I sniffled as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Thanks for helping me calm down, I appreciate it."

"No problem, at all. Like I said, I'm here for you." Hiccup smiled, and a comfortable warmth spread through my body. He was here, I was safe, no one could hurt me now.

I grabbed a hold of his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "You're the best friend I've ever had."

Hiccup snorted. "Please don't say that in front of Heather and Ruffnut, I'm pretty sure they'd kick my ass into the next century."

I laughed. A real laugh, not a fake one like I had been doing for Thor knows how long. It felt good to finally relax and smile without putting any effort into it. "You know what I meant."

Hiccup smiled at me. "You know, it's been a while since I've seen you laugh. I like it."

I was about to hit him with a snarky comment when the same crushing feeling of doubt from two weeks prior washed back over me. I rubbed the back of my neck as I avoided eye contact with him. "Hiccup, what's the real reason you came here?"

"The real reason? Like I said—"

I pressed a finger to his lips and slowly shook my head. "Hiccup, answer me honestly: is the only reason you hang out with me because you pity me for what happened at Valerie's?"

Hiccup's eyes widened as he slowly shook his head. "What? No, of course not! What makes you say that?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Back at the Nadder Café, when you spoke to Valerie on the phone ... I don't know I guess I just felt like a burden to you and that the only reason you were hanging out with me was because I had been assualted the night before."

Hiccup furrowed his brows as his hands flew up to cup my cheeks. "Astrid, listen to me when I say this and listen closely: I hang out with you because I think you're fun to be around, you always put me in the best mood and everything's generally better with you. I brought you home that night because you're my best friend and I refuse to trust anyone else with your safety. I went out for coffee with you that Saturday because I wanted to have coffee with you, and also because you spilled your actual breakfast on the bed ..."

I couldn't help but smile at his wonderful words. It felt so good to hear that for once, to hear that I was actually wanted. My smile grew wider when our eyes met. Green on blue, like it was always meant to be. Subconsciously, I began inching closer to Hiccup — who was still cupping my cheeks. To my great surprise, he too began leaning in. We closed our eyes as we slowly came closer. I took a deep breath and by the time I could feel his warm breath on my lips, my heart had probably passed the world record of total amount of consecutive somersaults ever performed.

Our lips were about to meet for the first time in ages, my entire body was tingling with anticipation. A loud buzzing quickly snapped us out of our daze, causing the two of us to nearly throw ourselves away from one another as the buzzing continued. I quickly patted my pockets to check if the buzzing was coming from me, but as Hiccup pulled up his phone, I quickly realized where the buzzing came from.

"Hey, babe." Hiccup greeted nonchalantly, as if he hadn't almost kissed me a few seconds prior. Oh my gods, I had almost kissed Hiccup, a man I knew was in a relationship. A wave of guilt washed over me as I slowly rose from the floor and left the room, leaving Hiccup some privacy with his girlfriend on the phone.

I leaned over the kitchen sink and stared blankly out the window. My gods, I know I had done the exact same thing back when I was with Eret, but somehow it felt even more wrong now that Hiccup had a girlfriend of his own.

Suddenly, there was a buzz in my pocket.

1 new message from : Eret

Hey, sorry about what happened, I didn't mean to trigger you.

I stared at the text message for a moment, wondering if I should answer, but as I heard laughter coming from the living room, I made my choice.

Hahaha, yeah, no worries. I'm alright now.

I'm happy to hear it! What do you say we go out for coffee or tacos or whatever? I'd really like to redeem myself here ...

I pondered about it for a moment, wondering if I should actually go hang out with my ex-fiancé again. I peeked around the corner of the doorway and found Hiccup strolling around the living room as he spoke with his girlfriend, a lopsided grin lit up his face as he beamed with enthusiasm. A pang of jealously hit me and once again I made a decision I feared I would regret in the near future.

Sure! What about next Friday?

Sounds great! We'll discuss the details later?

Ofc. See ya!

I sighed. Great, now I was going to be leading Eret on when in reality the only person I wanted was head over heels with another. Did it hurt? Like hell.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." Hiccup hung up the phone as he walked over to the kitchen, where I was leaning against the kitchen counter and staring at the white-tiled floor beneath me.

"Valerie?" I said, my voice devoid of emotion.

Hiccup scratched the back of his neck, as if he felt the same guilt as me — which he probably did. "Yeah, she ... she wanted to hang out."

I raised a brow. "She needed to call to tell you that?"

"She also asked if I could pick her up from a friend's house." Hiccup smiled sheepishly as he avoided my gaze.

"And she couldn't have texted you this?" I asked, still a bit weirded out by a couple calling each other when texting exists.

Hiccup shrugged. "We like to hear each other's voices."

I snorted. "You're such an old married couple."

A smile tugged at the corner of Hiccup's mouth, but he didn't say anything. I'm going to be real with you, it hurt to even joke about Hiccup getting married to another. Gods, did I dread the day I would have to watch him marry Valerie or some other girl he's head over heels with that is not me.

Hiccup opened his mouth, as if he was about to say something, but almost immediately shut it. The silence between the two of us was definitely awkward and it was all because of our almost kiss in the living room. Why had we acted like that had never happened before?

I decided to break the silence. "Listen, if Valerie needs you then you should go to her. She's your girlfriend after all."

Hiccup furrowed his brows as he took a step closer to me. "But what about you?"

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips. It wasn't everyday that someone thought about my needs before anyone else's. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Now go, Valerie needs you."

"Astrid—" Hiccup began, but I cut him off by gliding past him and in the direction of the front door. I opened it and gestured for him to go outside, my heart aching as our eyes met.

"Your girlfriend needs you, Hiccy. Now go, before you get your ass beat by your best friend." I attempted a grin, but I couldn't tell if it looked real enough to convince Hiccup that I wasn't actually heartbroken with him leaving me for Valerie.

Hiccup stared at me for a moment, as if he was searching my eyes for something. Maybe he searched for a reason for him to stay, maybe he tried to see the ugly truth that hid behind my beautifully painted mask. After what felt like an eternity, Hiccup finally gave up and let out a sigh.

"Fine. I'll see you at school on Monday?" Hiccup asked as he stood in the doorframe.

I nodded as I shot him a reassuring smile. "You bet you will."

I waved goodbye to Hiccup, making sure to keep on my happy exterior until I had fully closed the door and I was finally allowed to have a private break down. I held my head in my hands as I slowly slid down the door, tears rolling down my cheeks as I silently cried into the palm of my hands.

What did she have that I didn't? Why wasn't I good enough for him?