Where the actual fuck was I?

The thought floated around my mind as I opened my eyes, only to be met by a blinding white light.

I attempted to lifted my arms, to shield my eyes from this blinding light, but for some reason they wouldn't listen. In a desperate attempt to not lose my sight to this bright light, I shut my eyes so tightly I could feel every muscle in my face cry out in pain.

Great, I thought to myself.

It had finally happened, I was dead. If were being honest here, I had always thought that I wouldn't go down without a fight, but it seems—

"Hey Astrid" A voice so hoarse and raspy one would think that it had been sobbing for 24 hours straight interrupted.

What the Hel? I thought I was dead! Now I can hear people talking to me? Odin, why have you doomed me to listen to the endless prayers of my friends and family beyond the grave! As if I hadn't heard enough of them while I was alive.

"We're so sorry that this happened to you, our little angel" Another voice apologized, their voice so high pitched it sounded like it had inhaled helium.

That's when it hit me who was talking to me, my parents. At least they missed me, that was something I suppose.

The bright light began to dim, slowly but surely it faded in to darkness, and I was able to hear every sound that surrounded me.

The sound of feet marching across linoleum floors, the loud beeping of a machine and muffled voices that seemed like they came from another room.

The smell of sterilized tools and scent free soap (which had a distinct smell, weirdly enough) tickled my nose hairs, making themselves comfortable in my nose.

Wow, this was even worse than death. I was in a fucking hospital. Good going, Astrid!

I must've been very invested in my internal complaining and scolding, seeing as I had managed to ignore two rounds of broken voices. (Or even more, who knew?)

As the door closed after my last visitor(s), I decided that I had to put aside my relentless scolding and complaining for now, so that I could actually listen to what these visitors were trying to tell me.

It took some time, but the door to my room eventually opened with a 'click', and in came what I imagined to be a person.

The visitor must've stood by the door for a while, seeing there was a long amount of silence before the sound of footsteps neared me.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there earlier" A voice that seemed eerily familiar said as it sounded like it was on the verge of breaking.

I racked through my memories, trying my best to recognize the voice of whomever sat beside me.

Gentle fingers wrapped around my right hand before lifting it up and kissing my knuckles. I swear to the gods, if that was Snotlout—

But it couldn't be Snotlout, there was no way in Valhalla or Hel that Snotlout had such a gentle touch and a soothing voice, absolutely no way. I felt myself slightly relax at the realization.

"I'm so sorry Astrid" The voice spoke again, now barely above a whisper as wet droplets fell onto my hand.

One could hear the gears in my head turning as I desperately tried to remember who the voice of the person crying at my bedside belonged to.

Then it hit me like a boar stampede.

That dorky smile that made me blush each time it appeared on his beautiful face. The laughter that filled my heart with joy each time it rang through my ears. His warmth radiating onto me as he held my hands in his and pressed his forehead against mine. I felt my heart skip a beat as I found it slightly hard to breathe.

Hiccup.

I slowly opened my eyes, only to be met by that blinding light once again.

I blinked a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the lighting in the room. I took in the room I was in.

Beige walls, white curtains, a plastic plant in the corner, three white chairs by the door, a heart monitor on my left side, some medical equipment I did not know the name of and of course Hiccup, sitting on my right side, his head down, hands still wrapped around mine.

I tried to turn my head to the side, so that I could face him, but was instead met by a piercing pain in my neck as I was forced to retreat. But that wasn't the end of my misery, no, my face contorted in pain at the movement of my neck, causing another wave of pain to wash over me as I let out a small gasp.

That's when I realized I had a breathing mask sitting above my mouth and nose, helping my lungs get the oxygen they so desperately needed.

Wow, I had gotten really beat up, hadn't I?

Hiccup, clearly noticing my discomfort, perked his head up to see what was wrong.

"Astrid?" He asked as his eyebrows drew together, revealing his bloodshot eyes which were full of concern, with a hint of surprise, as he probably hadn't expected me to wake up in his presence.

"Hey" I tried to smile at him, but was instead hit by another wave of pain as the smile turned into a strange grimace.

