Helloooo everyoneeeee....

How you all doing????????

Happpyyyy Wednesday!

Yes. Yes.Yes. I am here with the next update of HW4.0 today – in continuation from the scene yesterday !You don't have to wait till tomorrow!

Absolutely, loved writing this down, so so soooooo much...! Was a rollercoaster for me again...in many ways. You will know what I mean by that by the end of the update!

So eager for you all to read...it too...!

Seatbealts On...dear readers..yet again

Will just let you all dive into it straight away...

Word count – 9 k words.

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6. The Mirror of Shattering Truth

Uh-Oh.

Crap*Gazzilion*Trillion Times - Crap.

It was too late.

It was too late, now, Khushi thought....

He'd already touched her left hand, now, not that she could feel anything as in his touch through the metal – as per say – but the action, she'd felt of course, as he'd just reached out for her left hand – with his right hand – naturally in his mission to stop her – which is why she'd also felt herself freeze in her steps on reflex, sensing Arnav freeze in his space behind her in an intense silence, as well, as he just held on to her left hand from behind.She let him hold it, for this once, for it felt like – it would give him a testimony – that would just say a lot...without her having to say it...just yet...

He's surely statued, in a state of intense shock, himself?She concludes, given that he hasn't moved an inch now, or said a word, but was just holding onto her left hand, nonetheless. It had been a couple of minutes...already...

Who was she kidding?

Didn't she know how quick he was in his running in between the wickets as well, while batting? She should have just known, that he'd catch up with her in the moment, because he most surely was in no mood to let her get away without the answer - he'd seeked.

Khushi, can't help but take deep breathes within now, as she herself just stands statued, in front of him, the intense shocking, silence, vibe radiating from him ,now heavily consuming the air in between the two...

A part of her that had just wanted to succumb and cry, the reason why she had ran away from him in the first place in the moment, still wanted to do just that, in the moment. But, then, there was also the other part of her mind, that felt like perhaps – it was better that she just compose herself in the moment, as much as she could and just give him the truth. She knew, he'd have a gazillion questions up for her now, the minute his shock settled in on him behind her.

And her gut, that was still being wrenched at the imaginary sight/visions of him waiting for her at Peru, the first year+ second year around, plus look for her desperately in all of Bahamas..just told her...that now that she knew this..perhaps...it was only going to be fair...that she just lay down the full truth...in front of him...as is.

Right very now...

He'd gone through so much on her accord, in those years(before he'd finally moved on), that she hadn't been aware off until now, but now that she was aware – her gut told her that it was only fair – he knew the truth – on accord of the past. He had wondered long enough? The truth would perhaps – give the side of him(in his head) that was still left with thinking just why's on her accord off the past – the answers from her reality....Finally.

At least he would know...what was...for what was...

And perhaps – laying down the truth – as is – would also help her flush out the massive weight off – from her being - just keeping it all within(on accord of the past) – to...just herself...all these years...

Oh Damm.

When had she ever imagined, she'd be experiencing this sort of a gut wrenching- moment of truth, moment, with Arnav – in her life? In the present? Hell, she had never even imagined running into him ever again this way – until this very morning.

But now – all of this had happened – anyway – right? Perhaps, then, it was for the best, she just take on this conversation – once and for all....

It would take everything of her within's to not like breakdown herself in the moment though. But then, she reminds herself of her massive reserves of strength within , that had got build up time...yeah...she could channelise those....so that it could save her from a breakdown in front off him?

At the least...

Yeah, it was obvious,that there were going to be tears...from her end...once...she finally showed...him the mirror from her past into the reality ...today...

But it was ...what it ...was...right?

So, no point, hiding it any longer?

About time, he knew, that she was not the same girl he met in Peru – in quite a significant way – just like his sense of touch – had most surely – already sensed...

Perhaps, this was why they'd met again?She thinks. So that, she could know the answers to the what if-s in her mind, on his accord, from the past and he could know the same too...

You know like how they always say – sometimes the past can just catch up with you in the most unexpected of ways...leaving you with no option...other than to atleast...turn around and face it..with the mirror of the present...today...

She had her answers. He had waited for her, for a long time, indeed. It was only fair, that she finally gave him, the answers he seeked, as well....

....................................

Arnav's POV

I can't move...or react...

Not that I don't want too.

I want to.

But.

I haven't been able to move. Yet. I haven't been able to React...yet...

It's been surely minutes that I'v been statued in my spot behind Khushi , with this intense silence consuming the air -holding onto her left hand, which is all metal underneath surely. It's a prosthetic limb, for sure. My gut + mind+sense of touch confirms it to me a gazzilion times over – yet again..

How do I move?

How do I react?

When, shock, seems to have consumed my being...massively... and my guts wrenching in ache, in worry, and in concern, all at once....

When did this happen to her???

How???

What had happened to her??????

Muma's words...return to haunt me...from the other day...and they freaking mess me up...heavily...now...like they did..the other day.Surely this had to be result of a grave mishap....

Crap.

Freak.

I need to know...

I need to know, it all, freaking right now...

I instruct my voicebox to freaking find its functionality as I continue holding onto Khushi's left hand in mine. She's still statued frozen in her spot in front off me. Given that,I don't know the gravity of what I am going to hear from her on this accord and my gut already feels like the truth might just mess me up more , I hear my own voice tremble in ache/and in part fear as I manage to muster her name first sure she could sense the question in my voice, as my sense of touch just feels her prosthetic again by holding onto it in a stronger grip - " Khushi.............???"

She just sighs now exhausted and says softly, standing put in her spot in front of me without facing me – " should have freaking known, you'd catch up with me in the run, anyway? like as if, I don't know how quick you are in your running in between the wickets. On that note, just have to say...that's surely one of your massive strengths...Arnav...the fielders are often left wondering...where there was just one run in there..how did skipper Veer+ASR manage to run two in between? Do you know, in those moment, I often think, you could also beat Usain Boult, on track field ya....,"she finishes with a little chuckle.

