2. His...Today...
Helloooo everyoneeeee....
How you all doing???????? 😊😊😊😊😊
Yes. Yes.Yes. I am here with the second update of HW4.0 today as promised – like bang on timeeeeee!! 😊😊😊😊
Absolutely, loved writing this down, so so soooooo much...!
So eager for you all to read...it too...!
Will just let you all dive into it straight away...
Word count – 8.5k words.
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2. His...Today..
Two More Weeks Later – From the Last Update
@ Juhu,Mumbai – Raizada Mansion'
7:00PM
Arnav's Room
Arnav's POV
Guys,I can't help but hmmm happily to the beats of the song, falling into my ears at the moment. Why? If you may ask?
It's because I am totally in the middle of doing what I love to do the most, on the eve of any gaming series be it home games/ scheduled departure for an international tour. Which is -Listening to my favourite peppy music whilst – getting my cricketing kit together.
Okay, let me just be honest.
I don't just get my cricket kit together in the usual sense on these days. As in, on usual days, I mostly go through it all thoroughly, check if all my bats are in the exact condition, I want them to be in, by evaluating their weight,chisel etc before I go on to organise the rest of my stuff in its respective place in my kit bag.
On the occasions such as this one – I just love to go the extra mile. I.e -After checking on/ getting my bats in place - I enjoy indulging in– cleaning all my pads thoroughly myself one time, take care of my precious wicketkeeping's gloves in the same way so that they are all sparkling and shining, and then – I like to clean the underneath part of my shoes – with various set of toothbrushes – brushing on it all vigorously to get even the slightest spick of dust out - off it.
I mean, I know, the shoes,pads,my wicket keeping gloves - all will get marked with dust, stains, the very second, I step out on field again in net practice time before game time, but it's still my thing to get all of this done, on the eve of the beginning of any tour.
So even though, there are still around five more days, to our first T20 game in Sabina Park, Jamaica on this upcoming tour of WI – I am doing this bit of it today, for we are all scheduled to depart to Jamaica, tomorrow.
Okay! Done – shining my pads clean in the moment.Time to move onto my precious gloves. I take the cleaning liquid on my sponge cloth and begin to wipe my gloves clean tenderly...
And my music continues to flow its way through in my ears.Ah, the Bliss. Exactly, what I need, in the moment.
Five minutes later, while I am still in the middle off getting the last couple off stains of my wicket keeping gloves – my music pauses on me on its own accord for – Suraj is calling. He's one of my best mates.
I hear him say all excited – " what you upto bro? all set? I am so excited – I finished packing my kit an hour ago, already. You done? Also, you surely agree my excitement is justified right?for this is the two of ours first tour to – West Indies...given that we couldn't make it to the squad list on last two occasions because, of injuries..."
Hmmm.
Well, Indeed – the Universe has wanted me to stay clear off the Caribbeans until this point in my life, which is why I couldn't make it there...on the previous two gaming occasions. Apparently, me and the Caribbean saga – weren't just meant to be in sync – I guess...in both game spheres/personal sphere until this point. Now, atleast the game sphere of it is changing....
I hear Suraj ask again – " are you there bro?? you are surely as excited as I am. Its going to be great learning curve to finally play in the West Indies, don't you think?"
I grin at that context on reflex – " well, bro, obviously I get where you are coming from. I am stoked too, already. So excited.The gaming conditions are going to be different, obviously. Pitches aid pace more even though they suit spin quite significantly too depending on weather conditions, as we both know...I think I am going to enjoy batting and wicket keeping as much..."
Suraj answers at that, excited – " exactly as our seniors always say.. that pitches in West indies are similar to that off South Africa, Australia but looks like we will finally get to find that out for ourselves...anyways,what you upto?"
" just finishing cleaning my gloves..at the moment..will get to my shoes after...anyway you tell me..did you have a word with Yash? I spoke to Ravi a while ago...,"and Suraj suggests to take them on con call and – as he does that - we all fall into casual chatter for a bit happily discussing our gaming preprations - for five minutes before we hang up – with a see you sharp on time tomorrow – in front of the team bus – bit.
Ravi, Yash, Suraj and me are quite thick in our friend equation and I also enjoy cordial mentor-friend relations with some of my seniors in the team...( Also, given that I am aware that you all are up to date with the backstory of my life to this point, the basic intro, details of my family,friends etc etc , my cricketing journey to this point – I won't start on that again.)
Now, that the music flows into my ears again, I finally put my sparkling gloves back on the bed and pick up two pairs of my favourite shoes and make my way to my bathroom, with the mission to just scrub them clean. I also begin to sing to myself, happily in the moment – repeating the lyrics of the song I was listening – not quite melodiously though...
Yup.
My singing skills are confined to the – bathroom singer type – bit – for sure! But hey – I enjoy it nonetheless. That is what matters...
Minutes later, as I am done scrubbing a pair of shoe clean, and pick up the first shoe of the next pair – my music pauses on me yet again for apparently, I have received another call.
Uh-Oh.
This one is from Disha. No wonder, I see my smile in the reflection of my mirror upfront, shorten itself on its own accord...
Should I pick up right now? I am in such a zen, happy mood. She's just going to start on a fight..again...like she's done all day. She's going to say something that will trigger me, irk me, and it's just going to either shove me back in a shell or say something that will just lead to full blown fight in between of us. I am in no mood for a fight at the moment or her taunts. So, I just let it ring.
