I fuckin wired. But no no wanna sleep. Accidentally wrote to much fei fei, spike like him for two hours the next day. Parent concerned.

Outside of the majority of the customers being rude, there were quite a few interesting ones.

We had already told you about the cult, who comes in to

A: rearrange everything

B: sacrifice a person behind the McDonald's deep fryer

C: repaint the Jesus Christ mural in the men's bathroom.

Hisoka would also like to mention that the mural had the words "Come, my children." written under it. Which, if the spelling was just a bit different..

Well, you don't disobey the lord.

(The lord being Jinxus Crimes, of course.)

And the 'Dave' person who always came in to try and fix the ice cream machine.

But, there were quite a few others that stood out.

Feitan actually being the first, seeing how he just casually sits on the ordering counter. Hisoka assumes it's a height thing.

—

There's another person who trades random things instead of paying. A dear head, a shell of a great-great-grandfather snail, a nickel and a nail, their own lightbulbs which he had surgically removed from their lights.

—

There was a group of police officers that came in, always causing the rest of the employees to run for it.

The police never mentioned it, just telling Hisoka to give them donuts. They don't even sell donuts.

—

A British guy.

There's nothing else off about him, it's just that the British are weird. Hisoka may be a clown, but he's an American clown 🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸

Hisoka always makes direct eye contact with the guy as he dumps tea into the sink, and turns on the water.

The British couldn't do anything about it, they had already surrendered at Yorktown. Picking a fight here would be just another embarrassing loss for them.

—

This wasn't one person in particular, but just people who come in right after surgeries. Still high on whatever drug the doctors use to numb them.

Seeing them freak out about how cash registers worked, which was quite a consistent thing they all freaked out about, some had even ended up crying about it. Hisoka found it entertaining.

Hisoka pulled a rabbit out of the cash register once. Being a magician and all.

The person just started sobbing, and chased after the rabbit, stumbling repeatedly.

—

The person who came in and offered Hisoka a stick bug every day. It was just a random thing to offer someone.

—

The one who came in dragging a dead body. In broad daylight. Just leaving it at Hisoka's feet as a "romantic gesture."

—

Someone who walked in with eighteen children, and only said "they're yours." And then left.

Which was pretty likely as they all shared some resemblance to him, and he's had enough sex in his lifetime to have far more than that many kids.

Anyways, Machi had then came by and slaughtered all of them for "safety purposes", whatever that may be.

—

There was someone who came in, heard and when asked to hand over their card—so they could pay—immediately ran and ducked under the table. Pulling out a water gun full of season salt and aiming it right at the escaped convict. The name of said convict is still unknown, as there's whiteout over it on the mugshots on the fridge.

After some confusion, and over all calmness, they figured out that the man had thought they were asking for his green card, which he didn't have. And was ready to kill to avoid border control, which is respectable.

—

Then there was the lady assumed, because Hisoka was feminine he was therefore dedicated to learning how to cha cha realll smooth.

;)

—

Then there was Abraham Lincoln, who kept popping out of his grave. Which was really unfortunate because the mice kept getting to him.

—

Now, just to quickly list off some notable mentions

•An English teacher that prevented Hisoka from getting STDs by magically removing his balls and duck and then juggling them, before kindly returning them a few hours later

•A chair that rolled in and then started charging at Hisoka and demanding duel at high noon after Hisoka told it about the anti-chair policy

•Illumi, who had no idea Hisoka worked there, and just said that this is where he went to keep up on his poison training. Before going and eating his chicken nuggets in the tunnel slide in the play place. The children who climbed up or went down the slide never made it to the other side.

•The drug addic that works there, who had apparently gotten fired without Hisoka's knowledge. Who ordered a McFlurry. As it was their most poisonous menu item, and he was committing suicide via McFlurry, as one does. Hisoka just rehired him, so he wouldn't have to deal with it.

•Feitan, who climbed into the freezer chest, and fell asleep there. And then woke up hours later, and started chewing on Hisoka's arm. To which Hisoka just extended his arm straight outwards, meaning Feitan's feet were now no longer on the ground. Unfortunately Hisoka hadn't calculated for the fact that Feitan liked uppies, and so Hisoka had to stay with his arm extended like that for the rest of his shift.

—

Now, back to the Troupe's reactions.

The overall weirdness of this fucking McDonald's didn't affect the troupe that much. What was more shocking was that Hisoka was good?? At his job???

He was an excellent manager, and kept his employees in check. And by that we mean he was subpar and the employees ran rampant.

But that's normal McDonald's stuff, so who cares.

He was great at putting extra poison in the food. And giving Chrollo food poisoning on multiple occasions, even after they settled down and got married a few years later. Not that they ever settled down and got married, because Chrollo's canonically two in this book👍

His ability to deal with the customers with an excellent casualty rate, far over 1000 kills per day, was impressive.

Some of his best tatics was making out with Chrollo, Illumi, or Feitan, whichever was closest or would be most inconvenienced by a make out session. Which instantly killed the old people, as they don't like them there gays.

As well as just walking away, which instantly made the karens die of shock.

And, then, of course, making bunnies appear in people's McDonald's to-go backs. So when they went to check to see if their food was all there, they got assaulted by a hundred bunnies, all spawning from the bag. Like in Minecraft, when u put a bunch of mobs in a like closed off square, and the delete the walls around them so they just shoot out everywhere.

And then, for the bratty children, he banished them to the coal mines. Which prevents them from eating McDonald's ever again,therefore increasing their lifespan.

Also he just sent the rest of his coworkers to just straight up eat the customers, because that's a thing they do now, apparently.

Word count: 1285

Fun Facts:

• Surprise! Get attacked by the authors headcanon! Feitan would so enjoy banter and insults, and the more annoyed you make him the more he likes you.

Unless you say one word about his height.

• Me, jokingly: Haha, Hisoka and Chrollo sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-
Me, a little less jokingly: Feitan and Hisoka, only one bed trope⁉️⁉️ Chrollo jealous⁉️⁉️ Illumi and Hisoka making out‼️⁉️⁉️

• Bro I used a Random Word Generator to find me ideas, I asked it to give me eight words.. and

border
control
feminine
prevents
banished
revolution
claim
railroad

What in the America.