What theeeeeeeeeeeee???????????

Is she freaking crazy???????????

Has she lost her mind?

Did she just say what she did?????

Godammit, this woman is unbelievable...

Can only - trust her to say, something like this, on a moment, like this.

I finally answer now, sure she could sense the frustration, the ache, the fear , the worry in my voice - " Khushi....pagal ho tum?(are you crazy?)...this is not the time to freaking commend on my running in between the wickets? Or relate me to the legend Usian Boult is on track...I can't believe you just said that...right now...."

She chuckles again now softly at that still not facing me, her voice quivering on her a little though –" really? I thought this moment, is the perfect time to relate the same ya Arnav...I mean...look at you ya...how quickly...you caught up with m..e...,"and she pauses, the end of her tone, tells me, she was fighting tears.

Dammit.

I ask now assertively, my voice trembling on me in the cocktail of dread,concern, worry, and ache still – " Godammit...you. Please. Just....Answer me dammit??? you know what I wana ask...,"and I tighten my grip on her prosthetic from behind again as I ask my guts wrenching again at the feel of metal – " Khushi.... kya hua..hai..tumhe...(Khushi...what has happened to you?),"when I receives nothing but a vulnerable silence from her end and just a massive sigh– I can only ask again my breathe hitching on me in increasing shades of dread and concern – "Khushi....bolo...please? kuch toh bolo(Khushi...say..please?just say something..please?.... kya hua hai tumhe?(what happened to you)kuch toh hua hai....tumhare haath ko?(somethings surely happened to your hand?) Yeh tumhara haath nai hai(this is not your hand)...I'v felt your left hand...in mine...before...remember..this is not the feel of your hand....this is surely not...why can I sense only metal underneath here...under this aesthetic looking skin look on your hand,instead? Khushi??????,"and given that now I can't take the sight off her standing to me with her back anymore – I just reach out to turn her around to face me by holding onto her left elbow – and it is only then it freaking hits me harder that apparently – this elbow joint of her's on the left hand is the spot – where this prosthetic limb begins – which her full sleeved dress had been able to cover it successfully from my eye – until now.

I hadn't been able to see it, spot the difference from the side sitting, but now that I am finally touching it – I can feel it – for sure.

Freaking...Damm. Was this why she had just kept it to her side – mostly? All this while??

My gut recoils in shock and ache yet again as it sinks in over as my hand runs down her left forearm too next on its own accord. Oh God, No.Her entire – left forearm+ hand? Is just Gone???????? It's all freaking prosthetic.

When did this happen?????????

What??? How?????????

What was this freaking mishap???????????

Muma's words come back to haunt me....again...

I am messed up.

All over again...

Finally, now that I have turned her around to face me – I ask my gaze searching hers now that the lighting was a little stronger around – because we had ran up a little – and I can clearly see the ache in her eyes that she's just covered up as she finally whispers sighing taking my hand off her left elbow/forearm now, after looking at me with conflict+ache consuming her eyes for a flicker of a second again which she covers up – " well..you can feel...only metal underneath there...Arnav...for that's all that it is...I mean...that's all that remains.......and if not metal...then...nothing just remains...there...anymore...,"and she just shifts her left hand to fall casually by her side , before picking it up upfront to show it to me now - smiling a little at that – " But....thank god for the advancement off medical technology though...I mean...its only because off these advancements in technology and prosthetics+ it's aesthetics side of it, that...people like me...can...go about with their daily lives....as...normally....prior...I mean...of course...its not the same...it can never be the same...but it's the best substitute...nonetheless....for which I am extremely greatful...."

Godaamit.

My voicebox chokes in the process as I ask again - gaping at her in part shock and fear still – " Kab?? When?? When did this happen?Khushi? kya hua tha??(what had happened) Please tell me...dammit...meri jaan jaa rahi hai..(my freaking gut is sinking...on me)...thinking what not...please tell me...dammit...just tell me...everything....you have no idea how much my gut is trembling in dread and worry....for you....right now...when did this happen dammit? is this why...couldn't come??"

Khushi finally nods at that with a sigh that almost seemed like the sigh of surrender as she says – " I will tell you...Arnav...ab to batana hi padega(now, I will have to tell you)...tumne aisa sawal jo pooch liya hai( now that you have asked me this question)...jiska...jawab...mujhe...ab...dena...hi padega...( now my gut feels compelled to give you the truth..on this accord).... but can you just give me five-seven minutes? please?? I will just freshen up in the washroom first, at Sandra's? then maybe get myself some soda from the wending machine at Darren's Steak House....and post that – I will see you there,"she points to a direction, "...across that backside backyard...behind Sandra's...two minutes' walk further down ....there is a beach playground there...which surely shall be deserted...at this time...plus...I also...want to message Asher..that it will just take me some more time here...so that he doesn't...worry...uske baad...sab batati hun...thike?(then...I will just come and tell you everything..k?)

Okayyyyyyyyyy!

I can clearly see that she needs these minutes to just compose herself from living the memory of this mishap in her head?As she voiced it out to me?????

Crap.

My insides are aching and trembling in fear again...aisa kya ho gaya tha isee?(what had happened to her)..why didn't she ever tell me???

But I knew, I'd get around to asking her all of this eventually. In the moment, her comfort was important to me as well. It topped it all. Surely, when, I was in the mission to stop her – I had no idea – I'd come face to face with what I had right????

I say now nodding – " okay....but..let me help you...as in..you just freshen up...that's all...take your time...text Asher..if you want...I'll get you your Fanta and myself some water too...and I will see you at the beach playground...you mentioned...in a shortwhile??"