But she calls again, I pick up and her irritated frustrated voice comes through – " what the hell?Arnav? why didn't you pick up my call first time around? First of all, you freaking ditch me/embarrass me on this occasion, today. The least you can do this...pick up my call atleast..what are you so busy doing?huh?"
I close the tap at that immediately as I hear myself answer holding onto my patience – " I was in the middle off getting my kit together, Disha. And please? Can you not use the word ditch in there though. I did not ditch you. It was you who promised the sponsors of your fashion week in delhi that I'd walk the ramp with you before even running it with me first. As if you didn't know, today was going to be the eve of my tour off WI. And that our squad is scheduled to depart from Mumbai. There is no way I could be in Delhi, tonight.And its not just that – modelling is your talent. Not mine. You know I would never be comfortable doing it, in the first place..."
She answers irked and frustrated herself – "well, I thought, you could make it an exception, like you have no idea how embarrassing it was for me to save my face in front of the sponsors eventually again at finally meeting them..and then when they asked if you coming to attend even for an hour...I just had to cover up and save my face again...it....just embarrassed me even more...today..than it did on the phone...last week."
Ugh. Again she only cares about saving her face in the moment. Not my comfort about this situation at all. That irks me.Puts me off. Shoves me back into my shell. I don't wana say anything.
I stay silent.
She goes on nonetheless – " what the hell? There you go being all silent ? don't you have anything to say?"
I shrug – " Disha...what can I say?when you are in delhi now, and I am in Mumbai...you are minutes away from your show...I am at home getting set for my tour...as if...discussing this now is going to get anything out of it...I cannot magically appear...there..anyway.."
She asks sarcastically – "well, even if you had the magic power, you wouldn't come here,would you?"
I admit honestly now my patience running out on me – " yes, I wouldn't.Because, I am not comfortable with all of Disha. Just like I was uncomfortable over the music video offer...you brought up for us to do together...months ago too...without running by me..first...look Disha...cricket is my world...modelling...appearing in music videos etc...isn't. Its your work and I respect that and....you know that. The only bit I can handle is the ad-shoots.Thats all. I can't understand why you even try, forcing these things down on me..in the first place without running by me first?checking on my comfort? ofcourse, you would have to deal with the embarrassment, after...not my fault...I guess..."
She fumes now at that reminder - " oh . I was so embarrassed over that music video bit too only because you refused to budge on it...dammit. Okay, that music video part I still can digest. It was too much for you. Maybe the rampwalk too....but if you couldn't want to walk the ramp...you could have atleast attended..the event?right? you surely know, it would enhance my following on Insta and as an influencer too, that is so important to me...you just don't get it..do you?just why the hell, couldn't you be in delhi with me, tonight?I can't believe you'd freaking prefer...scrubbing your kit clean..over attending the delhi fashion week...with...me...tonight...all you had to do was freaking attend...dammit. Our event finishes by 10:00pm. You have to board the team bus only by 7:00am. If you took the late-night flight out from delhi, you could still make it back home, in Mumbai – by 2 or 3 max? why couldn't you just do that?"
I sigh.
There she goes at it...
With that tone of hers...
Plus her choice of her words...
It just makes me feel yet again – for the thousandth time that what remains in our relationship now is only transactional and shallow. Just..the hollow pretence in front of the cameras..
If only she could have said, instead – Arnav you leaving for a long tour. I want to see you for a bit.Spend some quality time together. Maybe, I could have still thought off a day visit to her in Delhi. But she never said that. Just went on and on about this event, and how it would increase her influencer status because of my attendance. Ofcourse, it freaking put me off.
I ask now sighing – "and once again, my comfort is not your concern at all in the moment?is it Disha? You suggest...I should have come back at 3am...and leave for long haul travel again...four hours later...wow...thanks for saying that..puts so much in perspective..."
She argues – "what the hell?from where does..this comfort bit comes again? as if you haven't pulled thrpugh hectic travel before? You just didn't want to...for me..this time...around..say that...own it..."
I sigh – "alright...I own it..ok? I didn't want to do it...right now...k?.."
She says now hotly - " thank you for making that clear..."
I say now – "look...disha...I still have to get around to winding up my kit right now...plus catch up with muma, papa for dinner..after...I am sure..you have to get on with your show..no point carrying on this conversation..right now...best of luck for your show..."
She mumbles – " whatever..as if I need your luck to ace my job...anyway...I'll still be tagging your insta handle...in stories..after my first rampwalk...just repost it..on your handle....least you can do?"
I sigh – " okay..whatever...,"and we finally hang up.
And I just on the tap water again and get on with scrubbing my shoes as the music flows into my ear.
Oh Dammit.
My moods changed. Only natural. It's not zen anymore.
Guys, this is where I have to admit. As happy as I am with my cricketing journey so far. I wish I could say the same for my dating life. I just can't come around to saying that statement. For my dating life – surely seems to be jinxed. The Jinx started years ago,(you all know what I mean by that surely) and apparently...it still finds a way to come around...eventually....
So only fair, I pause to give a peekaboo into this – I guess. You all know all about my gaming journey. But the real side – of my dating journey after – not so much. I shove the tap water close- again. Put my shoe aside and just look at myself in the mirror – as I am about to lay it all honestly out not just in front of you all but myself yet again....
