"Yuri... God, I'm so sorry." Victor mumbled as soon as he composed himself a bit and began to approach Yuri's bed, ready to engulf him in a tight hug. But before he could get any closer, he was stopped by the nurses. He gave Kubo a questioning look but she only shook her head as a response. "What-"

"Okay, Yuri, I need you to take some rest alright? We'll talk some more once you wake up."

Yuri nodded slowly and began to lay back down, "Okay, Doctor. Thank you."

The doctor, whose name Victor had already forgotten, gave him a look that said to meet him outside. Victor hesitantly followed the nurses out and frowned when they shut the door behind themselves. Yurio was standing a few feet down the hallway, confused as well.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" Victor asked, worried.

"Mr. Nikiforov, there seem to be no damages from the surgery and everything seems safe. However," Victor's heart dropped at the sudden change in tone, "...There is a possibility that Mr. Katsuki might have lost part of his memory."

Victor's eyes widened in disbelief, his mouth hung open a bit, but no words could go past his lips. There was ringing in his ears and a lingering ache in his chest. He could feel his face turning pale, all the blood draining from it. The doctor slowly continued.

"Ms. Mitsuro, had mentioned you earlier on, as soon as Yuri woke up as a matter of fact, but he asked who you were... At first we thought he might've forgotten plenty of things, but after questioning him a bit, we've learned that he remembers plenty of information like his name and his childhood. Perhaps it's only a couple of the past years that's he's forgotten."

Every word that left the doctor's lips were like a slap to Victor's face. He couldn't wrap his head around it, no matter how hard he tried. Or perhaps he didn't want to believe it. Either way, he had no idea what to do.

What was he going to do?

"Is there any chance he'll get his memory back?" Victor quickly asked, almost pleadingly.

The doctor shook his head in pitty, "I'm sorry, but there's no telling if he will or not."

After hearing a couple of more words from the doctor, which Victor completely ignored and Yurio instead took a mental note of, the doctor excused himself and left. He had given Victor permission to see Yuri, as long as he wouldn't agitate him much.

Victor stood outside the door for a few minutes, getting himself ready for whatever was going to happen. He took in a deep breath and opened the door slowly.

Yuri turned towards the door when he heard someone come in, those intense brown eyes stared at Victor quietly. Victor took in a shaky breath and looked back outside at Yurio. He nodded and made a shoo'ing motion, telling him to go. Victor smiled softly and closed the door behind himself, building up his courage.

"Hi, Yuri." Victor said, unsure.

"Hi." Yuri mumbled tiredly. He sat up a bit more in his place, paying his full attention to the Russian man.

"Do...you know who I am?" Victor asked, going straight to the point. His heart beat rapidly in his chest as he waited for his response. He watched carefully as Yuri's expression changed to the tiniest of smiles. For a second, he felt relieved, until he realised it was an apologentic smile.

"I'm sorry...but no."

No. It can't be- Victor shook his head, not wanting to accept it. It has to be a lie. He can't possibly forget him!

"Yuri," Victor pleaded in a shaky voice, tears threatening to spill, "You really don't remember me? Nothing?"

Yuri bit his bottom lip in concentration. He seemed to be in deep thought before realization hit him. His eyes widened.

"Victor!" Yuri gasped and Victor nodded happily. "You're Victor...the best figure skater and five-time world champion...but why are you here?"

Victor couldn't take it, Yuri's words felt like a stab to the heart, and now his heart laid on the floor, shattered beyond repair. The worst had finally happened.

No.

Maybe this was for the best. Yuri might not remember who Victor is, but he was alive. His health is what's most important; and definitely more important than Victor's feelings, which were no longer mutual.

This was for the best.

And although Victor would never admit this out loud, this meant he wouldn't have to live knowing Yuri knew that it was the person he loved who put him through so much pain. Yuri was free and had a chance to be happy. And who was Victor to be selfish and take that away?

"I heard about the accident...and I wanted to see if you were fine." Victor half-lied, forcing himself to smile. Yuri blushed a bit and looked away, smiling.

"Oh...Thank you."

Victor gave a small shrug as if it was nothing before heading for the door once again. This time, it would be a long time before he would return to visit Yuri. He needed some time to think this through.

"Um, can I say something before you leave?" Yuri spoke up and Victor stopped in his tracks.

"Yeah?" Victor asked, a small part of him still holding on to the last string of hope that he might still remember even the slightest bit of what they shared. Perhaps he remembers that Victor quit last year to coach him.