She nods at me at that and smiles – " thank you so much...Arnav...you still even remember I prefer Fanta over Coke?as my usual preference in soda?"

Well, it was something she'd mentioned to me at Peru, during a conversation. I'd told her, how I like never indulge in soda's and she had mentioned, how she couldn't live without her fav soda,Fanta, not understanding why the world just raged over- Coke, mostly.She'd also mentioned - that she kinda had it everyday.Infact, the longest she had gone without it were the two weeks at the retreat in Peru...

I smile at that a little – " well, yes...I do...remember...but wait...first you tell me...Khushi...tum thik ho?(are you okay?) kya tum baat kar paogi iss bare mein abhi mujhse?(will you be able to talk to me about this right now?) as much as I want to know...I don't want to push you into discomfort...Khushi..."

Khushi smiles at that shaking her head in a nod – " I am okay..alright? Don't worry. I think, I wana talk about it right now, for sure, about time you know....k?,"and at that she finally nods at me and turns around to head to Sandra's to freshen herself and I just head to the vending machine outside off Darren's back part of the patio – to get her Fanta and myself some water...with all of my insides still consumed in a vortex of aching wonder and fear.............

....................................

Eight Minutes Later

Arnav's POV Continues

As, I walk my way to the beach playground – Khushi mentioned she'd see me at – holding onto a Fanta Can+ two bottle of waters in my two hands – I have my gut thinking now – – that the way Khushi had said that – about time you know – kinda surely implied...something?

What is the implication?

I am failing to comprehend and process, well because my minds just freaking shut down in shades off dread, anyway. Actually, I only shut it down. Because, it was going to places, imagining Khushi in grave mishaps....and the various imaginary visions in my head were just killing me. So, it made sense to shut it down. I don't want to imagine a hundred scenarios. I just wana know about the one – that actually happened to her....

I am right on that thought, as I reach the playground, when I pause in my steps yet again. Why?

Because, I find Khushi – sitting on one off the swings – listening to a peepy Bollywood number on her phone – on speaker – in the moment. She's kept the volume low – but its clear enough to me – as I am walking close to her now – and can totally hear her singing to herself too...

Kya hai yeh ladki????(What's up with this girl? Again?)

Yahan meri jaan sukh rahi hai/rather meri jaan jaa rahi hai...aur isko abhi music sunna hai?(Here my gut is sinking on me/rather dying on me and she wants to listen...music in the moment)

I walk up to stand in front off her now immediately at that and she looks up at me and smiles, or rather grins, as I hand her – the Fanta- which she takes with her right hand shifts it to her left prosthetic one, flips the can open with her right and she says after taking a sip – " thank you so much...for this...Arnav...so tell me something...you like this song? I love it...it's so peppy right??the movie was good..too...right???you still love seeing bollywood movies...right??"

I am sure she can sense the confusion in my eyes as I admit – "yes, I still love seeing bollywood movies...Khushi...yes..this song is nice...the movie was nice too...but what I can't understand is...ki tum yeh kaise...aise...(how can you be like this?right now?)as in....yahan meri jaan atki hui hai...or rather...jaa hi rahi hai..puri chali hi gayi hai.....i feel like I won't be able to breathe properly until you tell me what freaking happened to you...aur tumhe...music ki padi hai...movie ki padi hai(and you are thinking about music+ movie ) in the moment...kya ho tum..yaar....Khushi...pagal ho...puri ki puri...(you are surely...fully...crazy...),"and just as I finish saying that – she just chuckles reminding me of an inference I had once used to her in Peru because she'd crack me up so much in our general casual chatter in between – "uff not just crazy......cartoon bhi toh hoon...puri ki puri..as you'd once mentioned, remember?(I am still a full fledged cartoon)...uff ya...I know...my singing talent is only bathroom singers type...but last I remember so is yours...or wait...has that changed...has your singing talent changed to..the status..off the Indian idol..types?,"she finally offs the music on her phone at that – grinning – and asks – again – curious " tell me...you'v become the....Indian idol type singer or what?"

I can't help but chuckle at that amidst all my turmoil nonetheless. I fold my arms across my front – looking down at her puzzled – "nah...my singing skills...are still very much the bathroom singer type...only...like yours are...but khushi...really is this the time to ask me this??"

She says now, gesturing me to sit on the swing next to her sipping her fanta and I do take my seat sipping on some water – "yes, yes...I know...what you wana know...I will get to it...but first you tell me now that singing topic came up only...do you still sing to yourself..in your bathroom singer version mode...even today...cleaning your pads,kit, shoes,wicket keeping gloves before tournaments? I remember you'd said – it's your habbit since your teen days...before every domestic tournament also or even school tournamnets prior... you loved doing it so much by yourself .......so...I can't help but wonder now...if that habbit of yours is still the same...? Tell me??"

Now you know, when I say, she understood me in the ways, no girl ever had/could or rather would ever understand?

I can only admit to that honestly again – "well, that habbit also....still remains the same...Khushi...,"and it when she finally smiles at me at that and takes a couple of deep breathes closing her eyes feeling the breeze – it hits me – that perhaps – she was using this time with music+ fresh air here to just calm her insides to seek more composure before she got to... telling me ...about....the mishap...

Crap.

I am just about to apologize to her for not getting that prior because my mind was in momentary shut down mode when I hear her whisper softly now in a hymm – the lines off an old Bollywood song as she finally looks at me sideways the flashes off intense angst evident in her eyes as well – " waqt ne....kiya....kya...haseen sitam....tum rahe...na...tum...hum...rahein...na hum...."(oh what fated twist...time had come up with...that today...neither you are you..neither I am i...)

