VINGT ET UN

good old-fashioned lover boy!

JAMES SPRINTED THROUGH the corridors of Hogwarts. He had to get to her. Lorcan was right. He had said it many times before and passed it off as a joke, but this time, this time, he was going to make sure she knew he meant it. 

He burst through the doors to the library and frantically searched for her brunette hair and ocean blue eyes. He spotted Henry Stints sitting with a Gryffindor in the year below them at a table.

"Henry!" James called quietly.

Henry looked up from his essay to see James walking towards him with a determined face. He bookmarked his page with the feather of his quill. He then reached his hand under the table and intertwined it with Will's, who had only momentarily looked up. 

"How can I help you, Potter?" Henry asked cordially. 

"Do you know where Lily is?" James asked. "She's normally in here."

"That's true. It's odd that she isn't. I think she said she was going to visit you?" Henry suggested.

He became slightly concerned. He was still quite protective over Lily since the incident, even though it had been almost two months ago. Because Henry Stints could've sworn on his life that Lily said that she'd had something extremely important to tell James. 

"She did, but then she ran off," James said as he ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. 

"Weird, maybe try the tree by the Black Lake or the courtyard or perhaps the Astronomy Tower?" Henry suggested with furrowed eyebrows. But, he knew that if James was looking for her, he'd find her.

The thing about Henry Stints is that he didn't trust many people. It took a while for that to develop. But, as fate would have it, the only person he learned to trust almost immediately after discovering who they really were other than Lily was James. Because Henry knew that James had a good heart and Henry knew that even if Lily and James didn't work out in the long run ( but he was positive they would ), James wouldn't break her heart. 

"Thanks, I will," James said with a quick smile. 

He rushed away towards the Black Lake, only to find a couple of fourth years asleep together below the tree. He was about to ask them where they might think she was, but decided against it. They looked very peaceful and they also probably didn't know ( Hogwarts was small, but it wasn't that small ). 

He trudged back up to the castle, jogging in the direction of the courtyard. There was a big tree and stone benches all around, practically lining it. In the center, there was a big, square patch of grass that saw the first few daisies start to peek up. 

Students of all ages were occupying the open space. People were lying on blankets on the grass and staring up at the sun that was peeking out. Others were sitting on the stone benches with their friends. 

He saw Ruby MacMillan and Charlie Oswold sitting together ( or rather Charlie sitting and Ruby laying on top of him reading a book aloud, per usual ) on a stone bench under the huge tree. A couple of third years sat up in the branches with muggle drawing boards perched on their laps. Hogwarts had introduced many more muggle-centered classes after the war, a fine arts class being one of them. 

Ruby looked up and around, catching the eye of James and waving with a kind smile. He waved back, but her attention was taken away when she looked back down at something Charlie was holding in his hands. It looked like a small bird of some sort, but knowing this was Hogwarts, it could've been anything. 

He kept searching, but she wasn't there. He looked towards the Astronomy Tower and saw someone with medium brunette hair walking towards it who looked around the same height. It was a stretch, but he was desperate, so all normal brain functions went out the window. 

When he left the courtyard, everyone started buzzing. He was practically a celebrity because of his last name ( and first and middle name ), so if a Potter was vexed, the entire school knew. Especially, if it was James Sirius Potter, who, up until this year, had been a menace to society. 

He walked at a normal pace, until the girl with brunette hair sped up as she tried to catch up with someone walking in front of her. 

He broke into a run as he approached the Astronomy Tower. He shoved past a couple of students, causing them to shout at him as he sped past.

The girl turned around and it wasn't Lily. She smiled cordially as she saw James Sirius Potter practically sprinting towards her. They exchanged pleasantries ( because what else could he do? ) and he awkwardly excused himself as he flung open the Tower door. 

He ran up the steps two at a time until he reached the top. His heartbeat picked up with every step up. But, once he'd reached the top, he realized that there was no one there. It was just him and some telescopes shoved off to the side. 

He sighed and raked his hands through his hair as he paced around the Tower. Even though he was wearing shoes, the stone was cool under his feet, which was an odd sensation. Where could she be? These were all of her favorite places and Lily was a creature of habit. 

He walked forward and gripped the handrail, looking out. He let go of the breath that he'd been holding and just watched. 