"I, uh, really admire you and...you're my idol." Yuri said in emberassment. He still didn't dare look up to see Victor and he missed the tears that fell from those blue eyes. Quickly, Victor wiped his cheeks and nodded.

"Thank you."

Yuri's face flushed a bit more as he looked up at him and flashed him a smile, the smile that Victor had yearned for all those months. His heart fluttered painfully at the sight. "You know, I even named my dog after you. He looks exactly like yours, though he's much younger." Yuri laughed nervously.

Victor's eyes widened a bit.

He really doesn't remember... Victor thought to himself, the last thread of hope vanishing.

"Get better soon, Yuri. I'll see you around." Yuri smiled thankfully and waved goodbye as Victor left the room, pressing his back against the now shut door.

Yurio rushed over from the seat he had taken a bit further down the hallway. He seemed a bit torn but eventually placed a hand on Victor's shoulder.

"Are you o-"

"No. I-I need to leave. Now. " Victor shook his head, tears now running down his cheeks uncontrollably. He at least tried to keep his face hidden so he wouldn't worry the people around him.

Yurio nodded and guided Victor through the hospital until they were outside. The sun had gone down now and the moon was up, giving false promises that tomorrow would be a new and brighter day.

Yurio had taken him to the first place he could think of that was closest to where they were. And the best option was to go to Otabek's apartment. They arrived and Otabek took both Russian skaters in, Otabek was in the kitchen making some tea while Yurio tried to somehow comfort the older man.

But it was all pointless. Victor felt bad for worrying both Otabek and Yurio and he insisted more than once that he should go home, but Otabek refused and told him he could spend the night. Grateful, Victor agreed and took his tea, taking a couple of sips before falling asleep on the couch with dry tears staining his cheeks and a broken heart beating softly in his chest. 
 
 

~~~
  
 

A couple of days had passed since Yuri woke up and Victor still hadn't gone to visit him again. Yurio, Otabek, Chris, even JJ, and a few other skaters had gone to visit and were surprised that Yuri didn't recognize any of them. The doctor explained everything but it didn't change the fact that they were hurt and felt terrible for Yuri's condition. Yuri's family had come from Hasetsu as well along with a couple of his friends, including Pitchit. Yuri recognized them all instantly, which let the doctors know that Yuri must have forgotten everything that happened in the past two-to-three years. Everything and everyone from that time period, were now gone from his memory.

Victor couldn't help but feel jealous that Yuri remembered Pitchit and a couple of his friends, but it was something he had expected and he understood the reason. On a positive note, Pitchit had agreed to ask Yuri more about Victor and see if he remembered anything; so far, there were no good news.

And now came the competitions.

Fall was around the corner and a new competitive year was starting. Victor was supposed to compete again this year, but he didn't know if that's what he wanted to do at this moment. Last year's competition he had competed against Yuri while still being his coach. It was a bit difficult but they managed; and in the end, Yuri won his first gold metal. Everything had gone so well that season...until the accident.

Victor sighed to himself and held a hand up, stopping Yakov halfway through his speech. "Yakov, I still don't know if I can skate without Yuri. Maybe it's time I officially retire from the ice."

Yakov nearly fainted at his words. Sure Victor had the right to do whatever he wanted with his life and skating career, but part of him wanted Victor to get back on the ice so he could finally have something to keep him busy from the whole Yuri situation. It's only been two weeks since the boy woke up and there was still a long way to go before he would be released from the hospital, even longer before he could go back to skating--that's if he would still want to.

"Listen, Vitya. I trust you'll make the right decision, but maybe think about what Yuri would want for you." Yakov sighed, giving Victor a small smile. He really did care for him, and it really pained him to see Victor like this.

With those words, Yakov left his office, leaving Victor behind. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he went over his options. Frustrated, he took the lamp on the desk and threw it against the wall, watching it shatter apart.

"Dammit!"

Maybe Yakov was right. It wasn't like Yuri remembered him as his lover and there's no saying if he ever will remember. He knew there's still a chance for him to try and win him over again, but every time he looked at Yuri, the guilt would eat him alive. He couldn't live with himself after what he had done.

He looked down at the gold band that rested on his ring finger, bringing it up to his lips as his eyes shut.

If he returned to the ice, it would give Yuri time to recover and a chance to see Victor skating in every competition, just like how he would probably want him to. If skating was the only way he could make Yuri happy now, then he was going to do it.
 
 

And so Victor Nikiforov returned to the ice, ready for the new season. It will be months until the competition is over and he gets to see Yuri again. He only prayed that perhaps things would be different by then.

How he wished he could take it all back...

-if only he could turn back time~