And that from her...right now...just freaking wrenches my gut again....

But even before I could say anything she asks smiling sadly – " these lines...suit the situation in between of us...right now...don't you think?Arnav??"

Just as I am about to say, par main toh main hi hoon Khushi, even today(that I am the same...Arnav...still today) – I hear her gesture me to not say anything for she was beginning to talk now and I just nod at her at that and she says softly now just touching the steel metals bars on the side of the swing(the ones they put for grip) she was seated on – " sometimes....life...is like this...swing...only ...isn't it?Arnav? it swings up...we feel like we fly up with it...then it comes down...we just come down with it...but then sometimes...this swing...just gets...stuck...into standstill...for a while..."

I can only nod at that on reflex sure she could read the turmoil in my eyes, because there are a couple of night street lights around this deserted playground – which gives me enough vision of her face and gives her enough vision off mine – " I get what you mean....Khushi...for really right now...I feel like...the swing in my being is freaking stuck to a standstill...and it won't move a freaking inch... until..you begin talking...more....now...and tell me...what had happened..."

She nods and sighs at that – "Well, I think I surely owe it to the past me and the past you...to not delay this any further...so I will just get on with it...kahan se shuru karun?(where should I start from)...shuru se shuru karun?(should I start straight from the top)..as in..things at my side...after we bid goodbye at Peru??,"she asks.

I nod at her at that and say turning to her sideways in the position of the swing I was seated on, as she turns to face me sideways too – " jahan se shuru karna hai karo...khushi...bass...bolo..ab...kuch bolo...( start from where ever you want...Khushi...but just say something now...)

She nods and smiles sadly at that – " okay...then straight from the top it is...brace yourself...ASR...my side of things..is a rollercoaster of a tale...indeed..."

I can only nod at that and she finally begins shifting a little upfront in her spot – looking down on the ground as she began to sway a little and my hearts, like all hitched on me, as has my breathe.I begin to sway a little too – "so just so you know, the very second, we bid goodbye at Peru...and I turned around..something in my gut was telling me too at that point itself...that I'd see myself walking back to you there....next year...Arnav..as in...for in that moment..the way you were so gracious...and patient..when I talked things out...from my end...even though you could have lashed out/been angry or the fact that there was never any hotiy toity/snob behaviour from your end at that point too...just pushed you too like a super elevated level of respect in my eyes.....that day itself...and by the time...I reached back home...like all through transit only... I found myself thinking off you often...so much.....but you know given my mind was still on its XOXO because of the differences in our worlds – it took my mind about three full months to come around...after we bid goodbye at Peru....and surrender to what I was feeling within...at that point...I'd realised in those first three months only...that...you were not just a passing infatuation for me too...back then.....,"and she finally looks up at me and smile sadlys – " I think the past you...deserves to know the truth...now that I know...what you went through on my accord...its only fair you know...as well...that you were not just a passing infatuation for me...back then...Arnav..."

Okayyyyy!

Just hearing that from her – moves me immense.Freaking just hit wickets my heart.

The moment's freaking bittersweet and heartbreaking for my gut tells me – I am only going to end up crying by the time she finishes telling me what she is started but given that my heart had wondered on this for years – it can't help but feel this - immense emotion...at finally knowing...that...

She had felt something for me..then...too.That...my feelings for her then...had not been one sided...

I feel overwhelmed...completely.

I am sure she can see the gush of emotion in my eyes at that as I ask to reconfirm again my voice trembling – " really? you realised? In the first three months?that I wasn't a passing infactuation?that you truly did feel something deeper for me too?back then??"

Khushi nods at that and the sad smile is back on her lips as she whispers – "indeed...and it was at that point...that my mind came to a point that I was going to use next months to prep my head to cope with the differences in our worlds on your accord...that maybe...there could be a chance we wouldn't be a complete disaster...why did I need to be so pessimistic? I felt, then, you would help me navigate my way through eventually...because..it hit then..you were sincere in what you had confessed...for if it hadn't been the case...you wouldn't have agreed to wait....so then...I thought...ill use this time to build coping mechanism in my head thinking when I'd finally see you, I'd be ready to take a leap of faith with you, for you...and just see where it leads me...leads us. I also started working various part time jobs...to save up for Peru...target was...that atleast...I should be able to save up for a couple of days at the retreat to come see you...by then...and all the while...I would think off you, miss you, think of the time we shared...how we had instantly connected in the way we had....I would just feel so happy keeping a tap on your games...watch you play...I'd pray everyday..that you were out there feeling the same as I was...on my accord...that when the time..came...you would come to Peru – too....and oh – how happy I'd been seeing you play...Arnav.And when...you won the player of the tournament in U-19...I literally treated everyone in college in sheer happiness/ and when you got your national call up...I danced to myself in the privacy of my room...holding onto the two pictures...I had off us..at Peru...infact...I even began...writing all my glee out to you in diaries...over your performances...as in...the idea was...I'd just hand the whole damm thing to you to read....when I'd finally see you...so.....just like these...months...kept passing...my feelings for you stayed put which told me...yet again...that...you were not a passing infactuation for me...then...I just began working triply hard..while studying...in order to save up to come see you...and I had literally hurrahed to myself in Hungama style when I had managed to save enough for the flight+ three days reservation at the retreat...and when I'd got the booking confirmation...I'd once again danced/waltzed to myself in my room..looking at a fresh pic of you from your latest match thinking to myself – Arnav...I am just a while away...from...coming...to you...from seeing...you...you will come...won't you? you do remember me...don't you?? and.....when only 30 days were left...I even began striking down days on the calendar....all excited...praying harder everyday...that...god...pls..let him come...there...too....but...but...but.........,"and she pauses at that finally her voice choking in on her and she just looks at the ground at that – and sips on her Fanta.