Lily had always told him about how much she liked to watch things. About how much she loved to be quiet and just listen. She always said it would tell her the answers to things. He'd always thought it was rubbish, but that's probably because he never paid attention to things. He always rushed by, only sometimes giving a second glance.

But, he thought back to what she'd said ( even though obviously, she had been exaggerating as you can't have all the answers just from looking around, but he was desperate ).

So he took in a deep breath and let it out. In through the nose and out through the mouth. He did it a couple more times to center himself, feel what Lily felt. 

He watched as students chased each other in the fields. He could see who were friends and who were maybe a little bit more. He saw the variety of house colors. 

He remembered when he first came to Hogwarts, there was still quite a bit of division, especially among the Gryffindors and Slytherins, but as his generation filled in the gaps, everything shifted. 

People started to recognize that not every Slytherin is evil, that not every Ravenclaw is booksmart, that Hufflepuff is not the house of miscellaneous people and that not all Gryffindors are heroes. 

Some of the bravest people he knew were Hufflepuffs, some of the smartest were Gryffindors, some of the kindest were Slytherins and some of the most ambitious were Ravenclaws. 

He saw extra flying lessons going on in the pitch — select 3rd years were learning diving techniques. The future star seeker could be in that group and they wouldn't even know.

He looked across from the pitch and saw the flaming red hair of his cousin, Rose Granger-Weasley, the white hair of Scorpius Malfoy and the black hair of his brother, Albus Potter running down the path to Hagrid's hut. Albus's green scarf was fluttering in behind him as they gained speed down the path.

Rose was playing with a golden snitch. He could see it catching the light ever so often. He didn't know why, but he absolutely adored the fact that two opposing seekers were also best friends. 

He smiled softly to himself and realized why Lily liked to do this. He understood why she liked to be up here. You could see everything. He understood why people constantly talked about their Hogwarts days because there was so much love that ran through the veins of this place. 

He kept observing, looking around at the various students, people, he'd come to realize, were his job to protect. He kept noticing little quirks about people that he did or did not know and he smiled softly to himself. 

And then, like magic, the answer came to him. 

He saw her brunette hair, that looked slightly golden in the light, swaying as she walked. It was loose today, the slight curls tumbling down her back. She was alone.

Her books were tightly clutched to her chest and her bag was slung over her shoulder. He saw a couple of second years stop her, she pointed in the direction of the library and waved goodbye.

He mustered up all the Gryffindor courage in him and ran out of the Tower. He bolted down the stairs, trying to catch up with her. He'd seen where she had just been walking, but he didn't know where she was headed or where she'd come from.

He kept running, taking shortcuts and weaving around the pillars and arches of the old castle. He reached where she had been when talking to the second years, but no sign of her and no sign of where she'd gone. 

He couldn't see her hair and he couldn't hear her voice, even with the echo that rippled throughout the castle. She'd always said that the echo was the castle whispering its secrets, if only you had the ear to listen. He just thought she liked to know the drama. Perhaps it was both. 

He racked his brain, trying to think of where she might be as he headed back to his dorm. He could at least change, put on something he knew she'd like as he'd become sweaty from all of the running. It was almost spring, after all. 

He bumped into a couple of Ravenclaws on the way as he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. His feet were taking him the route that he'd practically memorized because he was going to her. 

When he burst through the door of his and Lily's shared dorm, he froze. There she was. 

Lily was sitting on the couch, hugging her knees, as she stared at a polaroid. Her face was slightly red, like she'd been crying, but not a lot and not recently and her eyes looked slightly void of emotion. James carefully approached her and sat down next to her. She jumped a little when he did as she had been so consumed in her thoughts. 

She looked at him with desperate eyes, wiped away the tears and forced a smile onto her face.

"H-hey James!" she said with fake cheer ( and a slight hiccup ).

"Stop," he said sternly. "What's going on?" 

He looked at her intently while she stayed silent. His head was overwhelmed with questions as to what could possibly be wrong. Things were so good between them and his gut was telling him that somehow he was the reason and he hated it more than anything. 

In Lily's mind, a war was raging. She needed to tell him. She'd promised herself that she'd do it today, but when the moment had come up, he'd been talking about someone else. Goddamn Marcy Leeds and her and James's goddamn notorious snog in the broom closet. And those what if's that she'd finally quelled sprung up again with double the force ( because Marcy was, admittedly, very pretty and also very sweet ). 