Hmm.
So after, I finally returned from Peru, the second year, with the intention to just make peace with the belief that Khushi was watching me play out there and it would be better if I just focused on the fond memory of her there on – it eventually took me like another full year – to get to that point – in my being. Yup, it took me a good three years from the time of meeting her – to finally flush her thought out of my being – romantically.
I couldn't help it.
I'd never felt what I had felt – prior. What I felt for her in those two weeks with her and in the next year as I waited to meet her, keeping her essence, presence alive in me deep, making dreams off us...hope on us....it was all so freaking emotionally intense for me...within.
And when it stood in my face that I had no option but to accept her decision for what was, as she never turned up, reached out - It was as if, it began taking everything off my withins, to kinda get over her...romantically. I was a sucker for her, for what she made me feel in that fortnight+ all that I felt for her after in the first year – which is why I just longed for her for so freaking long..waited for her for so freaking long...for back then at that point - it would just feel like – I'd do anything to just feel that sort of an emotion again...
But then..when...that much time passed...for my own sanity...I just counselled myself out of it eventually....
Khushi still has a very high pedestal of respect in my heart, for I'd always be indebted to her for being there for me, on that turning point in my life.And I still see that picture of ours from the retreat – before every match – for it reminds me that it was post those moments with her – I eventually fell in love with my game again...
Yeah. But that was all then.
I just managed to make peace with it...eventually.
Which is why, my game then become more off my own heavenly solace, my happy place. I am just the happiest – when I am playing on pitch, batting or wicketkeeping. My fun, spunk, candid self – enjoys chattering behind the stump mic so much in the game. I do it with the intent to keep our squad fielding on ground all light in the moment. Cricket has kinda been like my source of a happy catharsis. I channelise everything into it. My being into it.It's been that way for years, which is why I'v been playing the way I am. It's just when I am truly happy when off pitch – I am the happiest thinking of cricket + my game or spending time with my bro squad ie with – Yash, Suraj, ravi + my family+ extended family.
But ....on personal matters such as dating life – happiness?? Off late? Or even the feeling of – calm?or even comfort?Not so much.
Disha and me - we are a sinking ship. We both know that. Almost at the dead end of our relationship, but I guess - we aren't calling it quits yet, because we are both worried in our guts as to how our siblings would take that – I guess. They are dating too – after all.
And what Ravi+ Anj have is so freaking pure and emotionally intense. I most surely don't want myself to be the reason to mess up my sister's heavenly emotional romantic bliss...thank god, atleast one of us is... blessed to experience that...
So,anyways – eventually – post those three years when I finally was able to move on romantically – it was on one of our school reunion occasion that I met one of my school buddies – friend – Pia who had come with him to the reunion. We got talking, kept in touch after...was comfortable..so within a month...I thought..why not give dating a shot with her – first?
Yeah, it wasn't like a deep connect I felt with her, just was cordial and nice. And yeah, those words describe that dating stint off mine with Pia. It went on for four months – until – I finally overheard her talking to one of her friends – mocking my love for literature+ poetry – saying how she found that part of me so boring and she was only going to date me for a little while more – for it was serving her popularity circle still – for I was rising in my popularity as a national cricketer, invidually + that I was papa's son. I obviously, confronted her in the moment – immediately then itself – and ended things.
Yeah, hearing that sucked. Royally. I mean...I wasn't deeply hurt or something for I wasn't into her emotionally. But still, it didn't feel – nice.
And at that point, in my head – I was like. Wow.Raizada.Wow. One girl, didn't turn up to be with you because of who you are. The other one you finally got around to seeing after three years - only wanted to be with you because of who you are...
Ironical, isn't it? How, who I am as my Papa's son, or a cricketer myself - didn't work in my personal live's favour – anyway?
Anyways, so I just decided to not date for a bit again and kept giving my heart and soul to my game. Going at it hard – was the seed off happiness and contentment – indeed. I didn't date for four months after. But it was in this duration, that things starting brewing up in between Ravi+ Anjali and they got together first went public much later though – which obviously then threw Disha and me into meeting encounters as well as siblings.
So, Disha and me initially, connected on this one bit. That how our dating lives kinda sucked royally until that point. She told me how she had a deep thing for one of her school mates in her last year of school, and he did too, but because they knew they wanted different things from life – nothing ever materialised anyway. She wanted to pursue her modelling, he wanted to head to defence forces.
I then, eventually did confess to her, that I'd met someone when I was a little over 18 too..felt deeply for her...maybe even she did...but nothing ever materialised...because...our lives were in different worlds..
Then Disha went on to reveal that Post that – none of her dating experiences had worked out – after too. And I told her mine hadn't either. We stuck to a decent friend equation for a bit – because it felt like we understood each other on this accord. And, one fine day she was like – why not we try dating one another, Arnav?Maybe, we are able to discover the connection we both looking for? In one another?
And in the beginning, we both actually hoped it would be that way, to be fair anough. That is why, when we first came out with her publicly as a couple – I titled my post as – To New Beginnings...eventually...and to be fair enough, we both gave our honest shot at it too- in the beginning. It was comfortable and nice. We had our happy comfortable moments too – in the beginning.
