agent posing as a northerner, you're an assassin who was supposed to have killed him, and we're all about to do something that will either get us killed or brand us as national heroes?"

"You know what I mean," Namjoon grumbled. He spun and leaned his back against the wall, letting his head clunk back against it. "Now is definitely not the time to be landing a boyfriend."

Hoseok let out a laugh. At Namjoon's quizzical look, Hoseok tilted his head to the side and grinned. "You said you don't know if you like him in more than a friendly way, but you've essentially just told me that you consider ploughing him as getting into an actual, honest to God relationship with the guy."

"Ploughing? Really?"

Hoseok ignored him and continued. "I think you need to wake up and face the facts that you like this guy more than just a little."

Namjoon shook his head a little. "I mean, we're friends so I guess I'd have to like him for that."

"We're friends," Hoseok countered. He grabbed the lube bottle and wiggled it side to side. "Did you want to fuck me?"

Namjoon curled his lips automatically. "Ew, no." Hoseok kept staring at him, one eyebrow raised and a tiny smile gracing his lips. Namjoon swore under his breath. Seokjin had used, more or less, the same logic about why they kept sleeping in the same bed despite there being an available empty room in the house. Namjoon did not treat the spy as he treated his other friends; he did not see Seokjin the same way as he saw Hobi. He cursed again.

"You think he's attractive, right?" Hoseok pressed.

Namjoon started to shrug but stopped himself. He wasn't fooling anyone else; he needed to stop fooling himself. "Yes," he admitted.

"When's his birthday?"

Frowning, Namjoon answered before he considered why Hoseok was asking. "December fourth."

"Do you know his favorite color?"

Confused, Namjoon pushed himself away from the wall. "It's blue. Why?"

"Does he have family?"

"Why?" he asked, eyes narrowed in sudden suspicion. Why did Hobi need to know any of this?

"Do you know their names? How many siblings he has? If both his parents are alive?" Hoseok stood from the bed and walked up to Namjoon, holding out the bottle of lube. "Where he grew up? The name of his first pet?"

"I..." Namjoon took the bottle hesitatingly. "Yes, I know those things," he admitted softly, coming to understand what his friend was poking at.

"Does he know these things about you?" Hoseok continued. He placed his hands on Namjoon's shoulders.

"Yes."

Hobi hummed quietly. "Do I need to keep going or am I getting through that dense head of yours?"

"No, I get it." He sighed and slipped the lube into the pocket of his hoodie. "But..." He wavered.

"But what?" A flash of impatience crossed the redhead's face. "You like this guy, Joon. He obviously likes you. He confessed as much, didn't he? And something must have happened between you two for you to come in here and steal my lube."

"I haven't known him very long," Namjoon argued. "It's been barely a week. Aren't these things supposed to take time?"

Hobi snorted. "Am I really the best person to ask that kind of question? If I were gay for him, I'd already have tapped it." That earned him a smack to the arm. "Here's a crazy idea. Maybe you should actually talk to Seokjin-hyung about this, eh?"

Namjoon pressed his lips thin. Hobi was making yet another good point but that didn't mean that he liked the thought of trying to have a discussion with Jin about his feelings.

"You know I'm right. Go talk to him, sort out whatever it is going on in your head, and stop cock-blocking yourself." Hoseok gave the taller man a little push toward the door.

Sighing, the blond nodded a little and started to open the door before he paused. "I'll follow your advice on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You need to talk to Yoongi about your own shit before we leave tomorrow." Namjoon snickered at the sudden panic gracing Hoseok's features. "If I fuck this up," he waved vaguely in the direction of his bedroom, "I don't want to be the only one sitting in awkward silence on the way to Gwangju."

The redhead blew out a breath that ruffled his bangs. "Fine. But, for the record, we are going to be trapped for four hours in a vehicle with both Crack and Seokjin-hyung. If anything is going to feel awkward, it's them constantly picking at each other."

"I'll talk to Jin about that, too," Namjoon murmured. He opened the door and stepped out. Turning slightly, he smiled back in at his friend. "Thanks, Hobi." He received a thumbs-up from the other before letting the door close and making his way back to his own room.

When he entered the room, his eyes instantly fell on the bed. As promised, Seokjin had removed the pile of clothing, shoving it back into the hamper from whence it came. Instead of t-shirts and pants, the brunet was laying there, propped up with pillows and still gloriously nude and not making any attempt at hiding it. Namjoon felt his groin tighten at the sight, amazed by how Seokjin seemed utterly unconcerned with being naked in front of someone else. Being so exposed had always made Namjoon feel ill at ease; he was the type to pull on his clothing as soon as possible after sleeping with someone. Seokjin was obviously the opposite, confidence exuding from his being as he sent Namjoon a look that clearly told the blond to 'come hither.'

Licking his lips, Namjoon obliged after making sure the door was firmly locked behind him. He stopped at the side of the bed, allowing his eyes to roam the body of the other. He unconsciously reached down to adjust himself when his pants became impossibly tight. He didn't touch the bed though and was hit, again, with the realization that Hoseok had been completely correct: there were definitely feelings involved when it came to this man.