Oh...Dammm...

The way she just said all of this, with that shade of sincerity+vulnerability – just freaking consumes me in massive emotion...as my mind now restarts... imagining...a vision of all that she'd just said...

Oh -Does she even know what this moment is doing to me – though? As much as it's continuously hit wicketing my heart in emotion as the past me – gets the answers it had wondered on for years on the accord of her then feelings for me...my hearts breaking as deep as well...because...now...my gut just tells...me...that by the way she paused on with the but....but ..but...

That...the reason...she couldn't come...was this..freaking mishap...for sure...

Muma's words...had some truth in it..for sure...this mishap hadn't been a case of a recent years...my gut now screams at me again - as I observe on her vulnerable frame as she sips on her Fanta to just compose herself again and I finally ask to check on her touching her right shoulder on reflex clutching on it sure she could see the gush of bittersweet tears in my eyes right now when she'd look my way – " Khushi....tum theek ho??(you okay??")

She finally looks back at me and nods and wipes two angsty tears off her eyes as she says taking a deep breathe – " yes, I am fine...Arnav...might as well...just get out with it...now..give me just a second...,"and she sips on her Fanta – again.

I clutch on her shoulder in support and say, unable to see her this vulnerable in the moment – " tum theek nai ho Khushi...no you are not okay....."

Why am I still not asking her openly from my end – if the mishap was the reason she couldn't come? Incase you all are wondering the same.

Its,because, I am afraid – she will confirm on it instantly – and I will just die a thousandth deaths in the moment....I'v embraced myself for the whip of impact...but just delaying it...to hear it for myself...out loud from her..for then..it would just become a heart breaking/soul wrenching reality for me...

Khushi doesn't answer that – you are not okay bit from me - but gives me a sad smile again as she continues from the but – now looking at me straight up again – "but....then....there come certain moments in life...when...you suddenly realise...one can plan all.... what they want...but...sometimes one's just a puppet in the hands of fate/time...right , Arnav? for as much as what I was feeling at my end...or rather now I know..what you were feeling at your end...fate had other plans for us...at that point...for sure...so...just a couple of weeks before...my scheduled departure to Peru....we were visiting our cousins here in Jamaica..family wedding...thi...it all went great...wait.. ...I think I missed telling you in Peru, that we lived here in Jamaica only with our extended Indian family close by ....until I was...5....right...Arnav??"

I nod at that on reflex – unable to breathe but I manage to muster in ache my angsty gaze holding her angsty one - " indeed...I didn't know...or I would have looked here...and found you...years ago...dammmm...me....I should have just looked for you...in all off the Carribean...damm me..."

She smiles sadly at that – " oh...don't damm yourself.Please.It was good...you didn't know about Jamaica then...Arnav...it was really good...that you didn't look for me in all of the the Carribean"

I gape at her in despair at that – " how can you even say that?Khushi??to me...right now??"

She doesn't reply to that but goes on in other context – "anyways...so off we were on that day...Dad had borrowed chachu's car...we were on the highway...dad was driving...mom was in the front seat..I was in the backseat...I wasn't belted in..suddenly the car tyres burst in on us...car got out of control...before dad...could...get in control...we were instantly...hit...by the car behind...it was a massive accident...Arnav..with me..being hit the hardest because I wasn't belted in......my left forearm+hand...was crushed...in that accident...only...and....it was like...I was blessed to make...it out live......in the first place...I had instantly...lost consciousness on impact...obviously....which is why...I just couldn't come that year to Peru...Arnav.......it wasn't that....I didn't want to come....even....if I wanted...to...I just couldn't...because....I was in the hospital.....in the ICU....,"she finishes to just pause again to sip on her Fanta as he voice chokes in on her, again, and she looks away from me.

Noooooooooooooooo!

Noooooooooo!

Freak Noooooooo!

I close my eyes in sheer pain at that as tears fall of my cheek now, the imaginary vision of what she just narrated me – haunting me, butchering my insides to the core. I have just died – a thousand deaths – indeed in this heart/gut/soul wrenching moment....

The fact that Muma's words had this much truth to it and Khushi had almost been gripped by clutches of death – just reaked a massive havoc on my being....

I can't help but get up from my spot in the swing at that suddenly and she gets up at that too as she whispers – "Arna..v....Iisten..the..re..is...more......,"and I don't let her get a word out next and I just hug her hard to myself – first.

I just had too...

She's taken aback in the moment – for sure. She froze when I suddenly hugged her this hard to myself. I know she has a boyfriend, in the present...

This is me being out of line....

But, I can't freaking help it...

I just had to hug her. She's safe...today. I just needed to feel that – more than anything in the moment.

She hasn't pulled away, because I guess she has understood this was more – just flow of raw emotions from my end after knowing the truth, which is why I continue to hug her hard to myself as I whisper a broken my one hand going to just touch her head tenderly – " yeh kya keh diya...khushi tumne... (oh just what did you reveal to me)...my gut was telling me...this..but I didn't wana process this...shattering thruth...or the haunting sight as the reality until hearing it loud from you...and now that...you have said..it...I feel like...I'v died a thousand deaths in the moment...thinking off this...why didn't you ever tell me dammit? upon...regaining consciousness? In the hospital?? Why didn't you ever reach out to me...dammit??I would have straight to you ...only..here in Jamaica...I would have not gone to Peru...I would have just freaking come here...."

Khushi does hug me back briefly at that for about twenty seconds, before she finally pulls apart and takes a deep breathe stepping backwards nearer to the swing as she whispers – "well, jab tak hosh aaya...bahut late bhi ho chuka tha..arnav....(by the time I had regained consciousness...it had been too late..as well...)"