But then apparently that quotient ran out in its reserve - a year down the line, anyway.In our guts, I think,we both knew, we were nowhere nearing that discovery of that deep connection point - in each other. We didn't discover it – through the emotional route, neither through the intimate one.But we kept trying to find it amongst ourselves, nonetheless.Thinking we need some more time, perhaps?
So, we just pushed ourselves at it...
But maybe, no amount of time could have done the trick? And specially, since the last four months, its all gone down the hill, for us, faster.We just keep fighting, a lot because I feel frustrated that she doesn't get me beyond a point and I am sure, she feels the same. I am sure, her smile shortens on its own accord too – when she sees my name flashing on her screen.
It's exhausting..
Infact, its been months, since, we even sat down for a heart to heart conversation, even when we are face to face. The last sincere conversation we had was months ago – when I posted on my insta – calling out hate towards her for my performance – where in she sincerely thanked me for the same. And I was like – no matter what we going through personally in our equation – I will still stand up against hate towards her – come what may.
Then anyway – things kept going downhill- still. When together - She's always into her phone and her virtual influencer world and that leaves me no option but to pick up my phone too and get lost in my gaming world. No significant conversations, no connection. Just the shallow surface of formalities – with general bits. Infact, the last two months, I haven't even felt like holding her hand, when together, let alone getting intimate. I just don't even feel like it...anymore..
Shes gotten the hint, obviously...
The only time, she does holds my hand herself these days is when the cameras are around us. She pretends to be like into me totally when we are out in public and the only reason I play along in the moment pretending as if all were more than normal..is that...I don't wana ridicule her in public by shrugging her off, for to the worldy eye – we are still together. I don't shrug her off publically, just because, she is Ravi's sister. Its also out of general respect. No woman deserves to be ridiculed/embarrassed in public from my point of view. But as I keep that up – in the moment – within and her pretences continue for the worldly eye - it just makes me feel like – the Pia angle is repeating again..
That Disha is still with me, because off who I am as a cricketer/public person, today. Not for the person I am – inside. She too, finds the literature+ poetry side of me boring too. Completely ignores that side of me as if it doesn't exist.Not that she's said it out loud ever. But, everytime, I brought up the topic for I am studying literature through correspondence in my free time anyway+ I do write poems in my free time too – she just shrugs it off disinterested or changes the topic...
I get the message...obviously...
I truly am exhausted and kinda done with us. As in, there's been no us emotionally for a while anyway...I think I wana put an end to us...eventually on the whole too, amicably. I am just going to wait – until I can talk to Anjali first and until I see Disha again, in person - because yeah, I can never be the jerk who breaks up over call/text/videocall – no matter what...
Disha and Anjali are scheduled to come visit – us(Ravi&Me) in Jamaica – soon anyway.Planning to handle this then with them+ Ravi. And, then just end this for good and just announce it peacefully and respectfully at the same time as Disha - as a mutual amicable decision...
So anyways - now you all get the bit as to why – I said – my dating's life just surely jinxed....????!!!
And now – that my within's know anyway, that Disha and me are as good as over – it's got me to the point of thinking - I don't know if there is any other girl out there – who could get both these sides off me? The cricketer one+ the literature lover+poet one? And see me for who I am – completely. And like not ridicule/mock either side off me .....
The only one girl who did get both those sides of me wholeheartedly – was Khushi - another reason why I fell for her so hard. Could always be just myself in both those versions in front off her. Infact, She was the first one to even read all the poetry I'd written in the diaries I'd carried to the retreat, and had been like – "Dude, this is freaking awesome, Arnav...you should just... totally publish it all,one day.I'd be the first one to buy a copy off it...no matter where I am in the world..."
I smile at that old fond memory on reflex...and resume...scrubbing on my shoes now again – turning the tap water – on..
Yeah.My mind reminds me that Khushi's never wanted anything to do with me – romantically...as well. But I can never hold that against – her – ever – even today. There's been no sourness – in my being for her – ever. There never can be.Maybe, because, of her honesty and sincerity and just her version off, herself, as a human - that I so deeply respect?
I mean you all know how - she helped me find my sense of direction in that turning point – right? And...Even today, some of the deep conversations I had with her years ago – come back to me on reflex on simple moments...
She'd once then also said to me – Arnav do you know? it doesn't matter sometimes if we don't have the answers. I think what matters more is – do we have the right questions? We, seek from ourself? As in, its obvious if we ask ourself a question our consciousness/mind will reply with an answer, instantly. Now if we ask ourself, why me for all my troubles? The answer will be come in that self-pity context. Now if we ask – why me? in context of all our blessings? Answers will be different and will make us instantly look at the brighter side of life? So maybe if we ask ourself, what are we to learn from a particular situation instead of asking why the trouble etc etc – the answer we get from our within's will be totally different....in its perspective...
I use the above inference from her in my game so much...even today....
Every time I lose my wicket /miss a stumping /catch – instead of being harsh on myself in the moment and go into self-critic mode, I acknowledge that I did the best I could in the moment – and go into a self-analysis mode instead - that but what is there for me to learn from this?instead? and the next day – I just return to my game more keen to learn, and grow better by the second...
Well, thank god, that atleast...memories remain as is.
Atleast they don't change on you in your head, as the rest of the world does – around you...which is why a few of them could be so freaking fond and precious....