Hiccup's brows drew even closer together as he scooted his chair a little forward, allowing me to get a good look at him without having to move as much.

Hiccup pointed at the mask over my mouth and nose. "Do you want me to... take it off?"

I wanted to nod, but quickly understood that was not an option in my current situation. "Yes, please"

He leaned over and carefully lifted the mask off my face before placing in on the machine it was connected to.

Alright, I'm going to be honest. In the beginning I found it just a little hard to breathe without assistance from the machine, but my breathing returned back to normal after a few minutes.

As Hiccup stood over me, I took in his features. As before mentioned, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, making it look like he had been crying. His hair was messier than usual, poking out all over the place and looking like someone had been trying to rip it out. His movements were slow and careful, with a hint of exhaustion laying behind them, telling me that he had not slept for a while.

He carefully sat back down on his stool, his emerald green eyes glistened as they met mine.

"How do you feel?" Hiccup asked, worry coating his every word.

"I'm fine, no need to get your panties in a twist" I reassured him as I tried to sit up in the bed, but was instead met by the feeling of a thousand knives repeatedly stabbing me in my neck and spine.

"Yeah, right" He said sarcastically as he looked down at my hand. "Do you ... remember anything?"

Yet again, I was left to shuffle through my excellent memory, and to no one's surprise, there were only fragments left in my mind of the accident.

"Not much, but a little" I informed him. "I remember driving... for some reason I was crying, and then all of a sudden I saw a deer, then the car flew off the bridge and it sank. I remember not being able to get out... and that's it"

Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose as he tore his gaze away from me. "I'm so sorry Astrid"

"What? Hiccup, you have nothing to be sorry for, none of this is your fault"

Your fault. The words sent a shock through my brain, reminding me of what had happened before I drove off the bridge, why I had been crying. I swallowed a lump that had managed to gather in my throat as I glanced down at Hiccup.

No, this wasn't the right time to tell him.

"If I had just been there earlier..." He began, his voice a tone higher than usual.

"Please don't pull that one on me Hiccup, it's so cliché" I rolled my eyes at him before attempting a sigh, which I miserably failed due to the intense burning I felt in my lungs.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humor"

Silence fell upon the two of us as our eyes locked in a gaze. Suddenly, a comforting warmth spread across my chest as all the pain I had been feeling was dulled to nothing. I had no idea gazing into Hiccup's eyes had such a healing effect on me.

Hiccup tore his gaze away from mine, moving his eyes down to my legs. "I'm happy you're alive"

"I suppose I am too" Still gazing at him, I attempted another smile, trying my best to suppress the pain, but instead ended up with yet another strange grimace.

Another short silence fell upon us before I broke it. "So... who told you about... this?"

He sighed and stared straight into the white curtain beside him, before turning back to me. "No one did. I... I was the one who found you"

"Wait, really?" I asked in disbelief. "How...?"

Hiccup gave my hand a small squeeze before a sad smile appeared on his face, which was reflected in his eyes. "We began to worry when you were running late and not answering your phone, so I suggested to the gang that we try to go out and find you, the others agreed and we all spread out. I made it to the bridge you had driven off and prayed to the gods that it wasn't you, despite my gut telling me that I should jump in anyway. I eventually caved in to my gut's suspicions and dove into the water, only to discover you, sitting in your car, which had been fully submerged in water"

Hiccup focused his gaze on his lap, where he was fiddling with his fingers. "I had no clue how long you'd been there, but I knew I had to get you out, and so I did. I waited for the ambulance with you and arrived here shortly after you did"

I was speechless. Hiccup had risked his own life, trying to save me, and I wasn't even aware of it. I felt my heart racing in my chest. "Hiccup, how could I ever repay you?"

Hiccup let his thumb glide over the back of my hand. "There's nothing to thank me for, know you would've done the same had it been me down there instead of you"

"But why?" I asked him, trying to frown, but failing at that as well due to the pain it brought.

Hiccup's gaze locked with mine once again. "Because I can't imagine a world without you in it"