Now that sends my head in a recoil again as I gape at her in dread – " what do you mean? jab tak hosh aaya?Khushi? how long were you freaking unconscious for??"

Khushi closes her eyes at that as she just sits back with a slight thump on the swing fresh tears falling off her cheeks now – " I had also...succumbed to a grave head injury on impact in the accident...Arnav...they did an emergency brain surgery to save my life...of course...as I was rushed to the hospital...my forearm was amputated...as well...but after that...the doctors...were still skeptical...off the healing off my internal brain injury...so...I was technically put in the state off a medical induced coma...for a full five and a half months...after.....my accident...I only woke up...five and a half months after...my accident..."

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????????????

NOOOOOOOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Did she just say - She was in a freaking medical induced coma state – for that long????????

I can only drop to my knees in front off her at that my right hand just reaches out to touch her right knee.Tears stream down my cheeks as my voice trembles and shake to reconfirm – " did you just say...coma??for Five and a half months???"

Khushi nods at that and explains now sighing – " yes.....you heard it right...Arnav...which is why you never found a sign of me/my family in Bahamas..for by the time you looked...whilst I was in ICU here in coma...Mom and Dad obviously met dire circumstances at their end too...due to my state...Dad was dying in guilt...mom was also spiralling into depression on and off in guilt...they were both blaming themselves for my accident....plus...to keep up with my medical expenses...they had to just sell everything off in Bahamas..and move to Jamaica...with our extended family...they felt they needed the family support...plus that I was better off under the care of the doctors that had saved my life...in the first place....they had to start it all here...again...from scratch...because off me...and they did...just that...with the emotional support of our extended family...it was hell for them...to see me that way...obviously...in a vegetative state for that long..."

Godammit...I can't even imagine what her parents would have been through or what she would have been through at waking up...it must have been hell for her as well....

I ask clutching on both her hands in mine in the moment – "you must have been so shaken..when you woke...up?right??it must have been hell for you too, Khushi??how did you cope...?dammit? why didn't you ever let me know..any off this?? Ever before...dammit?Khushi...yeh thik nai kiya tumne...(this wasn't fair)...you were experiencing such a major setback..and you never even told me....you just let me assume...that silence...on the basis of our pact...for years....why did you do this to me dammit???you should have told me....."

Khushi sighs and adds now – " don't sit in front of me on your knees this way please? sit up on the swing?pplease?"

I do just that..and once I take my seat – she whispers – " look at me...please?"

I do.

She whispers – " please...Arna...v...listen...woh waqt hi kuch aisa tha...(The time in my life at that point was like)...it wasn't easy for me to keep the truth from you....but I was in no condition...to even call you....for like you guessed...I was shattered obviously...Arnav..when I woke up...I was broken in my spirit...bad...when I realised what had happened...to me...I know...you feel like..that I wasn't fair by not telling you...at that point...and it isn't that I didn't think off you when shock finally settled in...but I was just in such a messy place...arnav...I woke up after missing months off my life. I woke upto one of my half limbs cut off...seeing...mom dad...in so much guilt...me suffering from bouts of PTSD...hysterical crying in those intitial days...after waking up....ofcourse...I just wasn't in any headspace to reach out to you...I had to find my way back to myself again...first...recovery was priority....plus....I didn't want you to know...any of this...also because it felt like....how could I chain you to my trauma at that point...you tell me?when your national cricket career had just begun to soar...the way it had??? Nah...I couldn't do that to you..because in my gut...I kne.w...if you knew...you'd surely come to me...I knew...my recovery was going to be a mountain hill off a journey I had to take on for myself then...I just had to find my way back to myself in spirit...first...make peace with myself first...before...on priority...my full focus just had to be my recovery...my parents recovery...those were just hard messed up times...Arnav..emotionally...for me...very hard times...I was down in the dumps...literally...how could I have pulled you down with me, when your national gaming journey in the blues had only just begun???????? And...Even though it would ache to keep it from you...so much...it just felt like...I had too....because...I knew what you had fought through within...in your own shadows...to come out to your game...like that..right? the world was just starting to see your bat's wonder in the national squad.....I just couldn't have you even...have a sniff off it just then....not at that point in your life....it just felt perhaps...you were better off out there...not knowing....misunderstanding my silence...then..."

Ohhhh Dammm Her.

Freaking Damm Her.

Did she just say that?

Yes, she did.

So, she had just kept this from me on purpose then, on my accord too?

I hate the sound of that, obviously.

I say to that on reflex – "can't believe you'd say that Khushi? do you even know, how much I am hating myself at the thought off not being there by your side...through this???? Through your lowest?You literally shut me out at your lowest...dammit...not fai.r...not fair.....dammit...yeh tumne thik nai kiya khushi...(oh what you did wasn't fair to me),"I admit as tears leave my eyes again..

She whispers at that softly – "oh...look..someone is finally feeling anger on my accord...are you angry????"

I look at her at that – "gussa nai...khushi...mujhe dukh ho raha hai...meri jaan chali hi gayi yeh...yeh sochke...ki main tumhare saath nai tha..uss phase mein?"( anger nai..dammit...khushi...I am freaking just sad..my guts sunk/gone out on me for real...thinking I wasn't there by your side...through this...)

She smiles at that.

How can she smile at that?

I ask – " you smiling at that??are you freaking crazy?"

Khushi sighs– "yes,I am smiling... because,what if I tell you, that you were there with me... nonetheless??in that phase?"

I gape at her – " huh??"

She smiles – " your memories...were...there...right? plus ofcourse.......your game..kept..me connected to you...in such a significant way...stupid...seeing you play that happily...every single match...in those moments....would make me smile so much...through my recovery.....it would help me cope...so don't you think...that you were not a part of my recovery/or my lowest...ok? watching you play that happily was a great part off it...indeed......"

Oh.