And it is what it is.. guys...
Fond memories with Khushi/ off Khushi will always just remain.....one of my most precious ones....nonetheless...
I also wish her the best everyday in my head. Hope she is happy where ever she is...every single...day...just like I still hold onto the hope/belief..that she at least smiles to herself today – whilst watching me play.....
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An Hour Later –
8:30 PM – @ The Dinner Table
The ambience at the dinner table is a lively one – indeed. Samay, Varsha(his parents), and Arnav have been enjoying their dinner time with constant heart warming chatter, about various topics, and ofcourse – the father and son – have also been discussing about his tour of WI. Arnav also wanted to know more stories and experiences of his fathers time in West Indies – off the pitches – so that he could indulge in the same with his friends. Now, amidst the time, with his parents, Arnav's obviously in his happy zen mood again for he is close to both of them – equally. Very close. He is very close to his sister, Anjali too. And they'd all just finished talking to her on video call as she was missing today – for she was out – on an international table tennis competition – representing – India.
They are in the middle of eating the kheer – Varsha usually makes for Arnav, herself before the start of his gaming tour – if he were to depart from home the next day. She'd always done the same, for Samay as well.
Varsha hears Samay ask now with a raise of his eyebrow exchanging a happy grin with Arnav – " Varsha...tell me something..is it true that you surely love your son more than you love me? or else, why would this kheer taste more sweeter than the one you'd make for me back in the day.."
Arnav bites his chuckle at that – " really Papa...still jealous over Muma's extra love and attention to me..??"
Samay winks at that at his son – " indeed..meri biwi hai..mujhe sabse zada attention..deni chaiye...,"(indeed she is my wife...she must give me the maximum attention..)
That makes Varsha roll her eyes playfully – " Samay...kheer khao..chup chaap...nai toh tumhari kheer bhi arnav ko de dungi.."(Samay, you better eat your kheer quietly or else I will give your share to Arnav too)
Samay groans at that playfully putting his hands to his side dramatically – " lo ji...bete ke pyaar mein...pati ko bhul jao...yahi toh duniya ka niyam hai...galat baat hai varsha...tum mere saath aise karogi...kabi nai socha tha maine.."( there you go...in the love of the son..forget the husband..isnt that the worldly norm...never thought you'd do this to me...Varsha...)
Arnav bursts into a happy chuckle at that as he says – "wow..papa...I need to make a video of that expression please? repeat...one more time..please?"
Samay happily goes onto repeat the same which only makes Varsha roll her eyes playfully as she says after looking at Arnav – " what a nautanki(drama)...your father is...beta....just not long ago when he was going for that senior legends tour and I made him kheer, he was all like, sweetest kheer you'v ever made Varsha...even better than the ones you make for Arnav...and now...narrative change...today...someone..take him in movies...yaar..."
Arnav and Varsha – high five at that which makes Samay say grinning with a wink– " ab kya fayada movies mein janeka...saare papa type roll hi milenge.."( Oh whats the point of me going into movies?now? I will only get papa type roll..."
That makes Varsha chuckle more as she says keeping her hand over his as Arnav breaks into giggles – " Samay Singh Raizada...I know you are still very fit etc etc...but flash news is...papa roles only will suit you now...are you sure you want to romance actresses on screen?,"she asks with a playful smile.
Samay admits now smiling – " no no...you are the only one..i'd ever want to romance...Varsha...,"which obviously earns him a grinning - " good very good...,"from Varsha before she serves him more kheer – " now eat more...kheer..."
Arnav finally admits at that happily – " god...I love you both so much...Muma...Papa...you are the best parents..."
And the two look at Arnav as they say in unison - "and you are the best son..just like Anj is the best daughter...we are truly blessed to have you two as ours..."
Samay's phone beeps just then and he picks it up happily and once he looks at the screen, he can't help but chuckle to himself which makes Varsha and Arnav ask immediately – " what is it??"
Samay admits grinning showing his screen to them – " just received a meme, in our senior legends group on whatsapp...you know how we share funny memes about us all and laugh over it.."
Arnav grins – " yeah we do that too..its fun.."
Varsha asks curious – " okay show me...whats this meme?"
Samay grins – " this meme I so love...someones made a meme with Arnav and me on both sides...remember how I got trying to play Arnav's favourite switch hit shot in one of the legend games...so they write below it...maybe...its time that ASR should give his tricks off his switch hit six style to his Daddy now...bass...this is my favourite meme...surely...,"and he says to Arnav – " memes like these...make me so proud of you beta...just like the other moment did...at Wankhede the other day after SA series win and your 11th ODI century...when a fan shoved a jersey for signing to you first, before asking me to sign it after...for it truly shows...that you'v risen out of the shadows of my gaming legacy..for good...and your only rising higher in your own journey by the day..."
Varsha nods at that happily – " I feel the same..too...this feels so good for us Arnav...,"and she pauses and the two husband and wife exchange intent looks – for once upon a time – years ago - the opposite of this was such a worry for them. But then, Arnav managed to pull and rise out of those shadows – in magnificent ways.
Arnav says now taking his Papa's phone – "uh – oh. I don't like this meme though. I mean, why take a shot at you on account of me,Papa. I am more than kool with the opposite happening in memes. But not a pot shot at you ya. You are a legend. For me, you still are my legend...I respect your legacy so much...to grin at pot shots like this..."