Any other guy that offered himself up like plate of spareribs would not have made Namjoon hesitate as he did now. If he didn't actually care about Seokjin, he would not have had any second thoughts. But he did care, and that was almost as frightening as the thoughts of ruining their friendship by taking things further too quickly.

"Did you find it?" Seokjin asked, bringing Namjoon from his reverie. The blond ran his tongue over his lips again and finally perched on the edge of the bed, angled to face the other.

"I think we should talk," he replied instead of answering the question.

He was met with a suddenly blank expression on Seokjin's face. "Talk?" the older asked, quietly. "About what?"

Namjoon waved a hand between them. "This."

There was a long pause as Seokjin slowly sat up. "What about this?" he inquired carefully. He was impossible to read and Namjoon felt himself falter slightly before reaffirming in his mind that this chat needed to happen before anything else could.

"I don't know if it's a good idea."

He could have been mistaken but he thought he saw a flash of hurt in Seokjin's eyes but it was gone as quick as it came. "What?"

"We've really just met and, being who we are and what we are, maybe now is not the time to be jumping into such a, I don't know, big thing?" He nearly cringed at the way he blurted it out, not at all happy with how he said it.

The spy was silent for a heartbeat, his staid expression dropping off into a bewildered frown. "What?" he repeated. Namjoon opened his mouth to try to explain it more clearly but Seokjin cut him off with a slice of his hand through the air. "What the hell brought this on? Twenty minutes ago you were racing out of here to find the lube and now you suddenly don't want me?"

"That's not what I mean," Namjoon argued, startled. "I just mean maybe not right now."

"Why not now?" Seokjin scooted across the bed to sit next to Namjoon, reaching out to touch his cheek.

"It's complicated?" Namjoon offered, not sure why it came out like a question.

"Life is complicated," Seokjin shot back. "I don't understand. I've made it pretty clear I want you. Until two seconds ago I thought it was pretty clear you wanted me, too. I've offered myself to you. I want to have sex with you. I want you to fuck me. How much clearer do I need to be? Do I need to spell it out? I will if you need me to."

"No, you've been perfectly clear," Namjoon muttered.

"But?" Seokjin pressed. "Am I not good enough?"

Surprised, Namjoon found himself reaching out to cup Seokjin's face. "No! That's not it at all. If you were anyone else, this wouldn't be an issue but-"

Seokjin pushed Namjoon's hands away, eyes wide and mouth popping open. "If I were anyone else? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I just mean that, before..." he groped for the right words and knew he was failing miserably but pushed forward anyway. "If I didn't know you, I wouldn't have questioned it. But I know you now."

"And?" Seokjin threw his hands up in exasperation. "So, if I were a stranger, you'd fuck me but because you know me you won't?"

"No, not exactly. That's not what I mean-"

"Then what the fuck do you mean?" The brunet interrupted, voice raising. "I'm getting really tired of trying to guess what's going on in that brain of yours! Just spit it out!" He started to stand from the bed.

"I'm scared, okay?!" Namjoon blurted.

Seokjin froze then slowly lowered himself back onto the edge of the bed. His dark eyes flickered around Namjoon's face. The blond didn't know what the other was searching for there but Seokjin seemed satisfied with what he saw. Carefully, the older wrapped his hands around one of Namjoon's. "Of what?" His tone had lost all the anger and frustration of before, replaced instead with a gentle curiosity.

Namjoon looked down and placed his free hand on top of Seokjin's. "Hurting you," he admitted before forcing himself to meet the other man's eyes. "I know what I'm doing but you've never been on the receiving end and I've never taken anyone's virginity. I don't want to hurt you. What if you don't like it? What if you hate me for it?" He was barely whispering the words but he knew Seokjin could hear him because the other man was squeezing his hand in response. "What if I ruin everything?"

Seokjin slipped one hand free and ran his fingers along Namjoon's cheek. "It isn't like I have no idea what to expect," the older reasoned as Namjoon pressed his cheek against Seokjin's palm and closed his eyes. "I know how prepping works; I know you're not going to just ram it in like you're trying to batter down the castle door."

The mental image brought a tentative chuckle to Namjoon's lips.

"I know that there's a good chance it'll hurt a bit, especially since I'm not used to it," Seokjin continued. "But I also know that you wouldn't be hurting me on purpose."

"And if you don't like it?" Namjoon opened his eyes, not hiding the worried way his brow furrowed as he met Seokjin's eyes.

"Then I don't like it. I'm not going to hold that against you, especially since I've told you I want to try it." Seokjin smiled a little. "And it won't change how much I like you, if that worries you."

"You can't be sure of that."

Seokjin tsk'ed. "Yes, I can."

Namjoon sought any sign of uncertainty in Seokjin's face but came up with nothing. "Alright," he finally said, a rush of adrenaline hitting him when he agreed. He felt almost giddy. "But you have to promise me that if, at any point, you want me to stop, you tell me. I don't care at what point or how far we've gone, you tell me and I'll stop."

Without a second's hesitation, Seokjin nodded. "I promise." The shorter leaned in and brushed his lips against Namjoon's. "Now, where's that lube?"

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AN: Hi.