She just didn't say that. She wants to make me cry..buckets...or what?

I ask now on reflex - " and when you would see me play? Tab bhi...you never felt like...reaching out to me or what?"

Khushi smiles sadly at that again – "ofcourse...there would be moments...I would just fight the urge to get intouch with you...but then...I had promised...myself...I would only get in touch with you...when I would have recovered completely atleast over 95 percent...bass...ab...us recovery mein zyada time lag gaya...Arnav...( recovery took a lot of time..Arnav...)...it was a long process...right? first to get body back to normal muscle moment after months of vegetative state...then...ofcourse...the aftermath of massive head injury...physio...to...get used to working with my prosthetic...and ofcourse regular...counselling..to keep my mental health in check for PTSD etc...now..my recovery tales is a whole long story only all together...which I will not bore you with now...thike? bottom line is...I fought my way through it all...found my sense of solace in my studies again eventually...once I was allowed to resume college...physically...took solace in seeing you play...and keep working hard at my recovery...it took me three full years...from the time off the accident...to finally feel like myself in spirit...again...Arnav...but by that time...it had been four years plus some months over to us having seen each other last......"

I look at her helplessly at that trying to digest all of that. Ofcourse, I wanted to know all the details of her recovery years, but I reckon it would be too intense for her to relive in her head again so I just let that be and ask this instead – " toh...phir kyun nai bataya mujhe..??(atleast, then why didn't you tell me?? when you felt you had recovered...atleast then you could have told me?messaged me? you surely knew...where to reach me?? and how? you surely knew...one text on my insta...with your username with your name and pic in it...would have sufficed...I would have come to you...dammit....even then..."

Khushi takes a deep breathe at that and smiles again sadly – " bass...ab isi baat pe toh kehna banta hai...ki waqt ke sitam...ke kya kehne...ab ky abataun..."( now...this is where I say...that these twists of time/fate...came in play)

I ask her puzzled – " what does that mean??"

She smiles – " I was going to message you...Arnav.When I felt...I had recovered enough...was in the headspace to give dating a shot...again...I finally gathered all my guts... One night...to do just that...made...a username of my name...put my dp...in it...I was in the middle of writing a message to you...literally...I had even gone through a long to and fro in my head off – what to write to you...as well.."

I gape at her – "toh...phir..bheja kyun nai woh message...kabhi khushi?"(then why didn't you ever send that message...Khushi??)

Khushi sighs and wipes a tear that was threatening to fall of her eye at that – " kaise bhejti...at that point only before I could tap send...my newsfeed...flooded with the picture of you and disha...for the very first time...you'd just announced on your handle...as well...that you were now together...with the caption...new beginnings...you were smiling in the picture so nicely...so then...I thought...you'v moved on...probably you just had long before...then it hit me...I had no way of knowing that if you had even gone to Peru...so then it just felt like... why should I dig up the past and mess your present? Or dump my trauma tales on you....i just took it as another sign...that perhaps...we were never meant to be? Decided...to find peace in my being at the thought...that you were happy out there...on every accord – game+ personal life...and then...it felt...like...I must give myself a chance again...too...you know on the matters of the heart...what if...life could just surprise me...I moved on...then...too eventually....you became a fond memory...as well..."

Oh crappppppppppppppppp! She was about to text me on that night?????????????? My eyes have widened in shock and realisation. Now it hits me, she only moved on...after she had solid evidence from my side of the world...that I had moved...on...

Dammit.

Indeed.

Time/Fate

Oh, but how she must have felt? In the moment?

I ask her now – " did yiu hate me then? though?when you saw the pic of disha and me?"

She repeats my words back to me at that – " gussa tumse?nafrat tumse?kabhi nahi...(anger...hatred?towards you? nah.never)...just..time passed...I moved on...life went on...at my end too...and yes......I remained your colossal gaming fan...nonetheless...so...now...you know....,"and at that she finally sighs – " phewww...its relief...to finally get this out to you...though...have just kept it in for years by myself...Arnav..."

I ask now as I process the above statement from her – " you mean...no one..knows...about me?at your end? not even asher?"

She shakes her head at that – " no,no one knows.I'd thought...id tell them after meeting you that first year at Peru..thinking what if you only never came....but then...after all that happened...I just couldn't ever tell them....because I believed you wouldn't even remember me...right? infact...off late even in my head...I'd refer to you as the boy I met in peru...for that way...that fond memories off you... from the younger days...seemed real...I mean...vs when I see the gaming/celebrated persona of yours up field...,"and she brushes her hands over her face at that five times over as if she were snapping her way back to her present and as she looks up – spotting me statued in my spot in daze still – as it all continued to sink in – she asked – "bore kar diya maine?( I bored you??right??)

I glare at her at that – " Khushi...shut up...please??don't you dare say that..."

She nods at that and her phone beeps in the moment and she checks it and says – " it's a text from Mom...checking...up...where I am...so...I guess...ill get going now...Arnav...,"and that she just brushes on her left elbow tenderly and I ask on reflex – " does it pain?wearing the prosthetic brace for long?does it pain??"

She shakes her head – " nah. It doesn't pain...I am used to it by now...,"and at that she smiles getting up from the swing putting her bag on her shoulder – " chalo...I'll get going now....am glad...we met...tonight...this way...Arnav...I mean....am glad...I could just tell you the truth on accord of the past...and we both know what was...as it was....so I guess...its time...for us to head to our presents...today..."

Okay! I didn't like the sound of that. We just met. Why is she sounding like she is going to say – goodbye again – as if there is going to be no present for us – here on – ever again?

Oh, because she is with – Asher. And she thinks...I am with Disha.

Now, I feel freaking slapped by time again. When will it stop slapping me? I won't let time – win over this time.