But then, another part of her mind felt the way his hands touched hers and how softly he spoke around her and the way she could feel him looking at her when she wasn't looking. The way that she was absolutely, completely, terrifyingly and utterly in love with him and how she wanted to yell it from the top of the Astronomy Tower and let everyone know. 

"I'm scared," she finally whispered, almost inaudibly. 

He looked at her, slightly bewildered, what on earth could she be scared of? But more importantly, how could he make it better? 

He shifted his weight, to try and look at her better, but he couldn't. He got up and sat down on the floor in front of her. He tried to get her to meet his eyes, but she refused to. 

"What's wrong?" he asked softly. 

She stayed silent and finally looked at him. She took in a breath and let it out. 

"I'm scared- I'm- I'm scared of how much I love you," she admitted quietly. "I thought I knew- I really thought I knew what it was like to be in love- I really did. I thought that it was something that happened once and then it just kind of stays. But with you ... with you I find myself falling in love with you again everyday. I always find something new about you to fall in love with and even the old things, I fall in love with them again and again everyday." 

She let out a shaking breath and smiled sadly. She still couldn't look at him, instead opting to look at the lines that cracked along her palms. James just looked at her with wide eyes and parted lips, his own hands shaking a little bit as he smoothed out his trousers. 

"And I just- I'm also scared that I pushed you away one too many times. That I was too hard on you and so you no longer love me or you realized that you only love who you thought I was rather than who I actually am and then you realized that you never actually loved me in the first place and I just- I don't know. I'm not a Gryffindor. I don't have the courage that you do. So I couldn't bring myself to say it," she continued to explain. 

James just stared at her, he didn't dare make a sound lest he wake up and realize that this was actually a dream. 

"And I have some things in my past that make me scared of things like this. Because somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that the more people you let in, the more people can leave you, whether they want to or not. And I've realized that I never want to lose you. Ever," she said as tears welled up in her eyes. "And I'm not one for speeches, not even close. But I hope that you know how much I love you and how much I dearly hold your place in my life." 

James sat there, frozen, this couldn't be real. Lily Janes Edwards, the same girl he'd been in love with since first year and that he'd tried to get to go out with him through idiotic stunts that usually ended in disaster. The same girl who he made his friends swear not to even think about in a romantic way. The same girl who tutored Lily Luna when she didn't want to be taught Charms, but somehow made her 2nd in her year. The same girl who his grandmother had let into the kitchen, being one of three people in existence. The same girl who practically cried when she received a Weasley sweater. 

But she thought that he didn't love her. She thought that he loved who he thought she was. The falseness of that thought made him chuckle a little bit and look down at his lap. He had to center himself for this. Even though he'd been doing it all along and even though he'd been intending to, he was going to open up and even though he had the heart of a lion, it was still terrifying. He was going to show his hand, give her the choice, let himself fall. Because at last, he knew. He knew she'd catch him, just like he'd catch her.

"You weren't wrong to reject me all those times, you know," James replied. "When I was younger, Merlin, even last year, I was an arsehole who routinely disregarded your boundaries."

Lily looked at him and sniffed, she chuckled nervously a little.

"And you made me a better person. Well- no, you didn't make me a better person, no one can make someone else a better person, but you made me want to be better. I thought I was in love with you before, but I wasn't, not really," James said.

Lily felt her heart sink and she wanted to throw up. Mentally, she prepared herself for what was about to come. How ironic that the boy who'd chased her for years would now be rejecting her as she offered her heart to him ( even though he'd had it all along ). 

And it was in that moment that James Sirius Potter realized what this love was going to be. He couldn't save her, no matter how much he'd try because that's something that she had to do. But, he could hold her hand and stand with her. He would walk with her through any hell that she had to and make sure she didn't step on the particularly dangerous parts.

And that's why Lily loved James. 

And he knew that she wouldn't be able to save him either, that was his responsibility, but she'd be there for him. She would hold him as he cried and kiss his head. And she wouldn't tell him that everything would be ok, because that would be a lie and one of the things that James loved about Lily was that she couldn't lie. But, she would remind him that he was braver than he believed, stronger than he seemed, smarter than he thought and infinitely more loved than he knew, because that was her way. 

And that's why James loved Lily.