Samay smiles – " I know beta, which is why, you made sure even when that fan handed his jersey to you for signature first, you yourself gave it to me for signing first, before getting on to sign it yourself. I know, you respect my legacy too much...but maybe you wont understand what I mean...right now...you will maybe...one day when your son/daughter makes you proud the way you both are making me today....I mean..look at you both...representing India..so dedicatedly in your respective games...I am so proud..so proud..."
Varsha grins at that – " I stand with your papa on this Arnav...you wont know what we feel...now...but one day...most surely...life comes around a full circle..always...beta.."
Arnav smiles at the two at that – happily and it is right then his phone buzzes with Disha's call again and his smile shortens on its own accord and he just says to his parents picking up his phone with a sigh – " excuse me...Muma...papa...ill just be back...,"and he gets off the table and heads to the side knowing what this was about, which was why he didn't pick the phone up on table, not wanting his parents to hear her tone through the phone and the second he picks up he hears her ask rudely yet again – " Arnav...why haven't you reposted my posts I tagged you in 20 mins ago..yet...if you wont repost it now..whats the freakning point...the whole idea is to get the buzz going...online...while this is on at my end...why don't you understand me.."
And Arnav just runs his hands through his hair frustrated as he says – " Disha..chill...whats the big deal.I was in the middle of dinner with Muma, Papa...I'll do it...when...I am free...which will be a while from now....,"and just as he says that – a banter starts from her end – which just leads him to sigh and go in further – into the lounge room beyond the dining space.
Now, at the table, the very second, Arnav had got up, his smile shortening on its own accord – Varsha had sighed to herself as she looked at Samay – " surely was Disha...Samay...these days...off late..for months...Arnav's smile just vanishes whenever she calls..or even her topic comes up...in our usual..chatter...have you noticed?i think..it is the same for Disha...too..."
Samay sighs – " indeed I have noticed...Varsha..,"And puts his hand over her hand, and he says – " I think they are at a dead end...now ...unlike Ravi and Anjali who surely have a stronger future together...and I think Arnav isn't calling it quits because he wants to talk to Anj first maybe? I think he is worried it could affect Ravi+ Anj's equation..."
Varsha nods – " I think so too...Samay...know what? I am just going to tell him not to worry about this when he is back on the table. If he is not happy in the relationship, it better if he just end it...,"and she pauses to add softly now – " I am worried for him on this accord, Samay...his personal life...accord...it saddens my heart that it's just never worked out for him...I also do think, it could be because of some sort of emotional block..within him...I mean...we both know...there could be a strong possibility, he's still not over the girl he met in Peru...years ago...remember..how his eyes twinkled and shined when he talked about her to us on his return home stating – Muma, Papa, you wont believe this. I met someone I felt so deeply connected with....I'v never seen his eyes twinkle that way ever again...in all these years...in his mind...he's probably convinced himself...he just holds her in high regard and respect for how she helped him in that turning point...and remembers her as fond memory...but I know my child...my mother's gut tells me...he's still not over her in the romantic sense completely subconsciously for he's never received proper closure on this accord....I mean..just a silence/no sign from her end...to assume..the rest..."
Samay sighs at that but agrees instantly – " I know what you mean, Varsha. I think the same...too. The girl is, surely still is in his system...he waited for her for three long years...afterall...i think, he just knew it in his gut...that point...that she was the one he wanted to be with for good....i don't blame him...Varsha..we raizada men have our gut shout at us loud when we find the one we wana be with for good...afterall...was the same way with me...
..when I first met you at 16...when you took transfer to our school...even though I wouldn't attend on regular basis...because of my playing round the clock – the day I saw you....and in the days after we talked...and connected intensely...in those first ten days of knowing you only.. I knew it...that you are the one...I will marry one day...we had our share of ups and downs too..eventually didn't we? When you thought you couldn't cope with my rising cricket celebrity status in your latter teen days...but then...we eventually...found our way back to one another..."
Varsha nods at that in thought – "well,yes...I think Arnav's gut knew it...for sure...for yup you Raizada men just know it when you know it...I guess... which is why...I kinda understood why the mystery girl had her inhibitions...when Arnav mentioned it...I went through the same...didn't I Samay? I mean...yes we were both from humbler backgrounds...humble beginnings...but your family was still better off than mine was...and when the rest started happening around you because of your rising sttaus in the game...it overwhelmed the young me...too...for that brief period...before we found our way back to one another...which is why...I'd prayed so hard for Arnav...for that too work out for my son...for my gut told me...that was one girl...who probably saw him for who is deep within...she had no other agendas or interests around the rest around him, she'd never be the one to come to him for fame...for if she had too...she wouldn't have initiated the pact she did..."
Samay nods at that with a sigh – " I believed the same too..remember how hard we both prayed, for that to work out for him?"
Varsha and Samay nod at that and re-live the memories of the past – through an intense eyelock.
So , given that Arnav always was very close to his parents+ Anjali,he'd always been open and honest about his encounter with Khushi – on his return home to them, years ago. The very first day – he'd told them all that had happened, what he'd felt for her, how she'd helped him find a deep perspective within...sense of direction back to his game...at that point.