Before she can say goodbye – I ask on reflex thanking my brain to come up with a reason to ask her to meet me again – " Khushi...wait...before you go...those diaries...you mentioned..in which...you'd write to me in the past...you still have those??"

She nods at me puzzled – " yeah...I do...what about it?"

I ask my heart leaping up in joy – " can I see them?please? I mean...those are my diaries..technically...about time you handed them over to me...by the way...when did you stop writing in those diaries?"

Khushi answers sighing – " I stopped writing in it...when I decided to move on...Arnav..."

I smile at that – "which means...there are quite a few of those diaries then?"

She shuffles in her feet , nervous now – " yeah...whatever...but why would you even want those? It doesn't make any sense....."

I insist just wanting to have her say she'd give it a thought - " it does..make sense to me...Khushi...please?least you can do??give it a thought...,meet me tomorrow..night?please? just to give me the diaries?"

She shrugs nervously again – " I don't know about that yet...I mean...I want to discuss it with Asher first...I mean...only fair I tell him..now atleast..that...I bumped into the boy I met in peru..."

I ask at that studying her nervousness – " you won't tell him...who I am??though? You will still just refer to me as the boy you met in peru ...??"

Khushi nods at that and sighs – "yeah...itll just be more comfortable...that way...I guess...."

I nod my gut taking a hit at that fresh in the present – " okay..but how will I know...as in...if you will be coming to see me...with the diaries...please don't leave me without any contact details...again..Khushi...look...I know...you are dating someone...you are fond off him..its clear..to me...I wont overstep my boundaries...ok? you can trust me on that, right?but atleast...give me a way too reach you..."

She nods at that after studying my sincere expression for ten seconds and picks out her phone – " well....just because..it will be unfair...to walk away...without contact numbers...because of all that happened...in the past....i think...fair...we exchange...a bit off it atleast....give me your number...Arnav...ill reach out to you...I promise...either way..if I am coming or not...I will text you ok?"

My insides sigh in relief at that and I quickly give her my number and I actually watch her save it in her phone as – The Boy I met in Peru...

Godammit....

This woman...

The things...I was feeling on her accord right now...in both context of past and present...such a heartbreaking mix of emotions...

We begin walking now outwards towards the parking and she asks me – " hey...you can just cab it from out there to the yatch club as well....there will be cabs on the out...about time..you go back to your party time ya with your mates..i mean...you are all celebrating T20 series victory...afterall...you will go back to the party na? or else...ill feel like...I really burdened you with my trauma tales...off the past....look...Arnav...what was...it was...it was a phase...I am okay now...doing so so much better...like all back to normal...really"

I shake my head at that. I was in no mood to go back to the afterparty but I don't tell her that and I smile – " I will just walk back the way I came...after dropping you at the cab point...Khushi...,"and I pause as I admit – " you are very strong...Khushi...a braveheart...indeed..I admire...your courage...so much...know that please?"

She smiles – "thank you...so much...,"and that we finally reach this cab point and theres just one cab waiting at the pick up point and she just first asks the driver if he will take her to the spot and once she shoots me a thumbs up – I just open the door out to her for her to sit in and she just smiles at me nervously closing the door shut which makes me ask her on reflex – " what???? can I not open the door to you?"

She smiles nervously – "you can ofcourse...ummm...its...just that...I still don't sit on this side...of the backseat...in the car....arnav...,"and as she pauses at that – it hits me hard that – that was because – this side off the backseat was where she was probably hit in the accident.

My heart breaks for her again. Oh how much she had been through....

I nod at that in instant understanding – "I understand...why...Khushi...am...sorry...i..."

She smiles – " chill...you didn't know..."

That is when it hits me – again – there is still so much I didn't know about her recovery process....

I ask in hope – " you will come to see me..right?tomorrow?with my diaries?"

She smiles politely – " ill text...you...ok?like I said?bbye then...Arnav...,"she waves at me as she gets into the car and as I catch on the sight off her clutching on the seatbelt hard with her right hand after belting in...my heart just breaks for her again....

I fight back my own tears...at that. I stand still in my spot until the cab takes her away – and once its out of sight...I finally just walk my way back to the spot...I had first found her in..today and sit on it...my insides all shaken still ....and I just cry....like I haven't cried in a long long time...for Khushi...for all that happened to her in the past...for myself...for US...on accord of the past...and the twists of time....

But one things, for sure, guys...

What's sure?

I was never going to say – Goodbye – to Khushi ever again. I wouldn't be able to. Which is why...I just had to make sure...to find a way...to make that happen...from her end...too.

Why do you think, I asked her to bring those diaries? So that I could actually...read the intensity of what she'd poured into it...for years on my accord....perhaps..what if there could be a one percent chance – that she had a subconscious block on my accord going on within which she wasn't aware off...herself consciously? Just like – I hadn't been? Perhaps – that is why, she'd used the words – comfortable and nice on the accord of the bond she had with Asher....?

Wishful thinking – I know!

But my heart can't help but hope.....It just can't help...but...hope...

........................................................

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

How was that guys????????

Emotional?Bittersweet much??? I totally wanted most of this update to be – just from Arnav's POV.

Okay – how did you all like the flow of these scenes?the dialogues? Description off Arnav's turmoil at finally knowing it all?

.

Next Update – Tomorrow!(Mini update) – because there is still a little continuation from this scene that I wana build up till ...in this week..

Will Still be posting on Invisible Strings by Friday/Saturday- so don't worry!! I just obviously need to build these scenes in flow...

P.s - I will be out in between 22nd Oct – 26th Oct, for a mini -Diwali break off 4 days. Post which – writing schedule on both stories will continue...as is...

Thanks guys for all the love* support always.

Much Love* Infinite Gratitude

Now and always..

Prachi