"I never imagined how much deeper I could fall," James revealed with a chuckle as he reminisced. "You're right, I was in love with the idea of you. But then — then I got to know you, the real you, and you're so much better than my image of you. Like you're so cool. The idea I had of you was much more uptight than you actually are and for some reason, I thought you couldn't cook."

Lily started to chuckle a little bit as she teared up again. She sank her teeth into her lip in an attempt to stop herself from fully crying, this allowed James to take her hands into his. 

"And I feel deeper and harder for you than I ever imagined," James continued. "And I think the moment that I realized all of this was seeing your reaction to getting one of my nan's sweaters at Christmas. I'd seen girls and guys that Fred or Louis or anyone else had brought home, they would get a sweater and put on a fake smile and be a little awkward and then never wear it again. Because, even I have to admit, that it's a little homemade."

Lily chuckled a little bit and sniffed as she remembered the sweater ( and how soft it was ).

"But you?" James continued. "You were so genuinely happy to get one and you wear it so often and I just- I don't really know how to describe what I felt in that moment in words. You were the first and only girl I ever brought home and I'm so fucking glad it was you because you ... you are wonderful and I couldn't imagine myself loving anyone else." 

"You love me?" Lily sniffed with a small laugh.

James laughed a bit himself as he started to rise up from his seated position.

"I love you," he said with a nod. 

"Well that's good, I guess, because I love you too," she said with a freeing laugh as she continued to look at him. 

He was standing at his full height, which was, admittedly, quite tall and she was sitting, so he became even taller. He tilted her face up with his finger as he stared down at her. Lily swallowed thickly at the contact and could not stop looking into his eyes.

He slowly leaned down, asking for permission and stopped just before touching her lips. She had to want this too. Lily felt his hot breath fanning her face and she slowly closed the gap and moulded their lips together. 

She forgot how to breathe as he kissed her with joyous desperation. She smiled as she kissed him. She felt how soft his lips were as her hands moved to cup his face, pulling him in closer. He sunk his hands into the couch on the outside of each of her legs. 

James was in heaven. This was everything he'd dreamed about and definitely more. This was the one thing he'd wanted since bloody first year. And here he was, the girl of his dreams kissing him after they'd proclaimed their love for each other and he felt as if he could kill a god. 

She tugged a bit on his face, causing him to lose his balance, breaking this kiss as he fell onto the couch with a grunt. He landed with his back against the arm and his legs over the side. Lily mustered all the courage she had in her and pushed herself forward.

She straddled him and captured his lips against with her hands on either side of his face. They both smiled into the kiss and he shifted his legs so they were in between hers. His hands found their place moving up and down her sides. She shifted so she was above him, causing him to tilt his head back further so he could still feel her lips on his. He slid his hands up, underneath her jumper. 

Unfortunately, they had to pull away for an idiotic thing called air, and when they did, they were both breathing deeply. Lily sat back as he pushed himself up so they were eye level. 

He slowly leaned forward and captured her lips in a long, innocent, fluttering kiss. They pulled away slowly and Lily wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her head into his next, softly peppering kisses all over it. 

He sighed satisfaction as his hands caressed her head and her back. 

"I'm so sorry," she said, but her voice was muffled by his shirt. "I'm so so sorry."

He pulled away and they sat facing each other.

"For what, sunshine?" he asked with a worried tone as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. 

"For avoiding you all this time," she said with a slight laugh. 

"Well if this is the result, then I'd let you avoid me anytime," he said with a smile as he leaned in. "But I'd prefer it if you don't." 

He leaned forward and captured her lips in a soft kiss. One of his hands caressed her face. It was broken, however, by both of them laughing. When they pulled away, Lily, still smiling, looked at her hands placed in her lap. 

"So ... what are we?" Lily asked timidly. 

The question that every boy feared, unless if you were James Sirius Potter and the girl you'd been in love with for seven years asked it. He thought for a moment and looked up with a smile.

"You're my sunshine and I'm your ... ?" James suggested. 

"Darling?" Lily suggested. 

"Sunshine and darling, what a fine pair we make!" James commented with a big grin.  

"What a fine pair, indeed," Lily said as she smiled warmly and looked into his eyes.

James pulled her close and she set her head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat slow as he drifted off to sleep, obviously tired from the month that they'd had. 

She smiled, knowing, that this was hers. And knowing that she was his. 

hello!

it's here. we made it.

( also huge shoutout to -janeblue_reads who's literally been here since the beginning )