And at that point as Samay and Varsha – already felt a deep sense of gratitude, respect for this mystery girl, they'd never met – seeing the profound impact – her advices/support to him in the lowest – had, had on him. She'd been there for their son – when he wasn't even able to find solace – at home.He'd needed seclusion from them too at that point – the closest to him – only so that – he could find his way back to himself within at that point. Infact, when he'd left, they'd been so worried that how would he cope through what he was dealing in his head alone at that point in a secluded natures retreat but because he had been so adamant, to go, into a zoned out space alone – the two had just let him be. And it was upon his return, and the sight of his smile, freer liberated self – they'd concluded that some magic had indeed happened in Peru and it was then – Arnav had confessed the rest of it all to them....
He'd also told them, all about the girl, how amazing she was etc etc but how she also had her own inhibitions, about the other bits of his world which was why – he wanted to give her time...to come around believing wholeheartedly that she would.They had been deeply touched by all that they had listened. He'd just hadn't told them her name yet or shown the two pics he had off them – saying – Muma Papa, next year when I see her..then I will tell you and as they saw their son hope/dream the same while he gave his everything to cricket simultaneously finding the joy in his game, bat again – even they kept praying – for him – that she'd come. Infact, when Arnav was headed to Peru on that day, it was Varsha who was more nervous than him..
But when he returned – disheartened – and just hugged them both and whispered a broken – " Khushi...didn't come...Muma..papa...Khushi...didn't come...,"that was the first time – theyd heard her name from him and then he'd finally shown them the two pictures he had – with tears in his eyes stating – " you see the smile – we both have on in the moment...Muma Papa...god only knows if I'll ever be able to smile around a girl that way...ever again..or have my eyes twinkle happily like they are..."
The two just hugged him then and offered their collective support – so saddened within at the development for Arnav.
And in the year that followed,when Arnav couldn't locate her at all ever – through all the connections Samay could help him pull through around Bahamas – they just eventually got onto supporting him more on the dealing with that emotional setback...in that time..when he'd still got no sign off her for two long years. They'd seem him cope a year more after that – to finally let go of her in his heart romantically. But then, post that , that dating experience with Pia had left him a sour experience and now they were seeing the same history being repeated with Disha...
Oh, Samay and Disha so deeply prayed that Arnav find the happiness in the matters of the heart too.
Samay now just clutches on Varsha's hand again at that as he says to her ,catching the emotional worry return for her son – " he will be okay...I am sure...if its not meant to be with Disha..than someone else surely...Varsha..we just have to have faith..."
Varsha nods and sighs at that – " but...what if...he doesn't find that contentment of the heart again?ever? that is what worries me...more...I am telling you...what if his gut is still going through an emotional block?because of receiving no proper closure on Khushi's accord?even today? And worse is, he won't let his mind acknowledge it...bring up Khushi ...and he'll always be like...fond , precious memory of her will always remain...I'd always respect her...."
Samay nods – " I know...fair enough..that he cant work on it consciously if he doesn't recognise the block in the first place? perhaps..we have to make him realise this?"
Varsha nods – " atleast..trigger it in his thought...perhaps?,"and at that as they both spot Arnav return now shaking his head to himself she whispers – " I think...I know..exactly how to observe on...if our assumption is true on this accord...I will bring khushi up in a different context...right now..lets see how he reacts...just play along will you please??"
Samay nods at that and just as they see Arnav take his seat now saying – "sorry Muma..Papa...was disha..."
Varsha says now looking straight at him – " just end it na beta...if it is that exhausting? And emotionally draining?"
Samay nods - " don't worry about Ravi and Anjali...I am sure they would understand...they are mature enough..."
Arnav sighs at that. Obvious for his parents to read him through in the moment. They knew him – in and Out. He explains – " I am thinking off ending it yes, when I see her face to face next...for no matter what...you two didn't raise me to disrespect women – in anyway whatsoever. Which is why...I won't be the jerk to breakup over text/call...I will handle it in a face-to face conversation....until then...just let it be..anyways...these days..its come too..that we don't even speak or text one another for days..."
Samay and Varsha share a look at that. They were proud of the man he was indeed. They respected thus greatly that he wouldn't be the one to call quits on a relation of two years over on text/call no matter the end it came too. They ask him collectively now – " you okay..beta??"
Arnav nods at that – " yeah...I am okay.Its not like I was into her all intense emotionally – anyway. No worries...Muma, Papa, you don't worry about me. I will handle it. Its not the first time – life's given me testimony that my dating life is just jinxed..."
Samay says now at that covering her hand over his in support – " hey..beta...no..don't say that...its not jinxed...you are an amazing person...just for who you are within too....if any girl doesn't see that..it's her loss...really..."
Varsha clutches on Arnav's hand in support too – " may I say something? on this accord beta?"
Arnav nods – " go on Muma.."
Varsha exchanges a look with Samay - " what if its not a jinx at work..what if this is also about the bit that there could still be an emotional block from your end towards any girl...making you like guard up against opening up wholeheartedly...like going all in emotionally...because somewhere...deep down...you are not over...khushi...romantically??"
Arnav just gapes at his parents at that and says on reflex his mind coming at its defensive best – " whattttttt?????? What sorta theory is that, Muma? Khushi's chapter is closed within me romantically – for sure. I have moved on, from that. You know what it took off me...so why even suggest this? I just still respect her highly still and she is like a fond/precious memory from my younger passing...days that's all. I am not romantically hung over her, please? I get the message, loud and clear that she doesn't want to be found by me. I respect that. I am at peace with the belief that – she is surely happy in her space where ever she is and that she atleast smiles...to herself...watching me play..."
Samay and Varsha exchange a knowing parent look. There, you go.That defensive tone states – that he wont just accept it, consciously.
Varsha sighs now stating something she never had to Arnav before after exchanging a look with Samay as planned – " hmmm...okay...beta...I get it..if you say so..this is what it is...then okay. But beta...I always had this thought...in my head but never really said it loud...to you...but I think want to ..today.."
Arnav asks curious – " what thought?"
Varsha says observing on her son's expression, hating to even imply the thought towards the girl who'd made her way deep into his sons heart.But at this point – she had no other way to find out – if she was still deep into his system – romantically. Make him see it – too. – " that what if...Khushi..didn't turn up because something happened at her end or something?as in a grave mishap...like what if she got into some critical accident or something and didn't make it...like what if..she didn't come? Because she isn't there...in this world...anymore...beta????????"
Now that from his mother – freaking just shakes Arnav immense – way too deeply. Disturbs him down to the freaking inch of his soul. Why did she even have to say that? How could she say that to him? didn't she know – this would mess him up?
He is sure, the disturbing momentary turmoil is evident in his frame/his eyes for his parents to observe as he gapes at his mother in disbelief and asks his voice quivering almost – "what did you just say? What did you just say , Muma? Please take your words back...right now...I can never process this thought ever that..something can happen to her...and she isn't there anymore...you take your words back..Muma...nothing has happened...to Khushi...she's okay...where ever she is...she is okay...she is happy...she just doesn't want anything to do with me romantically...yes...I can freaking live with that thought...be at peace with it...but the thought off something happening to her...her not existing in the world..where I am...is something that I cannot even process...for a second...which is why...it never even came to my mind...ever...itself...just take your words back...Muma...now.....khushi is okay...okay! she is okay! oh why won't you take your words back muma...they'r freaking disturbing me down to my very core...just take them back...,"he pauses looking at his father restlessly now who was also observing him deeply – " papa...just ask her to take her words back..please?nothing can happen to Khushi...okay? Muma...you say it now...please? I beg you...just say it..."
And it was the soul wrenching disturbance they saw in Arnav's eyes in the moment as he said all of the above that proved it – to Samay and Varsha that – indeed – their son was not over Khushi – romantically. That the seed of deep feelings for her – still existed in hi subconsciousness. Maybe, he'd realise it in days time – as his conscious mind would review this moment? In his head? But right now – they knew he wasn't in any position to process this so Varsha just says now holding her hand to her ears exchanging a knowing look with Samay – " thike...okay...okay...beta...I take my words back...I am sorry...for even implying that...Khushi is okay...out there...I am sure...too...I shouldn't have let my mind go there..."
Samay chips in the same now, wanting to comfort his son in the moment – " I believe Khushi is okay...for sure...Arnav...I also think she smiles...as she sees you play...even...today...,"and the two just reassure him the same in the moment – two more times over.
Now that he's finally heard that from his parents three times around in reassurance– Arnav finally lets off a deep breathe and sighs in great relief – his mind just backspacing the words his mother had uttered minutes ago – undoing it all in his head as if she'd never said it for he could never in his worst nightmare even think the same – for a second. So it only seemed fair to dump the thought in the recycle bin of his mind immediately for Good.Once , he's rejected, deleted the processing of that thought – he just says sighing in relief to the two – " exactly...thank you for saying that...and affirming the belief...I'v made peace with...within...on her accord...,"and at that his phone buzzes with Veer(His skippers call)and he says to the two – delighted to have the talk off his game come up in the moment – " Veer bhai is calling...ill just take this...let me see what he says..also will call Cap post that...want some wicketkeeping insight from his experience in WI...so I will be back...in ten fifteen mins...okay?Muma, Papa?"
Samay and Varsha just nod and watch him leave the table – picking the phone – " Yes...Veer bhai....tell me..."
Samay looks at Varsha now as she asks him – " he will realise this...consciously eventually?right? for only when he accepts this – that theres still that block within him...he can come around to dealing with it?wholeheartedly?"
Samay nods at Varsha and puts his hand over hers – " he will come around to it...Varsha...he will...and once he realises...he will be able to help himself more on the accord...better with time...lets just hope and pray that he will meet someone...who will make his heart come alive in deep ways...again...just like he felt what he did...for Khushi?"
Varsha says now sending a silent prayer upto God already – "well, pray indeed I will...a mother's prayer always meant to have extra power...right? so god knows...I am already praying...profusely on this accord...he will listen...won't he Samay? He will send the one meant for our Arnav..soon his way?right?"
Samay says smiling in hope at that – " indeed god is listening...Varsha...and he will surely send...the one meant for him...his way...he will...he most surely will..."
.............................................
Taddaaaaaaa!!!!
How was that guys????????for the second update off HW4.0 from Arnav's side of the world?????? There is always more than what meets the eye..isn't it?🥲
Would love to read your comments on the same.
Next Update – on Wednesday!
Thanks guys for all the love* support always.
Have a great weekend – you all.
Much Love* Infinite Gratitude
Now and always..
Prachi
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